Shortie

Tracy wanted to see a picture of Caroline when she is really mad as opposed to Cecil B DeMille mad and as it so happens I have a nice anger shot from Sunday.

Feel free to enlarge it to get the full effect of her set jaw, puffed out lip and lowered brow but I think the annoyance is evident even from here. I took this seconds after she said, "That is IT, Ed-wad!" and hopped off the swing like she was about to go over and clean his clock for him. I have no idea what he had done to enrage her but even with no knees Edward can run like a cake frosted warm when he must; so she never got a chance to clarify things.

Generally when he is being a total total she ignores him, which is good because between the hitting and the hair pulling and the Genghis Khanian need to have all of the toys and Asia and chunks of Europe he can be... trying. Oh and they have completely different taste in books right now so that two year old thing when they want you to read the same book a million times? Involves Edward putting Kitten's First Full Moon on top of Seuss as Caroline puts Seuss on top of Kitten over and over and over while they both say, "READ IT AGAIN?"  

Twins. Twins are good.

The picture also captures the last day of her pigtails (for a while) since I took her to get a haircut yesterday and had them give her a summery bob. I think the new cut makes her look months younger. 

One of the millions of nice things about Caroline is that she takes direction beautifully so that when I fail to have a camera ready she can usually be talked into performing a re-enactment.

So I asked: What did Mommy do when she turned the corner and found Caroline on the bookshelf?

Right! She screamed.

And then what did Caroline do?

Yeah. She thought it was very funny.

+

I actually have nothing whatsoever against Winne the Pooh. My childish problem (in that it is entirely emotional and also it started during my childhood) is with Pooh's creator, AA Milne, who behaved like a complete cad to my beloved Wodehouse. When I was 8 years old I read my first collection of Wodehouse short stories (Mulliners) and I promptly became a devoted - one might say rabid and irrational - lifelong fan. After a complicated... oh let's call it a misunderstanding... involving Wodehouse and the Nazis, AA Milne took it upon himself to be a dick about it as publicly as possible. Afterward kindly PG said, "Nobody could be more anxious than myself . . . that Alan Alexander Milne should trip over a loose bootlace and break his bloody neck" and that was enough for me.

Robyn pointed out that Pooh and company live in Hundred Acre Wood not Giant Woods or Enormous Forest or whatever I called it and I have no doubt she is right. I wouldn't know. So that is the deal with me and Poopy the bear. If it weren't for my sworn blood feud I would probably find him charming.

+

We inherited nice landscaping from the people who built our house. They obviously knew what they were doing - from the twelve foot tall fence around the vegetable garden to the well-planned flower beds - so for the past seven years we have been content to ride their coattails. Unfortunately we began to realize last year that you cannot just leave a garden to its own devices indefinitely. Bushes get bushier and lawn and beds start turf (hmmm) wars and fewer and fewer irises show up each year and the whole place starts to take on a neglected air. I was not sure what to do about this. I do not garden. I do not know why plants grow or do not grow or anything. Last Fall I took an optimistic pair of hedge clippers to some of the more aggressive shrubs in hopes they would be cowed in the Spring but it just looks like a botanist went homicidal.

So I had one of those epiphanies you get when you hit the bottom of things. Namely: I had been so worried about screwing things up that I have not wanted to touch anything the original owners put it but now it looks so terrible I figured nothing we could do would make it worse. So we just took out the scary overgrown bushes and it looks a thousand times better. Less is more and mulch covers a multitude of sins. Or will cover a multitude if I can find any. Am I crazy or didn't there used to be free piles of mulch everywhere around this time of year? You know when a municipality does tree work and then mulches the wood and leaves it for people? I called our county and talked to a woman who thought I was insane when I asked about this. She did tell me that she had seen bags of the stuff at Home Depot, which is true but also not free. I was sort of looking forward to free.

Right now I am going to take advantage of the brief "nap" period and go back out and tackle the vegetable plot. I think Steve and I must've been mutually depressed last autumn because we clearly did nothing outside before winter. The leaf piles in the garden are three feet high.

So this is more of a postcard than a post but there it is .

As long as I am offending you by bitch-slapping beloved childhood icons I might as well tell you that I hate the book Guess How Much I Love You because I think big nutbrown hare is a complete jerk and that his need to not only compete with little nutbrown hare but one-up him at all times is pathological.

I heartily dislike the drawings in Dr Seuss.

Curious George disturbs me: from the monkey-napping to the pipe to the zoo. But I like the art.

Madeline loses its rhythm halfway through and I have never figured out if Miss Clavell is supposed to be a nun. If yes, why the mademoiselle? If no, why the weird headgear?

And you? Any classics you wish to defend or pummel?

PS I love everything by Sandra Boynton (who ALWAYS scans properly) and the Hobans whose books were both clever and lovely. 

PPS OH! I forgot until I saw Alanna's comment about Boynton and the word "ugly" (I concur by the way) that I do not care for But Not The Hippopotamus. I think it is mean. 

PPPS So you think that the hippopotamus is just shy? And that the other animals - busy as they are drinking juice and trying on hats - are not being deliberately unkind? OK. I accept this. Now is there innocent explanation for why the elephant is not allowed to use the swings and the bunny cannot play basketball? Because those two couplets are even meaner. And both Caroline and Edward automatically say Ewwwwww whenever they hear the word broccoli. Caroline then looks at it with her hands folded and Edward eats a metric ton.

Comments

[Alanna]

I agree totally about the nutbrown hare, but my son likes the book just fine.

[Alanna]

Oh, and I have a grudge against Sandra Boynton for using the word "ugly" too often.

[Lauren]

I really dislike The Giving Tree. My worldview screams "UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP"

[Kelli]

I was just pondering this morning - What in the world does Walt Disney have against two parent families, and in particular mothers? Snow White - no mother, father dies. Cindarella - no mother, father dies. Bambi - mom dies. Belle - no mother. Jasmine - no mother. I think it must be a plot device - how do you create tension for a child? Hit them where it hurts - rock their world by removing a parent, which I think would shake the very foundation of any child growing up in a two parent household. I have nothing against a one parent household if that is where life leads you. But we are a two parent household, and I'm not particularly fond of some of my kid's favorite movies leading my child to wonder what life would be life if one died, and then worrying about it, then having scary dreams about it, etc. What gives, Disney?

Big, BIG fans of Sandra Boynton.

Have to say, we love Seuss. My son discovered The Lorax this Christmas and loved it. Feels very strongly about the Truffalas. Love the rhymes and the rhythm, too.

[Mary]

I've always thought "I'll Love You Forever" (Robert Munsch) was a bit creepy, with the Mom climbing into her grown son's room in a different house with a ladder at night, for God's sake. I have a very soft spot for the good Dr. Seuss, however, starting pretty much from the time I could hold a book. Luckily my kids find him equally enchanting.

[Di]

Nope, not a fan of Nutbrown Hare either. And, I really dislike the mom-as-stalker overtones of The Runaway Bunny. (...and I will find you!)

I have no idea about Miss Clavel. I do still love it, even though I hate the rhyme. You sort of have to plow through to get it to scan right, but then the story sort of disintegrates.

I love Sandra Boynton. Ever since my BFF gave me a mug for my birthday when I was 16, Boynton has had a firm place in my heart.

I find much of Dr. Seuss tedious.

[liza]

Ditto The Giving Tree. That book is all about women's self-sacrifice to the nth degree and turns my stomach.

[Christy]

I collected all the Sandra Boynton books before I even had kids...I'm waiting for my daughter to properly appreciate them, because right now she only likes to fling them off her bookshelf in the nightly emptying exercise.

What are your feelings on Kevin Henkes? He's my second favorite.

[L.]

Nothing better to say than: Yes! About the stupid nutbrown hare! Why can't he just let the kid have his little triumphs?! There aren't many books with good father figures: why does this one have to be such a jerk? My son never liked the book--I don't blame him.

[MamaBirdNYC]

Really? Even the Sandra Boynton book where she says some games are too small for the elephant? That always offended me.

[jenn]

I loathe "Guess How Much I Love You". Ditto "Love You Forever" which creeps me out. Ew. I can totally picture my MIL sneaking into my house to cradle my husband or tie a little pink bow around his johnson. Whatever.

You didn't ask, but "Frog & Toad" by Arnold Loebel is my all-time favorite. Hilarious in the driest, most understated of ways.

[Kirsten]

I completely agree about Guess How Much I Love You and Runaway Bunny and Love You Forever.....

As for Disney's hatred of mothers, a lot of fairy tales have absent mothers, so one could argue that Disney is just faithfully representing their source material. (Ha, as if!) But in my opinion, they take moms out of the story even when they don't need to, so I'm not buying it. My daughter asked where the mom was in The Little Mermaid, and we said "um uh we don't know, what do *you* think?" She concluded that Mom was at work. So there you go.

[Emma]

I echo the Boynton sentiments. I'm pretty sure I could recite "Pajama Time" in its entirety! I also really like Peggy Rathmann's books these days.

[Julia]

OOOH! DAMN IT! This post is going to turn into a big disclaimer.

Ok, I like the rock and rock and rock to sleep and I like Hippos go berserk. But you're too small for basketball (says you, says Caroline) and you're too big to use the swings: AWFUL. Agreed.

[TeacherMommy]

I adore (ADORE) Wodehouse but have managed to maintain my adoration for (CLASSIC) Winnie-the-Pooh (not being so into Disney as All That) to the extent of including Odd Capitalization in my writing to assist with the occasional Need for Emphasis.

I also adore Boynton, especially "But Not the Hippopotamus" because it makes me giggle Every Time at the end when the armadillo comes into play.

I do agree that Silverstein, who was usually so brilliant, went awry with "The Giving Tree." I know it supposedly teaches a good moral and all that crap, but it is crap.

The book that so many people seem to adore that I just don't get is "Rainbow Fish." It's just....dull. And obvious. And preachy.

[Karen O]

Free mulch? Often full of seeds.
That sprout.
Creating - more weeds.

(Guess how I know this?)

[Loonanj]

Yes! The illustrations in Dr. Seuss are hateful in a way I can't put my finger on.

Nutbrown hare is stupid. My children are bored by it.

Lauren is eternally correct about the Giving Tree.

I'll Love You Forever is terrifying.

But YES! The Hippopotomus. And anything touched by Helen Oxenbury.

[Regina]

The Beauty and the Beast is my least favorite Disney movie ever, why oh why would we tell out little girls that it is okay to follow some creepy monster to his home because then he will turn into a prince. Sorry nope, that's not how life works. Ditto on the absent mother in this one.
I have never cared much for Winnie the Poop either.

[Anna]

I know, I know, but I don't really dislike the beatrix potter books. At the end of Jemima Puddleduck or any of them really, I'm always thinking to myself, what the helll?!?! But I do like the art.
And maybe I'm alone here, but my kids will always read an Eric Carle book execpt 'the mixed up chameleon' for some
reason.

[Denise]

My husband would say that he hates hates hates Richard Scarry books with their dozens of items per page. When I was a kid, though, I loved them. I agree they are tedious AND LONG to read out loud.

[Flesworthy]

I couldn't agree more about Guess How Much I Love You.

Overall, I enjoy reading Dr. Seuss to my twins, but I can't stand Cat in the Hat. I realize it's not a true story, but I still get mad at the mother. How does she think it's okay to leave her two small children at home by themselves with a fish in charge? (Needless to say, I don't think we'll ever do the Thing 1 & Thing 2 Halloween costumes that seem to be required with twins.)

[liz s]

Just don't "dis" with my beloved Anne of Green Gables. Please! I love her dearly despite or because of her faults.

[Sally]

Love You Forever - HATE. I try to convince myself it's supposed to be funny in a tounge in cheeck sorta way but really, it just comes off as SUPER HELLA CREEPY.

[Stephanie]

The Giving Tree

So I'm just supposed to give you everything I have and then when I have nothing left I supposed to give you that too. AND who raised this rude selfish boy. Ok I will step off my soapbox someone else can have it now.

[Jan]

Loathed Seuss illustrations as a kid and still creeped out by them. Same for Babar. Madeleine boring. Think Scarry is stupid. Agree that Hoban (both Lillian and Russell) books are wonderful. Loved "Make Way for Ducklings," a Golden Book of "Prayers for Children" for its illustrations (I was an am irreligious, though), the classic Tall Book of Mother Goose, also for its illustrations: http://collectingchildrensbooks.blogspot.com/2009/12/bathroom-reading.html (I still have it!). I also remember one about a Marmalade Cat that I liked, and then a engaging series my brother had about a group of animal friends - one was a blue hippo. I didn't spend that much time with picture books after the age of twoish, though, preferring to be read to from chapter books and then reading them by first grade. Devoured Laura Ingalls Wilder, although I didn't like Ma -- apparently Laura had mixed feelings, too. Cried so hard over Black Beauty that it had to be taken away from me. Loved the Secret Garden. (Even though you "don't garden" can't you pretend you're in that book and revive your flower beds? :-) Mostly I went through every series book about horses or dogs that was available in the 50s -- Albert Payson Terhune, the Black Stallion series, of course, but there were many, many more, most of which I have been unable to find. But I digress, you were inviting us to defend or trash picture book classics. I think Miss Clavell's headress is a variation on the cap that nannies wore in England and Europe, which does look like a novice nun's coif.

[Alison M]

Equally terrified by Love You Forever, and equally enamoured by Boynton. Though, I have to admit that she is getting lazy in her later works, by mostly just replicating existing songs into "new" books. Also, I find the new Pookie character does not stand up against time-tested classics like Hippos Go Berzerk and Blue Hat, Green Hat. Perhaps I am overthinking this?

[Alison M]

also - Goodnight Moon is a classic, but its companion "My World" is a little weird. :)

[Amy]

I hate Curious George. I like the character, but I hate the premise of all the books. Several years ago my 3rd and 4th grade students were on a Curious George kick and wanted me to read one of the books every day after lunch. I think I spoiled the magic for them when I kept interjecting with comments like, "how awful that he was captured and taken from the jungle!" and "who does the Man in the Yellow Hat think he IS, anyway?!"

I also don't get Madeline at all. I think the stories are boring and the artwork varies widely from sloppy and terrible to interestingly inspired by something quite lovely. I hate the inconsistency of it.

[Lou Lou]

Jan, I think you are thinking of Orlando the Marmalade Cat. I loved those as a kid.

Not much on Seuss. I end up thinking, Anyone can rhyme if you make up the words.

I hate the big nutbrown hair.

Love You Forever is creepy because the author wrote it to his two stillborn children (he explains it on his site). Full of sympathy because of a similar experience but knowing that makes it actually more, not less, creepy.

I love Richard Scarry except for Lowly Worm, who I think is actually quite full of himself.

[Meegan]

The drawings in Dr. Seuss are dreadful. Sandra Boynton is awesome (and her brother taught my middle school pottery classes). I like Curious George, but I agree with you about Madeline. My beef is with that creepy book "I Love You For Always". There is nothing normal about a mother sneaking in her teenager's, much less adult, son's room and rocking him without his knowledge whilst he slumbers. And the song? "I'll like you forever, I'll love you forever, as long as YOU'RE LIVING my baby you'll be". That's just weird. (My parents have a copy. My mother finds it charming as does my 3 year old daughter. Go figure.)

[ASH]

I find that there are too many sociopaths in Dr. Seuss. Whenever commanded to read "Cat in the Hat" or "Green Eggs and Ham," I always want to use a sinister crypt-keeper-type voice for the Cat (who always "laughs" his lines, rather than saying them) and Sam-I-Am. And re-reading this I noticed that I am often coerced into doing things; I suppose the appeal to my son is a reflection of the natural pathological state (an oxymoron, I know) of toddlerhood?

[ali]

Echoing dislike of "Guess How Much I Love You". I also hate the one-upmanship (spell check didn't like that) of the big bunny.
The Boynton book that bothered me was the wake up sleepy head one that has the bunny eating broccoli stew and the hippo saying eeww! Why even hint that broccoli is not yummy? I always changed the last page to "For the bunny, she'll share with you."
And I refused to let "I'll love you forever" into my house.

[Jana]

I also find "I'll Love You Forever" super creepy. I used to work in a bookstore and I couldn't believe it when I first saw it -- was convinced it had to be some kind of joke or prank.

I loved Curious George as a small child. Now, however, it also seems pretty creepy: the capturing, the oddly close relationship with the Man in the Yellow Hat . . . just kinda off.

Love, love, love Frances Hodgson Burnett: Secret Garden, Little Princess, Little Lord Fauntleroy (in that order) and The Little House books.

[Z]

I think mulch tends to be more available in the fall and winter--municipalities that offer it make it out of collected leaves and dead Christmas trees.

[Melanie]

No, no, no -- have to totally disagree on Runaway Bunny and Love You Forever. I waited so long and so hard for my baby son -- I WILL love him forever and there isn't anything he can do, nowhere he can go that I won't still love him.

Totally agree on The Giving Tree, though. All that boy does is take and take, with no concern for the consequences of his actions. Where is the empathy?

And what about the Velveteen Rabbit? I always felt sorry for all the other stuffed animals.

And now that I think about it, poor Pooh. Christopher Robin just goes off and forgets him. Kinda like Puff the Magic Daragon, really, which always leaves me a little misty-eyed.

[jd]

Peggy Rathmann's Ten Minutes till Bedtime. That is all.

Except for commenting that Lowly Worm has a right to be full of himself, because he has successfully figured out how to wear a shirt without having shoulders.

Oh, and what the heck, I'll throw out "The Gruffalo" as well, because it's awesome.

[Meg]

I bet you'd enjoy these—Werner Herzog reads and provides some social commentary on Madeline, Curious George, and Mike Mulligan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57EDxvldLD4&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T8y5EPv6Y8&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z1R5vDG2Tg&feature=channel

He really hits on the most disturbing aspects of each story.

[Deborah VA]

What about Leo Lionni's books? I think they are wonderful with brilliant illustrations. We especially like Swimmy and Inch By Inch.

[babelbabe]

ohmigod, I thought I was the only freak who was thoroughly creeped out by Love You Forever, if only because I too can totally see my MIL re-enacting this. I hate The Rainbow Fish, too.

[Missy]

Julius, Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes. I don't think it qualifies as a classic children's book, but I can't stand it so I had to share!

We had to take it away (hide it and pretend we have no idea where it went) after the 3-year-old started marching around calling everything "disgusting." The book has a decent point: at first a new sibling is a big adjustment, yet at some point the big siblings learn to love the baby. But Henkes gets there the long, obnoxious way. My child focused on the "disgusting" part and not the love thy sibling part!

There are a lot of children's books I cannot stand, honestly. What I really hate is when my in-laws give my kids a book I've never read, and then read it to the kids before I get a chance to approve it (or hide it). They notoriously buy age-inappropriate reading material.

I've been stalking - um, reading - your blog for a long time now and have no idea why I haven't commented before. I really enjoy your writing. Thanks for always putting a smile on my face.

[MaryAnn]

Lauren said:

"I really dislike The Giving Tree. My worldview screams "UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP""

I was part of a book group (it was focused on sustainable practices/ discussions) and we had to bring a book to discuss. I brought the Giving Tree and we all discussed the unhealthy relationship shown in this book, plus how we use our resources.

This really opened my eyes about this book because I use to see it as a ah, so sweet story of the tree giving to the boy. But it is so sad imho. Like Lauren said, it's unhealthy for man (the boy) to take, take, take!

[yammeringon]

@ the Love You Forever haters - I also cannot read it, but for a different reason. I read somewhere that Munsch wrote it for his stillborn child. I read this while I was about 7 months pregnant with my second and haven't been able to read it again without ending up in a puddle on the floor. If it weren't for that backstory, I'd agree, creepy. Having lost a pregnancy, I can see inspiration. Which makes me want to read it even less than when I just thought it was creepy.
http://www.robertmunsch.com/books.cfm?bookid=40

LOVE: Shel Silverstein, Sandra Boynton.
HATE: those fucking books with the cartoon picture instead of the word. They're intended to help kids to learn to read but as a reader and parent of a kindergardner I cry BULLSHIT.

[Heather]

I couldn't loathe Curious George more. Even if you forget the creepy kidnapping from the jungle because that's only in the first story, there is still a wrong lesson threaded into each story. George constantly does the opposite of what he's told to do, and then it always works out perfect for him anyway. Is that what I want my kiddos to learn will happen when they don't listen to Mama? Yes, it's great to be scientifically curious, and the TV show particularly does a good job demonstrating that, but I can't get past my dislike of the tired formula and message there either.

When my boys were about 4, I finally told them I wasn't reading any more non-fiction books about anything that required gas/diesel. I'm still conflicted about it, because generally I think a parent should read what the kid wants, but man was it nice to read something other than "this is a bulldozer, this is a scraper, this is a jackhammer". Believe him, I put in my time with them first. And Dad enjoyed them, so they were still available half of the time.

[Kelly]

LOVE Boynton books - agreed on But not the hippopotamus. I always feel so sad for him, and why should he run off with them at the end? Because I make up movements to a lot of them, my sons do the movements and 'Stand with the donkey, sliiiiiiide with the sheep' - sometimes sends my not so great at balancing son tumbling onto his side.

Agree about Julius Baby of the World. I feel like they take too long to get to the point.

OH - I almsot forgot. Angelina Ballerina irks me because she is classified as "bring naughty" when she wont let the boys catch her on the playground. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT??? I always skip that line when reading to my daughter.

[Kelly]

should have said she was BEING naughty when she wouldn' t let the boys catch her on the playground - that just bugs me so much I cannot tell you.

[melissa k]

Dislike to the point that I put them in the recycling bin when they were gifted to my kids...Blueberries for Sal and Make Way For Ducklings.

Love everything that Tomie dePaola has ever written, drawn or thought!

[Linda]

Is it just me, or does Carolyn look a bit like Lucy from Charlie Brown in that first picture? And I mean that in the adorable, I'm-in-charge sort of way. :)

As far as the children's author debate, I skipped them both and read Hans Christian Andersen...over and over and over.

[Abby]

I'm obviously in the minority but I pretty much love them all. My favorite book is Miss Spider's Tea Party. SO MANY GOOD LESSONS IN THAT BOOK. And it made me cry the first time I read it.

My parents never told me that certain books were off limits. That worked well for me, and I plan to do the same.

BUT. I DO hate the modern version of Pooh and Friends, or whatever Disney has done to it.

[jen]

The Very Hungry Caterpillar bothers me when it says "big, fat caterpillar" in that I fear someday my child saying "oh you are a big, fat..." to a person. And I also dislike any book that has a random picture of a bug. If the book is about bugs, then sure have a picture of a bug, but having a kid that has a "problem" with bugs, it sort of drives me nuts when we are innocently reading along and then BOOM SPIDER for no apparent reason. I've had to garage sale/donate many a book with random bugs. I've also never liked Pooh. So I don't read them now either.

Also, I imagine someday Caroline will have some handsome young man tell her she looks beautiful when she's angry. She's a doll.

[PlantingOaks]

Free mulch:

What you want to do is call an arborist (or whoever you would call if you wanted a tree taken down) and ask them if they need somewhere to dump wood chips.

This will be green wood, which some people say sucks nitrogen out of the soil, but that's an urban myth (just warning you, it's a pretty popular myth).

It may be more splintery than regular mulch, depending on what was chipped, and what sort of chipper it went through.

It may also, as Karen mentions, have weed seeds in it, or ground up poison ivy, though I don't imagine that to be too likely. Essentially, it's made up of whatever trees people wanted to get rid of recently, which is probably just a maple growing into the power lines, but could really be anything.

Your iris have probably stopped blooming because they are overcrowded (or a tree grew and now they're in too much shade, but it's probably overcrowding). Dig them up in the fall, throw out any mushy tubers, and put the good ones back further apart from each other than they were before. You may be able to recruit someone as a technical adviser if you offer them the extra plants. If not, there is decent advice to be found on the internet. Mostly, don't plant them too deeply, and keep the green side pointed up.

Bushes really cannot be made smaller than they naturally want to be. Many times landscapes are not planned with the full sizes in mind. Pruning the ends off will be a loosing battle and will leave you with funny shaped ends on the branches, and bushes that keep trying to get bigger. Decide whether you can live with them the size they are, and then either pull them out, or let them be. The only pruning you should really do is cutting out dead branches, or branches that go in funny directions. Be sure to cut off the entire branch - down to the base of the shrub (or if it comes of a larger branch, where it attaches to that).