Repeat Without Rinsing

I had a couple hundred thousands reasons why I was not wildly enthusiastic about Steve's farm purchase and then I had two more. Although I can imagine a time in the not so distant future when Caroline and Edward will enjoy the chicken coop-turned-clubhouse as much as Patrick does, at the moment the place is just a giant death trap.

Oh that reminds me. I don't remember who left a comment about Wisconsin Death Trip but I laughed and then shuddered when I saw it. A few months ago I randomly brought that book home from the library and there are literally no words to describe how creepy it is (well, maybe in German - the Germans are so good at that sort of thing.) The book (in case you have never seen it and thus, unlike me, will not be haunted by it for the rest of your life) is a collection of photographs and newspaper accounts from the late 19th century about the county surrounding Black River Falls, Wisconsin and the INSANELY horrible things that happened there over the course of a few decades. My favorite (or least favorite as the case may be) were the people who successfully used what amounted to giant scissors to cut off their own heads. Steve found this improbable to the point of gullibility (mine and the contemporary authorities) but I don't know... it said it was suicide right there in the paper. Then there's cholera and murder and grim farmers and more murder and more suicides and coffins and children and children in coffins and it is just an awful awful book. So don't read it. Unless you are feeling exceptionally morbid. In which case, enjoy!

But, yes, commenter whose name I cannot remember from forever ago I, too, hope our rural Wisconsin experience involves far less decapitations. 

Which.... SEGUE BACK... is why we don't take Caroline and Edward down there yet because....

One house is inhabitable and the other has the floors torn up; the well needs to be shocked to remove bacteria ("I doubt the water would make you very sick," Steve temporized, "It wouldn't kill you probably" - note to self: avoid sinks) and if you trip in the pasture and the barbed wire fails to snag you then you will roll down a hill full of thistle and land in the unfenced pond.

It's about as family friendly as Saigon after the Fall.

So Steve and his friend have been doing tons of stuff to get it more live-able and that's great and all but it has left me at home and outnumbered by two to three children (depending upon the planned project Patrick has stayed home) A LOT in the past couple of months.

A few years ago this would have resulted in a quarrel but Steve and I have learned to communicate better (I no bite him!) and when I finally said "Aiiiiiiieeeeeee!" he said "Why don't you go out by yourself and leave me with the kids more often?"

I had to think about this because it sounds perfectly fair but for some reason it wasn't really what I wanted. I realized that what would make me happy (we are all about the meeting of individual needs in this our third and most enlightened iteration) is for us to spend time together as a family. He can go down to Wisconsin as much as he likes as long as he is more present when he is present. Don't check work emails during dinner, don't sit on the couch with your book while I'm still unloading the dishwasher at 9:30 at night and please make time during the day for me and Caroline and Edward so that they can go down giant slides more often. When it is just me we stick to midget playgrounds because I have a serious unshakeable phobia about falling and it KILLS me when I cannot spot two kids simultaneously - one at the top of the ladder and one on his way down. KILLS me.

And, I said, I want to join the Y again and I want us all to actually go. All the time.

So Steve said fine and I said great and we have been having a veritable Golden Age for the past few weeks. I expect some fresh hell will crop up in a month or so but for now I am enjoying pretty much everything. The house is kinda tidy. I had time to do a revise for my next REDBOOK essay in a single morning. We are doing a lot more with Caroline and Edward during the day. And I love the Y. I have always loved the Y. I love the retirees with their coffee in the lobby and I love the teenaged life guards and I love the mix of people in the locker room from the naked nonagenarians to the women in burqas who swim fully clothed and everywhere there are lots and lots of little kids.

Although the rest of the family ranges from being wildly pleased by it (Edward) to harboring a passionate burning hatred for the place (Caroline) it was Steve's apathy towards the Y that prevented us from going more frequently, thus forcing me to acknowledge that I was spending roughly $35.72 per mile I ran on the track. Not cost effective, so we quit. But now with my new farmboy leverage I fully expect to become so regular in our attendance that we will get that damned $20 a month health insurance credit AND I will finally run more than two miles in a row. Eventually.

[Caroline, for reference, does like the pool. She just hates the kids care place. A lot. I figure that Edward likes it enough for both of them.] 

Speaking of Edward

What's that on his head? A hat? No! It's... Little Red Car!

Technically it is Little Red Car II. I re-read that last post and got to the point where I said it looked like a birthday party goodie bag thing and all of a sudden I had an illuminating flash: Birthday party! Goodie bag! Thing!

After two weeks of not having a clue I suddenly remembered that I had gotten the cars in packs of four at Target in their party supply section for one of Patrick's birthdays and unlike everything else at Target (a retailer who seems to pride itself on getting rid of tshirts the instant I find one that fits properly) they still carry them three years later.

Hu-freaking-zzah.

I was all casual about handing it over to Edward in case he detected the substitution but he took it, studied it and then sighed, "Little red car" before rubbing it against his cheek. Then Steve discovered the original Little Red Car shoved between the crib rails and the mattress (d'oh!) and now we have two. This would annoy the hell out of Caroline but Edward has an accepting, not to say grasping, nature.

"Little Red Car an' annuder Little Red Car," he says complacently as he drives them around his face or the back of the couch or through the bathwater.

So that's Edward.

Caroline, as you can see, is still mostly naked but the duct tape is helping. She did finally pee on the potty a few times but she was so supremely unimpressed by the experience and the wild celebration we threw that I don't see this going anywhere soon.

When she's not naked - like when I came back from taking Patrick to school yesterday and was surprised to find her clothed - it's usually because Steve has duct taped her into her clothes. See the black strip across her back and at her chest?

"Mommy I've got stickers," she said. 

Or here you can see Steve fashioned a cunning little belt today.

I said, "Congratulations, Steve, you won the hardware store challenge and you cannot be eliminated in the next round!" and he skipped off to his office. Then I grabbed the child and untaped her because good lord does anything say Daddy Dressed Me louder than duct tape accessories? Besides some of us (ahem) are more easy-going about pee on the rug than others (AHEM.)

The biggest problem with keeping Caroline clothed is the fact that she does that Lethal Weapon thing with both shoulders. Remember back before Mel Gibson went crazy for real and he played the cop who could escape from strait-jackets by dislocating his shoulder? Caroline gets out of everything by hoiking her arms into improbable positions in front of her face and then she shimmies until something gives.

And then there are Patrick's lime green swim goggles that she has appropriated and wears everywhere around her neck like a pair of reading glasses. She took them on our walk and when we ran into neighbors she held the goggles to her eyes and kept them there

Between the nudity and the duct tape and the goggles we are amassing quite a dossier on her.

Did I mention that she has started calling me "Miss Julia" and Steve "Darling"? The darling I get as that must be what I call Steve (after Finky) but the Miss Julia has come completely out of left field. If we lived in the South, maybe, I could understand it as the Miss First Name practice is more common but here it's vaguely insulting, like, the miss acknowledges seniority while the first name underscores social inequality. But she's two. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I'm pretty sure she adapted it from the Little Critter books and the schoolteacher cat, Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty wears a peplum and it gives her an air of distinction. Caroline is fascinated by her.   

I do promise that we will eventually get around to housebreaking Caroline but we are driving to Vermont in a few weeks and this just doesn't seem like the best time. Which reminds me

WE ARE DRIVING TO VERMONT

What was I thinking? Well I can tell you what I was thinking, I was thinking I didn't want to pay $500 a ticket for the privilege of a layover in JFK with one of their runways down; that's what I was thinking. And to be honest I am still not sure that it won't be preferable to spend 44 hours in the car with Patrick and the twinkles but... it is close.

We are going to do four days and three nights each way taking time to see stuff and do things. On the way there we are going through Canada, which I am very excited about. I have fond memories of Ontario and Montreal is my favorite city in the world. Not sure if we are going to take the southern route back or not.

I would love any advice you have to offer on extended car travel with children. Anything. What do we need? So far I have written down: bottled water and plastic bags. Clearly I will want to add to this list. Also, oh Canada. If you were driving from Sault Ste Marie (good grief how IS that spelled?) to Montreal what would you see/do/stay? The internet assures me that Sudbury has a science museum and Patrick and I checked it out online. We saw that they have a treasures exchange program for children: you bring them your eagle feather and take home a stalactite. Patrick is convinced that Canadians will think Minnesotan pine cones are like unto pearls worth more than our tribe and has been collecting sacks of them in anticipation of bilking the museum of, like, slabs of gold. There is a lot of early European in Patrick, I fear.

Anyway that's our deal. Please advise. And you can tell me we're crazy if you like. I drove behind Steve for five miles today on our way to get the other car examined (it needs a new WHEEL - not tire but WHEEL damn it) and Edward screamed the entire time. Then he chucked his sandals at my head. Then he screamed some more. The problem?

"I want ride in LITTLE RED CAR!" he sobbed. Good luck with that, kid.

PS Featured Reader. Why do I always forget until the end? Featured Reader this week is Rudy Leal Photography. This is an internet friend of mine who I have known forever and ever and I encourage you to check out their site. Houston accessible and the rest of us can admire their work.

PPS I am done with featured readers in my queue so if you have a business you would like to advertise on my sidebar for free just shoot me an email.

PPPS And speaking of not-for-free advertisements please go look at whatever Domino's wants you to look at over here They are paying me a relative fortune and I feel like I owe them at least a look.

Comments

[Sharon]

Have tears in my eyes from laughing at the Caroline stories. She is a character among characters. The picture of her so excited about her 'belt' and your comment about it screaming 'Daddy dressed me'- OMG, so funny. I have friends who have been through the same thing. We went through a nude phase with our daughter, only she would pee on the potty pretty regularly naked (and not when she was dressed) which made it a non-issue when we were home at least.

No advice beyond the usual toys, frequent breaks, etc about the driving idea. Maybe a stop at a nudist colony would be fun for Caroline? Just... wow. Good luck?

[Ellie]

Passports? Best not forget those.

Or Little Red Car.

[Joanne]

Check if you need passports. I think you might, at least to re-enter the US...

And thank you so much for your blog. I am sitting here LAUGHING away - my husband calling out from the office to ask what I am doing.

I personally went through the toddler-nudist phase, but mine was triggered (according to my parents) by a love of baths (I suspect it was the toys, not being clean). The word "bath" would trigger an instant undressing. Fortunately outgrown quickly - that would be an unfortunate response in an adult!

[Katelyn]

My mother always kept buckets (usually leftover 3lb butter tubs) in the car. These were especially handy during long car trips when they were used to corral small toys in our laps or inevitably when someone got sick and needed somewhere to puke (not all over themselves.) So my recommendation: a few small buckets - bowls would work too - and wet wipes because you just never know!!

Your children are so adorable and I seriously LOL at the duct tape belt. Although, I refused to tell my husband what I was laughing at when he asked for fear of giving him ideas. I always look forward to your posts.

[bree]

Do you know of the Lake Michigan car ferry? That might be a touch shorter and there will be many more places to stop.

If you are going the Northern route consider dropping down a bit to visit Mackinac Island.

[HubeiMama]

"Daddy dressed me" in our house means the clothes are always on backwards. Seriously. Even though the 3 year old knows that tags go to the back, the 38 year old still can't seem to grasp the concept.

I hope my husband never sees the duct tape belt. I don't want to have to cut through tape every time I'm forced to re-dress her.

[Emma]

Oh, lord. I love the part where Edward wants to ride in LITTLE RED CAR. I rarely laugh out loud reading, but that did it.

[haitian american family of three]

oh boy-last summer we took our then 2.5 year old daughter on a road trip around Europe. We landed in Amsterdam and drove to Portugal. Here is my advice:
bring earplugs
baby wipes in packages are awesome for a quick and clean distraction, let them pull them out one by one
teddy grams/crackers get into everything
raisins are a perfect car food
tape, stickers, weird random objects (tiny whisks etc) are a great distraction
stop often and play hard, run around, jump up and down be totally wild

We did not have a movie player, but I've heard they are pretty awesome for the kiddos.

Have fun and may the force be with you.

[Jesse]

If you're passing through Ottawa you are welcome to visit us! We ADORE your blog....I've been reading it for oh, maybe 6 years now and my partner & I often read it together and cry with laughter. Love your writing, your wonderful kid stories etc.
So if you're in the area....contact us! No we're not creepy internet stalker types, I promise!

[Liv]

Definitely check on the documents you need to travel through Canada. When we drove from Alaska to Florida 4 years ago hubs and I had passports but our daughter didn't and we could use her birth certificate. I'm not sure if the requirement has changed to only passports.

And if 44 hours seems long? ALASKA TO FLORIDA!!! i.e. It could be worse.

[Jen]

Your children are ADORABLE. Thank you for posting pictures -- I love getting my Caroline fix.

[Jodi]

It's all about car snacks and paper towels. Bring plenty of both.

When we road trip we try to have picnics when we stop for meals, so the kids can run around and get their beans out before they have to get back in the car.

Have a fab time!

[Birdy]

I love Montreal too! That's why I live here :)

I know that there's a Bush Plane heritage centre in the Soo... my friend worked there for a summer or two. http://www.bushplane.com/

I have lots of Montreal suggestions!

[Birdy]

And I forgot a suggestion.

There are mini-backpack things that can go on the back of car seats... perfect for storing games and snacks and even garbage. I drove from Nova Scotia to Florida this winter with my parents in a jam-packed car (I was an extra added last minute) and I loved the access it provided.

My friends from Sault Ste Marie just call it
"The Soo," I am sure you are granted that permission :)

[NL]

I laughed so hard at this post.

My daughter had (has, really)a very interesting sense of style, and my only rules for dressing were "weather appropriate, daycare appropriate" so often she would find herself in her little striped Target dress and a Halloween dress-up fairy skirt over that in red cowboy boots. I always wondered if people were smiling at her because she was cute, or if they were acknowledging the slightly "off" child I was carting around. She's 9 now and while we're *working* on matching and such she always reminds me that she doesn't care what other people think about her and doesn't that matter and isn't she supposed to be herself? Hard to argue, so tra-la-la she goes in her hideous shoes and lovely dress. Meaning, I'd have preferred the hell out of some duct tape. But the goggles thing, oh, how I love that story.

[Elizabeth Harding]

Every car trip, my mother would bring a bag of "surprises." This bag was full of magnetic games, little toys, etc. She would toss a toy in the backseat, one for each kid, every 100 miles. Kept us occupied and happy the whole trip.

[Jenn]

OK where in Ontario will you be stopping? I am a big "seeing the sights" kind of gal - so if you give me your basic route I can recommend places to see, things to do etc. I've lived in a bunch of areas of Ontario. And I LOVE Montreal. The one place there that i would recommend is the Biodome. Seriously. If you are going through Ottawa I have a zillion places -- for example the Museum of Nature in Hull has a Children's Museum that I think all your kids would love. But drop me a line. I imagine Patrick and Sam have similar tastes -- and we took Tess a bunch of places when she was the Twinkies age.

[tuesy]

I've heard good things about the science centre in Sudbury, but have yet to make the trip (our family cabin is about 20 minutes from Sudbury, but once we're at the lake no one has any desire to leave, even for fun science centres). You could always stop in and visit my in-laws at the lake. Wouldn't they be surprised? Hee.

If you are heading through Ottawa, you absolutely have to stop at the Museum of Natural History. It is my son's favourite place on earth, and that was during all of the years long renovations when two thirds of it was closed. It is now finished and reopened and from what I could tell on the news it looks amazing. There is dinosaur poop there!

[C.]

Need passports to enter and exit canada. Birth certificates are no longer acceptable.

The dominos lava cake things are delish. When flat on my ass for 3 months, deliver was essential and they are yum.

[Elaine]

I second the bag of surprises. Also, pads of drawing paper and something to draw with -- good for hours.

[kara]

I especially applaud the advent of Duct Tape Haute Couture. "Stickers!" I cannot stop laughing!

[Lise]

When my oldest three kids were aged one, four, and seven we drove round-trip from Washington (state) to North Carolina. In a little Mazda 323, no less.

I gift-wrapped little toys and doled them out at intervals. (I bought a lot of happy-meal type toys at yard sales ahead of time. I am nothing if not cheap.) Activity books, stickers, and colorform-type sets were helpful. Lap desks make playing with such things much easier. I packed small toys that they hadn't played with in a while, so that they were fresh and new.

The one-year-old was a good car-sleeper so we were able to listen to lots of books on tape. Maybe stock up on kids' music CDs that aren't too painful to listen to? Do they still make picture book-and-CD sets for little kids? My kids loved those. And maybe give Patrick an ipod loaded with audio books, or a disc-man with earphones.

We planned picnic meals, but actually fed the kids in the car so that their "meal" time could be spent running around. I also packed a bag full of snacks for each kid. . . a few pretzels or pieces of dried fruit or whatever in little zip-loc bags. They liked choosing when and what they could eat.

That car trip is one of my happiest memories of the little kid years. Have a great time.

[Vanessa]

"but Steve and I have learned to communicate better (I no bite him!)"

I just about busted a gut at this!

[Izabela]

I've got 2 words for you on travelling with kids: DVD player. Not for their comfort and pleasure, mind you, for yours. Nothing like a feature-length film with no requests from the back seat. The best buy of The Little One's childhood, that one was. Saved us a lot of money on counselling for Mummy, too.

[Becky]

Adults need passports. Kids under 16 can cross the boarder with birth certificates if you are crossing in the car. However, if there is a crisis and you need to fly home from Canada, the kids would need passports to fly, and you would have to find the nearest US Embassy to get them. (I work for the passport center, but don't tell anyone.)

Sorry, no road trip advice, we have no kids in the household.

Love your writing!

[Hetty Fauxvert]

I do not feel entirely qualified to comment on your crazy factor, since I myself moved from Washington State to Texas with five (FIVE) felines in the car and moving van, and then from Texas for California with seven (YES! SEVEN!) cats in the car & moving van. We got several freaking days of the Kitty Chorus in both directions. I hope your trip is better, and quieter. (I *do* recommend hoarding and then judiciously presenting new toys along the way. Works with our boys on shorter trips.)

As for Miss Caroline, Miss Julia (LOVE that! too hysterical), the overanxious mama in me needs to point out that if she got the duct tape around her neck somehow, that could be a real problem. Duct tape does not have much give to it. Aside from that, I do hope you realize you are raising a little Jackie O, don't you? She is quite the little pistol! LOL!

[crystal]

Three portable DVD players.

Three ipod type devices. Bonus for iPod Touch. Toddler games galore in the app store. Stuff your alpha-numeric kids will flip over. Can upload movies onto said iPod touch and plug them into many portable DVD players, thus saving much space and lost movies or fights over movies, etc, etc, etc.

Six sets of headphones. A GPS for finding your nearest Radio Shack.

Movies.

Books on "tape" (on the ipods). Favorite music is a nice thing to add.

Video game system of preference. Edu ones for the twinks might work, if they're so inclined. Wii does not work well in cars for obvious reasons, but if you're willing to let Patrick rot his brain for 44 hours, Xbox and PS3 are GRRRRRRRRRREAT! FWIW, I will let my three rot their brains as many hours as it takes for me to get peacefully from point A to point B, even if we were going to the moon, and it took months. Because I'm mercenary like that.

I used to love singing songs and license plate games and taking polaroids and writing a trip journal, and playing Aunt Hattie. I have many fond memories of many trips doing such wonderful, wholesome things. I apparently do not have enough of a soul left to do these things on long trips when I can give my kids the mental equivalent of a McDonald's buffet, and either get through a trip sans husband, or have a nice conversation with husband.

Shhhhh, don't tell the parenting police, please.

Speaking of polaroids, they make cheap little digital cameras now, and if you're smart enough to check the kids content every now and then (you want to know what pictures they took of you, and when. Even in the car, they have some extra sensitive radar when it comes to taking pictures you'd rather never be seen by any other pair of eyes) even very little kids can learn to take and view their pictures, and some love doing this on the road, taking pictures of each other, cows, signs, weird sights, etc. $20 of pure entertainment gold.

My Grandmother was half French-Canadian. Her father was from Quebec. Say hi. :)

[Bea]

I haven't done this as a parent, but I have a whoooooooole stack of experience as a child of three siblings. You are not mad - these are some of my favourite childhood memories.

That said: the first couple/few days can be rough. My parents favoured road trips of about seven days duration (each way) because of this. Gives everyone a chance to hit their stride.

We had snacks which were doled out on an hourly basis (or two-hourly, or half-hourly, depending on mood).

We knew a LOT of car games. Google lots. Spotto and I Spy are just the tip of the iceberg.

(My tip: buy a map of the route for Patrick and get him to calculate how long it will take to get to the next town based on the speedo, the car clock, mileposts, his estimation of his location on the map. I swear, this game will last for the entire four days straight, with ever-changing milestones, as it did with us. He will set a new record for accuracy, and then he will enjoy beating that record! as did we. If it doesn't play out like this, then Patrick is not the geek I thought he was, or that me and my sister were.)

Bring a good playlist. A good series of songs will get you out of many a pinch, turning moods around instantly (or sparking fights over what you should listen to next, either way). (You might also want to think about rules for the music.)

Google also lots of action songs/campfire songs (or make your own list).

There was a real rhythm to our car trip days, starting with a bit of chit-chat, then a singalong, then reading/napping/drawing/quiet activities, then listening to music, then car games, then stopping for the night. And all this punctuated by eating, toilet stops, and/or sightseeing, as required. (Oh yeah - so to your list add books, colouring equipment including some type of surface to rest on, also toys or puppets so you can amuse yourselves and the driver behind you by putting on puppet shows, etc etc as desired.)

You will have fun! Maybe.

Bea

[swiss]

We also have a naturiste in the family.
Excessive duct tape is unsightly, but one well-placed strip across the snaps of ... oh, what are they called? those snap-crotched swimsuits (in these countries they are called "bodies" or "rompers") ... helps advance civilization.

[jenn]

Sorry, that "Wisconsin Death Trip" mention was from me. I confess to some perverse relief that someone other than myself is now stuck with those images and stories in their head. It is...horrific, no? And yet strangely compelling?

[Owlfan]

I third the idea of random small toys. I used to collect them all year for the 2 day trip to the grandparents. We also used to save the MagnaDoodle for only car time, so it was new and fresh to the kids - it was good for at least 30 min at a time (much less if they played with it regularly). Books on tape or CD, sing-a-long tapes, etc are always good.

Always important is plenty of snacks, including snacks for the adults - so that if the kids fall asleep at a mealtime, you can KEEP DRIVING! without the adults starving to death. I have literally driven straight through the only town in over a hundred miles with food, without stopping, at lunchtime, because my kids were both asleep. It was worth it.

[Jen]

DVD players and hand held video games are great distractors for the long drive. My teen enjoys her DS and her MP3. My 7 yo goes for my husbands old gameboy. The 2 yo is content with movies and drinks. The 4 likes movies and coloring, but gets car sick (if you've never done a long car trip, check with the pediatrician, can the twinkles have dramamine? May want some on hand, just in case) The biggest thing we do is stop every 2 to 3 hours. Everyone uses the bathroom, then we find a safe place for a quick (2 or 3 minutes) game of tag (helps release pent up energies)

[JennG]

If you're going the north route, Algonquin is nice and if you're coming down through Ottawa that's a kid-friendly city - the Museum of Civilization is awesome.

If you're going south through Toronto (longer), where I am there are a few things to know:

- do not under any circumstance try to cross the city between 8-10 am or 4-7 pm; you will regret it.
- if you are coming through during the G-20 summit I recommend skipping Toronto entirely as they are locking the downtown down quite thoroughly.
- the Science Centre here is nice as is the Royal Ontario Museum and the Bata Shoe Museum sounds strange but is fun too. If I had to pick one, if you are going to the other science museum I'd pick the ROM.
- Casaloma (imported castle) is disappointing and overpriced IMO

East of Toronto: It's about an hour detour south between Toronto and Montreal but Picton ON is a nice little town and the park near it, Sandbanks Provicial Park, is pretty neat in that it is...sandbanks in Lake Ontario which means long stretches of sand and shallow water. If your route places you near there for one of your nights it's a nice place to get heebie jeebies out. That area (Prince Edward County) is its own little Ontario culture.

[Cris]

I love mornings when there is a new post from you. Especially when it helps me avoid the editing work I should be doing.

Love love love the "I no bite him" call back, am happy to hear more about the farm, and clicked on the Domino's ad. Am now wanting to bite pizza in a rural setting.

I don't know if you need a passport for the kids for the trip. All I have is what the TSA person said to me when I discovered my passport was expired after arriving at the airport to fly to France: "We don't care if you leave with it, but they don't have to let you in once you get there."

[Stacey]

Julia:

I read your blog constantly. I am Canadian and in fact was born and raised in Sudbury (good spelling of Sault Ste. Marie by the way).

From what I know of Patrick from your blog, he would love the Science Centre. They also have an imax there (http://sciencenorth.ca/science-north.html)

I now live in Ottawa and there would also be a tonne of things to do in this city if you are taking the transcanada hwy route from Sudbury to Montreal/Vermont (which is hwy 17 / 417). Just for your info, the Sault to Sudbury is about 3.5 hours; Sudbury to Ottawa is about 5.5 hours; and Ottawa to Montreal is about 2.5 hours; Vermont is then about another 2 hours (I think - I have never been, but we are heading there this weekend!!)

As for what to do with kids: DVD player, lots of snacks, fill a bag with dollar store crap that they have never seen before.

Good luck

[rebeccaof8]

Mackinac Island...sigh. Love that place. There is a lilac festival in mid-June that is just stunning and parades and fudge and horses and no cars. LOVE IT!

Anyway. Miss Julia...I think it's from the Y, dont' you? They call their teachers "Miss" and since you've been going...just my guess. And for the record, it IS a bit odd, but we don't live in the south (Wisconsin...but not near where the decapitations are...more like near football if you know what I mean) and we do have our kids call people Miss...whatever. Sometimes Mrs. but at the very least Miss. It is really annoying to me when children call adults by their first names (call me old fashioned I guess). Anyway...good luck with the drive. My husband wants to take the four kids to Iowa (dear GOD, WHY????) this summer. It's about 6 hours. We've driven about 1 with them before. I'm not a fan. Good luck!

[Sarah in Ottawa]

You will for certain need passports, both to enter Canada and then re-enter the US. All seaport, airport and car entry points require them for everyone. (Our son got his first passport at 4 months for that reason).

Sudbury's Science North is pretty cool, and if you stay there overnight, you can -- and I am not joking - watch the slag from the nickel plants get poured onto the slag piles. I bet there are clips of it on youtube. It is freaky but cool to watch.

I grew up in Montreal and in the Toronto area - both are lovely, though Toronto is TOTALLY out of your way. But we're in Ottawa now and there is SO MUCH for kids to do. Since I suspect that you will be taking the TransCanada (highway 17/417 through most of of ON), the city will be right on your way. As one of the previous posters mentioned, the Museum of Civilization in Hull (just across the river from our Parliament buildings, on the Québec side) has cool exhibits and totem poles, the Canada Post Museum - and a dedicated children's musuem. Our Museum of Nature (in a cool, haunted Victorian building) has just undergone a huge renovation and could be a hit. For $ loving Patrick, you can tour the mint (the Cdn circulation coins are struck in Winnipeg, but the special ones are struck in a cool building right in the heart of the city) and visit the free Currency Museum at the Bank of Canada which includes the history of money in Canada, plus you can examine money from around the world. It's great. And Parliament hill is gorgeous, too.

And I am another poster who'd love to meet up with you! Ottawa meet up!!

[Jen R]

I live in Milwaukee and I would say that the ferry may be good for entertainment value but to get your family and car across the lake will cost approximately a plane ticket for one of you. It still takes hours unless you take the express and then it is even more expensive. That said, you will avoid Chicago traffic at least. From where you are, I would think about going north east through upper Michigan with a stop at Mackinac Island -- surely Patrick will be fascinated with a place where nobody is allowed to have a car. For car distractions... snacks, portable DVD players, video games, and car games (Usborne Books sells a couple of card decks where each card is a different travel game - they are pretty good). I remember my mom taking stacks of paper and crayons on road trips. She would make up worksheets on the fly - matching games, alphabet practice, math problems, etc. That kept us busy for hours.

[jen]

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Doodle-Pro-Classic-Orange/dp/B001JQLJMC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1274359131&sr=8-1

Magnadoodles. Two. No ink everywhere, no dropped pens/dried up nibs. But the Twinkles can scribble their way through Canada. We have them in our car, and they are TOTALLY a lifesaver. Don't get the ones with extra 'stamps' as they just get lost in the car (meaning you have to stop the car to stop the screaming) - just the regular plain ones do fine. Best. Invention. Ever.

[jen]

And....

http://www2.ville.montreal.qc.ca/biodome/

Montreal Biodome. Tropical plants AND animals. My husband has been and said it was amazing. Good for Twinkles AND Patrick!

[Not My Mother]

I love the bit about you and Steve communicating better because I distinctly remember a situation where you DID bite him on the leg during a fight, and also because the whole situation describes exactly how I feel about my husband leaving me and our six-week-old while he swans off on jolly excursions with our friends. "But you can go out too!" he says. Not the point at all, buddy. I might have to send him the link to this post :-)

[llcsis]

Really not sure how I can express the depth of my gratitude for making me laugh today, so I won't try. But I truly heart you. Cookie sheets/magnet toys, like the new toy/100 miles idea, handheld electronic games for Patrick (yes, I know he'll become addicted and berserk, but perhaps you can convince him it's a car-only thing) DVD players saved my life personally. Or their lives to be technical.

[Lynnette]

For car trips, I insist on (new or at least new-ish) Hampton Inns with pools. Haven't failed us yet. They usually have a happy hour, free bedtime cookies, waffle, etc. free breakfast, and comfy beds with comforters. I try to limit us to 6 hours or so driving, any one day. DEE. VEE. DEES. Can't emphasize that one enough. A couple of changes of comfortable clothes for anyone who may be covered in vomit at any given point, in an easily accessible spot. Road construction and rush hoursPaper towels. Large baby wipes box, plus another pack in the car, somewhere. Love a box of Pampers Bibsters for the twins while dining out. Those all in one, star-shaped six color crayons are great for the car or restaurants. Coloring books for car and restaurants. We like to pack a picnic for at least the first day's lunch, and stop at a the first rest area that we encounter around lunch time. You know your kids' diet best, but I avoid crumbly foods and too much dairy while driving. Water and fruit jerky strips are my friends. Bring your Regalo's. They're great for hooking on picnic tables or sometimes even the tables in the hotel room. I also like packing a carry-on with everyone's toiletries, jammies and one change of clothes (works for the four of us, since two of us are small). That way, we only have one small suitcase to contend with at the hotel. We have enough other crap, in the form of coolers, diaper bags, beach bags, toys, etc. For three nights there, you might consider bagging each nights' contents, and quickly swapping a bag of clean for a bag of dirty, from the main suitcases? All I can' think of right now...Good luck! (or Bon chance, as they say in Quebec!) Divine pralines at Leonidas Belgian chocolates, if it is still in Montreal. The white chocolate covered are the best, for some reason. Sorry, still boycotting Domino's because of their support of Right To Life, and other pro-life orgs.

[Megan]

Heh. That is why we had a Mister Tiger and a Sister Mister Tiger in our house (and yes, the boy involved was so pleased to have TWO Mister Tigers that no awkward questions were asked. He even went so far as to declare, with great delight, "Mister Tiger! You're so CLEAN!")

I drove from Texas to Alaska and then Alaska to Virginia and agree with the surprise bag (suggest a variety of items - craft stuff for Patrick, and maybe a road map so he can keep track and note down where he sees interesting stuff along the way? Put DVD's in the bag and very small, separately bundled snacks. Ours were old enough that I had special trip backpacks for each and they were allowed to open a pocket or choose something wrapped from the centre every hour). Also? Whatever you have to do to Steve do it, but STOP at every interesting looking place along the way. You'll see a heck of a lot more, everyone will get to stretch their legs, and the drive will be as much fun as the rest of the trip (or nearly). Many males have to be threatened into following this advice, but it is WAY worth it.

[Shanna]

You do need passports now to get out of Canada and Mexico. If you are driving though you can get the passport card which is way cheaper then the passport. I just had to do that for my son so he could travel with Grandpa this summer.

[melissa]

As always, wonderful!

[LMM]

As someone who has regularly made the round trip from Mpls to Madison, WI for the past 10...no, wait, 15 years...it has always been understood both among my family and friends that we just DO NOT STOP in Black River Falls. It doesn't matter if you have to pee, have a flat, have a car that is currently on FIRE, you do not stop there. Bad juju. My best friend's parents were taking her back to college and disregarded the BRF rule and were promptly hit by a hit-and-run driver at the gas station. So while I had never heard of the book you mentioned, I'm also not at all surprised.

As for cross-country...I bought a tray for Lucy that hooks into the window next to her car seat and acts as both toy and cup holder. I think I found it at One Step Ahead or one of those kid catalogs. Wonderful that I'm not continually handing things back because she can reach them herself.
Maybe those neck pillow things to help them sleep? And a DVD player, of course.
Best of Luck! :)

[Denise]

Dramamine. Not just for the narcotic effects, but because carsick kids are very, very miserable and vocal unto their misery. We are also driving to Vermont this summer, although it's not quite the haul for us that it is for you, and it's first on my list.

[Lawmommy]

Miss Julia? Perhaps she has been reading the collected plays of Strindberg behind your back? (Although, technically, that would be Ms. Julie, not Julia, I suppose.)

Montreal is my favorite city as well, but I've never driven there. (I know this seems like a stupid thing to say, but I've had more than client forget) - don't forget your passports - yours and the children's. (We live on 40 minutes from the border, and for so many years it was just "wave and say 'American citizen'" but now they are all cranky and demanding proper papers. Sigh.

[Bridget]

For the first plane ride with a toddler, my mom packed a present bag. Little, inexpensive crap all wrapped individually. It made a bit of a mess, but really kept her busy unwrapping and of course she had new, awesome stuff to play with once she was done.

I also completely understand about your reaction to Steve's suggestion that you go out more and how that wasn't what you really meant. For us, it's my husband's softball schedule, which leaves me with both kids for the bedtime routine 2 nights a week. I know I can't complain about 2 kids to someone with twins, but I think it's the difference in stages (toddler and preschooler) that makes the routine work so much better with both parents involved right now. Anyway, my husband also thinks the solution is for me to go out more on my own when I get frustrated with the solo parenting. Just nice to know I'm not the only one who has this situation and who doesn't want that for the solution!