Everyday Is Like Sunday

I have been adding piecemeal to a post for the past week but when I went to finally put it up last night it was swallowed whole by the internet. At the time I was irked but in retrospect it's probably all for the best. It took me about thirty paragraphs to say: everyone in the house except me has been randomly and variously sick. Steve, for example, was walking around like a guy who was told 25 hours ago that he only has 24 hours to live. At one point I picked a blanket off the couch in an attempt to tidy and almost had an apoplexy when I discovered Steve underneath it.

"Don't touch the Shroud of Steve!" he snapped and pulled the blanket back over his face.

Caroline had a runny nose and then a stuffed up nose and then a runny nose again and now she sounds like Bea Arthur. She keeps going into the kitchen drawer, grabbing a washcloth, scrubbing her nose with it and then putting the cloth back into the drawer. While I applaud her self-care instincts and I am glad she is no longer throwing everything she touches into the trash I have to say... ewwww.

I think she is starting to look a bit like Sarah Palin; the bangs, the roguish twinkle, the determined jaw.

Edward. Oh poor Edward. Yet again he had four straight days of high fevers... 104, 105. It's like that thing he does. He fevers, hot and slow like well-seasoned wood. Edward was miserable all week, what with the fever and the congestion and his second molar stabbing through his gums and the fact that we are all just so stupid and mean and stupid that he cannot stand it. Yesterday morning he lay on the floor and cried from the pathos of it all. Then he rolled onto his stomach and cried some more. Then he went over to Caroline and tried to smack her and she promptly grabbed his hand and bit it. So he cried harder. Poor poor Edward. He reminds me of Job as a child. 

Patrick insisted he felt fine, looked gray, told me he had never felt better, developed black circles under his eyes and then woke me up at midnight, three and five in the morning suffering from acute distress in his, ahem, southern hemisphere. We kept him home from school for the day and were planning to keep him home for the following day as well but he insisted he go. You know, we will never get a note from Patrick saying, "Dear Mother and Father, You were right. [New school] is the best place for me and I am very happy with the change. Sorry I accused you of trying to ruin my life. Sincerely, Your Son." However, I think the graceful acknowledgment was implied by the indignation with which he rejected my offer to let him stay home on that second day.

What else?

Patrick's school is continuing to go really well for him. I don't know if I said thank you at the time but I am so grateful for the insights you guys provided. You helped a lot.

Right now his class is working on a bridge unit and Patrick has become an incredible bore on the subject. His ability to suck the life out of even the most interesting of topics (I like bridges. and trains) is actually kind of impressive - he's destined to grow up to be a cocktail party Grim Reaper of some renown.

I say, "Oh that's a pretty bridge!"

And Patrick starts telling me about the piers and the cable and the deck strength and why steel is preferred over iron these days until I say, "That arch looks like a rainbow!" and he tells me there are no arches in beam construction although there is an arch-beam hybrid. But that's not one of them. We're fun.

He had to research a bridge to model. He wanted to do the Golden Gate but the idea of Patrick trying to get a suspension bridge constructed from popsicle sticks and string to support two pounds was enough to make me want to smother myself so we googled "interesting bridges" and landed on this one. 

Isn't that a cool looking bridge?

So after some challenges including the need to abandon trapezoids for triangles and drop from an octagon to a hexagon, Patrick built this version

 

which he is going to flip over and reinforce with more braces for the weight bearing challenge next week. The spelling assignment this week is to write a song, they are finishing long division and starting fractions and his reading book this month is the Phantom Tollbooth, which I keep calling the Phantom of the Tollbooth, much to Patrick's irritation.

It's like I sat down with crayons and designed a school just for him. I feel very lucky that he's happy and I'm happy because I don't have to DO anything other than drive him.

Edward's speech therapist thinks he can drop to once a week for now and that he'll be done with sessions entirely pretty soon. He is still struggling with two syllables but he is getting into an age-appropriate range for articulation, which was the goal. It's a relief to be able to understand what he wants. Like when I gave him raisins with lunch and he asked for a fork. A fork. To eat raisins. See? How on earth would I have had the slightest idea what he was upset about without that vital ffffff and oh and kkkkk? Who eats raisins with a goddamned fork?

But Edward is very tidy. He likes to eat neatly. He switches spoons between courses (a habit Patrick has as well: Patrick will not eat his salad with the same fork he used for the rest of his dinner; Edward needs a new spoon between yogurt and cereal. I look forward to their shared bachelor apartment - The Odder Couple: Felix & Felix.) And whenever he spills something he goes to fetch a cloth (probably one that Caroline has already grubbed about with - again I say... ewwwww) and mops it up as best he can. I have no idea where he gets this from.

I like this picture although he is obviously not feeling well.

I am drawing a complete blank on what you asked about with the last post. Um, oh, what Steve does for a living? Can't tell you, sorry. He made me promise. He's fine with almost all of my lack of boundaries but my delving into his professional life makes him uncomfortable. I can tell you that he owns his business, it is very small, he did pretty well until about two months into 2009 when all of his clients evaporated like the mist and we were without any income at all for - oh - ten months? - which was stressful but strangely empowering. We went on super triple X austerity budget, ferreted into our savings (I felt sick about this at first and then Steve was like, oh, right, we shouldn't spend the savings; what if an EMERGENCY ARISES?) and planned an escape in the event of our total economic collapse which included selling the house at any price and downsizing somewhere else, like Colorado. Fortunately things have improved about twenty-fold since then and Operation Aiiiieeeee is on hold. We were interested to see that our neighbors on both sides have put their houses on the market in the past week and they are moving to... Colorado. Apparently this is everybody's back-up plan. Who knew?

Oh the blog ads! I almost forgot. There was a kerfluffle brewing in the comments last night over one of the ads on my sidebar and I wanted to talk about that. I started accepting ads in the first place because I was trying to make a little money - a very little, a pittance really - and it seemed like an easy place to start. I do approve all the ads so it is perfectly appropriate to complain to me if you find something troubling or offensive, as a few of you did with the ad for the book Healing Our Autistic Children. I actually thought the ad this week that might upset people was the one with the baby elephant (the baby elephant) in chains but the anti-circus people have had me since Dumbo so... where was I? Oh the book.

I checked it out on Amazon before I accepted the ad (just as I looked up the one whose tagline reads "My name is Gin. I kill people." I wondered if the latter was some kind of temperance ad and I was going to be advertising against Mother's Ruin but no, it turns out she's just a female assassin) and from the notes it seemed that the author's thesis is that some of the behaviors associated with autism spectrum disorders can be positively affected by dietary changes. This did not seem patently offensive to me - although it might be completely stupid, I don't know - so I accepted the ad. I can imagine that an ad for a book promising to cure recurrent pregnancy loss with meditation and herbal tea would make me want to throw my computer at someone's head, though, so if the very idea of this book is hurtful to you I am sorry. If you want to tell me that anything associated with Jenny McCarthy makes you want to claw your eyes out please do so. If you want to free-form from there into a vaccine debate you are welcome to do that as well. I was worried enough about vaccine risks (not autism so much as general toxicity and volume) that Caroline and Edward have only gotten caught up with the recommended schedule in the past month. And if you are feeling scrappy and want to point out that my concern for baby elephants and love of animals clearly does not extend to the walls of Steve's office where several deer seem to be missing their bodies I promise to look uncomfortable. All of which is to say: I'm sorry if ads ever upset you and I am always willing to discuss it. 

Caroline in living color. And sound, so adjust your volume. I had to listen to that middle part a few times before I understood that she is saying, "Take a look at that animal. What animal is that?" (long pause) "Ladybug, right!" She's like a game show host with an imaginary panel of imaginary contestants answering mutely to the accompaniment of silent applause.

I am having the hardest time with typepad today. Nothing is going in properly and there are long pauses as I type. Can you see that video?

PS Go Saints.

PPS Under featured readers this week and next there is an ad for Scrollwork Designs. She's a reader and a small business owner and she sent me a few very funny emails and she makes truly truly lovely sparkly things so I thought I should point out that now could be an excellent time to buy yourself a Valentine's present. Just saying.  

Comments

[R]

First!
aww Caroline is so cute...
I hope everyone feels better soon.

[Sheridan]

Gosh, I can't imagine having everyone in the house being sick (have you been okay?). My 14th old has had 5 bouts of tonsillitis in the last four months and I am so tired of having just ONE sick child.

That reminds me, must go back and read about Patrick's operation. Actually maybe not. I vaguely remember the recovery being harrowing.

That daughter of yours? Divine. Simply divine. Love the video. Can we have more?

[Betsy]

If you ever get tired of your kids, can I have them? :-)

[JustLinda]

Job as a child. LOL

Felix & Felix. Double-LOL

I love how you express yourself in your writing. Always a good read and entertaining, and yet you have a knack of being sensitive to others while being true to yourself and it's a balancing act that not many pull off. I've always admired that about you...

[winecat]

Caroline in one word - adorable. It's interesting with the perspective of the stools we can see just how petite she is.

Hope everyone is at least on the road to recovery, wonderful news about Patrick's new school and yes that is a very cool bridge.

Go Saints

[Robin]

Palin??!?

I always thought she looked like a child Mary Tyler Moore.

[Christiana]

Pleasantly surprised that you are rooting for the Saints (so am I) considering your love of all men Manning, but good for you! Geaux Saints!

Caroline is lovely, Edward is adorable (I think a teddy bear version of him would sell big) and Patrick is, as always, a mountain of entertainment.

Hope all is well and every feels better soon!

[Barbara]

Yay!!! Phantom Tollbooth!!! I recommended that twice to you.. I'm so happy to see that Patrick is now reading it :)

And thanks for your blog :)

[TeacherMommy]

There are times when I am ohsojealous that I don't write like you, and then I just sigh and enjoy it. Thank you for the many chuckles.

[Jen]

Extra points for reference to The Smiths.

[kara]

Great post - however, I cannot stop laughing at the part about Edward, the raisins and the fork. I heart how unique and wonderful each of your children are!

I second the suggestion to visit Scrollwork Designs. Last week I found an object of tremendous beauty in her shop that I simply could not live without, so thank you very, very much for connecting us to her!

[Shannon]

Thank you so much for the video of Caroline! I now believe that she talks so well, but I am still amazed! Thank you for taking our many, many questions and requests to heart!

[bep]

D3.

No one listens, but if you google it and Dr. Mercola, you will learn amazing things.

EVERYONE i have badgered into trying it has gotten better.

and. stayed. better.

[Kim]

Oh my word she is so precious!

[cee]

Doesn't everybody use a different fork for salad and dinner, and yogurt and cereal?? I am a very very picky eater and I dislike contamination between food groups so maybe this is my (and Patrick's, and Edward's) issue.

[Christine]

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/6616

This bridge actually rattles.

[Amy]

Okay, really. I have a house FULL of tile floors and children. HOW in the heck DO you keep your floors so clean?

Seriously.

[L]

K-nex has a wonderful set of bridge models. A finished suspension bridge sits on our coffee table as I type this :) My son took architecture class in summer and he too was fascinated by bridges.

[smumzie]

Julia! I can't believe you've never read The Phantom Tollbooth! It is Smumzie's favorite book of all time. With your gift for wordsmithing, you would adore it. It's one of those books that gets more interesting the older you get because you understand the subtlety of word choice more with each year of school (and reading between the lines of life, as it were).

And kerfluffle is my new favorite word. I've stolen your "unique little snowflake" term in a previous post and want to put you on notice that I will most likely try to incorporate kerfluffle into one soon, mostly because it tickles my tongue to say it. Kerfluffle!

Also, may I please steal Carolyn away for my very own? You're so selfish anyway what with 3 and all. Surely you won't miss one. Wouldn't things be easier with only boys after all? No? Ok, then I'll take either Edward or Patrick. You decide.

Aw, come on people. She knows I'm just joshing. Rule #1 of the Smumzie code: Always respect the position of Mother! We just wish we could see an end to our miserable infertility battle (7 years on Valentine's Day! Go us!) and get us some yummy little nummies like Julia's.

[Lisa B in Seattle]

Good golly, when my husband went back to school for his mechanical engineering degree he also had to build a bridge. Not, sadly, with popsicle sticks, but sheesh, that's college-level thought going on there at Patrick's school. Boo-ya! And I second (or 90th) the teddy-bear-like qualities of Edward (not that it is a surprise to you). And "oh wow!" - I wish I knew what she was discussing with said ladybug, but won't it be fun when it's you two girls against the three men of the house? I'm sure you're pleased to be no-longer-outnumbered. :) And Scrollwork Designs is super - we're in the same Metalsmithing group on Etsy. Would it be bad form of me to post my Etsy URL? Yes, probably. But oh look, I could do it as part of "my information". Shhh, don't tell anyone. ;)

[Jen]

what about Patrick's parent teacher conference? very curious!! :)

[Alison]

That is some bridge!

Somebody beat me for suggesting a computer/video game, but I think a certain snowflake might just be the right kid for this structural engineering puzzle game

http://2dboy.com/games.php

[carrie]

Hi Ladybug...I love it!

[MsCellania]

Ack - everyone moves here (Colorado) and then complains about how incredibly expensive the houses are, and there are no jobs, and, and...
You may want to warn your neighbors, I'm just sayin'.
Great that you guys are a bit out of the woods. Double, triple great about Patrick and his school. It's truly telling when they beg to go in, even though sick. I would say stay where you are for that school alone!

[Shawna]

I, sadly, cannot see the video.

Clarity (of Scrollwork designs) is awesome isn't she? Both talented and nice!

[Pam L]

Yes, the video works, and works so well! So cute, so articulate she is.

And yes, I noticed in the past you so deftly side-stepped the issue of Steve's business. It's good to have boundaries for spouses, or else you'd end up like one of those poor Housewives of The OC Husbands who strangely tag along but then complain about it all, probably because they have never seen their wives dress like that all the time before.

Where was I, oh poor Edward! and poor you , you've all certainly had your share of sickness.

And, I guess it's a good thing we are already in Colorado because it's been a very long hard year for our business too, and it's just now, hopefully, on the road to somewhat of a recovery.

[Kristin]

Hope all of you are 100% soon.

I can believe Patrick loves his school because I love the idea of it. I love the bridge contest.

Also, The Phantom Tollbooth is an INCREDIBLE BOOK! So much fun to read.

[Diane]

Caroline is delicious, even with a booger face.

[Amy]

You're children are so adorable. If I had to have any children besides my own I'd want yours. Also, my Nick is just like your Caroline with the wiping on the same cloth and putting it away. My consolation is at least he isn't getting his runny nose all over his toys. Every time I get it into my head that I'm ready to accept I'll never have a little girl, I read a post about Caroline and then desperately want a little girl just like her.

I'm so glad Patrick likes his new school. The fact that he is happy and challenged and eager to go is so important. I also second the K'nex idea. The wonderful things you can build with K'nex.

P.S. I made your french toast recipe this weekend while we were snowed in (see mid-Atlantic and major blizzard) and it was fantastic. I made just one loaf, and pretty much ate it all myself.

[Rebecca]

She's so cute when she says hi ladybug!

[Shannon]

I know I should jump in with "I duly and diligently hope that all of you feel better soon", and I swear that's in there. Mostly, though, my initial comment is along the lines of "Dear God, Caroline is several months younger than my twins and yet she makes my little girl look like someone who ran headfirst into alopecia and the mange. Caroline has a fringe! Lots of fringe!"

I have hair envy, of the Munchausen-by-proxy variety, I believe.

[Erika]

I was thinking about commenting on that ad. And hey, look, I'm doing it! The big problem, Julia, is that Jenny McCarthy's ideas on vaccinations are dangerous, so yes, when I see anything associated w/ her, I do want to claw my eyes out. Re: diet & autism, there have been good-quality studies that look at things like yeast and glutein-free-casein-free diets, and they don't work. So you have parents spending a LOT of energy and money on these diets, and in fact they're wasting both. If you want to read a truly science-based (and readable) book on the subject of vaccines plus some of the more dubious autism "therapies," check out "Autism's False Prophets" by Paul Offitt.

And now I'm going to don my flame-retardant clothing...

[gretchen from lifenut]

I live in Colorado and find it interesting when I hear people decide to move here. Really, you won't be any better off than wherever you are already. But it's pretty and hasn't been this trendy since Mork met Mindy.

You should try to get a copy of the film version of Phantom Tollbooth. I watched with my kids one night and I have to say it is one of the strangest things I've ever seen. We have a copy of the book, but I can't compel my kids to read it after what they saw. Should have done the book first.

[Katie]

I don't think there needs to be flamethrowing involved, and I certainly do not begrudge you the right to generate income (even if it is a pittance) from your brilliant writing. I do hate Jenny McCarthy with a passion but I wouldn't care if you were advertising her workout videos or some other product/service that she may arguably be "qualified" to opine on. What I hate is that she purports to know more than, oh, everyone with a real degree who has actually studied the issue. Even if you were to give the book the benefit of the doubt, the BEST you could say is exactly what you did say: "some of the behaviors associated with autism spectrum disorders can be positively affected by dietary changes." Which is a far cry from "curing autism" which is what they are selling.
Oh yes, and I think Caroline looks like Audrey Hepburn would have looked if she had ever actually consumed food. Adorable.

[Bridget]

Kerfluffle instigator Bridget, here, just wanted to say that I agree entirely with Katie's comment - go away Jenny McCarthy!

I also wanted to respond to Wayne from his comment on the last post (at the beginning of said kerfluffle) - I am truly sorry about your child. I understand being hesitant about vaccinations and looking for any explanation for your child's condition (my daughter has epilepsy with no known cause, so I do get that as a parent as well). Since you asked, my PhD is in developmental neuroscience, but one of the main things I learned in grad school is that we are very far from knowing everything there is to know about any neural diseases. That's why continued research is so important. But the vaccine/autism idea has been quite thoroughly disproved and research in other directions would be so much more beneficial and that's why I really want people to quit paying attention to Jenny McCarthy.

One difficult thing with developmental disorders is they start around the same time as vaccinations, but that DOES NOT PROVE CAUSATION.

So yes, caution is always a good thing, spacing out vaccinations is completely understandable, but avoiding them altogether because of the false notion that vaccinations cause autism just puts your child at risk for so many diseases that are so easily preventable with vaccinations.

[Heidi]

I just laughed and laughed reading this post.

Caroline sounding like Bea Arthur - hahahaha! All she needs is a long knitted vest with shoulder pads.

How 'bout Felix - and Cliff Claven?

[LMM]

Shannon - YES, me too. My daughter was two in October and has never had, nor needed, a haircut. What she does have is some kind of bizarre looking baby mullet. I too, have hair envy when it comes to the lovely Caroline. And two girls in my daughter's Tumble Tots class. I actually petted one of them last week, I just couldn't help it.

[Tine]

In that photo of Edward, I can really see his twinness with Caroline.

The video of Caroline is gobsmackingly cute. Holy crap.

As for His Stoicness Patrick, you've reminded me that I need to e-mail you and beg for the name of his ENT. We've got some major strep issues going on over here with our 6-year-old (9 cases in 16 months).

[Kathleen]

I love the Caroline video.

The baby elephant ad made me cry. I wish it would go away. But I figured I'm just a softy.

[Alexicographer]

This post made me LOL multiple times. Starting with the Wikipedia link where it says, "The Rolling Bridge curls up every Friday at noon." I may take to doing that myself.

Um, I think I once recommended the Tollbooth book for Patrick myself, if I may say so (though I probably shouldn't), glad he's enjoying it. Glad the school is working out. We're not there yet, but you've helped me realize that my goal should be to have to do nothing but drive, or in our case, walk until he's old enough to do so safely alone (and maybe buy popsicle sticks for use in bridge construction?).

The spoon thing and Caroline's (use of) language both crack me up. Forgive me, but I don't blog, so the comment section of yours is the one of the only places I have to describe my special snowflake, who is both asking me at the moment, "Mom ... people use a fork to eat [insert food of your choice] -- broccoli/bread/chicken/fishsticks? Or fingers?" It really cracks me up how he's realizing there are choices to be made and asking my advice on them. And he will also say something (e.g. "That's a mowing truck." and then say, "I said, 'That's a mowing truck.'" to no one in particular. Only he hasn't mastered the pronouns, so he either says, "You said" (meaning I said) or uses his first name in the third person. Well, maybe you have to be there, but anyway, "Ladybug, right!"

Your family is beautiful. Thank you for sharing these snapshots of it with us.

[sash]

That video of Caroline made me want to cry, it was so damn cute.
Great, now I have babyfever.

[anon]

Everyday is silent and gray (grey?).

[Marsh]

I missed you and was excited to see a new post today. Thanks for the joy you spread.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Love to read about all your kiddos. They are beyond adorable.

The comment about Caroline taking a chunk out of Edward's hand (deserved, sort of, but still) inspires me to ask: What do you do about the Cain and Abel factor at your house? Our twin boys are rising 3 yrs old, and although they are most often affectionate and lovely with each other, I also spend a lot of time breaking up painful mayhem and keeping them from creaming one another. Friends have given us several toys which would be great for one child of their age, but I take one look at the sharp-ish edges on said toy and know it means a trip to the ER for stitches for somebody, so the lovely gift goes into the closet for the nonce. Do your twins spend a lot of time whacking the hell out of each other? Or is it just my Mayhem Boys?

[KatieV]

@Erika or anyone else knocking the diet for children with autism... Do you have an affected child, and/or have you tried the diet? Just asking. Our family is only one data point, but the diet worked for our son and was NOT expensive as you suggested (on the contrary: we have saved money since starting the diet).

Julia, you are my favorite blog writer, and I read plenty! Patrick's bridge is amazing. So glad his new school is such a great fit.

[Clarity]

Can't see the video (Damn you typepad!) but I already know Caroline is totally brilliant and adorable like the rest of them so I'll just imagine :)

I figured you must be talking about me over here since all these lovely people have found their way from here to my little shop and BOUGHT things and ohmygawd that makes me happy.

Not only are your readers so pretty with their incredibly good taste, they're also hilarious. I've never had such cool customers! Thanks so much for sending them my way, you're the best!

[Julia]

I have a bit of a crush on you, phantom commenter whose last comment I just deleted. Oompa Lympha was particularly clever. And the thing about the SUV in the hospital parking lot made me laugh aloud just thinking about it lo' these many months later.

[Dawn]

I still can't view the video. *sigh*

[Dawn]

Ooo! I just remembered to try opening your blog in Firefox and the video worked. SUCH a cute little cricket is your Carolyn. They all are.

[Dr Sarah]

Goodness – now I can feel deliciously intrigued over the thought of what on earth the line of business could be that would make a man say “Darling, I can put up with you telling the Internet about my objections to vasectomy and about the time we had sex in the upstairs bathroom when the builders were here, but, really, you can't go telling everyone what I do for a living! We do have to have some limits round here!” Thanks for asking, anyway, and I fully respect his desire not to share the information (TBH, since you never mentioned before what work he did I did wonder whether it was a deep dark secret for some reason, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.)

I'm one of the people who was very bothered by the 'Healing Your Autistic Child' ad, but I didn't say anything because I assumed that once you'd OK'd the general concept of advertising in your sidebar then you just had to put up with whatever was there. If you have veto power, then I'll voice my objections, with the disclaimer that I haven't read the book but have only read the reviews and the selected pages that Amazon lets you read. However, from that much, it's clear that Buckley is promoting treatments such as the GFCF diet, secretin, and hyperbaric chambers that either have no evidence back-up at all or, worse, have actually been found in controlled trials to make no difference over and above placebo treatment/awaiting normal improvement as the child grows. And this is no small thing, because the treatments she's promoting include some that are extremely difficult for the parents (think about how difficult it would be to eliminate ALL milk and wheat products from your diet and yet still come up with a nutritious and varied diet that a child would actually eat, or to get a child to take medicine several times a day), expensive, and/or unpleasant for the child (from what I saw, some of the therapies seem to involve regular injections – also, there are actually risks of a child becoming malnourished from dietary restrictions). It's not so much the equivalent of telling infertile women to relax, as the equivalent of telling them that if they follow an extremely difficult, unpleasant and expensive therapy they'll get pregnant and making this sound like the truth *when in fact it's already been proved false*.

It is also quite true to say that Jenny McCarthy makes me want to claw my eyes out (well, actually she makes me want to claw *her* eyes out – let's direct this anger constructively). Her utter lack of grasp of science means that her endorsement of this book is a huge red flag for me. But, for all I know, it might not contain a word against vaccines, and I would still not be happy with it for the reasons I've just given.

Regardless of what you decide, thank you for being willing to listen thoughtfully to different viewpoints on the matter.