The Bitten Dust

For years - for years and years and years - Steve has talked about wanting to buy what is known, by those who have rather earthy ideas on the subject, as a recreational property. So every few months he has trotted off to northern Iowa or southern Minnesota or western Wisconsin and looked at different places on the market. I used to go with him on these expeditions but I eventually realized that Steve and I need some spaces in our togetherness and one of these spaces is clearly labeled "Farm Shopping."

Since we have been married he has seen and rejected dozens of potential properties and by this point I have kinda gotten used to the nature of his trips:

"What are you doing?"

"Looking."

"Looking for what?"

"A farm."

"Ah."

"Ah."

"Well, shall we go?"

"Yes, let's go."

They do not move.

Nothing ever came of them but it made him happy to look and in the process he got some fresh air and exercise and - once his old college friend Jeff joined him and they decided to buy whatever it was together - the two of them became experts on the subject of tiny rural towns and the bars and motels that exist within them.

In theory I knew that there was a point to all this beyond getting Steve out of the house for an occasional weekend but I admit that I was startled when he and Jeff finally found something they both liked and shocked when they made an offer and - hey look at my face - I am even shocked-er that their offer was accepted. So despite the fact that Steve has been talking about buying something since I met him - in truth there have been times when I wondered if he would ever talk about anything else - I never really believed that I would wind up as half of a half owner of 150 acre farm in Wisconsin. And yet here we are (or there we'll be after closing on the 9th) all farmed up. Steve is so excited he can hardly stand it and I'm... shocked. 

Surprise! It's a... farm.

Not that I am not also pleased. I am. I recently decided that just because I haven't seen myself as an abstract painter or a motorcycle enthusiast or a recreational farmer's wife in the past does not mean that I cannot be any or all of those things in the future. And the place is pretty in a death comes to the archbishop as Spring comes to the Midwest kind of a way, isn't it?

 

There are two houses on the property, both in fair to middling shape; say, somewhere between a House Hunters where an American couple looks dubious and says, "We don't really like the color in the bedroom..." and a House Hunters International where a British couple looks at a pile of stones with a couple of chimneys and a leg bone sticking out of it and enthuses, "It has tremendous potential!"

One of the houses has an organ, which will be nice if we ever decide to rent the place out for funerals.

And speaking of funerals I was only able to take this picture after I dropped the camera and screamed at Steve to KEEP THE CHILDREN AWAY FROM THE WELL.

What? Am I the only one who had nightmares after that Little House on the Prairie episode when the kid (not the blind one. not Melissa Gilbert) fell into a well or a mine shaft or whatever it was?

You'll note that not one of them even turned around when I channeled the banshee. Also I guess it is not a well; it's a koi pond. Also it is empty. So crisis averted.

It's not officially ours yet (and theirs. ours plural. ourses) but Patrick is on spring break this week and the place is uninhabited so I suggested that we take the family down to look at it. Kick the tires, poke around the barns. I also thought it would be fun to find a hotel with a pool in kinda nearby La Crosse and see whether it is possible for the entire family to sleep in the same room. We're planning on driving to Vermont this summer and I have gotten varying opinions on whether this is undiluted insanity. While three hours is less than the three days it will take to reach the Green Mountains I thought it might be a nice test case while there is still time to buy airline tickets should the experiment prove to be a horrible disaster.

As it happened the children were perfect. We left after lunch on Tuesday and Caroline and Edward fell asleep while the rest of us listened to Septimus Heap on CD. Then Caroline and Edward woke up and there were trains - actual trains with engines and coal cars and tankers and grain - cruising along their tracks by the river (the big river. the Old Man. Proud Mary) and Edward was, all, hello world! and the half had not been told unto him. We stayed at a hotel which optimistically advertised itself as having an indoor waterpark when  in reality it had a spiral slide that emptied into three feet of water and another midget one that ditto'd into nine inches of etc. Under pretty much any other circumstances I would have been examining my copy of the Fair Trades Act but since three feet and nine inches respectively were the absolute perfect depths for the children it worked out fine.

There was a slight hiccup after the pool when I looked around the room before we went out to dinner and asked, "Where's the blue bag?"

"Right there," said Steve.

"No," I said, "where is the big blue bag with all of the stuff for Caroline and Edward in it."

And then as Steve looked at me blankly I realized that the big blue bag was no doubt exactly where I had left it on the landing outside of Patrick's room, filled with things like pajamas and clothes for the next day and their special blankies and Purple and Green Puppy. And I thought, oh no fucking way. I was already really worried about how Caroline and Edward would manage to fall asleep sharing a room with us and each other. Under normal circumstances Edward falls asleep around 7:30, Patrick passes out at 9:00, Caroline does god only knows what in her crib until 10:30 or 11, Steve falls asleep while reading a book by 11:30 and then I lie in bed reading and eating Peppermint Patties until 1 or maybe 2. So we are not what you might call ideal college roommates. 

For a couple of minutes I hyperventilated and then Steve reasonably suggested a trip to Target or Walmart or wherever which morphed into an even more reasonable trip to the La Crosse Goodwill. It is really hard to go wrong when you are shopping for clothes at $1.99 a pop although if you look at Edward a little too closely in the pictures above you will notice that he looks like a Girl Scout cookie threw up all over him. I was in a hurry and thought maybe the brown and green and aqua... who cares.  We couldn't do anything about Caroline's superspecial pink blanket that she has torn at one seam and turned inside out so she can rub the rough side against her cheek as she sleeps. Nor could we do anything about Edward's Green Puppy who tells him at bedtime how much he loves him and only him... Edward. However, clean clothes and some pajamas we could manage. All hail Goodwill.

Then we went to an inadvertently fancy dinner and apart from a few embarrassingly loud outbursts from Caroline ("I want a salad please!" "I would like some ice cream!" both uttered at the top of her lungs in an otherwise hushed restaurant and neither of which she has ever eaten before in her life) and her fascination with the waiter who she kept trying to engage in conversation ("Look! Do you know what this is?" she said holding up a partially eaten potato and shoving it towards him. "Right! It's a crescent moon!") it was fine. 

Bedtime was stressful as we tried to explain that they needed to go to sleep and Caroline asked, "Where is my pink blanket?" and Edward wailed, "Green Puppy? Green Puppy? Green Puppy?" in an increasing crescendo. Then they realized that they had been stuck into mesh cages (oh, you know, pack n plays) while the rest of us were going to be rolling around on actual beds and they started to freak, a little. 

I am trying to remember moments in my life of actual indisputable brilliance and all I can come up with is this one paper I wrote on a series of Hart Crane poems. It's not much of a legacy but I can now add the time that I put something soothing on iTunes and set the screen saver on my laptop to do a trippy lightshow and flipped it around on the corner of the bed so that Caroline and Edward could see it from their pack n plays. At first they stood and watched. Then they slumped over the sides and watched. I slid the laptop onto the floor and Caroline rolled over and went to sleep and Edward shoved his head as far as he could into the mesh to watch the lights until he fell asleep as well. 

So remember this if you are ever trying to get a little kid to fall asleep in a hotel room and I hope it helps and that is all I have today.

Oh, except for this video of Caroline at lunch singing "Sing" which... good grief she's just so cute and little and cute. I love how she drops her voice to let you know that you don't need to worry if your singing is good enough for anyone else *whisper* to hear. The drama is strong in this one.

PS I know what you're wondering. You are wondering what the hell, Julia? What happened to the year of plagues and locusts and switching from beeswax to tallow? Which column of the austerity budget expanded to accommodate the purchase of a farm or even a half-farm? It's what I'd be wondering if I were reading this and I have one word for you: accounting.   

Comments

[GingerB]

Hey, who was that accountant?

And how is it that some of your readers can see this video, and I, alas, cannot? Not. Fair.

[plunkie]

What a joy for your family! Can't wait to hear about the farm adventures.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

I'm all for farms! My favorite landscape is the bucolic, and as long as there really aren't any open wells (or old outhouse pits) then it's all gravy. BUT don't let him add any animals (NONE! at all!) unless you want to be tied to going there every time you turn around.

[tgsdmom]

Good luck with the purchase. Enjoy it!
Caroline is enchanting.

(BTW, I'd rather you be rich than poor. Or at least have a good accountant.)

[Steph]

Wow, I guess if I was going to post a snarky snotty comment I'd use a name like "it's not polite to brag".

[Liz]

Funny- I assumed you meant that Steve's accounting business had picked up. :)

[Alexicographer]

The thought of traveling without Snuggle (our blanket/green dog) made *me* hyperventilate, and I've got just the one.

What L said.

@Crystal, I recommend a gooseneck with living quarters to accommodate the mustang. MustangS? Perhaps that's the key to persuading your hubby to hit the road ... his own mustang.

Julia, you may want to read Jon Katz's books on farming/border collies if you don't already. They're charming and probably good preparation for what lies ahead. I did talk last night to a friend I see once a year on Good Friday who now lives on a small farm on the other side of the country from me and whose kids, ages 6-10, have apparently taken up (I am not kidding about this) raising pigs from piglet to porker at which point they sell them to be slaughtered (which is done on-site and in as animal-friendly a way as possible, but nonetheless). So just think of the fun that lies ahead ...

Your farm looks beautiful.

[Pam L]

I don't know why everyone can't be happy for someone doing well instead of so jealous it makes them nasty. Does hoping the other person does poorly make your life better?
And sometimes it is accounting. A friend of mine's dream was to move to Costa Rica. She and her husband worked very hard to pay off their house enough to where they could refi it to pull the money out to buy a second home in Costa Rica (where there are no mortgages, you have to buy your house outright). They are moving there in June. She is now retired but her husband will still be working and commuting. He's a landman and makes good money and I'm sure they will pay off the new mortgage as quickly as possible so that he can retire too some day. Meanwhile they get to enjoy their lives now instead of waiting until they are too old to do this. I could be jealous, OK I am, but I am also very happy for them. They earned it, and so did you and Steve, I'm sure.

[Jennifer]

Yes, accounting. Well known for allowing people with no money to buy a large second property. And take expensive (not necessarily extravagant, but pricey) vacations.

I wonder why the need to moan about how tough times have gotten. Nothing wrong with being well-off but the poverty cries of 2009 certainly sounded a little weak.

[Cris]

Oh, for heaven's sake. Either come and enjoy Julia's writing and her generous willingness to share parts of her life, or don't come. Certainly don't come and leave comments that would make most people curtail that writing and willingness to share.

I understand that some days are grumpier days than others, and that those days happen more frequently when one's family is under financial pressure. But you always have a choice to just not come here any more. Bitterness and rudeness are never attractive.

[Shawna]

Brag away. It's much more interesting to read about people who are not exactly like me, living lives identical to mine. Especially when they write so entertainingly.

[Jen]

Love the song! Don't get the "recreational farming" concept, but look forward to learning. Keep us up to date!

[Losh]

Chill your boots green-eyed monsters! Poor is all relative anyway - I'm pretty sure that most readers here are rich beyond the wildest dreams of those living in seriously poor countries, so lighten up a little sourpusses!

Julia - the farm looks gorgeous and however it was financed is your business, so good luck to you, I hope you and the family have fun with it!

[babelbabe]

*I* want a farm. will you adopt me? I would be useful with the children : ) I promise to keep them out of the well.

[AnnaN]

Heeeee, the cranky pants have come out of the wood.

Congratulations on becoming stewards of the land; I wish I could make that happen now, but we are 5 years away from my dream fixer-upper-farm in Massachusetts. I am curious to hear more as to how the arrangement will work with Jeff; each of you picks a house? Is it for vacationing? Wooing clients? Is it really a working farm with crops and/or orchards? So many questions. :)

On a purely technical note, I too cannot play the Caroline video. Actually I've never been able to play any of your posted videos. Wonder if it's a Firefox issue.

[Heather g]

One of the reasons I never write to my sponsered child is that whatever I say it feels like bragging "I couldn't help noticing we're considerably richer than yau" (not sure if you get Harry Enfield, look on youtube). It's a tricky balance. Personally, I love reading about your life.

[kara]

Julia, I just wanted to say *CONGRATULATIONS* on the half-farm and that I sincerely applaud The Accounting That Made It Possible. I can't wait to hear more about it and the accompanying "recreation"!

Thank you for so generously and honestly and hilariously sharing so much about your life, your thoughts, your struggles, your ultra-adorable children, etc. I wish you nothing but great things, including a book deal(s) that entails substantial fame and money, because your writing talent truly deserves wider recognition.

[Haus]

Ah, a 'Sconsin farm... I would love a cottage up there myself. Two houses? Sounds cool! I can't wait to see more pics.

I used to travel with one of those iPod FM transmitter thingies so that I could broadcast the kiddo's bedtime sleepy CD through whatever radio was in the hotel room. Worked like a charm!

The next time anyone asks me about anything at work, I'm going to answer with that powerful and mysterious word... "accounting." :^) That pretty much covers it all!

[Cathy]

I'm all excited to learn how to farm from three hours away! Your farm is beautiful, I love the barn. I don't neccessarally want a farm to go with it...way too much work! But I would dearly love to have a barn! Are you going to be long distance farmers, or is this going to be a weekend place? Either way, enjoy!

[Jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com]

OH! So looking forward to awesome, crazy, new point-of-view farm posts!
Love LaCrosse- so Beau-tchious in the fall... coulees... the river... gorgeous.
Congrats to you and the fam.

[Jan]

Teeheehee, Cold Comfort Farm, which a commenter mentioned, but you might well have. This will be wonderful for the children, but you've written that you are not an outdoors type and need to stay out of the sun. I'm glad to hear you're open to new states of being, (better keep that poke bonnet pulled right up, Laura); can't wait to hear how this story unfolds. I think the kids would really enjoy seeing the sights along a drive to Vermont.

[victoria]

Let's give "it's not polite to brag" the benefit of the doubt. Like a lot of Americans, she might be in a lot of pain over a very real, and serious, personal financial crisis. I hope Steve is already having a blockbuster year in 2010 and making oodles and oodles of cash and that the same is soon true for "it's not polit to brag," too.

[Kari]

The farm is screaming for chickens and eggs! Congratulations. Looks like so much fun!

[Cheryl Gill]

Did you stay at the Midway in North La Crosse or the Hampton Inn in Onalaska? Anyway, you have picked a recreational farm in an area that the locals call "God's country."

[JoeLies]

Please accept a virtual bottle of wine as my housewarming gift! I'm excited for you & reminded of that book "Under the Tuscan Sun" as you embark on this adventure for some reason! Minus, the passports and language barrier, I suppose. Gosh, with 3 kids including toddler twins, a hat tip to you for adding more on your plate! We're fortunate enough to have a beach house and am looking forward to learning what one does with a farm pied-à-terre. Can you tell I live in congested NJ far from farm country? So...weekend friend retreats involving much alcohol? Hay rides? Educate, please! :-)

[Robyn]

Julia, I imagine that you might be a sensitive soul and are letting Mr./Mrs. Brag comments bother you.

DON'T.

We are all superbly happy for you guys and my only wish is that I could let my boys out running in that awesome field. How fun!

[Sara]

Whoa, I read half that post and went blind because I work in La Crosse and live about 30 miles outside of the "city". I feel like I just saw a celebrity!

Anyway, I've read you for YEARS and have very rarely commented because it's just not my style, but if you have questions about the area or need any recommendations, feel free to email. I'm expecting my fourth child (oldest is 9), which makes me sound Amish or something, I know, but the point is I know something about family recreation/eating/sleeping in the area.

Good luck with the farm!

[winecat]

Oh a farm. Here's words from the very spoiled girl - redwood forests, artisan wells, just far enough from town to make me a very inventive cook.

I'm glad you and Steve found your piece of heaven, there's nothing like it. I can only imagine the joy that Patrick and the Twinkles are doing to derive from this wonderful adventure.

[tree town gal]

Very excited to enjoy the Farm Adventures segment of this blog! OK, I am Steve here and have always wanted a little piece of property ... farm like... along with sailboat somewhere on the side... This is just too fun!!

[Kate]

Really, the farm could be landlocked with white ant ridden cabins (do you get white ants there?). Thanks for telling us Julia. You are obviously a little more affluent that some of us but in a gracious self depracating way and, those of us who have followed you a long time know your trials. So enjoy your successes I say.

I don't have a farm. However, my friend has and I go there a lot. Very handy with no complications! It twas a wonderful easter north of Sydney. Can't wait to hear the renovation stories.

[Erika]

You just got closer to Madison, and I'm totally coming to visit you. If I can find you. Which is doubtful...

[Channa]

Oh my gosh! The suitcase, fully packed, sitting on the landing at home? The frantic trip to a Goodwill store in the middle of nowhere to replace clothing items? I have SO been there, done that. Lucky for me, though, it was just my own clothing, so no bedtime issues there.
Congrats on the farm!

[The Farmer's Wife]

10 Items to keep on hand at the farm (from a farmer's wife of 30+ years):

Red baseball caps for the children--easier to spot on the farm; boots & more boots to run around; lightweight jackets and sweaters for layering on breezy days; simple first aid kit for scratches, stings, cuts; vehicle with a full tank of gas--always--just in case: of a trip to the ER or the grocery or the farm parts store (before it closes!), a grill, candles and wooden matches for power outages, and canned goods on the shelves when you can't get to the grocery and finally? A rocking chair to sit on the porch and enjoy the farm!
Congratulations! (I see a tractor in your future! :))

[Pam L]

The farmer's wife has excellent suggestions, good for everyone, but especially on a farm. My 17 yr old still has the red hat I bought for him as a kid (it's stretchy) just for that reason, bright red so I could pick him out in a sea of blue and black jacketed kids OR the woods.For a few years he wouldn't wear it because it was too little-kid-ish, but now he likes it again. Go figure.

[Heather]

This brings back so many memories. I lived in La Crosse from ages 3,5-9. (We lived in Maryland the year I was 4.) My parents bought a hobby farm across the river near La Crescent MN. I remember the tractor, planting 400 apple trees, the (small vegetable) garden at the top of the hill, the pond at the bottom, climbing trees, picking blackberries, and our black lab playing with (killing) gophers and moles. Ours was only 17 acres and there were no buildings, so it is different than yours, but I am happy for you and I hope your family will have many happy memories together there.

[Annika]

I just need to know...what song is she singing??!?!? In her final crescendo it sounds like she is saying ...oh I'm not even saying it. Just tell me.

BTW, congrats on the farm property. Lot's of write off opportunities I am sure. Good for you.

[tgsdmom]

Annika, are you serious?
"Sing. Sing a song.
Make it simple to last your whole life long.
Don't worry if it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear.
Just sing. Sing a song."

[Kathleen]

I rarely feel this way but I'd really like to slap Jackie, who wrote this, " ..but I think to those people, if you've (we've) worked hard, saved smart, and invested wisely, then you (we) can do what we want with whatever money we have..."

I hate to clutter up Jackie's pretty little head with reality but there's been this thing going on with the economy. Ring a bell? No? Well let me sum up the important part for you.

There are people who have worked far harder than you, who saved and invested based on the very best advice who've had the rug yanked completely out from under them financially.

My family is very lucky in that we've been spared most of the ill effects but LUCKY is the operative word.

If you just cannot deal with looking up information about the economy (poor people, yuck!), then look up humility.

Julia, I hope you enjoy your farm.

Jackie, I hope you house turns out to be money pit.

[Pam L]

Nice, Kathleen, Geez. Buying and or building right now, smart move, as both new, resale prices are low and building costs are down. People have to live, people will sell, buy and build houses. Everyone knows what the economy is like. You consider yourself lucky in one breath and then condemn someone and wish them a "money pit" for doing what they have the right to do with their own money. Poor form. If you are of the "spread the wealth group" , you should lead the way.

[Katherine]

I came on to say that you must explain recreational farming to us of the Northeast - but many before have asked so, I assume my additional request is unnecessary - so really, what am I doing here?

[kara]

[[[*****GIANT VIRTUAL HUGS***** to everyone, Julia and all her readers alike!!!]]]

[Annika]

Thanks tgsdmom! Yep,serious, born and raised in non-English speaking country, very unfamiliar with English songs. Sorry :)

[Katie]

Avid reader, love your blog - but as a bit of a nerd and blog reader, I'd like to suggest that next time maybe the video not play automatically? It's kind of a dead giveaway at work when suddenly a child is singing out of your speakers. :)

[Stacia]

Hello.
Please read how IVF medications led to my breast cancer and how a breast cancer study using genetic testing to check estrogen metabolism is saving my life. Please share my story with all women who have used or are considering IVF, HRT and anyone with estrogen positive breast cancer.

Thanks
Stacia

[becky]

With your recent medical tests, I would highly recommend reading "Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition" by Marilyn Shannon. The 4th edition came out last year. You can get it at your local library or from Amazon. It is amazing that the right combination of vitamins can correct hormonal issues.