Sub Rosa

Patrick woke me up this morning at an unprecedented 6 o'clock. I moved over so he could climb into our bed and tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes but Patrick was fidgeting and complaining. He was too hot, he was too cold, the pillow was too poofy or not poofy enough... I was just about to tell him to cram it where the monkey put the nuts when his whole body shuddered and he ran to the bathroom and threw up.

Ohhhhhhhh.

As we learned last spring and summer during the Great Bacterial Whatsit Patrick has an odd disconnect between how he feels and how he thinks he feels and no one is ever more surprised than he is when his eyes suddenly roll back into his head and he curls up like a salted slug.

So I guess he is sick? Last I saw him before departing with Edward for speech therapy this morning he was lying in my bed with Caroline patting his hand saying "All better, Patrick." I had a fleeting moment when I thought aiiiee! don't touch him! quarantine! but I remembered that she fed Patrick half her dinner last night so I suspect that cow is already in the garden. As an aside, Patrick is completely fatuous where Caroline is concerned: under any other circumstances he would not be caught dead eating something suspicious off a pre-licked spoon but when Caroline extended her offering of black beans and rice last night with a squeaky, "Open up Patrick" he did as he was told.

So our night away was kinda disappointing. In retrospect we probably should have made more of a plan for the evening. What I was anticipating was a madcap spontaneous romp; a series of spoiled self-indulgences completely unfettered by any sense of obligation whatsoever. What we got was a lot of walking around downtown wondering what we should do until our nine o'clock dinner reservation. Not that it was a disaster. In fact, parts of the evening were really very fun. At one point we wound up in a lounge (don't remember what it was called but it's in the lobby of Graves 601) that prided itself on the fussiness of its cocktails and I had a revelation about what alcohol can be when it grows up. They served a liquid amuse bouche in tiny daiquiri glasses that unfurled in the mouth with layers of rum and bitters and fresh pineapple and I don't remember what else. I wasn't even sure that I liked it at the time but I keep smacking my lips as I remember it. It was comfortable there on the Roman couches and pleasantly dark and we enjoyed theorizing about the people near us; like the ones at the only table with flowers on it. I assumed he was going to propose, Steve said no one would propose to a woman who was that dressed up [complete with bridesmaids' hair] while he himself was wearing a graphic tee - Steve was probably right although I was surprised that he could be so insightful. Steve's not exactly the most, uh, aware person when it comes to the ways in which other people might behave. Anyway we did not stay long enough to find out because it was only five in the afternoon and I was afraid (rightly, I am sure) that if I had another one of their potent cocktails I was going to keel over on the couch and fall asleep. So we wandered around downtown Minneapolis for a couple of hours and it was about as entertaining as you might expect. The other thing - and I know this is going to sound stupid but I am going to go ahead and admit it anyway - was that I felt a little shy and awkward for chunks of the evening. It was our Big Night Out and I think we both wanted to make it superawesome and as a result I wound up feeling self-conscious. The saving grace of the evening was going back to the hotel before our second loop of the skyway and splitting the bottle of wine we had brought. We then considered ordering room service and watching the Olympics but rallied after an hour and showed up for our dinner reservation after all.

Thoughts for next time: plan something (ice skating, theater, karaoke, poetry slam, Over 30 Mixed Beer Pong tournament) and have sex before leaving home so as to get it out of the way. I swear Steve was like a kid at the prom: we walked in the door, admired the decorations and he was, like, well this was fun shall we go back to the hotel? I was reminded of the admonishment the good sisters gave when I was growing up on Chicago's South Side in the 1950s: never let a boy take you to a restaurant with white tablecloths; it just makes them think of bed.

Patrick has been lying in a semi-coma on the couch all day. I just checked on him and recoiled when I discovered that the whites of his eyes are now completely blood-shot and his face is the color of moldy cheese. He looks like a vampire at the beach at eleven in the morning. Clearly he will not be going to school tomorrow either, poor kid, and poor me and lucky Caroline and Edward who cheerfully rode his television watching coattails all day.

A couple of pictures from happier times, like yesterday:   

Caroline and Patrick Poppins       

Edward's gray eyes

Gypsy Rose Cricket

Most frequently heard sentence at our house this week:

"Caroline where are your PANTS?"

Second most frequently heard:

"I don't know, Mommy."

Followed by:

"Don't worry about it, Mommy."

*

And in no particular order:

Caroline: 176 Potty: 0

Training is going terribly. Caroline has urinated in every possible place but the toilet and Edward stood up from the potty last night in order to walk over and pee in Steve's lap. You would think the law of averages would dictate that one of them would get it right at least one time but... no.

I always meant to return to the subject of birth control and this seems like a good a time as any following our little talk in the last post. I have had the Paraguard IUD for almost two years now and I quite like it. The first six months or so were horrifying in a slasher movie kind of a way - AHEM - but I either shifted my perception of normal to the more sanguine or my body eventually adjusted or both. Probably both. I know some of you had mixed results with the IUD (both the low-dose hormone Mirena and the no hormone Paraguard) but as a semi-permanent birth control option I have no complaints. For what it is worth.

Finally, do you know anything about migraines? I have had a few actual fetal-position in a dark closet migraines in the past; one in high school, a couple more over the years and then several while I was either pregnant or during an IVF cycle but nothing that seemed chronic. Lately though I have been getting the visual stuff with increasing frequency - double vision, very sharp shadows and a sense that the lights are blinking rapidly in the room - and nausea but no headache. I am on my third day in a row of this - blurred vision starts around noon and lasts until about five or six. I hesitate to call it a migraine because it doesn't hurt but Steve went to pick up Patrick from school yesterday because he didn't think I could drive with one eye shut. I am also hesitant to go to the doctor because I don't know what they can do about it and in the absence of crippling pain it seems a little silly to go tell him my eyes feel woogy. Any thoughts?

Comments

[Jujube]

I got my first visual migraine about a year and a half ago and have only had one other since. Having suffered from regular migraines most of my life (usually accompanied in a few days by "sanguineness") I was COMPLETELY freaked out. I actually called my sister - hi AnnaN! - knowing she'd had visual migraines in the past just so she could assure me I didn't have a tumor. Which, of course, I didn't. That being said, the fact that you are having them quite frequently lately, while not necessarily cause for alarm, is probably worth looking into.

LOVE, LOVE your blog!

[elsimom]

Bradstreet is the name of the lounge. I was completely taken with the giant ball of ice in my cocktail - it seems like TOO much ice (see: gigantic) but it's NOT because only the exterior surface is melting - and the cocktails were delish - and also the people watching - for example: what was up with the table of 8 girls and one guy who appeared to be the boyfriend - do the other girls like him or hate him - does he have the patience of a saint, or is he weirdly unwilling to let her have a night to herself? - Discuss! The lounge at Cosmos has great people watching too - if you decide to go for BNO at the Graves Part Deux. [I have just been struck with the idea that maybe Patrick would also find the whole ice ball, surface area, drink dilution idea to be of interest?]
We enjoyed the Graves muchly - although I think my position that it was the most comfortable bed ever had to do with the fact that I slept in it beyond 7 am and no one needed me to toast their bread, pour their milk, wipe their nose or anything else for the ENTIRE MORNING - and if that is where you stayed for $51, then I am totally getting on Priceline tomorrow!!
Am impressed that you stayed up for dinner at 9 pm. I always congratulate myself that I like to eat early, because it is really easy to get a reservation at 6. I don't go to bed all that early - but apparently I cannot depart from a grade-school oriented dinner schedule with much success.
Hope Patrick feels better soon.

[Melissa T.]

I have a pantless son. Every day when he gets home, the first thing he does is remove his jeans. He is 5 and wears boxer briefs so he mainly runs around in that and a shirt. Lately it has been cold here in south Louisiana so I try to make him put on pants to keep him warm. The conversation always goes like this:
Me - "Son, please put some pants on."
Son - "Why? Is someone coming over?"

Kids.

[Val]

Definitely sounds like ocular migraines. Mine are usually triggered by stress, though I have a friend who gets them when she eats certain foods, or doesn't get enough sleep. Mine are followed by a horrid headache maybe only 1 out of 20 "visual migraines".

Get your eyes checked, just to be sure it's not something more serious [detached retina] but generally speaking it's probably just an ocular migraine - now the trick is figuring out what's causing it.

Take some Advil when it starts - these are usually caused by spasming blood vessels in the part of the brain that controls vision. That's why you get the visual disturbance, but no headache. Advil helps open up the vessels and can help end the "migraine" sooner. E-mail me if you want to talk visual disturbances - I've had these for years.

Get better to Patrick and your date sounds just like ours do! Gah. :)

[Jan]

"when I was growing up on Chicago's South Side in the 1950s.." 8>]

[carosgram]

I still remember calling my opthomologist believing I was losing my sight. I had prism like things in my vision. My dr. saw me right away and after an examination he showed me a picture in a book and asked me if my vision was like that. Yes, indeed it was identical. He then told me that it was a visual warning of an impending migraine. I now take two aspirin and lie down with my eyes closed for 15 to 20 minutes. The prisms are gone and no headache. However, if I don't treat it right away the headache comes and doesn't leave for a couple of days. And those days are with me wishing I would die rather than suffer this pain and nausea. Hope my experience helps you.

[Allison]

I too have had the "migraine without the headache." It started out as a sense that the light was too bright, and then moved into this arcing-lights pattern that partially blinded me.

But yeah, go to the doctor.

[sarah]

GO to the doctor! I had migraines for years and years. I used to have the pain but never vomited and rarely had any visual symptoms. These things can come in many variations, but they all need to be checked out. If you have the iud with hormones, it could be adding to the problem.

[Melissa aka cookingmel]

Hi there~

I'm not typically one to tell others what to do... but since you asked... Get thee to a Doctor! I had similar problems when I was pregnant with my daughter. She is six years old and I continue to have problems. The running consensus from my doctors is that the problem is ocular or visual migraines. Either way... (not to frighten you but to impart how important it is that you're seen)... these sort of symptoms are not to be trifled with and will probably get the the next opening at your doctor's office when you call and explain the problem. Please make an appointment.

[LMM]

About the migraines - wasn't there something going on with you a year or so ago when you were checked out by a neurologist? I'm sorry I can't remember exactly...but I seem to remember that not much was decided or came of it.
I offer this up as my way of saying GET THEE TO A DOCTOR and get it checked out. You don't mess with head/eye/vision stuff.

[crystal]

I started to write some advice for your date and reminisced about our own and it passed an R rating so I deleted it. Wish I had better editing skills... might have saved you some.... awkwardness.

I know there are migraines that don't include headaches, but my understanding is they need a thorough work up because they can really be "other", but safely ruled out, there are things that can be done.

I get migraines, mostly related to blood pressure. Unfortunately the night I got my cancer diagnosis, I knew what was coming. ObGyns don't call you at 7pm and ask you to come to the ER where they are working that night, the sooner the better, for no reason. By the time I got there my blood pressure was 250/200. It's been high ever since, but slowly coming down. I heard a study recently which suggested about 60% of women with migraines have undiagnosed blood pressure spikes, precisely for that reason, they are spikes, normal most of the time, and spike for unknown reasons. Mine seem to be salt intake and stress.

In fiddling with my diet, I've made a few more epiphanies of unknown significance, but it boils down to, I don't think we evolved (or were designed for, depending on your views) to eat the processed, preserved crap we increasingly eat. The plants we eat and do best on likely are good for us for a reason, we likely survived because they were healthy and available. Since I have yet to see milled white (or even cracked wheat) growing in the wild....

I started experimenting with cutting most grains, but the ones I eat are in relatively unfussed with forms, steel cut oats most mornings for breakfast, or some variation (granola with nuts, not too toasted which destroys things I need for the autoimmune disease). For lunch I often have my fave salad, a HUGE bowl (think a mixing bowl). Fill with greens (usually spring mix type thing, costco has insanely cheap). Top with 1/3 cup dried organic cranberries, 10 trader joes sweet and salty pecans chopped, 1 tbsp salem bleu which I finely crumble, and Consorzio raspberry balsamic dressing.... which can be damn hard to find. I wish I could wean myself off the bleu, proteins bind with antioxidants, and reduces their usefulness.

I try to stay to simply prepared proteins for dinner, and I often have canned oysters (I know, but they're packed in olive oil, fast and easy, and a memory of my childhood) as a snack, or some nuts. I have started feeding us all in the manner of: breakfast is grains and often protein. Mid morning snack is some manner of plant life and good fats. lunch is usually protein of some sort, with some good carbs. before dinner we have our veggies, or at least another salad, as a first course, staves off hunger, maximizes usefulness of the antioxidants, and some good fats for absorption. Dinner we have a simple protein, maybe with another side veggie, maybe with some brown rice.

Kids can have dark chocolate for dessert any time they wish, otherwise we don't do dessert often, and only when dinner has been early.

I have a multitude of annoying problems that eating thusly avoids, gas, constipation or.... not, itchy, oily or dry skin, acne, migraines, the blood pressure issue, fatigue, (benign) tumor growth, generalized pain, and so on.

It sounds like a boring way to eat, but it's been surprisingly good. I try to not mix proteins and antioxidants, minimally processed, low glycemic carbs are nice with proteins with no ill effects, and antioxidants are better absorbed with good fats (nuts and olive oil mostly) but my kids will gladly eat oatmeal every morning, and I put out other things to mix in as they wish, dried fruit, chocolate chips, honey and maple syrup, chopped lightly toasted nuts, etc. They like making their own combinations.

They like having a nice poached egg and buttered sprouted grain toast (just a half a slice is plenty) with a little pat of butter and salt and pepper on the side of the plate in neat piles to add as they wish.

Lunch sandwiches I've started making with one slice of bread for us, half for the boys, so they get a quarter sandwich, we get half, and putting more of the good stuff in, which looks like a dagwood special, but they like the indulgent nature of it, and we waste less anyway.

They know they can have a spoonful of peanut butter anytime they want, I try to keep organic carrots, celery and cucumber at all times, and ready to snack on, and organic cherry tomatoes when they're good, the kids all love to snack on them if they are in little slices, not sure why, when they ignore them in chunks we adults like.

It's nice to roast asparagus in olive oil and salt and pepper, or saute some veggies with garlic, olive oil and seasoned.... My kids will always eat salad (again, I cut up the stuff, and they add as desired, often eating more of grated carrot, halved cherry tomato, cucumber or whatever than I would have thought to give them. We use the trader joes pecans instead of crutons, and I prefer to make my own dressings when I can, they're fast, and ones like honey dijon (I cheat, mayo is a decent base), or classic whisked vinaigrette, or even packets of ranch dressing, which I use 2/3 c ea mayo and sour cream, and finish with buttermilk and a touch of lemon juice. Not my preference, but the family seems to do better eating lots of greens with ranch than getting bored of my healthier options and not eating as much salad at all.

Since we have salad before we cook dinner, I worry less about the diversity of what we serve or what we eat at dinner, because they've already had a great veggie course.

Interesting that all signs of inflammation we struggle with (gas, skin, Michael's rosacea and autism symptoms, retinal infiltrates in the eyes of me and the youngest two, my CRP) all go down.

Unfortunately this post is evidence of the shite job I've done eating while running around like a maniac the last few days. :)

It's a two dose adderall day....

Anyway, diet seems to prevent my migraines, and when I slip and eat crap I know my body does not like, the dark room thing helps immensely. Also useful are the lavender migraine forehead pillow someone gave me. One thing I learned by accident, Michael likes to stroke my hair. He can be a little rough, he pinches a few strands or runs his fingers through my unruly locks. It's not enough to really pull, but it is enough to be somewhat uncomfortable. Before we realized I had blood pressure issues and I was in the middle of the worst of the medical hell, I'd retire to my bed early in a headache with the lavender pillow and take a nap. Michael would often come play with my hair for his own comfort. The interesting thing is if he did that, the migraine was gone. 30 minutes of dark, a nice fan, lavender pillow and some gentle hair pulling and no headache. No hair pulling and they could last for DAYS.

I have this theory that the sensory overload of that early in the migraine can short-circuit the pain sensation which alters my perception which keeps them from escalating.

Not sure if you can experiment with some variation on that theme and see if it makes the symptoms go away, but whatever you do, I think a doctor visit is in order.

BTW, have you had your Vit. D checked? I forget. If not, I suggest you do.... call it a hunch. And your kids too.... Just some familiar patterns.

Hope poor Patrick is better soon.....

Glad you had a good time. Don't worry, even with less planning, with more regular access, you'll have an easier time.

[Elin]

Migraine, yes, Doctor, yes. Maybe some back exercises and neck massage to de-stress your spinal column.

Don't feel too bad about the less than perfect first date-night. Your tastes have changed, your habits have changed, you can't help thinking about the little ones at home, no matter how hard you try not too. It happens to all of us parents of young children. You've just got to keep at it, not set such high expectations for yourselves. Don't beat yourself up if you start watching your watch at 9:30, anticipating the time when you can get home get snuggled into bed for 5-10 minutes of wedded bliss before you pass out from the effects of the 2 (only 2 - I used to be able to down 4 without so much as a wimper!) martinis you had at dinner.

[Christine]

I vote go to a doctor. It's possible you're having a migraine without pain, and it's possible that you'll need an MRI to rule out something more serious. I vote for setting yourself up with a good neuro-opthamolagist.

[Pam L]

We've always had less fun when we put too much pressure on ourselves to have the perfect evening. It can be awkward sometimes, even with someone you know and love so much.I've sat at dinner not being able to think of anything to say, trying NOT to talk about the kids and focus on us.
One time we got all dressed up and went to a super formal restaurant. I had found the perfect fitting little black dress and wore one of those body slimming bra/slip things. I looked hot but the undergarments were a little snug. We ordered a mixed appetizer tray which was divine , all kinds of not typical little treats. But, before our entrees even arrived I started to feel very uncomfortable in my digestive system. Something I had eaten , or probably several of the things I had eaten, were very rich and were making me gassy . I tried to smile but I was very uncomfortable and barely touched my meal. I finally couldn't even make it any longer and we had to leave as soon as Jay finished eating. I was so upset that I ruined the evening. We have a much better time if we do something much simpler. Sometimes we've gone to a movie and then stopped at a store to pick up stuff we need and have more fun grocery shopping together, since we never usually do that. And the one time we DID stay at a local hotel, a nice Westin, alone on our 25th anniversary, we came home earlier than my 18 yr old expected us the next morning, apparently , and we found he had friends stay over at our house,totally against the rules, like the couple that apparently slept in his bed, the girl was trying to hurriedly get dressed as we walked in, while my 11 yr old was in the house. Kind of put a buzz-kill on THAT anniversary.

[Smumzie]

a friend recently discovered we have a sinus cavity at the back of our heads that can get infected and caused similar symptoms. He was fine after a week of antibiotics.

[Susannah]

Surely others have posted this but bloodsugarbloodsugarbloodsugar. I had ocular migraines too and it was always bloodsugar related. Although as the above poster notes - can also be dehydration related.

[Genevieve]

My migraine triggers are cheddar, wine, not enough sleep, waiting too long to eat, and bad weather (thunderstorms in particular). But they vary from person to person.

If they turn out to be migraines, an excellent non-drug remedy (which I sometimes use alone, and sometimes need to use in addition to medication) is Wellpatch migraine patches. It's a sticky patch that you put on the back of your neck and it gives you the sensation of cold - it's mentholatum, I think.

[Kate]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response so it will have to go like this: practice those nights out! my mom had migraines with the visual stuff but no pain (no other real insight in to it - they went away after awhile), and we have that sweater that Caroline is wearing without pants.

[Gina]

Didn't read the above comments, but I have to say, that whenever you have neurological symptoms like that and you do not know why, you need to call your Dr. My sister once went cross eyed and was getting terrible headaches. We were convinced it was a brain tumor. Turns out she had a pseudo brain tumor (fake brain tumor...weird, huh?) due to an interaction of 2 of her medications. Took her off the meds and her eyes uncrossed.

[Ellen]

Did your recent migraines start after the insertion of your IUD? While Paragard is hormone free and shouldn't cause migraine-y side effects like Mirena, you never know. The body is unpredictable sometimes. Maybe for some weird reason the Paragard is causing your migraines. (I have nothing against Paragard IUDs and am actually considering having one inserted)

[babelbabe]

I get migraines on a regular basis.
That said, if I were you, I'd be all OHMIGOD I have a brain tumor and I am going to die young and leave my darling children (you know, the same ones who were driving me batshit crazy not three minutes ago), and not go to the doctor for months...and then when my husband FINALLY said Oh for the love of God, die already or go to the doctor, and I went, it would turn out I needed new glasses. I am JUST saying...go to the doctor. My bet is glasses.

Also, you make me laugh out loud. Not because of the migraines. Nonetheless...

[babelbabe]

of course, going back thru the comments, I see...ocular migraines.
so pay no attention to the crazy lady.

[SarahB]

Not that you need to hear it again, but a dr visit would be a good idea, specifically a neurologist. Didn't you see one a while back?

I have both the ginormous full-blown migraines and then other more frequent slightly odd vision with facial numbness.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

I'lll just hop on that bandwagon now ... go to the doc. Weird changes in whatever should always be checked out. I had a friend who had a terrible, terrible headache one night. She ignored it for some time, thinking oh, this is probably a migraine, it will go away ... but she finally couldn't stand it anymore and went to the ER, where they diagnosed a brain aneurysm. I am not kidding. They did immediate surgery and she recovered perfectly, but now that I fueled your paranoia, I'm sure I need say no more. (Oh, except that your kids are just stunning and amazingly photogenic! Lucky mom! :)

[Jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com]

Love the observation on the white tablecloth restaurants and men's minds.

Reminds me of what our mom used to tell us... "Don't let a guy buy you a drink or you'll owe them something."

My sister used to go up to men in bars and demand they buy her a drink because she'd have to go home with them then!

[Alison]

Managing a neurology practice I would say *migraine* definitely - something that definitely increases due to hormonal changes in women after 35 (especially fair-skinned women). I am living the dream myself. However, everyone else is correct, visual changes can rarely be a sign of something nasty so a good idea to get it checked out for peace of mind, and maybe get an rx for something to turn down the volume on those migraines if it ever gets to that.

Good luck!

P.S. I love your writing as ever.

[karen]

Although it seems migraine is the most likely cause of the vision thing, it might be that you are simply needed a correction in your eyes, whether for reading, astigmatism, distance or all three. I had a summer of double vision when I was 44 - and oops! Turns out my astigmatic eye had taken a turn for the south. And I needed reading glasses.

[jb]

if Patrick said Mommy, I am seeing everything double. and everything blinks alot now and then. and sometimes I have to close one eye to see at all..." hmm, you'd have him in that afternoon. You need to go Monday, morning. As has been said, vision changes are a big deal.

[Dr Sarah]

I'm a GP, so I can advise you on the medical question (though I don't have time to read through the comments so my apologies if anyone else has already said this...) Auras without headache still count as migraine, so the doctor should be able to prescribe you migraine prophylaxis and/or treatment with a triptan, which is a specific form of migraine drug.

[Jenny]

I am extremely lucky not to have any personal experience w/ migraines, so nothing useful there. But I just had to say that I was HOWLING as I read parts of this, and I hope you & Patrick feel better soon.

[CariP]

Go to the doctor! Don't assume they are migraine and don't assume you have to live with them if they are!

I have "regular" migraines, made more frequent and worse by the damn BC pills I am on. Dehydration, stress (clenching my jaw), changes in the barometric pressure, lack of sleep, hormones, etc. I love my Trexamet.

[Anne]

That bar you went to was the Bradstreet Crafthouse, and I recently discovered it, too! We've been twice in the last few months (and we NEVER get out anymore, so that's saying something). Oh man, those cocktails are just amaaaaaazing.

[Arnold]

It's a too-mah!

[Christiana]

On headaches:
1. Could be actual vision issues without the headache correlation, so that's got possibilities.

2. Go to the dr. He can check your vision and/or hopefully give you something to treat the symptoms.

It doesn't hurt? How is that possible? Sounds like the lighter form of headaches I get (that are still classified as migraines because of the symptoms) but that can be killed with Excedrine migraine and a short nap instead of prescription drugs.

[An Admirer]

ARE YOU CRAZY? And I say this with great affection, I love your blog, GO TO A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY....listen to your own words....."double vision, very sharp shadows and a sense that the lights are blinking rapidly in the room - and nausea but no headache. I am on my third day in a row of this"

[Tor]

And not to freak you out (cos this is seen through my filter of my own interesting ailments), but if your doc sends you on to a neuro, you should probably mention that few weeks of pins&needles in your arms that hung around for a few weeks a while ago. Just in case they are related.

[Brenda]

I'm sure you've had plenty of potty-training advice, but one thing that helped for me was to insist the child had to produce something on the potty before she could get into the bath. Having the bath water running at the time probably helped.

[Kristin]

I second "get thee to a doc," and I add a big does of "yes, I know I'm a howling hypocrite," because I get something rather like what you're describing. I get two kinds of what appear to be migraines:

your classic "shoot me now" pain, often triggered by changes in the weather; generally preventable/improvable with ibuprofen, caffeine, and decongestants, but OUCH

and (much less often) a strange visual aura (often triggered by florescent lights or computer monitors), which comes on, increases to fill more of my field of vision, then fades away. It often also makes me tense, irritable and unable to focus on what I'm doing. It leaves me with a mild headache -- nothing much at all on the pain scale, really -- but it WON'T go away: impervious to advil. And I feel pooped out, like I've been run over by a truck.

So... the "howling hypocrite" part comes in that I've never been to a doctor to seek a diagnosis/treatment plan (although docs I've mentioned this to have agreed, "sounds like a migraine"), because I seem to be able to stay on top of the nasty ones, and the other ones are pretty rare. but really, I probably ought to just get some kind of baseline diagnosis, and make sure there's not something ELSE going on.

So, go make sure there's not anything else going on, and good luck. =)

[Shawna]

These are so far from my migraines (excruciating pain on one side of the head and repeated vomiting) I was going to freak out and call STROKE!!! but I see that others experience something similar and that it can be a variation on migraine after all. Get thee hence to a doctor nevertheless.

[NZ Sarah]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents worth on the migraines. I started getting them once I stopped breastfeeding my second baby and once I got one I found them really hard to shake (much like you now).

It turned out my triggers were partially hormonal and partially food related. I've had to cut out cheese, citrus fruit and chocolate almost completely and I cut right back on caffeine. In hindsight, I was getting a migraine and then eating a trigger food (usually cheese) which then kept the migraine going.

I found keeping a food diary really helpful in working out the triggers.

In short (or very long), I agree with everyone who says go to the dr but also look into your own potential triggers.

[mesue]

Many Halloweens ago, when I was teaching kindergarten, I went as a mime. I was sent home at midday with what I thought was a migraine; it was the worst pain I think I have ever experienced. It might have been an allergic reaction triggered by the white-face or - as hubby and friends said - by not speaking for three hours! Months later, when I mentioned it to my doctor, she immediately said that I should have come in right then; the diagnosis is much easier when the symptoms are occurring.

Just a few months ago I was ushered from my ophthalmologist's office straight to a retinal specialist because of the flashes in my eyes. All's well for me. Now get thee going!

[Julie]

Hi Julia! Just a word from me on migraines. I've suffered with them since the tender age of 13 when I got my first period. Even though I had a hysterectomy some 3 years ago, they have reduced some but I still suffer with at least one every 2 months, sometimes more frequent. I'm almost 40 so that's...er...27 years of suffering. I've only gotten the "aura" migraines maybe 3 times in all of those years. One of which when I first became pregnant with my now, 7 year old son.

Mine almost always start the same with a very dull ache in one part of my head or neck and manifest quickly into what I always describe as the worst headache I've ever had. It seems each one is worse than the last. I've tried immitrex, maxalt, axert, and a variety of other migraine meds. Axert seems to work the best for me. But because I also suffer from tension headaches, if I take the Axert and it's not a migraine I wind up getting sick anyway. Mine usually end one of two ways, one entire day in the bed, throwing up into a bucket, dark room, with something over the windows so that as little light as possible comes in. The thermostat must go down to at least 65 (even in the winter) and all noise, with the exception of my box fan, must be blocked at all times. The other scenario is a trip to either the ER or my local dr. for a shot of Demerol and phenergan. Usually 100 of Demerol and 50 of phenergan. Once that's on board I still require the cold, dark room and no noise. Sometimes riding it out is the best way to go IF you can take it. (this usually only happens to me on the weekends when I can't bear the thought of sitting in an ER waiting room with tons of really germy people while throwing up in a bucket.

Both my mother and maternal grandmother were migraine suffers and both "outgrew" them when they were in their 50's. So I'm 10 years out. Yours don't really sound like a migraine (since there's no actual pain) so perhaps you might have something else going on. I'd get an appointment with your regular physician and then perhaps get a consult with a neuron or maybe even your optometrist.

Good luck and I hope it turns out to be something relatively simple.

Btw, you've got *the most* adorable children!

Julie

[Amanda]

You've gotten plenty of good advice already, but I thought I'd add something else: I'm terribly near-sighted and at a routine check-up a couple weeks ago my doctor dilated my eyes and discovered a small tear in my retina. I guess it's not uncommon when your vision is as crappy as mine; it hasn't interfered with my vision at all and it's completely painless. My HMO won't pay to repair it until it's "symptomatic"(bastards). I mention it because the symptoms are seeing spots, shadows, and extreme blurred vision. Left unchecked a torn retina can detach, leading to, well, blindness. So I'll echo the 90-something people who came before me-- Go see a doctor!

Also, as long as we're all offering up our opinions-- I had Paragard for a year. As long-term non-hormonal birth control goes, it was great... but I had it taken out because I was sick of feeling like I was hemorrhaging to death every month. I'm going to try Mirena next.

Anyway. Good luck with the potty training. My newly-minted 2 year-old is showing signs of readiness... I, however, am NOT ready. So there's that.

[Katerina]

Dear Julia,

I usually can't decide whether to admire or envy the apparent equanimity with which you describe your own health problems that would have me in a state of panic/hysteria. I'm a world-class hypochondriac and a total worrywart (generalized anxiety disorder actually - treatable but not curable) so, actually, the anxiety isn't limited to my own state of health but to that of anyone I care about. Thus - you worry me! Please post an update telling us you went to the doctor and they checked on everything and you have some minor thing going on but nothing more. Like, you need prescription glasses or something.

Do update us! Please.

Thanks!

[Jan]

Worried! Hope you have been checked out and all is well!

[WarsawMommy]

Oh, yeesh. Toilet training. My almost-one-year-old will have to cross that bridge one day (gah) and I am already dreading it.

Also: go to the dcotor! ;)

[WarsawMommy]

Also: I meant 'doctor'!