Chunky

The other day Edward sat with the back of his head pressed against my chest as he ticked his favorite things off on his chubby fingers, "I yike cars. I yike twains. I yike Cahyine. I yike tucks. I yike books. I yike Cahyine. I yike kitheth." 

"Oh," I said, "may I have a kiss then?"

"No!" he said and laughed. "No kitheth. No haaugs! No yuv you!" Then he laughed again.

My favorite definition of a joke is that it is something which sets up one expectation but then delivers upon another. Provided this meshes with Edward's idea of humor he adores me, otherwise it's going to be a long eighteen years.

I told my mother that Edward is starting to sound like someone who has a severe speech impediment. To the layperson's ear it's as if he has every possible problem all mushed together: omissions, additions, distortions and substitutions; a farmers' omelette of disorder.

"Oh no!" said my mother but I explained that this is actually a good thing, a marked improvement over his past language which sounded like gargling.

Prior to the last couple of weeks he had been making progress in producing isolated sounds and a few key phrases ("Cayhine share!" was beautifully articulated as were critical things like "brok-o-lee peese" and "moh peach yohgut") but as soon as he started to string it all together into sentences he was totally incomprehensible. But he has had another breakthrough and now he is just mostly totally incomprehensible. Huzzah! Progress.

I know it sounds odd when I put it that way but he really is doing very well. He met all of his goals for the first 26 weeks of therapy and his pathologist just gave me his new goals for the next six months. God I love speech therapy. It was terrific for Patrick and it has been terrific for Edward, although he is progressing at a slower rate than Patrick did. Was that an unfair parental comparison? I hope not. At the time it seemed perfectly reasonable to me that Patrick would go from howling like a wolf to interning with NPR in six months but in retrospect it was amazing. Every week Patrick mastered another sound and then he was done. Edward is more languid. However I expect eventually he will speak in perfectly modulated tones and in the meantime it doesn't seem to bother him that he has to keep throwing out different words until we twig to what he needs at bedtime, "Tuck? Yehyoh tuck? Bebee yehyoh tuck pay moom?"

"You want me to bring you the baby yellow truck from the playroom?"

"Oh-TAY!"

I think having Caroline around has helped him because he tends to mimic many of her pet phrases, "That's so funny!" and "That's so silly!" being two of his favorites. Of course Caroline says, "That is just so very silly and funny, Mommy!" and Edward says, "Thasth zho shillee!" but, you know, he gets his point across. He has also taken a copyright on "Hey that's not nice!" which he says to everyone in the house - cats included - at least once a day. Infractions that result in an Edwardian reprimand can range from failure to give him a strawberry (me: Edward loves strawberries and tomatoes but I am 95% sure that both cause him to turn rashy) to sleeping on his train track (cat) to grabbing the box of crayons and running with them to the porch where the perpetrator then thrusts them before slamming the door, knowing that she can open the door again but he cannot (Caroline. obviously.) 

It is the way he says it that slays me. Like it pains him to know that we are failing ourselves when we refuse to read Scarry's big book of cars and planes and whatsits for the fifth time. More pity and sorrow than anger. Personally, I find it reassuring that he has such a true moral compass paired with such a strong sense of his obligation to correct error in others. 

Caroline in contrast is much less worried about our failings and much more interested in perhaps exploiting these weaknesses in order to get us to do what she wants. She's an artful one, she is.

A couple of days ago I discovered that she was walking around with a marble in her mouth.

[MARBLE! in her MOUTH! Aiiiiieeeeeee! Danger danger danger! Choke choke choke! Aiiiieeee!]

So I went to take it away from her and she tried to snatch it back and we sat there tugging at each others' hands with our teeth clenched while we conversed like a pair of dowagers. No vulgar verbal brawling here:

"Give me the marble, sweetheart. It's not safe to play with and I need to put it away. Let me have it please," I said.

"Caroline play with it? Yes? Mommy give it back to Caroline? Please? OK? OK! Great!" Caroline said.

Then, realizing she had the marble in her palm and I did not, she abruptly changed her tactics.

"Mommy and Caroline play hide and seek now? How fun! Mommy you go hide!"

Right. I was going to go hide and, what, leave her with the marble?

I don't think so. But artful, you see. 

I always considered myself a baby person and I still love babies (your baby, for instance) but as Caroline and Edward leave babyhood firmly behind them I find that I am not even the tiniest bit wistful. They were good babies and I enjoyed them muchly and now they are very fun toddlers and I am enjoying that just as muchly. I look forward to what comes next: The Preschool Years, and I imagine Edward's little crayoned sermons and Caroline asking Santa for a set of lock-picks.

*

I am not really sure what the specific plans are for the farm. It had been owned by an elderly woman who raised sheep and kept horses (hence the barns and stables) but there have not been animals on the property for at least a few years. She leased a bit of land to a guy who still waters his cattle at the pond and grazes them on the hillside. Steve and Jeff are looking into whether some of the land can be certified for organic growing since it has been out of agricultural use for over twenty years which should mean that residual pesticides are low. Any farming will be leased out. The woods are enrolled in a program with the Wisconsin DNR and continuing with that was part of the purchase agreement so there is some forestry management. I know that Steve and Jeff will be planting food plots for deer and they have spent the past decade theorizing about the best ways to manage that population but the topic bores me stupid so I know little to nothing about it. There is a trout stream that I am excited about although I am sure that is news to you as I have never before mentioned my affection for fishing. Patrick is anxious to increase his morel empire by expanding operations to a new state and he projects a record haul this year. Every day after school he has been taking his mushroom journal to last year's hot spots and recording soil temperatures. He and Steve are very excited by the warmer than average March followed by the recent rains here and they anticipate an early morel season.

I suggested that they get matching hats saying "Team Fun Guys" and they both thought this was a pretty good idea, which tells you what geeks they are. Seriously.

Speaking of mushrooms I just spent an hour with google trying to figure out if there is any reason why Patrick could not use ebay to sell his dried and vacuum sealed packets of morels and I still do not know. Do you? The state of Minnesota's website has left me very clear on the fact that I am not allowed to cater bar mitzvahs out of this kitchen nor I am allowed to jar and sell mayonnaise but on the topic of virtual lemonade-cum-mushroom stands they are silent.

*

I got my lab results back and my Vitamin D levels are low so that is something. My liver function is also not what I think one would like to see in a healthy person of average habits but I have not yet been able to talk to my doctor; I am just basing this on the numbers they sent me and the normal ranges they listed.

I have been keeping my "headache" journal and it seems obvious to me that the visual ooginess is linked to hormones. A chunk of the month I feel totally fine and a chunk of the month I do not. I find this sort of depressing because what on earth do you do about the fact that you are being poisoned by your own estrogen. I cannot decide whether I should see a neurologist or a - I am laughing as I type this because do they even see non-baby wanting patients? - reproductive endocrinologist. Or maybe my OB? I feel like something is out of whack here.

*

I totally forgot to mention this but I looked into all of your good ideas for getting Edward and Caroline out of the house next year. What I really wanted was a program just like the preschool Patrick started when he was three. So it finally occurred to me to call the wonderful director of his old school and ask her if she might be willing to take Caroline and Edward a little early. She said that she would need to file a variance with the county to allow her to take them before 33 months (they'll be 32 and change on September 1st) but that it was no big deal and that she'd be happy to do it. We discussed being flexible based on whether or not they enjoy it (if either of them - ahem Edward ahem - seem a little young for it we'll just pull him (or her. but him) out and try again later. But! For now the plan is for them to attend preschool two mornings a week starting in the Fall. I am SO excited and I think they will really really like it. Especially Caroline.

*

I have been meaning to get your opinion on this for a while but I couldn't figure out how to phrase it properly. I want to get your thoughts - general and specific - on extracurricular activities and what the point is supposed to be. Here is the deal: Patrick went to a birthday party two years ago that was held at a local gym. He really enjoyed it and every time we drove past the gym he would say that he would like to try tumbling again. So last August I signed him up for a beginning tramp and tumble class and he has been in that class, seven weeks at a time, ever since.

Patrick has a problem with coordinating his large motor movements. Anything that requires him to synchronize big motions with both sides of his body, like pedaling a bike or swimming (or gymnastics) is really hard for him. If we were a family of circus performers this might be a major problem but we're not, so it is not. You know, it literally just occurred to me as I am typing this that we could probably put him in OT and if he ever seems to be troubled by it we probably will. Or should we be more proactive? What do you think, any OT experience to share? Consider that a side question.

One of the things that I liked about the tumbling class is that it seemed to be helping Patrick figure out how to move his limbs. The first two sessions he was like one of those spinning fireworks that send explosions along different points of a circle but by the third session he finally mastered a skill and got a ribbon and he was SO PROUD of himself. Oh, I forgot that part. To get out of beginner tumbling you have to master nine skills and for each one you get a ribbon. So the next session he didn't get any but the session after that he got two in a row and he felt great and I thought well this is working out and then... nothing. He got a new teacher and he stopped making progress.

After a few months I thought maybe I should talk to someone about it so I stopped by the desk and made a complete ass out of myself.

The guy asked politely what he could do for me and I blurted out that my son has been in beginning tumbling for eight months and he has only gotten three ribbons. And I am pretty sure I sounded like I was having a super-special-snowflake moment because the guy looked at me with total disdain and asked, "Well is he having fun?" and I said, "Uh, well, yes" and he said, "And isn't that all that matters?"

So I blushed and said of course of course and slunk back to the corner where I like to sit and watch the three year old class. They're adorable.

But after I thought about it a bit I got sort of defensive. Because, yes, I want it to be fun but I also wanted him to learn some tumbling skills (hence the $135 a session; as Steve said we could put a mattress on the floor of the basement - that'd be fun) and right now all we seem to be teaching Patrick is that he really really truly sucks at tumbling and no matter how hard he tries he continues to suck.

For what it is worth his current instructor is a high school kid and although I think he is very nice I think Patrick's learning curve might have been steep enough to defeat him.

So what I am wondering - and this is the main question because I really welcome your thoughts - is whether it is enough for Patrick to be enjoying his once a week class without any gains in his skill level or if there is some expectation for progress. It seems to me that playing on a soccer team is worthwhile even if you are terrible at soccer because there are things like teamwork and winning and losing and running around and learning to be coached and interacting with others. Do you keep paying someone to teach you Spanish if you never learn a word of Spanish? But if I pull him out of tumbling is that just affirming that I don't think he can do it? Big picture question: why do kids do activities outside of school? Little picture question: what would you do with Patrick? Did I mention that he likes it but he is discouraged by his abilities?

Comments

[TeacherMommy]

If he likes it but is discouraged...perhaps you need to talk to the nice high school student, not with the special snowflake approach, but explaining that you know he struggles and you don't expect miracles, but you would really like to continue seeing some improvement. Which no, doesn't seem like too much to ask.

Fun + improvement = worth the money.

[Just me]

I can tell you that I am an OTR and if I were a child today I would have been in both OT and PT in kindergarten. I had a very, very hard time learning to tie and to use scissors (I believe I was in 4th grade before I was semi-proficient at tying and I still double knot all shoes and slide them on and off rather than deal with loose tying) and I still don't use scissors all that well even though I do a lot of sewing.

I think there would have been payoffs in having had a few months or a year of help. I am extremely uncoordinated now and have orthopedic problems as a result. Even my patients know I'm very clumsy. I also have difficult to read handwriting, not good in a profession when people need ot know what I'm writing. I type well and prefer it but can't type professional stuff yet. I actually even have trouble text-messaging.

I get along fine, but I probably would have an easier time if my coordination was better.

[Ashleigh]

What if he tried taking a different class for a while? Yes, he likes tumbling, but maybe he'd like another sport or activity just as much. If he's getting discouraged (and if you think he's kind of plateaued in terms of progress), I don't see the harm in trying to find an activity that better suits him and will allow him to build confidence. Perhaps just broach the subject in a positive way and see how he responds: "Hey Patrick, I saw that the Y is offering a soccer/karate/fencing/whatever class and I thought that might be fun. Would you be interested in trying something like that?"

[Amanda]

No thoughts on Patrick, not there yet with my munchkin. Perhaps, on the hormonal issue a general endocrinologist is what you need. They know their stuff, and probably deal with this constantly. Also, if they aren't the people, they will happily refer you. They have sub-specialists within their specialty. (RE, thyroid, etc.)

[beth s]

You need to move Patrick. My Bugman (who is exactly Patrick in another body, I swear) also has major coordniation issues and does awful in team sports. We've tried several (soccer, t-ball, gymnastics, etc) with varying degrees of failure on all our parts. Until we found TangSooDo and fell in love. It is a very traditional form of Korean karate with an excellent program geared for any age. I have been in the adult class for nearly 5 years and was eligible to pre-test for my Black Belt last month (unfortunately I didn't pass but this actually makes me like it even more because I KNOW my belt is worth something.) Anyway, Doug has been in about a year now and absolutely LOVES it and has gained so much coordination and pride in himself. It is amazing to watch him and see how far he has come. My association has studios all over the country so maybe there is one near you. Their site is www.wtsda.com

[yammeringon]

re: mushrooms. I suspect the authorities would frown on it. It's my understanding, as someone who has taken and passed the US Ag&Markets Better Process Control School for acidified foods (oh god, I just lapsed into a coma) - there are a couple of pertinent regulations. One of which is that all dried foods (and I believe this includes mushrooms) must be tested for water activity using a hygrometer, in a facility which has been certified for that purpose by the good people at your local Ag&Markets. There are also different regulations for low-acid processed foods, which I believe would include mushrooms, but I am not at all aware of them because I only ponied up the $500 for the acidified foods class and not the $800 for the low-acid, having no intention of going into the dairy business or of vacuum packaging pasta.

If Patrick is serious about starting a morel empire, I'd recommend a couple of avenues: he can sell them on the black market locally, to lessen the chance of getting caught, he can sell them fresh (again, there are Ag&Markets restrictions on wild mushroom sales but I don't know specifically what they are. I do know someone who recently got his black-market-mushroom business shut down because the guv'ment threatened the restaurants he was selling to. I know some shady people, yo). I don't think there were any repercussions for him other than loss of income, though. Or, and this sounds like it might be up Patrick's alley - you could find a test kitchen or community kitchen in your area that has a food processing supervisor available for hire. Most will probably be just acidified-foods certified (see extra cash, and bureaucracy-induced coma, above) but if you can find someone who is low-acid certified and who has a kitchen and a hygrometer and you can sweet-talk them into giving you a deal, Patrick would have the opportunity to learn all about the techniques for measuring Water Activity, how to fill out a Scheduled Process (watch Jamie Oliver? Know how he said that coming up with recipes for the school is like a math test? that's a scheduled process that he's filling out) - it's boring, form-filling-out, nitpicky math stuff, but he might just geek out on it. And if you can further sweet talk someone into distributing (on the cheap, natch) on your behalf, you can get away without having liability insurance or paying the $200 company registration fee. (note, I'm in NYS but many Ag&Mkts regulations/fees are pretty standard).
In short, I think the local black market may be your best bet.

Re: Vit D - it can have a huge huge enormous impact on energy levels. I had a deficiency and before we figure it out, were considering all things from lupus to lyme. It might explain more than you think it does.

Re: tumbling - I'd quit. We forced out 5yo out of tumbling because although she enjoyed it, she's going to be 6 feet tall and have big boobs - there is no future for her here. We felt like it was important for her self-esteem.our budget to be paying money only for things which she both enjoyed and was good at. Right around 6 I became acutely aware of how much I sucked at soccer (intensely) and got really resistant to all sports/exercise for years and years afterwards as a result(like, until my late 20's). I felt like we had to pull her out of gymnastics (ballet, too. same reason) before she became aware of her suckitude or it would affect her motivation for sports in the long-term (she's like her mom in the grudge-holding dept). So she swims and runs. Both of which she excels at - I'm willing to cough up the dough to register my 5 year old run a 5K (and will even suck up running with her) because she can do it and wants to (perverse little beast, no?). In short (long?) I'd find the thing which Patrick is decent at and sign him on up for that.

[Amy]

Give Patrick the choice! Seems to me he's old enough to make the decision as to whether the fun outweighs the frustration for him. If he wants to continue, that means the fun wins for him, and it's worth your money.

[Candace]

First off, let me preface everything I'm going to say here by telling you I'm the parent of a 13-year-old boy and a nine-year-old girl. So I have some years of parenting under my belt.

I would suggest getting Patrick evaluated by an OT. If nothing comes of it, great. But if there's something there you can get it taken care of. My son had three years of OT for pretty much what you described as Patrick's difficulties. He had trouble crossing the midline (coordinating the large body movements for pedaling, for example) and also had proprioception issues (where his body was in space). He also had sensory integration dysfunction, but that's a different story. So, basically, I don't think taking him to an OT would be over-the-top.

The benefits of (a good) after school extra-curricular activity? Social skills, self-esteem boosts, and mastery of *something other than academics*. So if Patrick is discouraged by this tumbling class (and it sounds like he is), maybe try something else. A better-run program, maybe? Ask him what he thinks is a good idea. He's a smart kid; he likely knows he isn't progressing. I'd wager that if he gets into a better program, one that will help him get better at tumbling, he'll have a lot more fun.

[Laura]

Are there similar tumbling classes with different teachers? It sounds like he both enjoyed and made progress at this gym in this kind of class with a different teacher. Maybe this HS kid just isn't a good match. If Patrick likes it but would like it more if he felt like he were better at it, maybe it's just a matter of finding a tweak that helps him feel like it's going better.

Also as someone who was a kid a lot like Patrick, sometimes the value of doing something you're bad at is to have the experience of doing something you're bad at. It's probably much less painful when you're in elementary school. It took me a long time to learn that I can do things and have fun with them and not be the best, or even be very good at them, or even good at all. Until I figured that out the lack of this knowledge made me, occasionally, an insufferable twit.

[Lise]

I would get Patrick evaluated by an occupational therapist. The fact that he can't coordinate both sides of his body might not be a problem for him now, but it could very well become an issue for him later. And his very elastic brain and body can learn to do now things which might not be as easy later. He might want to play a team sport, or dance, or play the drums or do any number of things that require full-body coordination. It would be a shame if he simply couldn't do them because of a lack of therapy while young.

I have to admit that I have a very strong pro-OT bias. I have a sister who has mild cerebral palsy. Her biggest symptom is her inability to synchronize movements on both sides of her body. She was given no therapy at all, and in fact was not told that her utter clumsiness was due to a physical problem. (Oh, the dark ages of the 50's and the "shame" of having something wrong with your child.) I've seen her struggle in so many ways and many of her issues probably could have been prevented with therapy.

And two of my babies required OT in order to learn to nurse, and it worked wonders for that and for some other neurophysical issues they had.

[tralala]

I have a 2.5 y/o who, I would venture, sounds a lot like Edward--"yeyoh tuck" is something I could decode right away. He is in fact in OT for an oral motor delay, but for eating not speech, and the therapist doubts that we would qualify for speech therapy, go figure.

He also has a similar sense of humor. Every night I say, "Mummy loves Henry." And he replies "Henry loves Henry."

[Haus]

WHY do we do this extra-curricular stuff? I think for me it goes back to life skills and self-expression, and how schools just don't do enough (to my mind) in music, art, and movement. When Otto starts kindergarten this fall he's going to get 1 15-min recess before lunch. Not nearly enough, esp. for a kid who loves running around and being active. We're trying soccer this spring, but if he doesn't go for that we'll try something else.

I guess for me, extra-curricular activities are the chance to learn and practice the things that you really love and can't get enough of in school. And it's nice to have one or two things that carry over year to year and allow for longer-term development of skills.

I'd say Patrick is suffering from an inexperienced teacher who doesn't know how to teach the way he learns. Maybe some OT on the side would help, if Patrick wants to stick with tumbling.

[Betsy]

A couple of thoughts here....

1. I adore your writing. Sorry, I had to get that out of the way. Oh, and any time you have a falling out with your kids, please send them here.

2. My son is a complete athletic zero. He was embarrassingly bad at baseball and soccer both so we did not continue with them (I mean, obviously he did have to finish the season he committed to). I didn't want him to look up one day and think "Man, I really suck at sports." Especially when there are so many different things kids can try. He already had an inkling as it was. At any rate, he was so not good that he wasn't particularly enjoying them. What he *did* enjoy was karate. I would HIGHLY recommend karate for Patrick. It's a great sport that works on self discipline and allows kids to see how their bodies work. Look for a school that has lots of kids classes (and no fighting cages in the corner... just sayin').

The other thing, and please don't laugh, is that my son watched a performance of The Nutcracker this year and said "I want to do that!" It helped that Sasha Radetzky (and I have no idea if I spelled that name right) was the male lead. Anyway, my son is now the only little boy in his beginning ballet class; but he LOVES it. He is fortunate to have a teacher that understands how to make a boy feel like a boy when surrounded by pink; but more importantly, he is learning how to move his limbs around more intentionally. I can see that he is already less of a spazz. So if you can innocently show Patrick the odd youtube vide of some of the great male dancers out there, maybe he'd be interested in that. I recommend, if you do this, finding a school that genuinely focuses on dance technique rather than a school that focuses on recitals and competitions. Anyway, don't laugh but it really has helped my son. The most important part is that he really has found something he enjoys -- which, if we had kept him in soccer and baseball, he might not have.

Oh, lastly, not every sport is skill related. Patrick might enjoy getting into running or swimming -- sports that are more strength driven than skill focused. Just a thought.

[susan]

Good on you for actually thinking about this!! :-)
My mom is a preschool/kinder teacher (a master teacher, actually) and she talks to parents about this all the time. One thing she does is get the kids exercise balls to sit on when they do table/rug/tv time. It works their core balance muscles.
Another thing you might look at is the kid's workout dvd at www.t-tapp.com. I used the grown-up's version when recovering from a long debilitating illness, and it helps neuro-firing and symmetrical use of muscles. We're a family of "grow-faster than our coordination can keep up with" folk, and I am getting this dvd for my neice as a "conditioning video" (ie- Oh Please God, I don't want her to feel like a clumsy moose like I did!) for her to work out with before her first spirit camp this summer.
Whatever you choose, I am sure he'll do great. :-)

[Christine]

I am trying to figure out how soon I can get Julia into tumbling/gymnastics, but that's not Max's forte, so we're looking into other options.

He's been with an OT for a couple of years, which has helped, but he's still a klutz. I'd prefer karate; he insists on bowling. Dorky, but there's beer. We're still negotiating. He likes the gym-type stuff but he's horrible at it. We're still trying to sort out what is least like to get him injured.

[TheLetterL]

Non-baby wanting be darned. I was seeing a reproductive endocrinologist by the age of 17 for my periods. My last one was actually in clinical practice for infertility treatment, and he still took me on as a patient…resulting in a few wacky waiting room scenes where the bright-eyed schoolgirl is called back to consult with Dr. Babymaker. If you have a concern with your reproductive hormones, makes sense to see a reproductive endocrinologist.

I’ll be very interested to hear what happens re: your headaches and visual ooginess. I’ve had menstrual migraines with vision problems myself (ask me about the day I went blind at work!), but I’m under the impression the vision problems make birth control pills (etc) a risky venture.

I think you’re right to feel defensive re: the tumbling class. You are paying for your son to learn a skill, not have fun rolling around the floor for a couple hours a month. If that’s the case, bring on the mattress in the basement, I say!

Have you brought the tumbling issue to Patrick himself? Something gentle along the lines of “I have noticed sometimes you seem frustrated or disappointed in tumbling class. Do you think the way [well-meaning high school kid] teaches is helping you do your best?” Talk about how different teachers or class environments are “right” for different people… I’m sure you already had a similar conversation when he switched schools. It removes the giving-up-is-admitting-I-suck-at-this burden from Patrick’s shoulders.

Put Patrick in charge of his own, uh, education in tumbling. If he says he wants to stick with it, he is teaching himself a wonderful lesson in meeting challenges. For Patrick, it sounds like calculus is easy, cartwheels are hard. Choosing to pursue something challenging is going to serve him a thousand times over in the adult world. (Please note I said “challenging,” not “unrealistic”…)

[Carrie]

I don't have an opinion on the OT thing because I have zero experience with it, but as far as the tumbling goes, as long as Patrick's enjoying it, I don't see any reason to pull him out. The problem to me seems more about the teacher than Patrick specifically. For many years, I taught figure skating, all the way from toddler beginners to National level competitors, and as I'm sure you know, teaching is an art. Of all the skills required that I would most expect to be missing in a high schooler, the ability to describe movement so it makes sense to another person's body is right up there. That's a hard thing to develop, and I wouldn't expect any high schooler to be able to do it competently. Especially when the student you're trying to describe it to doesn't pick up kinetics easily. Obviously if Patrick was making progress before, he's not unteachable. :) It just sounds like this particular teacher is a very bad fit for him. If there's any chance he could work with another teacher for his class, that would be ideal.

Another thing you could look into, if you can swing it at all, is a few private lessons. I know it sounds ridiculous for someone of his level, but I used to do this occasionally for kids in my very beginner classes who were having trouble with extremely basic things, and you'd be amazed at how much difference even a half hour or an hour of one-on-one time can make. I just hate to see kids give up something they don't like just because they're not good at it. Working at something for the sheer enjoyment of it, even if you suck, is one of life's greatest lessons. (Especially here, since he's not competing, and there's basically no pressure.)

(I'm a little disappointed at the "well, isn't he having fun?" response you got, though. Yes, that is the main point, but you're also paying for him to be learning, and if he's not, that's a problem they should look into. We used to do it at the rinks I taught at by offering a mini-private-- maybe 15 minutes before or after a lesson to try to pinpoint what was going on... sure as hell if a child was not progressing at all after 7-8 months in the same class, the director would have taken a look at the kid herself.)

(After all that, though, I have to say that I love karate for kids. Full body awareness and a lot of discipline. If I had kids, I'd want them to be in karate.)

[Carrie]

I just hate to see kids give up something they don't like just because they're not good at it. Working at something for the sheer enjoyment of it, even if you suck, is one of life's greatest lessons."

Something they *like*, I meant I hate to see kids give up something they *like*... [facepalm]

[Melissa]

Hey, a chance for me to give back a little. Your blog has been a wealth of information on so many levels (source of new reading material, kid maintenance, insight into the world of gifted children, life in Minnesota, etc). Here are some thoughts on just a few of the topics you raise:

1) Get to an endocrinologist, especially one who works with OB/Gyns. Your hormones do seem to be getting off-kilter.

2) Edward's speech therapy seems to be doing him a world of good. Although his diction might not be Shakespearean, his receptive and expressive speech seem to be improving dramatically.

3) Patrick and physical activity: find a different gym or another sport, where the staff understand the connection between building confidence in children through mastery of new skills and real enjoyment in moving the body.

4) Don't worry about sounding like one of "those mothers" with the "special snowflake" child. Why? Because either you will be typecast that way the minute you advocate for your son or else you will find a kindred spirit in the teacher or program director. (Examples: the director of Patrick's old pre-school and his current teacher. Two educators who "get" you and understand your son's needs).

Now for the anecdotes. I enrolled my son in a local kids' gym (Rolly Pollies) when he was 2 1/2 because he had a good time at a birthday party there. At first, he spent most of the time playing in the foam pit because he was afraid to get out and try the other activities. I approached one of the staff, explained that Daniel really needed to try something else. That person went right up to my son and cajoled, prodded, and teased him out of the foam pit and got him to bounce on huge balls and the tumble track. These people knew what they were doing. We kept Daniel there for two more years until the pool of same-aged kids dried up for classes. But we still go there for Parents' Night Out or Open Play. They don't have any gyms in Minnesota but are opening new locations in other states. Google "Rolly Pollies Maryland" to learn more.

Second anecdote: I'm very overweight, an older mom, and frequently lack confidence about myself (that came into play with the local gym). However, when it comes to my son, if he needs help in some area where I can't provide it, I do reach out to professionals. I did that when a niggling doubt about his lack of speech at age 2 prompted me to call our county's infant and toddler program. There were people who thought I was being too protective, too convinced the problem was in me (my oldest sister), or just wouldn't make the effort to really look at my son. The staff at Rolly Pollies may have had similar thoughts about me (overweight, etc) but they understand kids and physical activity. I will always appreciate all of the instructors for the attention they gave Daniel. The same for the speech therapists in our county.

So, in conclusion, there will always be people who will help. Most of the time you have to be the expert on your kids. The professionals will appear or will answer the phone when you call for help. An appropriate quote here: the teacher appears when the student is ready.

Thanks for the great reading material on your blog. You really are doing great with your family.

Melissa

[Ruth]

My younger son also has terrible coordination problems, and has been taking karate for almost a year now. It's done wonders. His coordination is vastly improved, his run looks better, and he's got more control over his movements.

My older son is looks gangly and uncoordinated on land, but is incredibly graceful in the water. He tried all of the mainstream sports and was frustrated by his lack of progress; we had to keep looking until we found the one that worked for him (he also enjoys biking).

Why do we do extra-curricular activities? Because they enjoy the activity. Because mastering a challenge gives them confidence that they can try new things. Because it gives them a social group outside of school (horseback riding and the kind people at the barn were a godsend during my daughter's difficult second grade year). Because it stretches their brains -- and their bodies -- in ways school does not.

That said, I limit my kid to two extra-curricular activities at any given time. Down time has its place.

[Melissia]

There is much on web about migraines as a side effect of the mirena coil. My guess is due to to the hormone that is the active ingredient in the IUD. Unfortunately, even without an IUD, just still having a cycle makes migraines much worse for most women, so perhaps a visit to a your gyn and a neurologist would help. There are some great nonnarcotic meds that you can take as soon as symptoms start as well as as daily med if you need to go that route.
I take a daily migraine med and then need a extra dose around the week of my period, so just speaking from experience.
I hope that whatever the source you find an answer.

[shannon b.]

So off the question you asked, but my immediate thought after years of following you is that maybe the hormone thing is a result of so many years of hormone therapy to get the kids. I definitely think it's worth a talk to the OB or whatever doctor as it seems reasonable that after so many years of high doses of hormones your body would have difficulty self-regulating normal doses. But I didn't go to med school so who knows.

On Patrick. Some kids are spastic and frankly we're a proud bunch. I think making physical activities about progress and winning will only serve to frustrate him and you should emphasize that it is only about fun. That way he'll enjoy physical activities without needing to be a super champion. For a fun guy like him I would suggest an outdoor hiking club. It's exercise that requires and develops some coordination and also encourages him to explore his inner science nerd. Win-Win. I work for a major tech company, believe me when I say physical coordination is not a precursor to a successful happy life. Can he walk for more than twenty yards without slamming into a wall? If so then he's doing better than at least 50% of my co-workers.

[Victoria]

My suggestion re: Patrick's tumbling class (because that's the only thing I can really relate to) is that you try to find a different teacher. Same gym, different gym, wherever there is someone who can teach him successfully, even if it means a few private lessons. If Patrick enjoys tumbling, then whether or not he improves, you should encourage him. However, it will eventually become frustrating when everyone else moves on and he's, well, still there.

Trust me on this: I've been there. When I was in late elementary school, I took swimming lessons. My sister was flying up through the ranks, and I decided to get in on the action. I was signed up for the same level (Minnow) she'd been in when she started... and was demoted to Guppie within the class period. I struggled for several seasons to get back to Minnow, and by that point, not only had the kids I'd met in my first Guppie class moved through Minnow, but most of them were now at Fish or Flying Fish, one or two levels ahead. When I realized that I was never going to get out of Minnow, and the kids around me were two years younger than me, I quit. I'm twenty now, I still can't swim very well, and I'm still embarrassed about it. I really enjoy swimming, but I was humiliated in my classes and so I try to avoid it. I'm not trying to guilt you into anything, but I really don't want him to go through the same things I did and ultimately give up on something he really enjoys.

[Liz]

Is there anyway you can get Patrick into the session where his previous teacher is teaching?

[TheLuckyGal]

I agree with the commenters that said find a similar tumbling (or gymnastics or circus) class with a different teacher. BTW, food for thought, kids in Kindergarten (we call it "Prep") and sometimes into grade 1 here do a "PMP" Perceptual Motor Program at school (in addition to PE). I guess the theory is that gross- and fine-motor skills, body and spacial awareness, etc. etc. all relate to cognitive development and academic success. Anyway, it is sort of an OT program once a week at school where they do stations that include stuff like jump over and around hoops and little hurdles and tossing and catching and visual puzzels and other stuff. Usually parent volunteers help the teachers run it based on edu dept guidelines, I think. So, if it is important enough to do in school, per Victorian educators, seems to me it is important enough to do something similar out of school - i.e. something that can help him with his gross-motor skills and lateralisation, etc. Maybe an OT could recommend a different class or program. My DD got bored at "Little Gym" after awhile and switched to circus classes and LOVED it.

[TheLuckyGal]

OMG, it just occured to me ... imagine if Patricks "academic success" HAS been hampered by a gross-motor or lateralisation or whatever issue. Lordy, where would he be now if he could tumble - Harvard at 7?! ;-)

[crystal]

Rather than pull Patrick out, perhaps you could come up with a cafeteria of other activities that he might be tempted to try, and make some point about focusing on one thing at a time, yadda yadda, and ask him to choose.

If he chooses gymnastics, there must be a reason, and it's important enough for him that maybe it's worth it. At which point investigating a facility that might be more appropriate for his abilities is something to think about.

There are all manner of autoimmune diseases that have "flares" during ovulation, menses, pregnancy, menopause, etc, because changes in hormones can increase/decrease inflammation, leading to a cyclical appearance of symptoms. However the underlying inflammation is still the true culprit.... Raising your vit. D will help. Having family history of skin nasties and my own diplastic nevus in the era of cancer several years ago, I was obsessed about indulging my inner vampire, but after we discovered how low my Vit. D was, and that low vit. D inhibits DNA repair, I decided to opt for safe, daily sun exposure. Or daily theoretical sun exposure, given where we live. Early mornings, before sunset, never full sun in midafternoon. I take Vit. D supplements, but I figure if it's necessary, and our body does it naturally, and the sun is required for that to happen, there is a reason for this, so I'd rather not rely exclusively on supplements.

Beyond that.... If it were me, and I knew then what I knew now about my own body, it wouldn't have taken me 3 years to do a proper elimination diet.

Beyond processed foods, I think the real culprit is sugar. Simple carbs. They raise the blood sugar which itself raises inflammation.

I try to stick to stuff the way nature grew it and we evolved eating it.... I don't do red meat not because of some philosophical reason but because of proteins that are similar to, but not the same as, ours, which our body uses as if they were the right kind, kind of like carbon monoxide..... it is being investigated as a trigger for autoimmune disease, and has been shown to raise inflammatory markers.

I do one hugenormous baby greens (cheap at Costco, organic) bowl of salad... I like mine pretty basic... cranberries, pecans, enough bleu cheese to make me happy, ditto for raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. Sometimes twice a day. I limit protein, which binds to antioxidants, and reduces ORAC. I don't eat proteins with antioxidant rich foods, I eat them separately. I stick to fish, omega enriched eggs, and chicken and plant proteins.

Absent any other changes, this drops my CRP, my total cholesterol, and improves my ratios.

It keeps me off pain meds (that and chiropractic care) and after a lifetime of struggle with weight (which I was told was fat but we now know was lipolymphedema) I am losing weight at a steady clip, and eating what I want, when I want. Including occasional treats. If I up my antioxidant intake before and after, and make sure to increase activity to offset the effects of refined sugars.... I am ok. With small servings.

And tea. Lots of tea. dozens of kinds. Yerba Mate most mornings.... herbal teas early evening. Sleepytime types every night before bed. I don't think I metabolize alcohol and coffee sans cream and sugar of some type makes me shudder, but green/mint tea, or yerba mate, or vanilla sleepytime.... plain. Or a touch of honey. Yum. :)

It would be interesting to know what your cholesterol and CRP are.....

[Carolina]

I second the idea that there is value in doing something you are bad at and it is specifically the experience doing something you are bad at.

There is so much trouble for kids who are super good at school and spend the majority of their lives in school and therefore start to feel like there is no use in going on living if they are not easily successful at everything to which they put their hand. Knowing that you can suck at something and still do it, and maybe still have fun doing it: all good life lessons.

Reminds me of some of the ideas in this (and others) article on 'Ivy Retardation': http://www.theamericanscholar.org/the-disadvantages-of-an-elite-education/

[Hetty Fauxvert]

I will cut to the last thing first. There is a concept called "learned helplessness" that is incredibly debilitating. If kids (or anyone, really, but especially kids because their opinions of the world are still forming) get placed in a situation where (a) they suck (at whatever activity), and (b) no matter how they try, they cannot un-suck, after a while they just feel helpless and stop trying. And very unfortunately, this learned helplessness can spread around to other aspects of their lives.

I think it would be fine for Patrick to just be having fun if it were a class where no progress, as such, is expected, such as a painting class. One hopes to improve with the painting, but ordinarily there are no milestones to reach in a craftsy-type class. But if there are clear milestones to reach and EVERYONE is reaching them but Patrick, That Is Not Good. And yes, since he was reaching milestones (slowly, but still) before the new teacher, I would lay the blame at the new teacher's feet. Get him into a different class.

[tgsdmom]

Do the OT evaluation for Patrick. Ask the OT if he/she can recommend an extracurricular activity for him. BTW, I would emphasize the fun part. If he needs to work on his skills, have him go to some OT sessions...

Patrick would probably enjoy a sport if he can feel good at it. Therefore, I would suggest to avoid the competitive sports. Consider hiking (I think he already does that?) and/or horseback riding (can be very good for his posture, balance and confidence).

The Farm? I just had the image of Steve feeding deer over there and then hunting them. Brrrr....

[Bea]

I was left in gym without making progress for several years, and it was highly discouraging, and I wouldn't recommend it. But it's delicate. You don't want it to be, from Patrick's point of view, that you Expect More From Him. You want it to be about whether he's happy with his progress and what can you do to help him if he isn't, which is quite a tricky line to walk.

With me, it was a single stumbling block that kept me from going up a level. If someone had been willing to put in a little extra work with me on that particular movement, I would have moved on at a more or less normal rate, and today you might know me as an olympic silver medalist. Or I would just have been slightly better adjusted during high school, maybe. And not someone who detested all sports ever forever or for close to it. The next thing I got into was about a decade later, and although I don't exactly compete at a national level, I still like to revisit the sport here and there and have fond memories - and this because I was able to get more individual attention on my problem points, so I felt I was making some sort of progress, be it slow. And this because I had decent teachers (at least some of them).

So. I would pursue it if Patrick is not happy with his progress, and see if the teacher - the one in the room - can name anything specific to work on, or failing that maybe someone like an OT can give some exercises. Or failing that, maybe there's another activity he can segue into that's not exactly throwing the tumbling away, but shifting the goals to something more attainable. Some sort of dance?

Bea

[Alison]

Extracurriculars (how DOES one spell that?) of the sporting variety are an area of deep suspicion for me. Josh is recently 5 and I've only enrolled him in one (Gymnastics and the Y) once, and actually withdrew him instantly, for a reason that seems pervasive in these activities:

They're taught by people (often High School kids) who have zero idea of how the young body is developing and acquiring abilities - like depth perception etc. So - they're teaching, at best, inappropriately, at worst, in a way that increases risk of injury.

My thoughts, I will admit, are in agreement with Rae Pica's, she of the "Running Start" book. You might want to have a look at it.

http://www.amazon.com/Running-Start-Physical-Activity-Successful/dp/1569242844

Josh has had some OT to help with a hand congenital abnormality. He is actually wildly gifted in physical abilities,balance but has some trouble crossing the midline when writing that we're working on. Which is a long way of saying, I'd have Patrick assessed.

[QoB]

Speaking for myself, kids do activities out of school because school can suck; it can be boring; and it doesn't (and CAN'T, and we shouldn't expect it to) cover everything a child should learn - or just might want to learn.
For example, I did swimming, drama, art, hockey, tennis, Irish dance and piano between the ages of 5 and 12, and although I'm sure my parents were bankrupted and sometimes I hated it (hello, tennis), it was worth it. It was fun, and gave me resources. I kept up piano, drama and art through school. I still play piano; and my career is drama-related (in a good way...).

I would talk to his teacher and see what can be done. It seems like Patrick is bright enough to notice he's not progressing. And tumbling skills are useful - I wish one of my many classes had been gymnastics cos I still can't do a cartwheel...

[marion]

Eh, while I think there's benefit to kids learning they're not perfect at everything, Julia is paying $135 a class for Patrick to get the same experience he could get throwing himself on an old mattress at home. Essentially, she's paying more than $100 a pop for an instructor who appears to do nothing. That's not acceptable, and the fact that Patrick is discouraged indicates that he's not having enough fun for the cost/benefit analysis to work out (not to mention the fact that this could be setting him up for an aversion to physical activity down the road).

In her shoes, I'd return to the gym and tell someone in management, "While I'm sure New Instructor is a terrific guy, my son's progress in this class totally stopped when the instructors changed, and we're getting to the point where we can't justify the fee per class. Yes, my son is having fun, but he can have fun in other ways. What are your suggestions?" There's a recession on. Being cavalier about your customers' issues is a bad idea.

As for the headaches: See a neurologist. It's very, very common for migraines (in women) to be linked to hormonal cycles. That in and of itself is not a sign that something is off with your hormones. If you have *other* signs that something is off with your hormones, then an RE might well be helpful, but absent those, hit up the neurologist. My suggestion: Get some vitamin B2 from wherever you obtain your vitamin D supplements and start taking 400mg a day.

[Sandra]

RE: moral compass - I have long held that my son (now 11-1/2) may have a brilliant future in law enforcement, given his tendency to insist that EVERYONE ELSE follow rules to the letter while finding exceptions for himself. No offense toward any readers in law enforcement intended.

[Anita]

I'd suggest OT.

our 4 year old (now 5) tested at a 2 year old level in several gross motor skill exercises. He was in OT for well over a year and now is testing at average.

He loved it--lots of games he adn the teacher played one on one and his skills are much better now.

My husband and brother---both quite tall---had serious coordination issues until they were past their teens.

We're hoping we helped our son with his coordination issues early before he can be embarrassed about them.

HTH!

[Pam L]

Hopefully kids do activities out of class because they want to, not because the parents want to make sure they keep up with all their neighbors kids. I never forced an activity or sport on my boys and did not start my youngest in T-ball because he couldn't make up his mind and I wasn't going to be dragging an unhappy 5 yr old to games all season that he didn't want to be at. When they did tell me they wanted to be in a sport I explained that once they were signed up they were in it for the season. The only way I would take them out was if the coach was horrible with kids or something, which never happened. Other activities the same. In Tae Kwon Do Paul was so close to Black Belt when he wanted to take a break. It was a lot as he was also working on his Eagle in Scouts. After a few months he went back and got his Black Belt , which I encouraged not for me but because I thought he would really regret it if he didn't. After this , in High School we like him to be in one sport a year as it gets him out doing physical activity he might not otherwise get. He is not a big team kid, like football and baseball, and has been in summer and school track since middle school because it's more of an individual, beat your own record kind of thing for the most part, especially since he does only field events now. He is not a star and there will be no scholarships coming his way but he likes it. So, long story short, they have to enjoy it. I would ask Patrick how HE feels about it, but I would lean towards finding an instructor that could help him progress or maybe find another activity. But, he is old enough to tell you what he wants to do.

[Slim]

My oldest was the worst player on his baseball team when he was in kindergarten. But he loved it; he just got frustrated with being bad at it. So even though I didn't want to be one of those mothers, I signed him up for some clinics in the off-season and my peerless spouse practiced with him in the back yard, and now he is pretty good. I think there's a value in learning to enjoy something when you're not the very best at it, but I also think there's value in learning that there are things you can do to get better at it. It sounds as though the latter isn't happening with the current teacher, and Patrick is feeling it. So if it were my kid, I'd be getting him set up with another teacher.

[JennG]

I guess I'll just give the anecdata. I was in ballet for 9 years and I was terrible at it and I did not progress a whole lot after a certain point - but I loved it.

It was good for me to have something I was bad at and enjoying where the pressure was off.

However it wasn't due to poor instruction.

[Christine]

1. You can always just see a regular old endocrinologist. But you might just ask your doctor what she thinks or when you should go.

2. Try the OT, couldn't hurt right? and if you think it's a waste of time/money you can always stop.

Good luck! I love the twins, they are so stinking cute.

[Life in Eden]

Ok, been trying to write this comment for over an hours -- but my twins just won't cooperate!
It is a bit eerie to read about Patricks coordination problems. All our children are about 6 months younger than yours and share some similar issues. Our oldest is turning 7 and has always struggled with coordination (can't ride a bike still, trouble even with a scooter), he also received OT for fine motor delay and speech for articulation. His OT noted core muscle weaknesses, but the fine motor treatment took priority as he was in kindergarten. Instead he took an after school karate program and loved it. He did it last summer and excelled. But here is the key -- the instructor and private lessons. This program insisted on a combination of group lessons and once-a-week 30 min private or semi-private instruction. He did wonderfully, we were thrilled.

Then we moved. The chaos of a new house, town, school. We jumped into a Tae Kwon Do program that was down the street and the neighbors participated in. Big mistake. We spent 6 months with him in group only classes, instruction was very poor with few adults and many youth instructors. As others said, instructing in a physical activity takes a unique skill, and none of these people had it. We just pulled him out last week, and now he is reluctant to start yet another karate program. He doesn't want to start over, and he is discouraged in his skills.

Anyway, what I'm saying is ... definitely address the instruction, it really matters. And a few private lessons can really make a difference for kids like mine. And thanks, because I'm reconsidering going back to OT. Maybe it will give him the jump start he needs. (oh and please know that I really recommend karate too, just be sure the instructor is a good match for how he learns and discuss that he has some issues and be sure they address them. karate can really be great)

[elise]

I'll just pimp out my favorite gross motor (and fine motor) activity for OT, therapeutic horseback riding! If you do get Patrick diagnosed with any sort of delay, sounds like any of the coordination issues would be pretty easy to put a sticker on, you could enroll him in a TR class. If the farm is of any interest to him, large animals and all that, my guess is he wouldn't have a hard time excelling at horse riding. It requires a great deal of symmetrical coordination and the confidence boost from controlling a 1200lb animal is a nice side effect as well. Blah blah blah I could go on for days, I've been teaching TR for several years now and it's a blast. I think one of our barns is located in your neck of the woods and typically has a harder time filling up class which would mean the waiting list would significantly be reduced if you were interested in that location. Email me if you want any more info or just want to see me talk about horses for days and days. ;)

[Katie]

O.T.O.T.O.T!!!!
Another pediatric O.T. fan here. I believe every child--and I do mean every child--could benefit from it but some really need it. It is a field that, in my view, is more nuanced than nuclear physics and can yield results even more powerful. I think your issue is bilateral something-or-other but a good pediatric O.T. could tell you exactly. But you need a good one because there are a lot of bad ones out there. A not-too-far drive from your farm will get you the best one in the country. E-mail me if you want her name.
As for extracurriculars, I think fun is as good a measure as any but I must cop to being chronically pressed for time and resentful of the commitment such activities require of me. Bad mommy I know.

[Donna Bradman]

Trampoline. One with sides so the little bugs don't fall out. I swear to god there is nothing better than mucking round on a trampoline for developing balance and symmetrical awareness and strength. My two year old's proprioceptive powers knock those of his peers and Superman out of the county. And the tramp is fun. (For them. My stomach makes a dash for my toenails when I'm on it and I ain't interested.)

[Jessie]

I don't have any children but I was a very uncoordinated child who would have gladly shaven my head and pulled all of my teeth out myself if I could have had the option of getting out of daily gym classes. It was (and the memories still hurt, and I am 34!) a supremely humiliating experience, one that I dreaded day in and day out. It doesn't sound like that is the case with Patrick but maybe just check in with him and make sure he's enjoying it would be a good idea.

I think if he genuinely likes it and money isn't an issue then he should continue on regardless of improvement.

[Marla]

I've gotta pile on with the Karate suggestions. 6 years ago, I had no idea what martial arts were all about (I thought it was all fighting and bleah I hated that) but someone suggested it to us for our then-6-year-old firstborn to help with his attention issues, so we tried it. Shopped around a few schools and eventually found one we liked.

6 years later, our entire family is enrolled, my oldest son and I passed our black belt tests together last fall, (which was an excellent experience for us to work toward together as parent and child,) my second son will likely test for his black belt next year (at which point I will test for my second degree so that he and I can have the same bonding experience through the testing process,) and my husband and 3rd son are now a year into their training.

And actually, since others have mentioned OT - my second son is 9 and we have recently learned that he has sensory integration disorder. I've been feeling incredibly guilty for being so late to the party as far as getting him diagnosed and getting him the help he needs, but the OT told me that martial arts are considered a form of therapy for this disorder in some cases, so essentially, my kid has been able to fly under the radar for so long with this condition because he's been receiving therapy at least twice a week for 5 years, we just didn't know it. That made me feel much better.

I could bore everyone to death by going on and on about the benefits of martial arts training, but yeah. It may be time for a change, and I'd suggest checking that out.

[Shawna]

Am I the only person who doesn't know what OT is? Of course, that won't stop me from weighing in...

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect progress if that's what Patrick wants to happen. If he's happy as a clam continuing as he is and really only cares about the playing vs. the progression, good on him. I was like that with swimming and ice skating: I went to the pool every summer and out on our pond every winter and never got much beyond a dog paddle or skating forwards without being able to stop without running out of steam or into something. And I was fine with that, but I wasn't in lessons, I was just goofing around in the pool and on the ice enjoying myself.

I suspect though, that most people, of any age, who put an effort into something on a regular basis would eventually stop having fun if they never got any better at it. Maybe keep an eye on Patrick to see if he gets to the point where he might welcome a suggestion of an alternate activity to try? Then you're not just leaving in defeat, but switching to something new and maybe even better.

[JustLinda]

My 8-year-old is in karate. She's been in it for 3 years, maybe, and has never belt-tested. She's not interested in belt-testing. She doesn't think she's very good, nor does she seem interested in becoming very good. She has fun going to the class with her dad and sister and she knows that it's a good fitness exercise for her body.

And, sure, I wondered if - from an ego standpoint - there was detriment to this. Should she want to excel? Does it HURT her psyche to go week after week and not really achieve anything?

But she DOES achieve plenty in other areas - and in some she is driven to achieve and she knows she is GOOD and she challenges herself to be better. Some of these things are physical things, like soccer and basketball.

So I've decided that she's fine. She can keep doing karate for as long as she wishes and I don't care if she ever does a perfect side-kick or gets a belt that is a different color than the white one everyone starts with.

With Patrick, if he has other areas where he feels strong, where he's challenging himself and growing, well, then I would let gymnastics be just 'fun' and know that there is some amount of learning and growth and experience even if it doesn't manifest the way you're looking for it...

[Dara]

Does the gym offer private lessons? If you can afford it, I would try a couple of private lessons. My 7 year old daughter had big motor skill problems and had received OT/PT during preschool through first grade (about 3 years). She takes ballet and she wasn't progressing. After one private lesson, she improved tremendously. She enjoys it, so it was worth the extra time and money.

[txtingmrdarcy]

@Crystal- THANK YOU for those suggestions (please don't read the caps as sarcasm, it's definitely meant as enthusiasm.) I'm dealing with the onset of severe headaches and so far we haven't figured out what's causing them. I just know that I feel worse when I take medications, so i'm really trying to go more natural with lots of fluids, exercise and a little bit of aromatherapy. You're the second person to suggest tea, and i'll definitely look into it.

Julia, maybe it's just that your writing is so great, but reading your phonetics of Edward's speech made complete sense to me. Every word was understandable. Perhaps he's just taking a laid-back approach to communication, as seems to be his personality?