Aposiopesis

Steve and I took the children to the pool yesterday. After careful consideration I think that going to the pool is my very least favorite thing to do with the kids. Worse even than accidentally dining at a nice restaurant or traveling with a layover at JFK. It has all of the stress of a normal family outing - random shrieking, mad dashes in opposite directions, FTS (floppy toddler syndrome)... plus water.

We've got Caroline who pulls herself up and out of the pool ad infintum only to immediately jump back in whether someone is there to catch her or not. The bad news is she cannot swim; the good news is she is really good at holding her breath. Then there is Edward who just wants to secure dominion over all of the pool toys. With Edward I am seeing first-hand how empire builders go awry because, ok, sure, Eddybear, you can have most of Spain and parts of northern Africa and, fine, Belgium but Russia, Edward? Really? If Edward was simply playing with a watering can I doubt anyone would challenge him. But when he gathers everything he can reach into his  arms and then starts trying to shove more stuff under his meaty thighs - it is going to cause a parental inquiry and a subsequent reallocation of ill-gotten ducks. Patrick, meanwhile, is fine as long as the water slide is open but once they close it (as they inevitably do) he finds that he has nothing better to do with himself than point out to Edward all of the toys he doesn't have (wah wah) or tell Caroline he'll catch her if she jumps and then he'll get distracted and paddle away as she is mid-leap. Not. Cool. Finally, trying to get all three kids dried off and back into their clothes while preventing them from slipping on the wet floors and cracking their heads open is a twelve man job for which we are clearly about twelve men short.

I watched another family at the pool a week ago. The Patrick aged kid climbed the stairs to the slide, waited her turn and then whooshed down while her mother and sister waited patiently at the bottom. It was the sister who fascinated me. She must have been about Caroline and Edward's age and she just... sat there. Waiting. Smiling. Clapping when her sister came down the slide. Meanwhile Caroline and Edward were going completely around the twist. As Patrick went down the slide Steve and I had to physically restrain the twinkles. They screamed and cried and thrashed and begged to go down the slide too, or back into the other pool, or over there or aaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeee aaaiiiiiieeeeeee aiiiiii... well you know. The pleasant child's mother gave me a look of sympathy. I expect it's the same look that the person in charge of the iguanas gives the howler monkey keeper when they meet at the zoo canteen.

I kinda hate the pool (how do you people with your own pools keep your toddlers from killing themselves? it seems unfathomable to me) so I keep trying to go all Meet Me in St Louis and fob the children off on the joys of our own front yard. Patrick has been quite helpful in this and with the aid of about a quarter mile's worth of garden hose and a few splitters, he and his friends created a waterpark (Sassyland Wet and Wild Thrillpark - he suggested we might need more parking; I told him to wait until we get an initial crowd count and then we can reassess the venue) using the swing set and a couple of sprinklers.

When Edward isn't fooling around with the system the hoses shoot water down onto the slides and it works surprisingly well. Muddy, my god, there are no words to describe how dirty they get and Steve keeps making dark prophecies about sinkholes but it's fun and - according to Patrick who seems to have read every travel plaza sign between here and Vermont - Buses Welcome.

Caroline and Edward were accepted today into the toddler preschool class that starts in September. I always have a hard time with change (I worry about everything. Choking, mainly, and bear attacks) but for the most part I am excited. I think it will be fun for them (well, that is what I think when I am not thinking that they will be suicidal with the grief of missing me) and I like that it is a class just for two year olds. Caroline and Edward have their weaknesses but they are both extremely good at being two, so it should work out beautifully.

At the Y Caroline ran up to the short counter as I handed our membership cards to the woman behind the desk.

"I'm Caroline," she said.

The woman said, "You're who?" and looking at the cards said, "Oh! Caroline! Hello!"

Caroline said, "I'm going to the pool! Won't that be fun?"

And the woman said yes, yes it would be fun.

Patrick prodded Edward forward as well.

"Edward can you tell her what you name is?" he prompted. Then he said, "Oh! Did I give too much away?"

Caroline frowned at Patrick, patted Edward and said to the woman, very formally, "Thank you." Then "Come on Edward," and he came.

They've been getting a little more twin-y lately.

At breakfast they sit across from each other and have some version of the following conversation:

Edward: [Observation]

Caroline: That's pretty stupid.

Edward: No Cayayine! Sep out! Not soopit! Comkal!

Which just goes to show that Caroline has absorbed Patrick's second-grade vocabulary while Edward has taken to heart our attempts to modify the same with a wide-range of possible adjectives (that's... funny! ridiculous! hilarious! comical!) Caroline has countered with: that's really... stupid; that's pretty... stupid; that's kinda... stupid.

If you can't tell, we seem to be losing at word games.

Oh and I have no idea where he got "step out" as a reprimand but he accompanies it with the extended palm of negation. For some reason it always makes me think of James Brown: push with the palm "Step out!" heels up "Yow!" and spin.

But the twin thing. She gave him a hug the other day. 

 

He helped her push a heavy chair over so she could climb onto a new table and investigate a new lamp while he played lookout. Granted he was looking in the wrong direction but it's always hard to get good henchmen.

And he not only let her ride his pushcar, he drove.

 

It's possible they are growing fond of each other.

Patrick qualified for OT and started something called IM two weeks ago, which is... OK, I really don't know what it is. It has the word "metronome" in it and it involves him patting his right hip and tapping his left toe 500 times and then switching to his left hip and his right toe. This is REALLY REALLY difficult for him and he hates it, mostly, but to his credit he is working very hard and making fairly remarkable progress. Last week he was toward the bottom with the IM stuff, this week he hit the average range. I have gotten used to Patrick picking up on things (most things) pretty quickly and sometimes I do not give him enough credit for it. Patrick was in the bottom percentile for speech at two and a half but by three he was around the ninetieth. Every week he would master a new skill and then he was done. At the time I was, like, good, fine, ok, that was easy, but in retrospect he's pretty amazing. Watching Edward's more leisurely progress in speech has been an introduction to normal, which is fine but I find I have needed to adjust my expectations. I had assumed that Edward would be done by the end of the summer but the fact that he still drops final consonants when he strings words into sentences makes him an interesting conversationalist, to say the least, and I don't see him graduating from speech any time soon. In fact, I have asked about moving him back to twice a week because he seems to have plateaued. 

I just got my final final deadline for my article and between now and then Patrick and Edward have three therapy sessions between them, Steve has two meetings, we're having a little dinner party and we are driving to Colorado. This would be cause for moderate concern but additionally I just realized that I had misunderstood how they wanted the intro written, so it will need to be completely re-written. I am so screwed. Excuse the abrupt departure but I need to go breathe into a paper bag and then maybe throw up a few times.

A propos of nothing and assuming I survive: what is the best book you've read this summer?

PS Whoops. I was so busy freaking out I forgot to tell you what my favorite book of the summer has been. Um, it was not Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief although I will acknowledge that it was better when I started reading it than listening to the recorded books version. The voice actor we heard just seemed to emphasize the less than stellar writing with weird pauses and odd inflections. "Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie"? Did I read that this summer or was it more late spring? Regardless I liked it.

Comments

[LMM]

I realize this does you no good but I'm kind of glad someone is freaking out about work stuff and breathing into paper bags. All I want is to be enjoying this summer and frolicking with Lucy (although, probably not at the pool, now that you mention it) and I'm stressed. It seems wrong to be stressed in the summertime, doesn't it?
Hope it all works out - I'm sure it will.

[Stacey]

The best book I read was A Thousand Splendid Suns. Of a much more beachy read theme, I have discovered how much I love the books by Emily Giffin and Jennifer Weiner.

[Daisy]

No Less Than Victory by Jeff Shaara- the last of a triology about the Allied victory in Europe during WWII, with a focus on the battle of the Bulge. Fantastically written.

[Kizz]

I am currently reading Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. I am not certain it's the best book I've read all summer but it's certainly the one that's taught me the most. Unfortunately a large portion of that teaching is basically, "OH MY GOD, WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT TO THEIR [insert random item of genitalia] EVEN IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE?!?!?!?!?!"

[SarahB]

Book: I just finished "The Used World" by H. Kimmel and Barbara Kingsolver's latest, "Lacuna." Recommend both.

Oh, and the metronome! A young gifted boy I used to babysit did that. He was smart as heck, but had real problems with coordination and writing, and it helped him tremendously. He was about Patrick's age when he did it too.

[Abby]

My book club read Water for Elephants last month. Easy and a nice story, with a sweet (yet totally unbelievable) ending. Weirdest book this year? A Reliable Wife. But it was interesting.

[Jodi]

At the pool, we put a lifejacket on our toddler and it gives him some independence and me some peace of mind. Might help.

The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon.

[Katie]

The metronome thing? My 5 year old son is also doing it in his OT. He has Sensory Processing Disorder. I have never seen it (sit in the waiting room because he is less distracted when I'm not there).

[Emma]

I just finished "Commencement" by J. Courtney Sullivan. It's a novel that follows four friends through the five years after they graduated from Smith College (I went to grad school there, so I thought that was cool).

[Christa]

I have a 9 year old (Jacob) and a 3 year old (Ian). Ian is fearless in the water and will still leap out of my arms in the pool as if he's forgotten that he cannot swim. So, I got him a swimsuit that looks like the old-fashioned bathing costumes from thear early 1900s (one piece for boys) and the chest and back have foam in them that keeps him high in the water. He loves it and despite my fears that it would delay learning how to actually swim, the opposite happened. When he's not wearing it he can actually swim a stroke or to on his way to the side of the pool, which considering how skinny he is and thus has a great tendency to sink to the bottom, is pretty good. He even jumps in from the side, holds his breath, goes under and then pops up like a buoy and swims away. Highly recommend it.

$10 at Wal-Mart. OP brand.

[Aunt Becky]

The best thing about having many kids is watching them play together. Also: that could be a Hallmark card. Also, also: I just barfed in my mouth a lot saying that.

[Jessica T]

As for swimming (we have 2 year old twins and a 4 year old), I HIGHLY recommend ISR (infant swim resource). We put all 3 of ours in it at the beginning of the summer and it is great - they can all kick on their front and flip over and float on their back without us having to be right there. Our oldest is also doing more swimming things - I think getting used to the basics made her more confident in her ablities. And I really don't feel that they are going to drown if I'm not right there, which before we put them in, we felt like that all the time. We live in AZ and just this summer bought a house with a pool, so we do spend a lot of time in it.

[Melody_NC]

My twin girls are 6 and it's just this past year that I've started enjoying the pool, before that it was too much work and not enough fun, for me at least. Ditto the life jacket recommendation. We used some lightweight Speedo ones from Target.

For summer reading I enjoyed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy and just finished Water for Elephants.

[Jane-Marie]

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson. MUST READ!

[Heather]

I liked The Passage, Justin Cronin.

[Liz]

We have 29 month old twins and a pool. I never wanted a pool - too much work. Husband loved it...until the kids arrived. Now he has nightmares about it. Every door in our has has multiple locks and chains because they know REALIZE and REMEMBER we have a pool.

[Lauren]

I devoured The Hunger Games and it's sequel Catching Fire last weekend. Suzanne Collins is the next J.K.Rowling. You heard it here first. Seriously loved them. I read Sweetness last summer and enjoyed it too.

[Yatima]

A Place of Greater Safety. And that's in some tough competition: I also read
Wolf Hall, The Little Stranger and The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, all of which were amazing.

[Sam]

I know what you mean about the pool being a stress fest. We have a pool in our apartment complex - a really nice pool, actually - and it's just this summer that I have managed to take my just-turned-three-year-old every week. Before, it was just too much for me, worrying he was going to slip, get away from me and run straight into the deep end...now he has a lifevest we got him for a trip to my aunt's lake house. He is crazy about this vest and wears it around the house all the time. But the good news is that he can float and practice paddling and kicking...I guess he still could drown but it's not like I'm kicking back poolside with a novel and an adult beverage. I've even read it's better that floaties because they can move their little arms better. Anyway. Life vests, or those floaty swimming suits, they make a mama less crazy. (I am deeply afraid of the whole drowning thing. I just hate hearing stories of little ones who end up in the family pool, so much so that I will probably never have one.)

As for books this summer, I've read Mary Karr's memoir trilogy - The Liars' Club, Cherry, and Lit. I've truly liked them all, and Lit you could say I love. I also read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and it was an exciting read.

[Alice]

Toddlers and swimming: what Christa said. I personally love the water and took my kids in with me almost from birth, holding them the whole time and then graduating to swim rings and noodles. (Sounds like a fast-food order, doesn't it?) I am no jock but I've always felt that kids should be comfortable in the water and that adults should know how not to drown if they fall into something. Plus it's great exercise and you can't bet it to beat the heat.
Book: "Round Rock" by Michelle Huneven

[Alexis]

Bad Things Happen by Harry Dolan. It's murder mystery involving writers & editors of a mystery-themed magazine.

[Robin]

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. Step out! It's brilliant! Read it!

[Sarah]

I'm going with Lauren and adding my vote for "The Hunger Games" ... though technically I read it back in May.

I read the first four percy jackson books last weekend (okay, on sunday).

I'm teaching grade 8 next year so I'm trying to catch up on the newest YA stuff. That being said, "Little Brother" is really good too ... similar to Hunger Games, but with a sort of 1984 vibe.

Good luck with swimming woes - I know that when my youngest brother was 2-1/2 and frog obsessed, the only way to keep him safe at the cottage was to included a lifejacket in the outfit when he got dressed in the morning ... just be careful of the built in floats swim suits (no personal experience) ... they might be tippy and could force them face down or even upside down if flipped (end lifeguard spiel)

[Sarah]

Sorry to hijack your comments, you (and Patrick) might also like the book "Ella Minnow Pea" by Mark Dunn. I picked it up on the bargain table a few weeks ago.

It plays with language like nothing else I've ever read ("a progressively lipogrammatic epistolary fable" - and yes, I had to look that up!)

[susannah]

agree with jane-marie: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson. Although also read and enjoyed "the elegance of the hedgehog" although it started off as a slog.

[Throwingutah]

Mine are six and four, and I put water wings on them. I learned without them and I don't really care for them, but now that I'm a single parent I am outnumbered. I prefer to remain that way, so water wings it is.
Also, you said, "unfathomable" about water. Heh.
I'm curious whether my six-year-old is going to wind up with some sort of PT/OT as well - his kindergarten teacher mentioned the possibility. I imagine he's a nightmare in the classroom, what with his reading level and his can't-stand-on-one-footitude. He's never had any speech issues, though, unless we count his ability to stretch "Mommy" out into five syllables. He's a great kid, though - I can't wait to give him the new National Geographic with the pullout poster of the underwater caves. Nerd kids are fun.

[TeacherMommy]

I'm a confirmed fantasy and sci-fi lover, though I can be occasionally found purusing the pages of a more literati-approved book, so you'll have to excuse me for not fitting in very well. And I'm a literature teacher. Ah well. I can read and analyze high and mighty literature very well; I just choose to read good-quality fantasy and sci-fi for pleasure instead! Work vs. play and all that.

And as I've read scads of books this summer, it's difficult to choose one favorite. I thoroughly enjoyed the Night Angel trilogy by Brent Weeks. It even made me cry. But in a good way.

[jen]

I haven't read it yet, but I've had 5 different people tell me to read 'The Help'. All of them have RAVED about it, and I am going to kidnap my mum's copy and read it on holiday - apparently it's a non-putter-downer.

[jen]

ps I have delegated all swimming activities to my husband. my son is great in the pool, but my daughter - well, let's just hope my husband works a miracle and i can start her in swim class in january (age 3.5).

My daughter + swimmingpool = deadly rise in bloodpressure for mama. ;0)

the screaming! the clinging! the misery! the slipping over on the tiled floor! aaaiieeee!

[jennamom2boys]

Re: OT, my six year old son's been in OT for three years and I've never heard of this metronome thing. Will have to ask about it next week.
Re: the pain in the ass-ness of the pool, life-vests for the twinks will save your sanity. Get the kind that has a collar in the back that hangs off, it'll keep their heads out of the water better.
Re: books, The Help and Joshilyn Jackson's Backseat Saints (but I'm partial to anything about the South, maybe you're not.)

[Angela]

My book club liked both "The Help" and the "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society."

[Sharlene]

I was reading through the comments thinking I can't believe nobody has mentioned "The Help" I am currently pretending like I won't be having 100 people at my house tomorrow because I can't put the book down!

[Sarah R]

Ah, I do love me a good Julia post. The twins, they crack me up.

And you could not have gotten my daughter onto a water slide for love nor money...she was more the iguana than the howler monkey.

If you liked "Sweetness..." there is more Flavia goodness in the sequel, "The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag."

I agree with the rec. for "The Passage" and also the Suzanne Collins books, though I would argue that she is miles better than ole JK, who I think is actually sort of a pedestrian writer.

But the best book I read this summer is "The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet" by David Mitchell. He is an incredible writer and this book is just wonderful. Set in 1799, mostly on the man-made island of Dejima, just off the coast of Japan near Nagasaki, at a time when Japan was closed off to almost all Westerners. Jacob is a clerk with the Dutch East Indies Company who is sent out to ferret out fraud. He falls in love with a Japanese woman. There is court intrigue and finaglings in the company. It may not sound wonderful, but it definitely is.

[Floyd]

I really liked The Passage by Justin Cronin. And I realize I might be a little late to the party but I just read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo so now I'm hooked on that trilogy.

Love reading about your kids. They really make me smile.

[seussgirl]

I know this has already been said, but sometimes the more people who say it, the more believable it becomes?
Anywho, I have a fearless 2-yo twin who likes to jump directly into the deep section of the pool. We use these:
http://www.amazon.com/Speedo-Kids-Swim-Vest/dp/B000VLF9O0
And he bobs right back to the surface. Helpful, that is.

[Lori S]

Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff

[lizneust]

I randomly picked up "A Small Island" about London and Jamaica during WWII. I've really enjoyed it, but I think it has been out for a while. I keep meaning to read something called "The People of the Book" - or maybe its "Map" - which I've heard is quite good.

I think that metronome thing would make my head explode.

Is he mangling "stop it" instead of "step out"?

[Vanessa]

The Help. By far the best.

[JenL]

I really liked The Passage also. More recently I read and loved Marcelo in the Real World.

[Judy]

While it may take a while to get into it, The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver is well worth the read. Just read The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster and really liked it. Am now reading Mathilda Savitch by Victor Lodato, a debut novel--sad, funny, heartbreaking so far for a young emotionally charged teen dealing with her older sister's death.

[Karen]

Driving to Colorado? Me too! Should I be on the lookout for your fab family in Steamboat in early August?

[Ruth]

Another who really liked "The Passage". It sucked me in and I didn't surface for until I was done.

Another recent favorite was "The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane". That one was really, really good, and a perfect summer read.

[Ashley]

"Mama Zen" was a great book I read this summer. Excellent for parents of toddlers!:)

[Gigi]

I loooove the pool. It gets them really tired and I just put them on puddle jumpers (I don't know why they're called that because they're like water wings that also go across the chest) they're amazing, no matter how they land on the pool they always bob back up head first. Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Kids-92-Deluxe-Stearns-2830-2d50-lbs-2e-29/dp/B001O9F68M/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=sporting-goods&qid=1280354710&sr=1-9

I second the Millenium Trilogy, really good!

[Jessica]

pick yourself up some John Steinbeck. "East of Eden" is magnificient, and an easy read. By easy I mean, easy to pick up and put down and pick up and put down, as mothers of young children are known to have to do.

[Laura]

Angela above said both The Help and The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and I must wholeheartedly agree. The main character of Guernsey is pretty much how I always assumed you to be. I wonder how much you are really like her? I also read Dragon Tattoo, and while it was good, it wasn't excellent like the media is making it to be.

[10teneight8]

I am finally reading the Outlander series. So good, and I still have the newest one to go. I love how epic and pot-boilery they are.

[winecat]

I second A Thousand Splendid Suns followed by Cutting for Stone, The Help, The Guernsey...
and East of Eden probably my favorite book ever.

Congrats on both Twinkles into pre-school.

Let's see a dinner party then driving to Colorado. It comes close to a weekend of throwing 2 Christmas parties for 2 different group back to back and flying off to New Orleans the next day. NEVER, NEVER do anything that stupid again.

[Molly]

second the recommendation of The Lacuna. Also, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz.

[AnnaN]

Because of you, I have started the Aubrey-Maturin books which I have been living with for fourteen years, courtesy of my husband. I never even read the back blurbs because one look at the covers and I was all, "historical naval fiction? YUUUUCK!" in my best Lord Flasheart imitation.

Boy was I misinformed. I now wake said husband with my giggling over the sublime and dry wit of O'Brian. Thank you, thank you, thank you; they are a treat.

Anywhoodle - yay for your Colorado road trip! I've done it so many times in one day that I can't stand it any more (913 miles from my door to my mother in So.Mpls). Are you landing on the plains or cruising through to the mountains or Western Slope?

I have only one bit of advice: Nebraska may cause torpor. Beware.