Draft

Hello again.

It occurred to me that if I could remember to open a typepad window before I leave the house it would be possible for me to write a post while Edward does speech therapy - despite the sad lack of WiFi in the waiting room.

Last night Edward was sitting across from Caroline, carefully transporting rice from the bowl to his mouth with a spoon. Caroline tried this method for a while but then emptied the bowl onto the table and was picking rice up with her fist and cramming it in. Edward kept eating. Then Caroline hooked her hands behind her back and leaned forward to see if she could pick up grains of rice using only her tongue. Edward was moved to the point of rebuke:

"Cayayine Xhane," he said using her full name for the first time, like, ever, "Cayayine Xhane! Sssssts messy!"

Caroline waggled her rice studded tongue at him. He looked revolted.  

They amuse me SO MUCH.

 

Does this look like a kid who would respond to a gentle "No" by slapping his mother across the face? I felt like I had been challenged to a duel. One second he was sweetly asking to watch Little Einsteins but upon being told no, darling, we're about to eat dinner he became... Slappy Kincaid, ladies and gentlemen. Children - and I say this with years of experience in the area of their care and feeding - are little savages hiding under a thin veneer of soft skin, dewy radiance and dimpled cuteness. Just like baby dolphins.

(This woman in the lobby of speech has been trying to get her two year old away from the toy corner and out the door for the past fifteen minutes. She keeps attempting to get him to agree that it is time to go have lunch and he keeps giving lip service to the concept while he continues to build towers. I think the twin thing has hardened me but we don't do that. What do I care whether Caroline or Edward is fully onboard with whatever transition is under way? I say "Time to go" and we go. Sure it is nice when they cooperate but it is most definitely not required. For a while it was doubtful that Caroline was ever going to leave a building upright; I had to keep tucking her under my arm like a clutch purse and bodily removing her. Now that Caroline has reached the age of reason (she's a young 45 in some areas) it is Edward that was named Child in the Family Most Likely to Leave the Library As If He is Being Abducted. I do not remember ever doing this with Patrick, which begs the question: was he more biddable [yes] or was I more concerned with making every moment of his little life perfect for him [yes.] 

Of course I got slapped so it's hard to say how my new staff sergeant parenting style is working out. Mutiny! That's what it is. Edward is suffering under the yoke of my oppression and is trying to foment rebellion through aggressive resistance. You know he really is so very... Irish. 

(In case you were wondering he received a firm "no hitting. we don't hit" and then got to cool off in his hanging seat while I put dinner on the table. Toddler tantrums - even slap happy ones - don't faze me much. I mean, yeah, whatever, you're screaming, you're throwing trucks, you're really really really mad... you come up to my knees, kid. Seven year old insurrection, though, my god. Patrick can make me want to slam my head in a door in less than thirty seconds. Edward seems more to be pitied than censured: so much volatility when all he really needs is some carbs and a nap. But when Patrick coolly announced, as he did the other night, "I'm not eating this. OK? I'm not. Get over it"... WELL! I'm clicking my teeth together just thinking about it. I am sure there is some positive parenting alternative to hissing, "EAT!" but I am damned if I know what it is.)

- Home again

Caroline and the Game of Kings (and ungulates)

First she rearranged the chess board into that odd perpendicular configuration which I am pretty sure is unplayable. Then she went to get an opponent - Legdeer, a crafty choice. Then she took off all the white pieces saying "Oh no!" and "Be careful!" Finally, she threw both arms into the air and shouted "Yay! Clap for Caroline!" I assume she was playing black. And cheating.

So I have a question for you. A very important question, much more urgent than the discipline problems we have springing up like mushrooms in a wet yard. It's about my hair. I seem to be going gray at the temples. For a while I managed to convince myself that they were touches of the sun's kiss glinting prettily. But no. It's just gray. And do you know who is gray at the temples? George Clooney. Do I want to look like George Clooney? No. I don't even want to look like Rosemary.

I have had my hair colored professionally in the past with mixed results. There was the time I wound up with a stark white streak like a poorer man's Bonnie Raitt. Then there was the time I had my request for "redder" interpreted so literally that a woman in an airport first asked if it was my real color and then told me it was the exact shade she wanted to paint her bathroom. The stylist I see now has done nice highlights for me a few times and I am sure she could handle my current plunge into ghostly but she charges $100,000 to do so. I am not saying this is completely out of the question, just that my new budget-conscious self wonders if there are any options and if so are they any good? My questions for you are: can I get rid of the gray at home, is it easy because I have poor small motor-skills, are some products better than others and at the end of the day will I wind up paying a professional to fix it anyway? Please advise.

Oh and have a nice weekend.

The electric bill! We never came up with a truly satisfactory explanation for the $900 electric bill although I spent two and a half hours on the phone with them. The conclusion we finally accepted was that our meter had been broken for the first four months of the winter. They fixed the meter and then charged us retroactively for the electricity we had consumed but for which we had not been billed. I think this sucks but whatever. Meanwhile, although they had a very very hard time admitting this, the cost of electricity per kilowatt had gone up over 150% in our area versus the previous year. Together the undercharge plus the upcharge combined to present us with a face-slap of a bill worthy of Edward. Bastards but what can you do?

PS Patrick incognito

His spelling assignment this week is to make trading cards. Because we live in a cave on Mars he said, what are trading cards? His teacher explained, adding, you know, Pokemon or sports guys or... "Or mushrooms!" said Patrick. Oh right. Or mushrooms. Sure. Talk about a limited edition collectible.

He amuses me even more than the twinkles.

PPS Don't forget about the hair. I cropped myself out of the picture with Edward because I look like Mother Hubbard.

PPPS Mia just left a note in the comments that I feel compelled to acknowledge as promptly and publicly as possible. You make a mistake and you say you are sorry and it is to be hoped that you are forgiven. So Mia pointed out that the child at speech therapy might be autistic and that the slow-dance out the door could be a necessary part of moving him from point A to point B. And I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't judging exactly I was just observing the behavior of others and marking my own e/de-volution as a parent but I realized that this would be dishonest. I really was thinking oh heavens, lady, stop saying, "We're going to have lunch now, ok, ok, ok?" and just GO. But Mia is right. Perhaps the child is autistic and how he reacts to being manhandled is worlds apart from, say, Caroline when I turn her into a tote. Or maybe he's not. Maybe it's just his personality or his mother's style or the day or the place or the time or the moment or any combination of the above and, really, what does it matter? Nobody owes me an IEP and I am embarrassed that I allowed that weedy stream of consciousness to go un-edited.

I'm sorry.   

Comments

[bethany actually]

I've used semi-permanent haircolor at home many times and it works okay, but I'm always MUCH happier when I fork out the cash for professional highlights. (My stylist has always told me, incidentally, that highlights are good for covering a medium amount of gray, and the upkeep is less because they can grow out gradually. I get highlights and lowlights together, for what it's worth.)

I do something between the 15-minutes-of-persuading and the drill-sergeant parenting. I've always given my kid warnings, like "We're going to leave the park in 5 minutes," or 1 minute, or whatever, and then I tuck her under my arm and carry her out if necessary. :-)

[Becky]

I do a transitional warning, as well, 1-5 minutes before leaving but readily do bodily force as well. In fact, when Megan was born (my children are 20 months apart) we got a double stroller in part because I found that you can not bodily remove a toddler from the library train table while also wearing your newborn.

I do Natural Instincts. It's temporary so if I mess up in shade it won't hang around too long and tends to be subtle enough that the growing out process isn't painful when I get too busy.

[Darlene]

I recommend professionally done highlights too. I started turning gray at 18 and I've always had trouble with the home hair color being too dark. My 9 year old has refused to eat too and he can just fix something simple for himself (cereal, fruit, sandwich, etc.). Last night he ate, but said he was a judge on Iron Chef. He said he "could taste the hamburger and bacon, but the pasta just didn't work for him." Ha ha. Maybe I'll let him cook tonight.

[Erin]

I hate to say this, but I have always been happier with a professional highlight or all-over-color job. And the people who are naturally skilled at it? Charge a hefty sum. But in all my experiences, I've learned to seek out those naturally gifted folks because the alternative is just not worth it.

[Karishma]

can i BE you when i grow up? i mean, seriously. i love you.

re: hair color. it is easy to do (i've actually given a friend highlights with a boxed kit, and even that wasn't so bad, just time consuming), but can sometimes get a little messy... put vaseline on your hairline so color doesn't get on your forehead, wear an old shirt, lay out old towels to catch splatters, etc. it also depends on how resistant your grays are. some people have grays are just so stubborn that only salon color will take care of it, some have grays that will be perfectly covered by a $3 box from cvs. try a couple brands and see what happens. who knows, maybe the first cvs box will be perfect. oh, and pay attention to the color guide on the side of the box. my mom colors. she has black hair, but goes one shade lighter in her cvs-box-of-color b/c actual black looks so fake on her hair. so maybe pick a shade lighter than your actual hair.

[Celeste]

Veteran of homecolor here and my vote is for having it done professionally. It never looks right when you do the single color thing at home, demi permanent isn't worth it for the fast fading and semi-permanent is damaging and is only the right color for about a week of the 3 weeks it lasts.

I've been hearing that eight year olds have a real mouth on them but my 7.75 year old is making me want to scream very often. It's almost as if she's decided she's outgrown manners. DISLIKE.

[suz]

I don't dare do it myself, except those in-between get rid of the gray roots deals (Clairol root touchup). I'm a teacher and while chatting with a student's mother, found out she does hair. Her hair always looks great, which I consider a ringing endorsement. She does it out of her home, which means I sit on a chair in the kitchen and I chat with her and her adorable kids while she cuts and colors my hair. Then she washes it out in the kitchen sink. It's a LOT cheaper than a salon or a haircut place so I come out happy both on the aesthetic and the frugal sides of it. She also cuts the kids' hair.

[Amie]

I use home hair colour and although my scalp is dyed for a day or two, it gets the job done...I've been gray/white since I was about 20 (am now 30). For awhile I boycotted the hair colour...until I stopped getting ID'd at 25.

So it is possible, just don't make plans to go anywhere for a day or so after because you'll have a coloured scalp lol.

[Elizabeth]

You'll end up paying a professional and will also need to buy professional cleaning products to get the dye spots out of your WALLS.....at least that is what happened to my friend - so I've been told

[Carrie (in St. Paul)]

I did semi-permanent for years (actually, I made my husband do it - we called him Mr. Emmett), but after awhile it just wasn't working for me anymore. Then I did color and highlights in a Juut salon - that gets expensive. Now I do allover color a few shades lighter than my natural color so when the gray starts to grow out it blends in. My hair stylist left Juut and moved to a different salon and is now much cheaper. If you want the salon and her name, I'm happy to share - she's on W 7th in St. Paul. She's FAB.

p.s. I'm a ten-minute five-minute warner and then bodily carry. My kids always transitioned better if they had a heads up it was coming, but I frankly don't get the negotiate til they're blue in the face folks - they must have a lot more patience than I do and lighter schedule.

[Melanie]

I hate to say it, but I'd go with the professional. Red is so hard to get right at home. Brown, sure, no problem. Blonde, harder, but I can still do it (though its multi-process). But red? Eeek! No matter what I do I come out orange or burgundy, neither of which look like colors that come in nature.

[Heather]

I used to dye my hair at home to save money. It was a pain to do, extremely messy, and I never knew how the color was going to turn out. It was one of those things I hated to do so I would let it go too long and I was never happy with the results. Now I go to a professional for all over color and highlights. My color is prettier than my natural color and the highlights make it look more natural. I started going gray in my teens and now, at 30, have so much gray in my fast-growing hair that I have to get the roots done every 4 weeks. I alternate with highlights or haircut at every other appointment. Yes it is very expensive, but worth every penny to me.

[MFA Mama]

As to the hair, meh. I'm cheap, so I'd do it at home with a box from the drugstore, but I'm also lazy, so my grays are just...there.

The face-slap. HA! It's so much more amusing when the child is question isn't yours. I hear you on the twin thing; my younger two are "Irish" twins and it's like "well how sad that you're not on board with this transition, but here we go anyway." My youngest, incidentally, is the most easy-going and happy child in the history of mankind, and I choose to believe it's because he has no other options. Like courage, uncooperative behavior requires OPTIONS!

The power bill thing, ick. I am on a budget plan myself and it just went up by more than half but what can you do? Bastards indeed.

My son who is roughly Patrick's age is currently very big on mushrooms. There is a video game, "Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars" that he enjoys quite a bit. Mushrooms seem to be the latest "in" thing, so Patrick might have a leg up on his classmates, after all, he's gone mushroom-hunting in the wild! How funny.

[beyond]

ok... i'm going to be the oddball here and tell you that i love grey hair. women with grey hair -especially younger women- are so beautiful. it's unique and special. all you need is a fantastic hair cut and great overall personal style. i encourage all of my friends to go grey but of course so far no one has listened. i guess it's a matter of taste. there you have it.
also: i love Patrick and his mismatched socks. (hey, whatever happened to the mashed potato survey?)

[Rosie_Kate]

No hair advice. However, I do have to say this: In reply to Patrick's insurrection, I would say just as coolly (frustration aside), "That's fine, you can go to bed hungry. And I'll be saving your plate for breakfast. Get over it." It's amazing how quickly cold supper for breakfast will alter a child's perspective.

[Alexis M.]

My niece went to a technical/vocational high school and she went the beautician route (so that she'd be able to pay her way through college - smart kid). Anyway, what they did over there was that people in the community could come in one or two days a week and have the upperclassmen do their hair. The advantages are a)the kids are getting experience, b)they're supervised by professional hairdressers, c)an upperclassman can do an awesome job, d)$30ish for a cut and a color depending on the length of your hair, and e) they will make sure that you leave that place happy. It's the only way I can afford to get my hair done.

[Misty]

You might look into henna. http://www.hennaforhair.com/ I have several friends that order from that site and their hair is gorgeous. I've been looking at this page and have just about worked up the nerve to try something from the 'reddish brown' section...I am so adventurous... http://www.hennaforhair.com/mixes/index.html

[Life in Eden]

I've done the Natural Instincts thing. I like it cause I can give myself a touch of red. But it is true that it is all over color and so very uniform, it can blend away your natural variation if you leave it on for more of the 15-20 mins it takes to get stubborn grays like mine. If you do the 10 mins, you'll keep some of your tones. But as was said, you might have some trouble with the whole red thing. Plus I have short short hair, so within a month I can escape any horrors. The Nat Instincts does fade very nicely though.

The other stuff cracked me up! Good luck. I'm dreading the dicipline phase with my twinks. Ugh.

[Laura]

I do my partner's hair at home with Natural Instincts and it comes out great. Her natural shade is (was really, she's like 75% gray) a dark brown, and we use a shade called 'Tweed' which is described as 'light ash brown', so definitely go a shade or two lighter than your natural color. Considering the expense I'd say try a non-permanent like Natural Instincts and see how it goes.
Re: the transitioning thing... I was a 5 minute, then 1 minute, then pick them up and go howling or not- type Mom and it seems to have worked out well. My boys are now 13 and 10 and still transition well : )---L

[Heidi]

Being told by a 7 year-old to get over it... Um, yeah, it's probably a good thing I never had kids. But you know, I forgot to comment on the last post - I'm so happy you listened to Patrick when he said he felt invisible at his old school.

"...the exact shade she wanted to paint her bathroom." HAHAHAHA!

[Sandi]

I do my own hair at home. Pay about $8 for the box, turns out perfect everytime and it's red, too.
However, if you are more nervous about doing it than me, check out the cosmetology school. There are a couple in the metro. You get your hair done way cheap as they are students, but there is an instructor there to guide them if they have issues. It's a good deal!

[H]

I dunno... I'm too scared to try the box color, I get highlights about 2x a year. They grow out nicely and I find the whole concept less stressful. Maybe your stylist would be kind enough to offer a less a expensive touch up product for in-between?

I also tend towards being a drill sergeant, with a little 1-2-3 Magic thrown in to jolly things along.

[cat, galloping]

OMG. I tried box color and somehow now need to repaint walls, doors, and refinish the floor. Aiiiiii! I don't know how that happened but I will surely not be doing it again. Also I am still gray,

[Christine]

I started to color at home when I got the gray at the temples, too.

I use: 1. semi-permanent, all over color, 2. in a shade a little darker than my natural color, 3. that's on sale.

Since I pick something so close to my real color I don't notice roots. When I see the gray again, I check out the sale rack.

It's a little messy. It's not hard.

[Luise]

Bite the bullet! It's expensive and time-consuming, but you'll look great and can chill for 40 minutes or so while the color is setting. Your life strikes me as more than sufficiently busy and stressful that you need a break from it -- and doing your own hair isn't the answer.

(+Love+ your blog, by the way. I send it to my niece with 2-year-old twins.)

[Pam L]

1) I had to "abduct" Paul many times at the Twinks age. He never wanted to go home and always screamed all the way to the car or the house.I never tried to reason with him for more than 5 seconds at this age.
2)I love pictures of kids using stuffed animals, and in one of my pictures, a horribly garish clown, as playmates. My kids, talked to them, cooked for them and read books to them. Cute!

3) I have never had my hair professionally colored and I have not sported my "real" shade in at least 15 years. I picked a Clairol shade only slightly lighter than my real dark blonde hair and keep using it. I concentrate on the temples and part line where it's most obvious and only pull the color all the way through every other time. This covers the gray and lightens it up enough to give it a little pizazz without looking dyed. Most people think this is my natural shade and my husband married a child. I have no intentions of going grey until it is too silly looking for me to still be blonde. I have good genes so it will be a while yet. There are SO many shades anymore I'm sure you can find the right one. It's not nearly as tricky as you would think but I do put on an old t-shirt and lay down an old towel to stand on just in case. It will not penetrate any hard surfaces if you drip it around and wipes right off with a wet sponge.

[sozzled]

spend the money. I bit the bullet last year and have been v happy with whatever the heck it is my stylist does (some highlights, some something else...once she did an all over color and it took FOREVER, she won't make that mistake again;-) Anyway, she is going to be at the PCR bowl-a-thon and I've been meaning to email you to bowl (not sure if I have a current email address for you) so if you want to meet her AND have a blast bowling for choice with a bunch of cool women just email me!

[Alice]

V. entertained by the bathroom color lady. Did she ask to clip a lock of your hair to use as a swatch?

I've dont home color and loved it, though it was years ago before grays were a concern. I appear to be destined to have a gradual fading of color, like my father, so my only advice on dyeing grays comes from my mother. She loves getting highlights, but does a lot of the box stuff for roots. Her hair is nearly black, so she doesn't have a lot of room to manouver, but she likes the balance.

I say try the $7 stuff a time or two, because it's always easy to escalate up to the pricey options, but it can be hard to 'downgrade' once you're used to the really fancy things. Henna is great, for regular dye I recommend working w/ one-day dirty hair (fresh shampoo and conditioner can make it harder for the color to take well, and that extra day lets you have a little bit of dead skin on your hairline so that you can exfoliate away any dye drips & scalp coloration).

[kate]

I'm in the same boat with the greys, and I think you just have to accept that every 4 weeks you will be $140 and 2 hours poorer (that's here in Australia anyway).
It's worth it though, to be not grey, and not have daggy, same-all-over home dyed hair.

[jan]

I always swore I would not color -- so admire women with shining silver. But I went gray early, and like my mother, look awful gray. My skin is not the right color (too yellowish) and it is an ugly gray. I have never been able to afford professional, so have done myself. My real color is a brown-auburn, probably not nearly as red as yours. I tried henna until there was too much gray. You walk around for hours with a mudhead and if you do it too often it will puff and crack your hair, but the color was not bad. Then I had to switch to semipermanent -- although it washes out quickly, it looked much more natural. I was doing it a medium brown, and then one summer about 8 years ago I was in the sun and sea a lot and the ends bleached out to a golden color. I was amazed that it looked great with my coloring -- brown eyes. So, I went blonde. I love it but at the same time, I am appalled at how people react to me, and not just men. Everyone is friendlier. I kind of hate that. I use Garnier Nutrisse and love the colors. But if you're not crafty/good with your hands, maybe it's not for you. You should use a toothbrush to do your roots first and this takes some skill. Best wishes with this!

[Vanessa]

I've gotten professional color for many years, but I've also done it at home when I was desperate and didn't have the $100+ to spend. Professional will definitely come out better, but the drugstore stuff (I like Clairol Perfect 10) works in a pinch if all you want is to stop looking like the third witch in Macbeth. You may need to buy two boxes if you have a lot of hair, like I do, and I second the suggestion about using Vaseline to avoid dyeing your skin.

As far as what to wear, I usually wear either an old towel or nothing, just to be safe. Nothing keeps my insomniac 11-year-old in bed at night like warning her, as I turn out her light, "Don't come into my room unless you want to see me naked with a lot of goop all over my head." Haha.

[Sarah P.]

I use semi-permanent color in a box about every 3 months. I have brown hair and am only greying at the roots. I am pleased with it and have been using the same brand for years. Clairol Natural Instincts in Nutmeg (although I do not recommend that color for you, of course).

I don't dye to change the color of my hair, just cover up the greys, so maybe this is why I am satisfied with an at-home color job. In any case, I love it and it's so much cheaper than a salon. :)

[Cheryl]

I am a redhead and I will never be greyhead. Never! I used to color it myself, and it not only looked like crap, but it was always a God-awful mess. My husband and I are in agreement that a professional colorist will always be in our budget ... and I go every 4-5 weeks. She uses Schwartskopf, which is a great line for reds.

Good luck. It's so expensive, but I can't tell you how often I get compliments on my haircolor ... and not because they are trying to match a wall :-)

If you end up doing it yourself at home, rinse in the shower instead of the sink ... it will save you a lot of cleaning.

[Carla Hinkle]

I have to agree to have it done professionally. Doing a good job at home is just too hard.

I have worked out a bit of a deal with my stylist, however, since I started coloring to cover gray. Every 8 weeks I get the full-blown cut, color, style job, for approximately $1 billion. On the off 4 weeks, she does a quick and dirty roots touch-up, doesn't cut, blow dry, or do anything else, and charges me $25. I am welcome to use her dryer/flat iron if I want to finish the style job myself.

This way, I am able to keep up my professional color with SLIGHTLY less guilt. Any my stylist keeps me coming regularly, when otherwise I would probably stretch out appointments because I couldn't face the sticker shock.

My friends say, "But you don't need to color your hair! You don't have any gray!" and I respond,"Exactly. My work here is done."

[Sam]

I am just laughing - laughing, really - at the thought of a parent WAITING for their child to agree to leave. That's hilarious. I am much more of the school of tuck-under-the-arm-we're-going-dammit! Or like you say, abduction style! (Actually, I try to give warnings, because no one likes to have that sort of thing sprung on them. But after that...) Now, just the other week my child refused to leave the inside playground by climbing to the top and refusing to come down, so I did have to go in after him. That was also hilarious.

I think your insight of a parent trying to make every little moment perfect for their child...that's the most satisfying explanation of parenting that drives me crazy in some of my friends' parenting styles. That's just so IT.

[Beth]

I have been going prematurelly gray since I was 25. At 32, I color my hair at home about once every two months. It's easy; just mix, pour on head, wait 20 minutes, rinse. If I'm feeling adventurous, I purchase the kit that allows for first an all over color, then for streaking, but the kid doesn't always give me that much time.

Short answer; color it at home, it's fast, cheap and does indeed cover the pesky grays at the temples.

[winecat]

I used to do it at home but one disaster after another made me change my tune. Now it's every 6 - 7 weeks, I try to stretch it as long as possible which works ok because I use two color and costs a bundle but more than worth it to me.

Hooray for Eddiebear's speech, it cracked me up that he was telling Caroline she was a slob. Then Patrick's "get over it" I'm sure it was not the least bit funny at the time but now you know he knows how to use it in the correct context LOL

[YarMatey]

Oh Julia, let me tell you a heartwarming tale about hair dyeing.

I am a 28 year old natural blonde who had never dyed my hair. I'd get my hair cut at Great Clips maybe twice a year, if I had a coupon. Last spring, I decided to do something totally different with my always long, straight strands. Went to a pro, the owner of a trendy salon that my sister has long used, who cut a gorgeous textured bob that looked amazing on me. Weeks later I would see myself in a mirror and still go "wow". At my next visit, six weeks later, I said "I want to be a redhead." I have fair skin, tons of freckles, and green eyes, so I have long thought I would look cute as a redhead. The acutal discussion took about 45 minutes to work out what I wanted, using little hair color samples and everything, and although mostly ok in the end, was NOT what I wanted. She gave me a medium brown base with a ton of BLACK lowlights, and a few sparse highlights in a coppery red. She had wanted to put white-blonde chunky streaks in it. I am not so trend forward as to ever put zebra stripes in my hair and so nixed the idea, but she decided (without consulting me) to "leave a few streaks" of my natural golden blonde. When I tried to point out my dissatisfaction, she told me to wait a few weeks and see if it "grew on me." I just paid $200, I should like what I see, right? Apparently she just thought I was shocked by the huge change, bat that wasn't the case. The red faded in a couple of weeks, and I was left with a mousy brown color and BLACK lowlights, and these heinous orangey strands, and a growing-in-gold skunk stripe of roots.
Next appointment, we discussed my unfavorable results and she tried putting more red in as she did the root touch up. So I had firey roots where my virgin hair was, and mildly red highlights with the brown/black underneath. She also cut in some bangs, even though I wanted NONE (and had repeatedly emphasized that), saying SHE thought I would look cute in them. I cannot stand to have hair in my face, especially at work. After the first dye job, she had recommended a shampoo and conditioner that cost almost $60 from her salon when I asked what would be best for my newly color treated hair, and then when I came in for the touchup she asked me what I used because she could recommend a product that would keep the color better. WTF?
So the next appointment, she wanted to do all over color, not just a root touchup, to try to fix my problem. OK, I said, no brown, no black. Red. She had a beauty school student shadowing her, so they went back to mix color and came back with 2 bowls instead of three. Thinking it was a base red and a highlight red, I relaxed and let her work, until halfway through, when she told the student "see, we'll mostly put the black in the underneath layers on the back, and we'll put some in around her face up front so you'll see it when the hair moves." I nearly came out of the chair, not yelling, but speaking very firmly about how I DID NOT WANT ANY MORE BLACK IN MY HAIR. It has peristed for months, and I don't like it. I had told her BEFORE she mixed any color I didn't want more black. She tried to say something about how if she didn't touch up the black something something. I should have had her rinse my hair and walked out, never to return, but I stayed and let her finish, with a promise that she wouldn't add any more black than she already had. At the end of this appt, The back of my head was black, the front of my hair was black, and there was some orange/red in the middle. AND along the part on the top layer of hair, she had put black, but had put it a full inch away from the roots in big streaks. I have never been so mad. She had also given me a trim before drying it, and when she turned me around, I had a heavy curtain of eye skimming bangs. After the rinse out, as she was combing my hair to cut, I told her to leave the bangs and top and just trim up the bottom front and thin the back. When I pointed to the rug on my forehead and said, "What the FUCK is this?" she told me uncertainly that she had cut more layers in the top "to give it more movement and body" and had subsequently given me more bang. To which I replied "what part of LEAVE THE BANGS AND TOP ALONE did you not get?" I fumed and went to storm out, and she offered to have her other stylist try to fix it. The other stylist gently said she'd have to process out all the color and start over, and there was nothing she could do about the bangs except let them grow out, so I left.
Ten weeks later, after using a stripping shampoo, I bought a $8 box of Feria at Target in a bright red shade, almost exactly the color I had originally envisioned. I also bought Pantene for Redheads.

I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER.

I figured: even if I have to do touchups every few weeks instead of every 6-8, I'll still save money. It's been a month so far, and it still looks great, and the roots aren't obvious yet. I'd been pinning the bangs back and have managed an almost long enough to be sideswept on their own look. I also have trimmed up the front and back at home, although I must say that was harrowing because I was afraid I would take a big chunk out or something. I think I'll make a trip to Great Clips next time.
Also, my stylist's husband, the salon receptionist, called about 5 weeks after my last appointment to cheerily remind me that I was due in for a touchup on my color soon, would I like to schedule an apointment? Just as cheerfully, I told him thank you but no, [salon owner/stylist] could shove that idea up her ass sideways.

Also, my mom's had grays since 30 and has dyed at home when the need arises, and it does her fine. Although she goes a dark, almost black color (which is her natural hair color as well). She used to use L'Oreal hair color when I was a kid

[Toni]

We're having similar issues with children over here...everything from the "Whatever Mom" of the 6 year old, the "do it anyway" of the 4 year old - or the biting while nursing of the 7 month old. We're not in a good way.

But hair - I use Perfect 10. About $10, it does a good all over color in 10 minutes (which is all I have to do anything for myself). It is uniform - but the gray does fad a bit to a different color - looking like highlights a bit. Definitely cheaper than getting it done - but it does look better when someone does it for you with highlights. You get what you pay for. Sounds like you have AWESOME power for the money you pay for electricity :)

[HereWeGoAJen]

Is Patrick still wearing two different colored socks? Because I always thought that was awesome. Do you think I could get away with doing that, you know, at twenty-eight?

[Shawna]

I've cut my own hair more than I've had it cut for me over the years - I've rarely had a professional cut I liked more than my own work, and a bad pro cut outrages me because I actually paid money for it.

For years when I've wanted a touch of blond highlights I have used a bleaching agent that's supposed to be for dark body or facial hair called Jolen; I just mix up a little, pick out a few strands and work it into them, wait about 10 minutes then take a shower (being careful to keep the water out of my eyes). It's always worked well. I've also had some success with using henna. In fact, using a nice red henna a few days after putting in the blond streaks makes a nice blend of red. I've never paid to have my hair coloured and couldn't imagine spending the money on it when I like my own way.

BUT I've never been to worried about hair since it grows out anyway, and I seem to be not bad at working with it (I cut my kids' hair and used to cut hair for my friends too in university); if you're a person who would freak out at cutting your own bangs, let alone cut or dye your whole head of hair, then maybe get someone else to do it who has a bit more of a knack then you. I'd hate to urge you to DIY then have you detest the results.

[unexplained]

Just to confirm, 8-year-olds DO have a mouth on them. It's amazing. And they're so much TALLER and HEAVIER than 2-year-olds when you finally have to haul them to their room when they've been sent there for their backtalk and refuse to go.

[Dawn]

My mother found my first white hair (we don't do gray in my family, we go for total snow white) when I was 16. Didn't bother me, but I thought she was going to have a stroke.

When I first started going seriously white (in my 30s) highlighting did the trick. I have medium blond hair and blond highlights covered it quite nicely.

But, of course, the day came when that didn't work and I started colouring it at home with Natural Instincts and that worked nicely for a couple of years. Their Linen shade dyed the white to a nice highlighted blonde shade and the real colour wasn't affected much.

Then I got it into my head that I wanted to go sort of red. Used their Gingerbread to nice effects, but after growing my hair to shoulder length it just got to be too much hassle, so when back to the salon for colour for the first time in years. Was very satisfied with that (mostly reddish brown, similar to the NI Gingerbread, with some blondish foils).

So, short answer (finally!) is that it depends on how long and how thick your hair is. The thicker and/or longer, the better an idea it is to go the salon route. Also, if you do it yourself, don't go more than two shades lighter or darker. You can experiment with the semi-permanents and if you really end up liking colouring it yourself switch to permanent.

And in the end, if you do it yourself and totally mess it up, a salon can rescue you.

In any event, pictures! We wil want pictures!

[Alexicographer]

Oh, god, the negotiating thing cracked me up, especially the line about "clutch style. Yes. Confession: I have recently realized I far too often say, "Let's ..." to my toddler, or "Can you please ..." and am trying now simply to say, "Get in the car." Or whatever it is.

[Mia C.]

Dear god I want to go back to doing my own haircolor. But now that I'm in my mid-thirties I don't have the patience or time that I did in my twenties to weather hair color disasters. The blonds tend to be too brassy and I am scared to highlight.
And a brief comment on the speech therapy mom, keeping in mind I do adore you, but I am also the parent of an autistic child, who looks completely fine till you set him off. There is no judging other people's parenting at speech therapy. Because there is a very good possibiity that was an autistic toddler. And her trying ineffectively to get him out the door without a spectacular meltdown that could go on for an hour and involves hitting, kicking, and biting.

I'm just saying:)

[Leta]

I get my hair colored professionally every 12-14 weeks and budget accordingly. It does hurt a bit to fork over the cash, but I've done it myself in the past, and it just isn't as good nor does it last as long as the pros.

[Leta]

I forgot to add that I get all over color plus foil highlights and yes, I've carried children out of the library screaming their head off like I was kidnapping them with my face flaming.

[Bianca]

I am super budget conscious now as well (we just bought a house in SF and the mortgage and tax payments are killing us slowly) but I still get my hair professionally colored. I leave it 7 weeks now between colorings (instead of 5) but I still do it. I gave up the eyebrow waxing/tinting (which I loved) and I get hair cuts almost never now, preferring to look like a hippy. But I can't do home coloring. I don't trust myself and I don't like the colors. My colorist mixes something really nice and striking but still looks pretty natural. (FWIW, he is 85 for a single color tint, which after tip comes to 100 even in San Francisco, at a nice downtown salon. Could you look around for something less expensive? I feel like MN should be less money?)

[D]

My parents weren't really spankers, but I spoke to my dad the way Patrick did just the once and I got cuffed so hard upside the head I saw stars, bit my tongue, and bled for an hour. So good for you for not going that route. I am totally remembering the tip above about serving them last night's cold supper for breakfast; that seems quite reasonable.

Also, pay for the pro. I went through a home hair dye phase in high school and early college and from the first dye job in 2000, it took until 2005 and the help of a professional to undo. Short-circuit the middle man and pay up. I applaud your budget savvy but that is not a corner worth cutting.

[Elizabeth]

My two are turning 2 this month. I've resorted to the stroller even though they can walk perfectly well due to multiple meltdowns - can't carry both of them at once. I've tried and it's not a pretty site.