Draft

Hello again.

It occurred to me that if I could remember to open a typepad window before I leave the house it would be possible for me to write a post while Edward does speech therapy - despite the sad lack of WiFi in the waiting room.

Last night Edward was sitting across from Caroline, carefully transporting rice from the bowl to his mouth with a spoon. Caroline tried this method for a while but then emptied the bowl onto the table and was picking rice up with her fist and cramming it in. Edward kept eating. Then Caroline hooked her hands behind her back and leaned forward to see if she could pick up grains of rice using only her tongue. Edward was moved to the point of rebuke:

"Cayayine Xhane," he said using her full name for the first time, like, ever, "Cayayine Xhane! Sssssts messy!"

Caroline waggled her rice studded tongue at him. He looked revolted.  

They amuse me SO MUCH.

 

Does this look like a kid who would respond to a gentle "No" by slapping his mother across the face? I felt like I had been challenged to a duel. One second he was sweetly asking to watch Little Einsteins but upon being told no, darling, we're about to eat dinner he became... Slappy Kincaid, ladies and gentlemen. Children - and I say this with years of experience in the area of their care and feeding - are little savages hiding under a thin veneer of soft skin, dewy radiance and dimpled cuteness. Just like baby dolphins.

(This woman in the lobby of speech has been trying to get her two year old away from the toy corner and out the door for the past fifteen minutes. She keeps attempting to get him to agree that it is time to go have lunch and he keeps giving lip service to the concept while he continues to build towers. I think the twin thing has hardened me but we don't do that. What do I care whether Caroline or Edward is fully onboard with whatever transition is under way? I say "Time to go" and we go. Sure it is nice when they cooperate but it is most definitely not required. For a while it was doubtful that Caroline was ever going to leave a building upright; I had to keep tucking her under my arm like a clutch purse and bodily removing her. Now that Caroline has reached the age of reason (she's a young 45 in some areas) it is Edward that was named Child in the Family Most Likely to Leave the Library As If He is Being Abducted. I do not remember ever doing this with Patrick, which begs the question: was he more biddable [yes] or was I more concerned with making every moment of his little life perfect for him [yes.] 

Of course I got slapped so it's hard to say how my new staff sergeant parenting style is working out. Mutiny! That's what it is. Edward is suffering under the yoke of my oppression and is trying to foment rebellion through aggressive resistance. You know he really is so very... Irish. 

(In case you were wondering he received a firm "no hitting. we don't hit" and then got to cool off in his hanging seat while I put dinner on the table. Toddler tantrums - even slap happy ones - don't faze me much. I mean, yeah, whatever, you're screaming, you're throwing trucks, you're really really really mad... you come up to my knees, kid. Seven year old insurrection, though, my god. Patrick can make me want to slam my head in a door in less than thirty seconds. Edward seems more to be pitied than censured: so much volatility when all he really needs is some carbs and a nap. But when Patrick coolly announced, as he did the other night, "I'm not eating this. OK? I'm not. Get over it"... WELL! I'm clicking my teeth together just thinking about it. I am sure there is some positive parenting alternative to hissing, "EAT!" but I am damned if I know what it is.)

- Home again

Caroline and the Game of Kings (and ungulates)

First she rearranged the chess board into that odd perpendicular configuration which I am pretty sure is unplayable. Then she went to get an opponent - Legdeer, a crafty choice. Then she took off all the white pieces saying "Oh no!" and "Be careful!" Finally, she threw both arms into the air and shouted "Yay! Clap for Caroline!" I assume she was playing black. And cheating.

So I have a question for you. A very important question, much more urgent than the discipline problems we have springing up like mushrooms in a wet yard. It's about my hair. I seem to be going gray at the temples. For a while I managed to convince myself that they were touches of the sun's kiss glinting prettily. But no. It's just gray. And do you know who is gray at the temples? George Clooney. Do I want to look like George Clooney? No. I don't even want to look like Rosemary.

I have had my hair colored professionally in the past with mixed results. There was the time I wound up with a stark white streak like a poorer man's Bonnie Raitt. Then there was the time I had my request for "redder" interpreted so literally that a woman in an airport first asked if it was my real color and then told me it was the exact shade she wanted to paint her bathroom. The stylist I see now has done nice highlights for me a few times and I am sure she could handle my current plunge into ghostly but she charges $100,000 to do so. I am not saying this is completely out of the question, just that my new budget-conscious self wonders if there are any options and if so are they any good? My questions for you are: can I get rid of the gray at home, is it easy because I have poor small motor-skills, are some products better than others and at the end of the day will I wind up paying a professional to fix it anyway? Please advise.

Oh and have a nice weekend.

The electric bill! We never came up with a truly satisfactory explanation for the $900 electric bill although I spent two and a half hours on the phone with them. The conclusion we finally accepted was that our meter had been broken for the first four months of the winter. They fixed the meter and then charged us retroactively for the electricity we had consumed but for which we had not been billed. I think this sucks but whatever. Meanwhile, although they had a very very hard time admitting this, the cost of electricity per kilowatt had gone up over 150% in our area versus the previous year. Together the undercharge plus the upcharge combined to present us with a face-slap of a bill worthy of Edward. Bastards but what can you do?

PS Patrick incognito

His spelling assignment this week is to make trading cards. Because we live in a cave on Mars he said, what are trading cards? His teacher explained, adding, you know, Pokemon or sports guys or... "Or mushrooms!" said Patrick. Oh right. Or mushrooms. Sure. Talk about a limited edition collectible.

He amuses me even more than the twinkles.

PPS Don't forget about the hair. I cropped myself out of the picture with Edward because I look like Mother Hubbard.

PPPS Mia just left a note in the comments that I feel compelled to acknowledge as promptly and publicly as possible. You make a mistake and you say you are sorry and it is to be hoped that you are forgiven. So Mia pointed out that the child at speech therapy might be autistic and that the slow-dance out the door could be a necessary part of moving him from point A to point B. And I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't judging exactly I was just observing the behavior of others and marking my own e/de-volution as a parent but I realized that this would be dishonest. I really was thinking oh heavens, lady, stop saying, "We're going to have lunch now, ok, ok, ok?" and just GO. But Mia is right. Perhaps the child is autistic and how he reacts to being manhandled is worlds apart from, say, Caroline when I turn her into a tote. Or maybe he's not. Maybe it's just his personality or his mother's style or the day or the place or the time or the moment or any combination of the above and, really, what does it matter? Nobody owes me an IEP and I am embarrassed that I allowed that weedy stream of consciousness to go un-edited.

I'm sorry.   

Comments

[GingerB]

I am only slightly red but I dye red to match my daughters so it won't be apparent that their red only matches my husband's hair down there down there.

If you would enjoy laughing at me, please read my story of the last time I will ever dye my hair at home.

I live in fear of having someone mistake me for my girls' grannie so I am covering gray for at least a few years more and hoping that by then my gray will be shiny and silvery and not wiry ash brown mottle. To match my wattle. Please excuse me a minute, I need to go break a mirror.

When the reward desired behavior system I use now quits working on my tots, I will finally be glad I make tiny children because they will be more portable.

[margalit]

I'm totally gray now, but when I did color my hair, my daughter's friend who was in Beauty School, taught me how to purchase the good stuff at the beauty supply store and it's easy to mix up and color with, just like the box stuff. I also know how to do foils from her, and have done my daughter's highlights for years now. My suggestion is to go and have your hair done professionally once, get the numbers of the colors and the type of color used (we use Schwartzkof) and have a girlfriend help you do it the first time. Just make sure you cover the floor with a tarp. It's messy.

I used to carry my twins out of buildings by grabbing on to the back of their jackets and hauling them like they were luggage. Worked well for us.

[coffeegrl]

I think it's sort of wonderful that you can write a stream of consciousness and then have a wonderful and healthy dialogue with Mia (or whoever the next thoughtful commenter might be) because you know, then it feels like we're all just sitting around having a cup of coffee, chatting, and thinking out loud together. Cool.

[Amy]

I think at home color is a good option, if you want it all one color. There are many good semi-permanent options, and Clairol makes a root touch up in a variety of colors that matches most other brands. However, highlights are also a great option, but I don't recommend doing them at home.

I've yet to find a tactic that works with my older child, who is almost 5. Nice doesn't work, manhandling doesn't work, yelling doesn't work. Basically I don't work. My youngest works pretty well with being manhandled and sometimes even asking politely.

[michelle]

Century college, if you want to try out a brand-new supervised student cosmetologist.
http://www.century.edu/files/areasofstudy/pricelist.pdf

Years ago my boyfriend had the trainees at Aveda in Mpls cut his hair. He wasn't assertive enough about requesting that bad cuts get fixed, always telling the student it was great & leaving a big tip. That is, until he went to a non-student stylist afterwards who asked if his hair had caught on fire. So, if you go the student/trainee route, make sure you have the supervisor correct any errors before you leave.

Always go a shade lighter than you think you need if you color at home. And color your brows to match.

You can buy some salon coloring kits on ebay & other places, if you feel like you need to use what a salon uses. Helps if you know the color/brand ahead of time if you do that.

[AnnaM]

I dunno, I assumed that the mom was just friggin' exhausted. Like I am. But I also enjoy judging people in my spare time. It's a more portable hobby than quilting.

A warning-- I used henna in college and frequent swimming turned it green and awful. As a grownup lady, I used to love Natural Instincts until I became THENTHITIVE TO EVERYTHING.

[Sara]

I find that natural instincts works well for me. I use a shade 2-3 shades lighter than my natural color, and then leave it on for a reasonable period of time (i.e., longer than the directions say) to make sure it actually adheres to the gray. The net result is that I keep at least some of my natural hair color variation, and my overall color doesn't change much, but the gray gets colored. I don't have much gray, but it's quite resistant to dying, so the color does tend to fade out pretty quickly, but at least the Nat. Inst. takes the glare off of the gray, and makes it look more like blonde strands mixed into my natural auburn.

The down side is that there is a learning curve, which isn't too much of a problem color-wise (it's hard to go too far wrong with temporary color), but can result in bathroom messes. Also, IF you care intensely about keeping your gray colored, then you have to do it fairly frequently. However, because the fade-out is gentle, you can let it go if you're feeling lazy without having horrible roots.

[Jane-Marie]

Hello
I love your blog!! I don't have kids so can't pretend to offer any advice on parenting however I do know hair and I can definitely say get the professional to do it, don't do it at home. That's my two cents.

[Lisa]

My one rule of parenting*: Don't ask a question -- and yes, "okay?" IS a question -- unless you're willing to abide by the answer. So if you say, "It's time to leave, okay?" and THEY say, "no," well, YOU ASKED.

I also carried my two out of places many a time over my 16 years of motherhood, one time with my oldest, then about four, screaming YOU'RE FIRED MOMMY at the top of his lungs. That was church.

*The other rule is "Go nowhere with a child wearing only a diaper." All the other rules are negotiable.

[Mimi]

My naturally brown hair started turning gray in my 20's. Back then, I colored it myself. Then after my kids were through college and money and time weren't so limited, I started having it professionally colored and highlighted. Love the look, but it is expensive. Now that I'm retired, I use Clairol root touch-up between appts. with a hairdresser to stretch out the time between professional appts. Because my hair is now so gray, it fades out when I'm in the sun. So every other time I get highlights, I have to have some "lowlights" (darker color) added or soon would be all blonde! If you try to do it yourself, first apply the mixture to your roots, let that process and then only pull it through the rest of your hair for the last few minutes. Try to avoid the ends...they'll likely absorb color very quickly. Good luck!

[Liz]

You probably have many, many book recommendations for your commute with Patrick, but I cannot recommend Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men enough. I think it's technically YA, but I have no young adults in my life and I giggled helplessly the entire time I was listening to it, and unlike the vast majority of the genre, it's not a thinly veiled romance.

[Nicky at Not My Mother]

I like getting a professional colour but I'm too cheap these days. For years I dyed my hair myself and it was fine, although I have dark hair so maybe the variations don't show that much. My advice would be to try it yourself, but with a temporary colour that is designed to wash out within a week or two. No, it won't last, but you'll at least find out if you can do it yourself and if you can't then you don't have to live with it very long. Choose a colour that looks very close to your natural one, and if your hair is thick and more than shoulder length you'll probably need two boxes. Oh, and my secret was that I'd use an old bedsheet to drape over EVERYTHING in the bathroom - I got better but you'll still be surprised how far you can fling little droplets of dye.

[Nicky at Not My Mother]

Argh, I forgot to say - if you do go the professional way, most of them should have a book with those little sample locks of hair in them so you can point at what you mean when you say "redder" to make sure you're on the same page. (My hairdresser's has a navy blue in it, and I SO want to try that one day.)

[jan]

p.s. if you do try to dye at home, grey hair at the temples doesn't take color well because of the heat from your head. You need to put some peroxide on it first (not right before the dying, but a day or so in advance, leave in and wash out).

[Slim]

Hey, Jerry Seinfeld was featured in Parade Magazine this week criticizing some complete stranger for what she was feeding her kids, and how overindulgent she was, blah blah blah. "This from the man whose wife wrote a cookbook about how trick your children into eating vegetables?" I thought. And then I realized I was . . . yep.
Ah, judginess!

[Cori]

I dunno... It's really best not to judge other people's parenting especially after only a 15 minute glimpse into their world. It's a slippery slope. And what works fine on your kid might not work on everyone's kid.

On the hair color issue I have to side with the salon folks. I have never been happy with home hair color results. It's both expensive and time-consuming though. Maybe now that my crow's feet are coming in so nicely I should just let my gray hair grow out and embrace my inner crone.

[Priscilla]

I think pro color is a worthy mom treat. How often do you do something just for you? And - you wear your hair everyday, so it's worth it!

I am a two minute tranistion warner, follow by a banana briber in highly populous situations (as in, say, getting a 2 year old to leave a crowded playground..."look here my pretty - follow the yummy banana" kind of exit.)

[Priscilla]

oh dear - not my night for errors.

Make that "transition" and "followed".

[kim]

Re: your apology - meh. It is possible, given where you were. But we all know that parenting style, most of us(raising own hand) have been guilty of it at least a time or two, and everyone is entitled to feel a little smug every now and again. Even if you did share it with the entire internet.
Going slowly gray over here because I'm too cheap to have my hair colored professionally, and it's too many different shades of red to do out of a box. OTOH, when I did have it done by a pro, my husband said, you look beautiful. Don't ever do that again. So, ok, I won't.

[Diana]

I've been happy with my home hair coloring, with one important exception: home highlights. My best advice is: DON'T TRY IT. I am not gifted in the motor skills department either, but have not had any problems with all-over hair color, or root touch-ups. Just pick a color that's close enough to yours and use lotion or vaseline along the hairline, as has been mentioned. Mine tends to look a bit opaque for a couple of days, but then settles into a nice color. However, once I bought a kit for doing your own highlights and I ended up with a brassy orange bowl-shaped helmet on my head. That cost me dearly to fix at the salon. So, professional highlights do a great job and tend to disguise the gray for longer periods, but home coloring can work just as well and is much cheaper. Good luck!

[Jenn]

Know why professional hair color is so expensive? Because it's worth it!!

Don't do home color, it's so tempting but risky- your hair looks a lot like mine- curly. Some people can do home color just fine but not us. I am struggling with the same temptation, it's so hard to find the time and money to get it done and how great would it be to just do a home kit on a weekend night! Must resist! Always bad!

[Amanda]

Julia

You have such grace - I too am the parent of an autistic child (albeit a nearly-6 year old now) and another neuro-typical but stubborn as hell 3 year old. Mia's point was well-put and quite plausible in the circumstances and your response just perfect.
I sound like a countdown clock for transitions..."10 minutes...5 minutes...3 minutes...2...1...and then if it's not working an I'm going to count to 5" - but I am as good at judging as the next person. It's all about being clear really isn't it?

I love reading about your children and I always feel that you balance your own parenting skills so nicely - by that I mean, you have that objectivity to step back and say "with hindsight I should have handled that differently".

No advice about hair colouring - I give up and have highlights once a year (save up the pennies - should be done more often, but it'll do).

Anyway, just wanted to admire your style again.

[crystal]

Moments of attitude such as Patrick is now displaying have best been handled in our house in a manner we stole (as we have just about every dayum parenting tactic we use) years ago. My husband (or now that he's working at home and equally likely to be subjected to angsty teen 'tude), me will get in their space, look said child square in the eye, and quietly, firmly, say "that is my (wife/husband), and if I ever catch you treating them like that again, you will regret it. Now might be a wise time to apologize and try again with a little more respect".

I like this, it conveys two messages at once: being snippy with your friends is cool, but doing it to your parents is never a wise move, and hey, don't treat my partner like that, not on my watch.

If you look like Rosemary, you have bigger problems than grey hair.... Unless you meant of course when she was still alive, but she was stunningly beautiful then so....

With tweaking you can use semi-permanents, or even filler (which is effectively semi-permanent hair color, but more basic, you can mix it in to tweak tones, but it takes some knowledge of colors and undertones because it can all go horribly wrong....

Actually, unless you have a really good friend who is a really talented colorist, just spend the money. Color correction costs what hair color does, times 20,000. And worth.every.penny.

Highlights are a way to blend without the need for obsessive root touch ups, all the more important when covering gray, particularly in highly visible areas. It turns the offending strands into highlights of their own, and less line of demarcation showing up every 3 weeks with horrifying regularity.

If it were me, I'd use semi-permanent and make a wash, because grey hair is highly permeable, and will absorb pigment rather easily, and doing it via a wash will give a bit of color but again, make them look more like highlights, and when it starts to grow out/fade, you simply do another wash, no damage, no streaks, but it is a challenge to put the right recipe together, and once upon a time color/color correction was my forte, so I'm more comfortable tweaking on my own.

You can get someone to do this for you, and come back regularly, but it may fade unacceptably and quickly, so not be much benefit over color, and no colorist worth their rental expenses is going to share their recipe when they need you back in that chair. Colorists have you over a barrel....

Life does have a way of smacking the snark out of us, doesn't it? How many times have my own biases come back to haunt me? Funny... this being human stuff.

[Special K]

I'm 29 years old and I have NO IDEA how you play chess. If I tried, I'd probably want to play the Caroline method as well. Choose a weak opponent and make up the rules. Yay!

[crystal]

Be careful with henna.... test first, and be sure you want to commit. Once you're committed, you're *committed*.

[karen]

Hi-

You said:

"It occurred to me that if I could remember to open a typepad window before I leave the house it would be possible for me to write a post while Edward does speech therapy - despite the sad lack of WiFi in the waiting room."

I almost always compose in a text editor and then paste into any web thingie. Too many emails lost after much time getting the wording just right. And it's also nice that writing doesn't require a web connection.

-k

[lb]

I think it's usually possible to tell the difference between somebody who is doing a great job at helping their child - autistic or not - through a transition by giving matter-of-fact notice of the upcoming transition, with countdowns or other cues, and somebody who is just doing a rather limp parenting job and has no idea how to get their kid away from the blocks.

FURTHERMORE, I don't think it's wrong to make mental evaluations of other people's parenting. I do think it's wrong to go up to somebody who is having a bad time and say "Hey, you're doing it wrong!" for example. But if you, in the confines of your own mind and blog, are making a mental note never to do that with your own kid, then there's nothing wrong with that. If you had seen someone using an amazing parenting technique and tucked it away for future use, would that be called into question as well? When people say "don't judge", they really mean "don't make negative judgements" which is ridiculous.

Now, I am all about making excuses for people. Whenever I see somebody driving/parenting/whatever in a way that I think sucks, I always think, well, maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe they are on their way to the hospital. Maybe this is the 500th tantrum of the day and responded well to the previous 499. I don't necessarily think ill of them as a whole person, but that doesn't stop me from thinking that what they are doing right now is crap. How are we going to become better parents or people if we don't learn from other's successes AND failures?

(I've got no help on the hair dye front. I just ignore my grey. I know myself, and I am far too lazy to actually keep up with any kind of hair colouring regime, so I just live with what nature is giving me.)

[candace]

I was coming in to say precisely what lb said.

[A]

I highly, HIGHLY recommend Clairol Natural Instincts. It is a semi-permanent haircolor, so you don't have roots growing out, it just fades naturally. I use it about every 6 weeks. Because it is semi-permanent, it is gentle on your hair and doesn't dye your scalp. It is easy to apply (there are no fancy highlight applicators, it's just an all-over color). It smells great (seriously!), and comes with a fantastic deep conditioner. It makes my hair amazingly shiny, and the colors I've tried have all been very pretty. I have a pretty extreme amount of grey hair for a 28 year old, but it all gets covered very nicely and looks quite natural. Sorry to be so rhapsodic about this stuff, but I honestly love it! I have had professional highlights done many times as well, but the roots are so obvious when they grow out and it's SO expensive. At-home is the way to go, in my opinion!

The only downside is that most drugstores I have been to don't seem to carry all of the available colors (often they'll have the browns but none of the reds). So I've had to start buying it online. Based on pictures I've seen of you, you might try the "Golden Sienna" or "Spiced Tea" shades.

Good luck!

[Katie]

Maybe the kid was autistic but maybe not. I believe you were just commenting about what you would've done in that situation if one of your children (not autistic) had acted that way. I didn't take it to be more than that and vote no to future self-censorship. I like reading you uncensored.

And no no no to the do-it-yourself color. I did that precisely once and it cost me $450 and three separate appointments to get it fixed. (And this was 1994 so adjust for inflation!) I would eat spaghettios for a week to save for the colorist.

[chris]

Oh my, yawn. You need to get out more. Recapping not so funny conversations between your toddlers and wondering how to cover grey? This is what my friends and I call "hag talk". Say no to the hag talk.

[Libby]

I've been coloring my hair at home since I was 15 (I am 33). I've used a multitude of brands, but the ones I have had best results are Natural Instincts, Feria and now Garnier (the red box, can't think of the name now). Starting at 30 I got quite a bit of gray and I've had no problems covering it with at home color kits. I've tried all the shades of brown known to man, as well as red and jet black. Having outgrown this madness I now color my hair dark brown, almost black, which is my natural hair color. I touch it up every six weeks and I am golden. Having said that, a few years ago I decided to experiment with a honey brown and blond highlights, I was wise and had it done at the salon and I was very happy with the results. I kept it up for about a year and then got tired of it (and of paying SO much money sheesh!). I went back to the box without a problem. I do remember that the colorist always told me that red and blond are the hardest colors to do at home, so I don't know Jules. Maybe you can start with Natural Instincts? It's not permanent, so if you hate it just wash your hair a lot and it will wash out rather fast.

Whatever you decide, I want to see some pictures.

Oh and Oh my God do I hear you on the 7 year old attitude! The other day Sofia told me that something something was none of my beeswax! The nerve!

[SarahB]

I'm all for embracing the grey. When I lived in Vegas, nearly all of my colleagues colored their hair. Given that I could tell (roots, unnatural highlights, hair that did not match their eye/face coloring at all), it gave me the realization that it is very easy to waste time and money on something that makes you look unnatural. I'm with the person who says get a haircut you love, be your normal bubbly self, and move on.

Related: What would you give up time-wise/money-wise to do this? If it really is the #1 thing on your list, ok, but if there's something else you'd rather be spending free time and money on, don't get yourself caught in the hair dye cycle.

[mellie]

I'm a red head and the reason it's so hard to color red hair at home or abroad is worthy of a treatise the likes of which you used to explain translocation to us, and I wish I could return the favor and do so but I can't replicate it. But basically it has something to do with the pigment in red hair which when it turns white, still has the red pigment in it, but not enough to "read" red. So when you overlay the dye color, it will read differently on natural red hair instead of brown hair. And voila! The look I like to call truck stop tranny!

If you aren't ready to color the whole head, they should be able to just blend away your temples in any case. Then you won't have to worry about color fade or anything. And demi permanent to start--anything else they strip your real color out first and then it just really fades and you have to keep going to get the fix. And the texture can change as well which is disappointing.

My sister is a red head as well, but her hair is straight and thin and she has less gray so Natural Instincts works pretty well for her. But when it fades out, it doesn't really fade back to her natural color. But if you were to try the at home route, that might be the place to start.

On the other hand, I have thick, wavy, more gray than I can stand to admit to myself hair, and my person uses Schwartzkopf. They do have good reds, but also reds not found in nature other than in tropical fish. So I can recommend with reservations. They do have have something that is a foam in temporary color that just tints away the gray and wouldn't monkey too much with your own color if you are still happy with it. Kind of blends in the gray. I use it to tint my gray roots when they come in between colorings. I just spray out a tennis ball sized puff of foam and paint it in with a brush, wait 20 min and rinse. But I think you can only get it with a perscription, or from a professional salon person.

Henna is apparently a problem because it seals the cuticle or something and coloring over it is difficult. And I think that you don't end up with the same amount of variation.

Let us know what you end up doing!

[Alli]

I am a dark, mousy blonde ( the kind beautiful platinum often turns at puberty). I have recently gone red. My hairstylist did the first application and then told me - because red dye can be hard to keep, to touch up myself. She has a salon in her basement and only does hair for extra cash so she can afford to be honest. I use nice and easy, mostly. Light auburn or sometimes reddish blonde. At first it was a little tricky but I have the hang of it now. I can't tell you how many people tell me it looks so natural and with my complexion...blah, blah, blah. Red washes out quickly even if it's a permanent dye so try it. You can do it!!!!!

[Slim]

Chris needs a hug!

[Alison]

I say embrace the grey (and I'm 40 and have beginnings myself) OR go to a pro.

I'll add that I hate messing with color when there's serious length involved, because I am almost always too cheap to maintain it and end up chopping it all off.

[elz]

Use the Frederick Fekkai home color kit. I swear you will be able to color your hair just as good, if not better, than a stylist. It even smells the same. The package costs more than the grocery store packets, but it is well worth it. Also, Sephora has a 100% satisfaction policy. If it doesn't work, take it back. But, I will promise you IT WILL WORK. I get perfect results every time.

[Mrs. G]

A friend of mine makes these tart rading cards, http://intuitionkitchenproductions.com/gallery/artcards/.

I'm not sure if they're all appropriate for seven-year-olds but they could be an inspirational example for Patrick.

[WarsawMommy]

First-time visitor here (greetings!). May I just say that this was absolutely hilarious? And also very relatable. My 3-year-and-4-month-year-old is a discipling challenge (to put it mildly. We don't skap but he does occasionally resemble a kidnap victim as we leave the store.

Also, my hair is also going grey. Well, actually, white. I seem to have skipped grey completely and gone straight for the truly hardcore stuff.

[Mira]

It takes time, and money (both of which are in short supply) but it is worth it to have professional highlights done. My stylist does a highlight and a lowlight so that there isn't too much of a stark contrast between my au natural color and the artificial ones.

[ChrisinNY]

My take is that you never win a power struggle over food. So we never made my daughter eat anything. If she did not want what we served, then with permission, she could have plain bread and butter that she could make herself. That said, the disrespect would have been unacceptable and that would have been dealt with quickly.

[Elin]

I also belong to the club that's glad to see Patrick is still wearing two different socks - very tastefully coordinated, as they are :)

I think you can do an at-home kit, you just need a few tips if you've never colored before. Don't know if you're allowed to name brands on you blog - do the Internet police send you a nasty email? I'll just say it's a highly respected brand that begins with L, in a peach-colored box, color number 7. Your natural color is a bit lighter than mine, so maybe you should pick one shade lighter than that. Whatever you do, DON'T get any "cool" or "ash" color base. Your hair will be way too dark and look a bit green, I fear.

Number 7 is supposed to be a neutral dark blonde, but translates to a medium strawberry blonde on my head. My gray actually ends up looking like blonde highlights.

If your hair is very dry, be sure to condition carefully the night before, and use the pre-color treatment that goes on the ends of your hair. I actually use it about halfway up the hair, mine is so dry. Also, don't bring the color all the way out to the ends of your hair until the very last few minutes (unless you're going to change your color dramatically, and then only do it the first time you color). If you do so you could end up with lighter roots, darker at the ends, which just screams "I just colored my hair". Hair is naturally darker at the roots, lighter at the ends, and you want to keep it that way.

Hope this helps!

[Genevieve]

I want to know what Edward was saying: "Caroline, shame!" or "Caroline insane!" Either way, it's damn funny.

Because of a bad back, I could not pick up my son without significant pain after he was about a year old. So I got very good at verbally getting him to do things (accompanied with some physical contact, but no actual lifting, more like a dog rounding up sheep), since I couldn't do the snatch-him-up routine. But sometimes it would be a bit protracted.

In Patrick's trading card set, I assume the Morel would be a high value.

[Erika]

My kid's autistic. From my experience, that makes it all the more necessary to say what you do and do what you say. Autism by no means equals stupid. You let them slide once, twice, BOOM, you've just created the kid's new data point for how it's going to be, and you're in for a good time changing it back again.
But - that's just how we roll.

[Justin]

If you decide to color your hair at home go to a Beauty Supply store, someplace like Sally's. You can buy professional color which will cover better and last much longer. Make sure to buy a really good conditioner for immediately after you color. It's also worth getting a conditioner that will help keep your color fresh if you're doing red, red tends to fade faster than most. As long as you stay close to your natural color it's pretty easy and I find the gray gives me enough variation that my color looks natural.

[Jennifer]

While I appreciate the budget consciousness, I strongly suggest a pro. Really. I get lowlights and highlights on my (natural) red that is graying, and with the combination, we don't have to cover EVERYTHING, and the color makes it look like the gray is actually a highlight. You laugh, but very true. Also, you may only have to get it done twice, max, prior to summer coming along and helping with the whole "natural" highlight. I love my stylist, and would recommend her, but she's in the south metro, which is probably on the other side of the planet for you.

As for the sibling acting like the parent, and using the full name, we've got that at home too. Have to admit that it hurts not to laugh out loud when you have a mouth full at the dinner table. Ah, the amusement to be had!

[Daily Cup of Jo]

Oh my. There's so much I want to comment on, but I'll keep it brief. "Carbs and a nap" is all I really need, too. And L'Oreal 8RB is what I use at home, have always used, and I've never had a problem. FYI, my hair is light before the goop goes on. I don't know the results with darker hair. Without it, I think I'm probably 70% gray (Dad's fault).

Good luck.

[Robyn]

Ah, Julia, quit apologizing. There are about a billion of us that judge exactly the same way - it's impossible not to.

Got a set of highlights done professionally. Loved them. Each time I went in for a touch up my hair got lighter, and lighter...and I finally had my whole hair colored "my original shade", trying to get back to the beginning. When it grew out, "my original shade" was not, so I tried again. When that grew out, I still had a damn line across my head where you could see my natural color. I finally just let it grow and years (it felt like) later (a few months ago), I was able to finally cut off the last of the color. I was really, really happy with my non-highlighted, non-colored hair until a few weeks ago, when I started noticing gray hairs around my hairline.

Damn. So let me know what you decide to do and how it works out. :)

[Slim]

Genevieve, I think he was calling her "Caroline Jane." Even a two-year-old can tell when the middle name is called for.