Sub Rosa

Patrick woke me up this morning at an unprecedented 6 o'clock. I moved over so he could climb into our bed and tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes but Patrick was fidgeting and complaining. He was too hot, he was too cold, the pillow was too poofy or not poofy enough... I was just about to tell him to cram it where the monkey put the nuts when his whole body shuddered and he ran to the bathroom and threw up.

Ohhhhhhhh.

As we learned last spring and summer during the Great Bacterial Whatsit Patrick has an odd disconnect between how he feels and how he thinks he feels and no one is ever more surprised than he is when his eyes suddenly roll back into his head and he curls up like a salted slug.

So I guess he is sick? Last I saw him before departing with Edward for speech therapy this morning he was lying in my bed with Caroline patting his hand saying "All better, Patrick." I had a fleeting moment when I thought aiiiee! don't touch him! quarantine! but I remembered that she fed Patrick half her dinner last night so I suspect that cow is already in the garden. As an aside, Patrick is completely fatuous where Caroline is concerned: under any other circumstances he would not be caught dead eating something suspicious off a pre-licked spoon but when Caroline extended her offering of black beans and rice last night with a squeaky, "Open up Patrick" he did as he was told.

So our night away was kinda disappointing. In retrospect we probably should have made more of a plan for the evening. What I was anticipating was a madcap spontaneous romp; a series of spoiled self-indulgences completely unfettered by any sense of obligation whatsoever. What we got was a lot of walking around downtown wondering what we should do until our nine o'clock dinner reservation. Not that it was a disaster. In fact, parts of the evening were really very fun. At one point we wound up in a lounge (don't remember what it was called but it's in the lobby of Graves 601) that prided itself on the fussiness of its cocktails and I had a revelation about what alcohol can be when it grows up. They served a liquid amuse bouche in tiny daiquiri glasses that unfurled in the mouth with layers of rum and bitters and fresh pineapple and I don't remember what else. I wasn't even sure that I liked it at the time but I keep smacking my lips as I remember it. It was comfortable there on the Roman couches and pleasantly dark and we enjoyed theorizing about the people near us; like the ones at the only table with flowers on it. I assumed he was going to propose, Steve said no one would propose to a woman who was that dressed up [complete with bridesmaids' hair] while he himself was wearing a graphic tee - Steve was probably right although I was surprised that he could be so insightful. Steve's not exactly the most, uh, aware person when it comes to the ways in which other people might behave. Anyway we did not stay long enough to find out because it was only five in the afternoon and I was afraid (rightly, I am sure) that if I had another one of their potent cocktails I was going to keel over on the couch and fall asleep. So we wandered around downtown Minneapolis for a couple of hours and it was about as entertaining as you might expect. The other thing - and I know this is going to sound stupid but I am going to go ahead and admit it anyway - was that I felt a little shy and awkward for chunks of the evening. It was our Big Night Out and I think we both wanted to make it superawesome and as a result I wound up feeling self-conscious. The saving grace of the evening was going back to the hotel before our second loop of the skyway and splitting the bottle of wine we had brought. We then considered ordering room service and watching the Olympics but rallied after an hour and showed up for our dinner reservation after all.

Thoughts for next time: plan something (ice skating, theater, karaoke, poetry slam, Over 30 Mixed Beer Pong tournament) and have sex before leaving home so as to get it out of the way. I swear Steve was like a kid at the prom: we walked in the door, admired the decorations and he was, like, well this was fun shall we go back to the hotel? I was reminded of the admonishment the good sisters gave when I was growing up on Chicago's South Side in the 1950s: never let a boy take you to a restaurant with white tablecloths; it just makes them think of bed.

Patrick has been lying in a semi-coma on the couch all day. I just checked on him and recoiled when I discovered that the whites of his eyes are now completely blood-shot and his face is the color of moldy cheese. He looks like a vampire at the beach at eleven in the morning. Clearly he will not be going to school tomorrow either, poor kid, and poor me and lucky Caroline and Edward who cheerfully rode his television watching coattails all day.

A couple of pictures from happier times, like yesterday:   

Caroline and Patrick Poppins       

Edward's gray eyes

Gypsy Rose Cricket

Most frequently heard sentence at our house this week:

"Caroline where are your PANTS?"

Second most frequently heard:

"I don't know, Mommy."

Followed by:

"Don't worry about it, Mommy."

*

And in no particular order:

Caroline: 176 Potty: 0

Training is going terribly. Caroline has urinated in every possible place but the toilet and Edward stood up from the potty last night in order to walk over and pee in Steve's lap. You would think the law of averages would dictate that one of them would get it right at least one time but... no.

I always meant to return to the subject of birth control and this seems like a good a time as any following our little talk in the last post. I have had the Paraguard IUD for almost two years now and I quite like it. The first six months or so were horrifying in a slasher movie kind of a way - AHEM - but I either shifted my perception of normal to the more sanguine or my body eventually adjusted or both. Probably both. I know some of you had mixed results with the IUD (both the low-dose hormone Mirena and the no hormone Paraguard) but as a semi-permanent birth control option I have no complaints. For what it is worth.

Finally, do you know anything about migraines? I have had a few actual fetal-position in a dark closet migraines in the past; one in high school, a couple more over the years and then several while I was either pregnant or during an IVF cycle but nothing that seemed chronic. Lately though I have been getting the visual stuff with increasing frequency - double vision, very sharp shadows and a sense that the lights are blinking rapidly in the room - and nausea but no headache. I am on my third day in a row of this - blurred vision starts around noon and lasts until about five or six. I hesitate to call it a migraine because it doesn't hurt but Steve went to pick up Patrick from school yesterday because he didn't think I could drive with one eye shut. I am also hesitant to go to the doctor because I don't know what they can do about it and in the absence of crippling pain it seems a little silly to go tell him my eyes feel woogy. Any thoughts?

Comments

[Pam]

I had occular migraines for a year before I had a migraine that caused a headache, so yes, it's entirely possible that you are having a migraine but lucky enough to not have the pain. Mine are always preceeded by a fuzziness in the lower right quadrant of my vision, as if someone just removed that part of the world. The doctor might still want to provide you Imitrex or something anyway.

[Rebekah]

Um, go to a doctor. Changes in vision can be serious. Get it checked out if only to hear "It's nothing!" or "You need glasses."

[Ann]

Can you call your doctor's office, or a nurse advice line, and see what they think? Our local hospital has an advice line, and I love them.

Also, thank you for posting about taking Edward to speech therapy. My son is 2.5 years old (and has some of the same clothes as Edward!), and also has problems with articulation. When you posted about how Edward sounds, your representation of him sounded a lot like my son! So we had him evaluated, and he goes weekly - and LOVES it. So, thanks!

[Julia]

The first full blown migraine I had was when I was 14 and it sounds like what you're experiencing. I showed up at school and suddenly realized I could no longer see. I went to the office to tell them I think I might need glasses RIGHT THIS MINUTE! and was told it sounds like a migraine. My head didn't even really hurt. But I ended up losing all peripheral vision in one eye and vomiting repeatedly. And, yet, no pain.

I've never had that again, and my migraines now are just horrible pain with some nausea. So I don't have any actual advice for you, but I can tell you that you're not alone! I would definitely go see a doctor, though.

[winecat]

Go get your eyes checked NOW,Rebekah is right changes in vision can be a very serious thing.

Sorry the BNO wasn't all that you hoped but at least you had time together to remember why you love each other and be child free.

Where are Caroline's pant? I know she told you not to worry but is she feeding them to the cats or something : )

[Karishma]

your kids are absolutely adorable. caroline is so funny with her little catch phrases. hope patrick gets better soon! (don't worry about it, mommy. HA! hahaha.)

re: migraines - get thee to a neurologist, asap. they're best equipped to help this kind of thing. pretty much any of those symptoms calls for a neurologist, migraine or not. i have a friend who gets really terrible migraines often, and she has some medication that she takes the second she feels it coming on, which generally stops it from getting too bad. a neurologist can also order scans if needed, etc.

[Alison]

Pshaw - get yourself to a doctor and get checked out. STAT!

[Nell]

I agree with the first poster that this sounds like an ocular migraine. I've had a couple, but they don't last as long as you describe. FWIW, for those with regular migraines inhaled imitrex has been great for me.

[Andrea]

My husband has atypical migraines - generally speaking entirely without headaches. He gets miserably cranky, light sensitive, and his limbs on his right side feel cold. He is on a daily dose of Topamax. Migraines can be very wonky.

[arabelladonn]

I second ocular migraines. Sounds absolutely like what you are experiencing.

[EW]

When my sister first got migraines as a kid, she mostly had horrible nausea, without pain. When I was pregnant, I got pure ocular migraines, where I'd have a silver "C" appear in my vision, and get bigger and bigger until it blocked one side, then disappeared. It could take a few hours to go through the cycle.

Get to a neurologist!

[arabelladonn]

Second, third, fourth, I should really read the remaining comments before I butt my big nose in, huh?

[kara]

My husband too has migranes with visual disturbances but no pain. He feels "off" and I wouldn't want him driving either. He also has many food sensitivities and found that cutting out coffee significantly decreased the frequency of these events. Weird, I know. Anyway, I'm in the "see a doctor" camp. Not something to mess around with.

[Heather g]

I have twice had the aura exactly as EW (sparkly crescent that gets bigger and bigger). It's quite impressive.
You might need to find your triggers. Hormones are a common culprit but mine were coffee and skipping meals. Good luck.

[Meegan]

Well I'll just go ahead and beat that dead horse...see a doctor. The episodes are probably migraines but there are instances when vision changes indicate something more serious. So make an appointment and keep us posted.

My husband and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary with an in-town overnight hotel visit. Similar experience. I so desperately wanted to be that fun, crazy, impulsive girl I was when we dated. Instead I felt nervous, awkward, and...dull. Like I wanted to be excited about the hotel sex but I WAY more psyched to know I wouldn't hear anyone calling "Mommy" in the middle of the night. In the end we were both happy, although I could have used just a leeetle more sleep. Meh.

[sueinithaca]

My 5 year old is a weensy bit forgetful. And enjoys being "nakey" as she puts it (she's going through a baby talk phase. I could really do without that).
I've been heard to say "L! Where are your pants?!"
To which she replies "I don't KNOW, Mama."
"Well, where did you see them last?"
"On my butt, mama. They aren't there anymore."

The thing is, the kid is almost entirely serious. She's not even a little bit a smartass (her brother fully expresses our genetic potential for smartass)I've never met a more sincere child in my life. And she is hilarious when paired with others of her kind.

Also, go to the doctor. It's probably "just" a migraine, but you'll want to know if it isn't.

[TeacherMommy]

It's a type of migraine, yes, and so get thee to the doctor, woman.

And <3. Muchly.

[Eli]

Definitely go see the doctor, just to make sure, but I say migraines.
I get what they call "atypical" migraines that almost never involve headaches or pain, but my vision is what I call "funky" and I just don't feel completely right. They have gotten worse with age and I have determined hormones are the #1 trigger. My other triggers are sodium (too much processed, pickled, aged, or canned foods are guarantees my funkiness), lack of sleep, and waiting too long to eat. I have also totally cut out alcohol and caffeine because both just confuse the issue and make me feel "funky" all by themselves. Nitrates are no good either. I have noticed that exercise (just walking, hiking, or other mild activities) helps ward off my migraines. Some days I am so spinny that I try not to drive. I haven't tried meds because I already have low blood pressure and have been warned that they might make it lower enough to be an issue.

[Heather]

Oh, I feel like I should've warned you. Dating, like most things, takes practice, even with your husband. The last night we had babysitting without a plan we went to the public library and then out to cheap Chinese. Really. Good in its own way, yes, but not quite the thrill I had in mind.

We too have a pantsless 2 yo. I can barely manage to get them on her for dinner, let alone any other activity. Works well to scare away the JWs at the door, though.

[Leslie]

You should definitely see a neurologist. If they are migraines (very possibly), there is a LOT they can do about them these days.

The other thing is that now they say you need to treat migraines. Don't suffer through them, because that is merely training your body to have more in the future. I suffered through them for 20+ years, and now my body is really, really good at them.

Really -- migraine treatment has come a long, long way, so go see a doctor. And even more importantly, you have symptoms that could be something more serious, so you need to go have all that scary stuff ruled out.

[Carrie]

I have totally been there done that on the BNO that couldn't quite live up to expectations...and it involved the Graves hotel too - we stayed there. It all felt like we were trying too hard and I had the same problem with my husbandostly anticipating the.uh..marital relations.

[cris]

Paraguard, tell me more! I just got one 10 days ago and am v. worried to get my period (am nursing 10 week old, so hopefully it is still a ways off) and I don't know if I'll be able to put up with it for 6 months in the hopes that it will settle....

[Kathy from KY]

I HATED Topomax - it made me stupid & I need all the brain cells possible to keep up with my family.

Do get to a doctor ASAP. Headache treatment has come a long way. They may even teach you biofeedback which is meditation with a machine to tell you if you're doing it right.

[K]

I am sure there are 576 comments above mine to say so, but please do not feel at all hesitant about seeing a doctor--ideally or eventually (if you must first go through a primary care), a neurologist. The symptoms you describe may be worrisome if they are not due to migraines, but odds are you've just got acephalgic/atypical migraines, and join the club. We're a lively bunch when we aren't blinking and squinting.

But you definitely want to see a doctor if it's not a migraine, and you definitely want to see a doctor if it is; no way out of this one. On the bright side, it shouldn't involve stirrups.

[K.P.]

I would definitely go see a doctor, pronto. Vision changes can signify something MUCH more serious that migraines. I don't want to scare you unnecessarily, but it is good to rule out any possibilities of it being something dangerous rather than something you may simply need maintenance on. Again, I don't want to scare you, so I will spare you the terrible details of how much "it's probably nothing" has affected my life- in very sad ways.

[haitian american family of three]

Oh my god K.P. you are scaring me to death and I don't even have a headache!

[Laurie]

Go to the doctor. If you can check your blood pressure when you are having the episode but go to the doctor. It could be simply an elevation or drop in your blood pressure. I have hemiplegic migraines that have presented in various ways over the years. Topamax is the best migraine medication that I've found that helps as a preventative. It lessens the more severe ones and totally seems to reverse the milder ones. Anyway, go to the doctor, you've got children and for sure don't be driving around when you are having one or feel it coming on. You might feel like you are capable because you "know" the severity but they change and you could have an accident.

[Sarah]

It's still a real migraine even if there isn't any pain. Also, if you have floaters and things, you could have eye damage. So, I'm chiming in with GET TO THE DOCTOR!

Look for food and/or stress events in the hour or two before each migraine (painful or not) occurred to see if you can find a trigger.

Feel better!

[RocketGrl]

I agree time to see the eye doc and the regular one. If this is not a vision thing, maybe it is blood sugar related. My Steve gets headaches and vision issues when his sugars are too high. Other symptoms too, but I notice them more than him.

"Don;t worry about it Mommy" <-- Does your Steve say this?
Love the pics!

[GingerB]

I've had ocular migraines which are indeed just plain wonky and disturbing until the vision comes back and the wonkiness dissipates. I also get the other and just try not think it is anything other than caused by my broken then fixed neck, but I second the go to the doc advice.

For our sakes if not for yours, we want you to post more.

[Stefanie]

I get the same migraines, only occasionally will I get pain with them, it's just the migraine aura. For me they seem to come mostly with my monthly cycles. Sometimes it helps them go away if I have a little caffeine.

[Katie]

When I get the aura I take dissolvable asprin and coedeine. Worked for me better than heavy duty stuff. And agree, go to doctor!

I second Bella s comment in previous post. I remember your on long quiz and was envious of your frequency. So your baseline might be certainly different. Howver it is all relative but what to do? Those date nights can also be forced and awkward. I guess planning to a tee a good idea. Good luck. You are making an effort and that's great.

[QoB]

I just had to compliment you on the beautiful use of the word 'sanguine'.

[Leslie]

While you're waiting to get into the aforementioned doctor you might keep a log of what you're eating, what the weather is doing, how much sleep you got and if it was a particularly stressful or low-stress day after a stressful day. Food, hormones, weather and stress are the biggest migraine triggers and if you know what causes yours (and they sure sound like migraines to me) you'll be somewhat ahead on doing something about them. For lots of people migraines are caused by a combination of triggers so if red wine sets yours off when there's a storm coming maybe drink white when the weather looks dodgy...

[kc]

Migraines. I started getting them out of the blue a year ago. The first one was so horrible, I thought I was dying of a stroke and had to stay in the hospital over night.

Now that I know the triggers, I can stop the migraines with over-the-counter medicines; and all is relatively well.

You should definitely see the doctor.

My point: At first, I thought my life would be ruined by these horrible things, but then what happened is I learned how to fix them. It seems like this is the case for a lot of people.

[Life in Eden]

Okay, so you've already hear it -- but yes ocular migraines. Had them during fert treatment and occasionally after. For me it is like my eyes refuse to work together, eventually get a tension headache, and for me it can last days and days. Quality doses of ibuprofen helped me along with nifedipine. See the doc and I hope they improve.

[Tammy]

Just wanted to let you know that migraine does not always include a headache. You should get evaluated by a doctor because there are at least half a dozen medications that can treat this. You may also want to do some research on migraine triggers. There are dozens of food and environmental triggers unique to each person. Good luck.

[Jen]

OK - not to scare you, but my mom had those same symptoms and it turned out to be an acoustic neuroma - a tumor on the nerves near the ear. Get it checked out, please. It is very likely migranes, but if it is a tumor you need to get it treated quickly.

[Lola]

HI there. I have a Paragard too and I like it. If readers are curious about experiences with the IUD, I recommend this site:http://community.livejournal.com/iud_divas/
It is useful because it has just scads of personal accounts from users as well as helpful tips. It tends to skew a bit young, but I think that is because young women are usually the ones doing the birth control merry-go-round and also because the IUD is such a long-lasting form of bc: 10 years for Paragard, 5 for Mirena.

[Kelly]

I get occular migraines. They started after I gave birth to my daughter - once I stopped breastfeeding. They seem to be related to hormonal changes for me - right around my "time of the month". No headache - just annoying because once they start, I can't drive or read for at least an hour.

BUT - I did go to see a neurologist and had the diagnosis confirmed. There are some other things they might want to rule out.

[Alli]

Sounds like occular migraines to me. I get both occular and horrible regular migraine, but not together. You should still see the doc. Often, they are hormonal and you can take migraine meds but you can't prevent them.

[Sara]

Sounds like ocular migraines -- a few others mentioned that too. I finally got the diagnosis a few years ago, but have had them for much longer than that.

I would go see a neurologist just to make sure that's what it is, but the wooginess (not a word?) sounds like what I get. I only recently had my first "real" migraine (w/ headache) and it was basically the usual, but with an inability to open my eyes due to headache.

[victoria]

You felt a little "shy and awkward" on your date? Don't worry, dear. One often feels nervous in the presence of the man with whom one has shared 11 miscarriages and 3 live births.

[Gaby]

I just wanted to throw out the suggestion that Patrick may have come down with the sickness because he dared to tempt the fates by opening the umbrella in the house ;)

Seriously, though, I hope he's on the mend and the rest of your family remains well.

[Eva]

This budding Emergency doc says go to the doctor postehaste!

[Cheryl]

I had ocular migraines when I was pregnant (and went through many exams/doctors/consultation before figuring out what they were -- when I had the first one, I though I was having a stroke).

If that's what they are, there doesn't seem to be all that much you can do about them.
They're also called "Scintillating scotoma" if you want to google to find out more. There's a google group, too: http://groups.google.com/group/scintillating-scotoma?pli=1

Yours sound like they last longer than is usual. Telling your doctor your eyes feel woogy is a good idea.

[liz s]

my son used to get cold and clamy and start vomiting. He wasn't sick though. Turns out he was having migraines. I've heard them termed silent migraines. He now gets full blown headache migraines complete with numbness in his face. First time that happened I evaluated him for a stroke. Anyway, yes, it can be migraines and you can get treated.

[Erika]

Umm...isn't migraine one of the possible side-effects of birth control? (Used to happen to me, back in the dark ages...)

[Brigid Keely]

Hormonal birth control can increase migraines (and non-migraine headaches) in those who have migraines, especially if they have ocular migraines which I think you've mentioned having before.

[AnnaN]

I concur with all those who say go to a doctor - it's most likely occular migraines, but it's best to rule out other possibilities. I get an occular migraine about once a year - flashing lights, reduced peripheral vision and nausea, but sans pain.

Mine are usually brought about by dehydration but also can be triggered by certain sulfites. The irritating thing about migraines is that they can be caused by almost anything; bright lights, hormones, allergies, etc.

Take care and cheers!