Bookish

Last Thursday Caroline greeted my enthusiasm for the toilet with a near-bovine lack of comprehension. I despaired and wondered how bad pool furniture and roofing plastic would look in the living room, really. Friday morning she put up a struggle against being dressed that would have made Henryk Dobrzanski proud so I said fine, no diaper but you have to wear underwear if you want to eat.

[Pink Underpants Required - a nod to formality that falls below Black Tie but still higher than the afternoon wedding]

She agreed and after a leisurely forty-five minute meal (Caroline gets almost all of her calories at breakfast and Edward will only stop eating when you stop putting food in front of him so mornings take forever) she surreptitiously checked her panties and announced, "I am very dry."

Great, I said, now go pee on the potty. So she walked over, took off her underwear, sat down and peed a little. Then a few minutes later she said that she needed to pee some more and I said terrific and she did and that was it for Caroline and potty training. She's pretty much done. I mean, she's not so reliable that I'd ask you to hold her while you were engaged in restoration work on the Declaration of Independence and I still duct tape her into her diaper for naps and nighttime (Little Keeper Sleepers en route - shall advise as to their efficacy and thanks for the tip) but... she's good. Yesterday she decided she prefers the big toilet and although she needs help climbing up even with a stool she's, what, 87% percent human now? The couch and I couldn't be happier and I would be delighted to describe my easy seven step process for taking your toddler from blank incomprehension to housebroken in less than a day (perhaps in ebook form, for a modest fee) but I am as mystified as I ever was. One night Caroline had no idea what I was talking about or where or why and the next she was using the bathroom like a college sophomore.  

Weird.

Edward, meanwhile, is so disinterested in the whole thing that I found him sitting on the couch behind Caroline while she used the little potty and he was resting his feet on her head. True story.

And although he politely clapped with the rest of us as we celebrated Caroline's early successes he turned to me at the same time and said, firmly, "No go potty."

I said, "No one is asking you use the potty, Edward."

He repeated, "No. No go the potty."

Twins are (or should be) the most humbling of experiences because any time you feel like attributing your child's exemplary behavior to excellent parenting Exhibit B comes along (similar nature, identical nurture) and pees, both literally and figuratively, on your foot.

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I get your problem with AR tests now, I get it I get it!

I sat next to Patrick in the school library on Monday (I was there to resolve a missing book issue - don't get me started or I'll get annoyed all over again*) while he took a test on The Westing Game and I watched as he struggled to multiply choose an answer so specific that the correct one hinged upon a single sentence in the book; a fact I know because I have personally read The Westing Game about a million times.

And I was like ohhhhhh this SUCKS because you can read the book and enjoy the book and understand the textured nuances of the book and mix up amber grains with purple waves and not get enough points and then they don't let you ever take a test again which sucks even harder.

For the record Patrick did get the question right (thus meeting his AR goals and securing his attendance at the last party) but if you were to ask me why I was coughing and grimacing as he hesitated between C and B I will only say that I must've swallowed a gnat or something.

B for Boom!

So cross me off the list of people who indulgently said, oh well, don't all mandatory reading programs leave something to be desired and add me to the list of people who think AR test should have a brick tied to them before they are dropped down a well. Besides, Patrick's school doesn't own any of the Septimus Heap tests and they have tests for books one two and five of the Prydain Chronicles but not two and three, which... what? What price Llyr?

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* Well, ok, I guess you went and got me started just by sitting there.

Back in March Patrick was not allowed to check books out of the school library because the librarian said that he had two books out already and they were both overdue. The books? Rescuers Down Under and a Hannah Montana something or other. 

Patrick said that he hadn't checked them out and she showed him the computer screen which indicated that he had and told him to go check his backpack and locker and desk et cetera. He said ok and never mentioned it to anyone because he is a bit of a dummy dope.

Weeks went by and every Monday his class went to the library and Patrick did not check anything out because he was worried about the books. Finally he decided to try his luck with a Calvin & Hobbes and again she told him those other books were out and now they were really late and he needed to find them. So again he told her that he didn't check the books out and again she told him that he did. Then she mentioned it to his teacher. His teacher asked him about it and Patrick said he hadn't taken the books and when I went to pick him up that day the teacher asked me about it and I said I hadn't seen any library books at home or in his backpack for a while and when he told me what the missing books were I said "Patrick didn't check those out" and Patrick said, "That's what I keep telling them."

For reference, my certainty that this was a mistake stemmed not from my belief that my little genius is above a Hannah Montana novella; it came from my certainty that he is below one. Patrick views the library (school and public) as a vast resource for pleasure and therefore he sticks to what he knows and likes. In the six months Patrick has been at this school he has only taken out comic books: Garfield or Calvin & Hobbes. There was just no way he would have deliberately checked out anything else, especially not Hannah Montana who does not exist at all on his radar screen because he... doesn't watch TV (Caroline does. in fact Caroline will sometimes throw her arms wide and press her face against the dark screen and say, "Awwww, I love you, TV" and do you know what Edward says more than anything apart from "more please?" he says the Little Einsteins line, "Oh no! Baby piccolodactyl is trapped at the volcano!" and he says it REALLY well. it's not that we are anti-television. just Patrick. non-animated, non-science TV kinda baffles him. but anyway)   

I don't even remember what the subject was but I have never forgotten the teacherly wisdom left in the comments here which was along the lines of "I promise to believe only half of what they say happens at home if you promise to believe only half of what they say happens at school."

So I wasn't, like, pissed or anything by Patrick's account of the book incident; I assumed it was a mistake and one we could easily clear up. I figured a five second conversation with Patrick and me and the librarian would clarify the whole thing.

I kept poking my head into the library with Patrick before and after school and finally got a time when the librarian was there and we stood behind a couple of kindergartners who were checking books out. I noted that one of them instantly said, "I returned that!" the second the librarian mentioned that he already had a book out and I sympathized with the fact that she must hear that ALL THE TIME. I also noted that their system involves pulling up an entire class list and then clicking on the individual student's name before scanning the barcode on the book. Certainly not a human-error-proof system.

I smiled when she asked what I wanted and dragged Patrick out from behind my back and said that we were hoping she could help us clear up a book mystery. I explained that there were two books checked out to him and missing but he had not taken them out and thus we really could not do anything about returning them.

And then she pulled up his name and pointed to the books on the screen and said, "There they are. Those are the books he's lost."

And Patrick said, "I've never heard of those books and I really did not take them out."

And she said, "See the screen? Whose name is that?"

And my smile sort of flickered and I said, "He's quite sure he didn't check out Hannah Montana or the Rescuers - in fact he has never checked out anything but Garfield here - so there must be some mistake."

And then she said... OOOH... she said, all nasty, "Well that's his story now."

So I punched her in the nose.

Actually I did my favorite difficult customer service thing where I just repeated "He did not check those books out. There must be some mistake. Could you remove them from his record please?" while she accused poor Patrick of theft and lying and he writhed with embarrassment. Finally she said, "FINE! I'll just mark the books as Lost Forever!" and I said, "Great. Thank you."

It is not that Patrick isn't as capable as the next kid of lying; he's just not very good at it and it just didn't make any sense and even if it did - which it didn't - she didn't have to be such a tool about it.

So the librarian hates me but I'm not a big fan of her either. To be fair I am not sure how a woman who hears some iteration of "I don't have that book" five hundred million times a day is supposed to sort out the kid who really actually does not have that book but it completely flattened Patrick to be so repeatedly and patently disbelieved and I got frustrated within a minute of it myself. 

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Books - lawfully acquired and properly acknowledged, books.

Patrick and I are listening to The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke because the library had a copy, I wanted to save a major series for the trip and I had a vague recollection that someone had said something about a Cornelia Funke book and I thought it might have been The Thief Lord (it wasn't - it was Ink Heart.) We are about four-fifths of the way through and I am still not sure I like it. Talk about a plot that takes forever to come to a boil, my lord. Also, I always wonder about translations. Back when I took French literature I occasionally found it expeditious to read whatever it was in English and then work back from there. This was about as effective and sly as you might expect, like when I was trying to make a brilliant observation about the first of Flaubert's Trois Contes but I floundered around for the French word for parrot (it's perroquet - my professor failed to believe that it had simply slipped my mind and urged me to consider reading en francais unless I wanted to have my ass echoue'd back to the misery of straight grammar classes.)  

Have you really read War and Peace if you don't read it in Russian (don't look at me - I made it through most of the great Russian novels by skipping the less interesting plot threads, like the entire War.) Don't the words matter as much as the story? On a similar note I have always wanted to get a copy of the British edition of Harry Potter because I suspect that a few of the awkward parts might be Americanizations. Are translations ever any good? Discuss.

So The Thief Lord was written in German - a language whose breadth I was just admiring in the last post - and somehow in English the text feels a little squashed and more than a little antiquated. I was surprised when someone mentions cell phones after a few chapters because based on the language alone I had been thinking the story was set in a pre-modern time. So a little slow and a little repetitive and a little clunky but it's possible that it will all come together in the end and I'll say ohhhhhh I get it now. That happens.

I have narrowed our recorded books down to either Percy Jackson or Artemis Fowl but having read neither I cannot decide which is more likely to keep us (specifically Patrick who as recently as last night was pleading with me to end this lunacy of a planned cross-country car trip and buy some damned airline tickets - he even offered to pay for his own fare; then reconsidered and offered to reimburse me for one way. I declined) riveted. We will eventually listen to them both but if you could only be trapped in a car with the people you love and one series which would it be: Percy or Artemis?

And as long as we are feeling all bookish, any thoughts I what I should read next? I did read (and like) the Flavia de Luce mysteries you recommended. I wasn't sure I was going to because I did not find Flavia particularly likable but she grew on me in time. Once we get to Vermont we have a week's worth of hot and cold running babysitter and my plan is to sit and read while the finks do *hand wave* whatever. I am toying with the idea of trying Dorothy Dunnett's House of Niccolo again but I am not entirely enthusiastic about it. I loved (loved) her Lymond Series but I fully acknowledge that it was a slog to get into and by a slog I don't mean you had to grit your teeth through a couple of chapters. It was more like the first two entire books.   

So summer reading? Nothing too depressing. I am sitting here looking at my bookshelves for recommendations for you and I guess if I had two series I wish I could read all over again for the first time it would be the Aubrey-Maturin series by Patrick O'Brian and the Lucia and Mapp books by E F Benson.

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Six seconds of Caroline 

Sixty minutes of Edward

PS An ad! There is an ad on the sidebar (among all the Dominos - good ol' Dominos) for a company called Golden Branch. The woman who did the site is a reader and this is her job and I was so touched that she bought an ad that I wanted to point it out to you. It is a very pretty site and they sell lovely things and isn't it always nicer to buy flowers from actual people, even online?

Comments

[Kate]

Just yesterday I was explaining to my three-year-old that "penises at the table must be covered up." Hmmmmm, never expected to have to say that.

Love your posts -- thank you for writing.

[liz s]

We also have an "at least underwear at the table" rule. And my little guy did the same thing with potty training zero to even night trained in about a day. Go figure.

About the books. Did you check the shelf? I have had that happen so many times with the school library. They don't get rescanned and the librarian is over worked and under paid. Then you find the book neatly on the shelf right where it belongs.

[Lise]

I find myself totally unable to read your posts only once. I always leave the post up in a browser tab and come back to it later so I can chuckle and sigh and shake my fist (at the %#&@# librarian) and laugh all over again.

[Leandra]

In the first photograph, Caroline looks like a French starlet. Precious.

I would have been outraged by the Librarian's accusation and probably wouldn't have been satisfied with her agreeing to put the books down as lost. I would have wanted to argue with her until she BELIEVED me. I cannot stand for my (or my children's, or anyone beloved by me) honor to be disparaged!

[Sarah]

Five or six years ago I read "The Thief Lord" and then, enthusiastic after a slow start, I read "Ink Heart," and it appealed to me so little that I never read the next book, nor recommended it to anyone else. I can't, however, remember quite why, but it had to do with plot, I think.
The Artemus Fowl books just seemed gratuitously nasty to me, so I only read one. I am saving Percy Jackson--will be very disappointed if I do not like those. I am having this revisiting of children's literature because I have decided that the way to get my grandchildren to read what I think they should read is to read it to them. I have having medium success, somewhere between your toileting extremes.
I second "check the shelf" as a way to deal with librarians as I have fended off a few fines that way myself.

[Sinda]

You with the laugh-out-loud posts - stop it! No, really, DON'T.

I forget, has Patrick read any Harry Potter? We took a few audiobooks on our grand road trip last year (girls 6 & 8) and were all riveted - plus, they last FOREVER. My now 7-yo still listens to HP books any time she can get away with it.

For you: Maisie Dobbs (by jacqueline Winspear), or the Stieg Larsson Millenium books - which are complete opposites of each other (his and hers, I mean). Also, I just started reading Louise Penny, a quite-nice Canadienne with small village mysteries.

[Michelle]

I would listen to Percy Jackson for the trip, fast paced, lots of action, will keep you all listening eagerly.

[MomVee]

My theory? This librarian is always wrong. What kind of answer is "whose name is that?" A smarmy, rude answer.

[Korinna]

I'm a librarian and find myself hopelessly pissy with other librarians over this exact same thing.

Why be so crabby and disbelieving? Really. Why?

[Chris]

Alya is 3.5 and has been potty trained for a year +. It took her 2 days and she was done. She did wear bed and nap diapers for about 6 months after.....but has been completely free for quite some time.

Her twin brother has never - and WILL NEVER -use the potty.

Is that a du0plicate title?

That is all...carry on :)

[AnnaN]

I've stumbled across some well-translated foreign works back when I was in college. Germinal by Zola was one, The Collected Works of Collete and The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov. All very well-done and I can't tell you which editions as I am curently at work slacking off.

However, when it comes to literature I am a total Anglophile and rather than try a sketchy translated foreign work, I'd rather read Dorothy Sayers for the umptrillionth time.

Oh! If you enjoyed To Say Nothing of the Dog I would recommend Bellwether and The Doomsday Book, both by Connie Willis. She has a newly published novel (Feb of this year) but I have yet to read it. (An aside: I totally thought she was a Brit and was floored to see that she lives up the road from us in Greeley.)

Do you like Michael Chabon? I think you might enjoy both the Wonder Boys and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I can't always relate to his characters (older males, frequently Jewish) but just enjoy the bejesus out of his writing.

As always, love the photos of your kids. So adorable!

[Carrie]

Try Sarah Addison Allen for some light summer reading. I love her style, even if I can't define her genre. She only has three books out. Garden Spells, The Sugar Queen and The Girl Who Chased the Moon.

[Olya]

Julia, a lot of us Russians got through the great works of Russian literature by skipping large amounts of text :-) Talking about "War and Peace," my poor Mom had to write an essay in high school on the topic of "The significance of the description of the sky above the oak tree during the battle of Austerlitz" or something along these lines. We had sadistic Russian Lit teachers, and to this day I cannot read the classics without shuddering.

And wow, the librarian at Patrick's school sounds like a total witch! You handled her much better than I would have.

[mar]

I agree with the commenter above who said if possible, you should check the shelves for the "missing books" - that happened to us at our public library once - a whole load of our books were put away but never scanned in. Although our librarians were definitely more gracious about it than yours ....

[Anne]

Yes, yes, yes, if you haven't read it, Connie Willis' Doomsday Book. Yes, yes, yes.
In addition to its being superbly excellent, it is long enough to enjoy over several days on a vacation.

[Dave]

When I was in college, the library's circulation desk did not do a very good job of checking books in. The first time I took out a book, I returned it on time. I received an overdue notice, went and complained, and was asked to find it on the shelf to have my record cleared.

Then it happened the second time I took out a book.

The third time I took out a book, I asked for a receipt when I returned it. The desk clerk referred me to the director, who acknowledged the problem but would not issue me a receipt. Sure enough, it turned up overdue, and I had to find it in the stacks.

Ever after, I took books out by going to the top floor, packing them safely in my bag, and throwing them off the roof (to be retrieved in a few minutes), rather than checking them out and going through the security gate.

[jenn]

Oh, the Lucia and Mapp books are some of my favorites! I re-read them every four years or so. Have you read "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand"? The author escapes me, but it's on the NY Times bestseller list right now. Outstanding.

[Cathy]

casting my vote for the percy jackson books - if you/patrick enjoy mythology, you might like them. my seven year old devoured them and my husband is now listening to them on commutes. d'aulaire's myth. book is a good companion.

[Sydnew]

Percy Jackson, by a mile. We didn't really like Artemis Fowl, much. Percy, on the other hand, is dog-eared and worn from excessive rereading. Or should I say "are dog-eared", since I refer to all of the books, not just one? Hmm...interestingly grammatical point. Whatever, Artemis read one, didn't continue. Percy, read them all, over and over again.

[Mara]

I have the first few Harry Potter books in British, courtesy of a good friend. They're really not any different; Dumbledore eats "sherbet lemons" instead of "lemon drops", the Weasleys get 'jumpers' at Christmas instead of sweaters, and of course the Stone is of a Philosophical, rather than Sorcerous, nature.

[Jan]

I suspect from the writings (have not listened to the tapes), that Percy Jackson would be more entertaining for the car ride. It's not so much the rest of you but the twinks, well really screaming Dreadward and his missive sandals, that I worry a bit about, even more so if there are also long drives to Minnesota in the future. But there were a lot of good ideas in last comments -- hope some will keep him engaged!

[Stephni]

I agree with Sarah about 'Ink Heart' except I feel much stronger about it. I loved the first few chapters and the bookish quotes at the start of them. And then I hated how the story resolved so completely illogical for that world.

[Jan]

Wisconsin, sorry.

[another Julia]

I am reading the Aubrey/Maturin books right now, I think because of you mentioning finishing the series right before you went on bedrest? Anyway, they are FABULOUS, just like you said, and I have just finished "The Thirteen Gun Salute" and am about to start "The Nutmeg of Consolation".

[Julie]

They're a little it older, but my step-kids loved the "Percy" books and disliked Artemis Fowl.

For you, I can highly recommend the Lady Julia Grey Mysteries, by Deanna Raybourn. They're Victorian British thrillers with great dialouge and fascinating characters.

Here's an excellent review of the first novel. http://bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com/bookshelves_of_doom/2008/07/silent-in-the-grave----deanna-raybourn.html

[Kay]

Yes, check the library shelves. I used to work at a public library, and once a week an employee would check the shelves using a list of all the "claimed returned" items our branch owned. We usually found several items from each week's list. If I still lived in Mpls I would totally come over and read the shelves, and present the crabby librarian with several groaning carts full of "lost" items.

[Audra]

My MIL and I were discussing potty training just the other day. Personally, potty training was a blur. My daughter attended daycare and it was amazing how fast she learned it. Of course, at the daycare, every child was taken on a regular basis to the potty and the teachers had experience training, where I had no clue how to convince her it was necessary.

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As a daughter and wife of educators, I can (almost) understand the librarian. As a mother of a Kindergarten student, I'd probably argue with her till she cried.

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Percy over Artemis if you have to pick one, although i personally adored both.

For you, hmmmm....

Have you read Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum mysteries? HILARIOUS!!!

How about Joanne Fluke's Hannah Swensen mysteries? (I'm a bit of a mystery series junkie myself!)

One more - Mary Janice Davidson's "Undead" series with Betsy the Vampire Queen. Complete chick lit/light supernatural romance, but vastly entertaining in its non-kid-friendly way.

All of the above are fairly short books, though all have more than 5 books in the series (which is a must for me. I get too invested in books for them to end and now almost require that a book have multiple sequels for me to read it :-) )

Have a great trip!

[KellyH]

Hmmm, guess I'm the lone vote so far for Artemis Fowl. Of course, not having read any Percy books yet, I am biased :) We'll get to them eventually. But I ADORE Artemis Fowl.

[Amy]

I vote Percy, though I've not read them myself. From what you've said of Patrick, I imagine he would enjoy the Olympians series. Another option? Perhaps the Pendragon series by DJ McHale. My cousin had to read a few of them for school and I read them with him, and they're not bad.

For you? Have you read Jodi Picoult? I LOVE her!

As always, your children are beautiful!

[beyond]

A great summer read? Have you read Stieg Larsson's Millenium Trilogy? The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. I finally just started number three and am loving it.

[Sheila]

Is your Vermont trip taking you back to the same place you went last year (I think) that was so awesome where they had fun activities for adults and daycare for the kids with even more fun activities for them? I can't remember the name of that place but it has been in the back of my mind ever since reading about it here and on Julie's site. In five years when we can actually go on a vacation, I will be trolling your archives for details!

[quirkfarms]

I second the Louise Penny Three Pines mysteries. and have you read "Love in a Cold Climate" by Nancy Mitford? "Diary of a Nobody" and "Anguish Languish" authors ??? quirkfarms

[LMM]

Oooh...I vote Percy. Now, I haven't read Artemis but I (a grown-up or close approximation of one) devoured the Percy books along with my nephew who's 7. Great reads.

[jen]

Nothing is as good as Patrick O'Brian, and I think you have my other comfort reading covered already (Laurie Colwin), but if you have never read Anthony Powell's A Dance to the Music of Time the first several books are very funny. I am just starting Hilary Mantel, Wolf Hall, and liking it. I think it would take up at least a few days of Vermont. I also just read Cathleen Schine, The Three Weissmanns of Westport, which was enjoyable, and even made me want to reread Sense and Sensibility, not one of my favorite Austens.

[bethany actually]

I always try to buy British books from Amazon.co.uk because I am Anglophile like that. And I like puzzling over the British slang.

Annalie potty-trained pretty much like Carolyn did. I don't take the credit, I just waited till she told me, "I want to wear underwear now," and gave her some underwear. She pretty much did the rest on her own.

[Joy]

Another vote for Percy Jackson, even though I think it's hugely derivative of Harry Potter, just with a Greek twist. Artemis Fowl has some wow, cool! stuff in it, but is darker and left me with a bad taste in my brain.

By the way, the commenter up there who mentioned Connie Willis' latest book out in February? Let me just tell you, I didn't know it's a two parter with the second part coming out in October. I devoured it and now I think about the characters every couple of days with great worry and curse the fact that I have to wait until October to find out what happens. The latest Yann Martel book, Virgil and Beatrice, is excellent writing. Have you read any Joshilyn Jackson? She's one of my favorite storytellers.

[Maggie]

Artemis! I love them both, although admit I haven't gotten all the way through them. Artemis is darker yes, but when you asked, that was my first reaction.

[Julia]

To satisfy your Regency romance desires, I'm in the middle of the latest (just came out yesterday!) Julia Quinn, and I'm enjoying it more than her past few. I barely remember last year's, and the two in the year before weren't that great, so the last one of hers that I really enjoyed was 2007's. I would say this is at least as good as that one.

[Annika]

Have you read the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon (sp)? I am trudging through them right now. LOOOONG but for the most part entertaining.

[Kristin]

My 9 yr old, 13 yr old, and I have all read the Percy Jackson books and adore them. They are action packed, a hell of a lot of fun, the characters are believable, and you actually pick up a lot about mythology (if you don't already know about it). I think y'all would love them.

Artemis Fowl is up near the top of my reading list but one plus to it over Percy Jackson is that there are more Artemis Fowl books that Percy Jackson.

[Sarah]

I skipped the entire middle (about 200 pages worth) of Crime and Punishment. Hilariously, my paper on it was selected as the best in the class. Perhaps most Russian novels suffer from the same affliction?

[lb]

School librarians must be universally terrifying. My kids are very nervous about ours. I have two kids in school, the oldest one checks out 2 books per week, the younger one is only allowed one. They both always choose Smurfs or Garfield (in French). It's impossible to keep track of whose book is whose. So one day, my oldest accidentally returned one of hers and one of his. It took the younger one WEEKS to get up the nerve to actually try to take out a book, even though he KNEW his had already been returned. He just quakes in terror at the thought of the librarian saying "WHAT? YOU ARE TAKING OUT A BOOK?? BUT YOU DIDN'T JUST RETURN ONE! NOW I MUST GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!" or something like that.

[Laura]

I have all kinds of things to say this week!

Your library story is exactly why, as a teacher, I refused to give my students grief about missing library books. The number of times the book was 'found' later or mysteriously reappeared in the library made me reluctant to give kids a hard time. And our system sounds more fool-proof than Patrick's school's. Good for you for solving the problem.

As for AR tests, I totally understand why parents hate them. Most teachers aren't really fans either. Before my school upgraded to the online version of AR and ended up with tests for everything, I made all kinds of deals with my students. If they wanted to read a non-AR book, I looked up to see how many points it would be worth and they had to fill out a summary sheet and type 3 paragraphs to tell me their favorite part, favorite character, and what they will remember about the book. See if Patrick's teacher can cut him a deal -- it doesn't hurt to ask.

I'm not a huge Percy Jackson or Artemis Fowl fan. Percy Jackson has a whole bunch of mythological references in it. Get Patrick an introductory mythology guide (with pictures!) if you decide to listen to it. The characters will make much more sense to him. I personally would go for the Artemis Fowl, but really, they're both fun to listen to.

[cassey]

I love the Aretmis Fowl series,and I think it is something the grown-ups will like too. For you have you read any Julia Quinn? She is the awesome and so funny, I can't remember the name of my favourite one :-/, but it has Charles and Ellanore in it.

[Lioness]

Translations are the devil's work. I understand the concept and the need for it but feel, nevertheless, rather fortunate that I mostly read science, scifi, thrillers and chick lit and, therefore, in English. Sometimes the translations are so bad you can even tell what the original sentence was. I know I am OCD about what I write, I can imagine authors (most, at any rate) choose their words and phrasing deliberately. A translation, even an excellent one, is always a slaughter job at some level. I'm an occasional freelance translator and frankly glad I only work with scientific books because trying to do the author and the original work justice would have me contemplating myself in the river, guiltily.

I have only read Harry Potter in British English. It's the one I was taught and I cannot imagine them not snogging and wearing jumpers (which I heard were changed in the American version). Which brings me to this: I am Portuguese and we read Brazilian authors. No one would even dream of adjusting their Portuguese, it's part of what makes it beautiful and worth reading. Even the children ones, what better way to create linguistic awareness from an early way? Why the butchering of Harry in America, then? Anyone know?

[Diane]

My son adored Percy Jackson, as did my highly literate ski students (I am a lawyer by day, and ski instructor in my spare time). Must vote for Percy!

[Christiana]

What IS it with elementary school librarians? I had one in very low elementary school whom I loved (and she liked me, probably because my mom once volunteered in the library or something during book fair), but she retired when I was in 3rd grade and we ended up with this witch of a woman and a grouchy crone for an assistant librarian and they were both AWFUL and hateful and so mean to the students and I always wondered "why? as a librarian, don't you WANT children to have a good experience in a library? don't you WANT them to love reading?" And they were just as bad with the older students (I went to a K-12 school, so one library for the whole lot of us), so it wasn't just that they didn't like little kids or something.

Sorry you had a bad experience w/ the library thing. Surprising, though that Patrick hasn't tried to get some interesting science books or something out of the library. He strikes me as the type to actually be interested in non-fiction books. :)

[Candace]

If you guys haven't *listened* to the Harry Potter books, I highly recommend doing so. Jim Dale is just a master with the books. I mean, I cannot describe to you how wonderful the audio versions are.

As for Artemis v. Percy...is Patrick more interested in evil kid millionaire geniuses (with super-cool technology and a hidden fairy world with even MORE super-cool technology) or in the sons of gods (who can do really cool stuff)? The former: Artemis (and don't worry, Artemis grows a conscience and turns into a good kid millionaire genius). The latter: Percy. Of course there's more to them both, just giving you the basics.

[Sarah R]

Oh, you and Patrick might enjoy Anne Ursu's Chronos trilogy. Or have I mentioned that to you already? If so, sorry for the repetition.

How about Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom series? Starts with Mister Monday and goes all the way to Lord Sunday. I haven't read the whole series but I loved the ones I read.

To the person who mentioned the new Connie Willis...I ordered it immediately and then read somewhere that it sort of stops in the middle of things and will be continued in the follow-up volume coming out in (I think) December. So I am holding off on reading the first until I have the second.

I loved the Niccolo series and have had a hard time getting into the Lymond series.

My suggestion for you would be Guy Gavriel Kay's The Fionavar Tapestry. Wonderful fantasy novels.

[Beth]

Audio books: the Jim Herriot veterinary books. Those made a 15-hour trip seem like a 15-minute trip. Almost. British and hilarious and heartwarming.

Potty training: synapses. When they connect, bing. Magic. Expect the boy's synapses to connect later than the girl's. It's just physiology.