Vortextual

My aunt and uncle were in town last week for a balalaika/domra convention and they came to visit one night bearing gifts and Ukrainian food. My side of the family is English and Irish and my uncle, last I checked, is a Swede but apparently we all like stringed instruments and pickles and horseradish and we had a great time. I especially enjoyed catching up with my uncle who is an historian and a folklorist and the de facto repository of all matters genealogical for the family.

I picked up some new trivia about my grandmother's family that I think is common knowledge but I had somehow missed, like the fact that the two families emigrated together from County Antrim and settled together in Cherokee County and the two great-grandfathers fought in the same company during the Civil War (pick a side) and then the one's son married the other's daughter and they had four children: John, Nonie, Arizona and Dove. I am more grateful than I can say that I was never aware of G-G-Aunt Dove because I can guarantee you Steve would have been all over that name for Caroline. It was all I could do to pry him away from Arizona. I can just imagine the twins, Dove and Drake. Yibbity.

On Saturday the conventioneers gave a performance at the University concert hall and Patrick and I attended. It was a good concert and... actually, I had the weirdest thing happen and I am still perseverating over it so I might as well tell you about it and then you can tell me what you would have done and I can get over it. The concert was mostly sold out with general seating. Patrick likes to be close to the front so we were about six rows back and six seats in from the aisle. It was a long first half and after almost two hours Patrick whispered that he had to go to the bathroom. I asked if he could wait and he said no so I sighed and waited until the song was over and then muttered my embarrassed apologies as we climbed over the four people between us and the aisle. Patrick went to the bathroom, we returned to the theater doors and waited for the piece to be over so the usher could let us back in. Then we waited at the back of the theater for the next piece to be done. I didn't want to disturb the people in the row we had been sitting in before, so I looked to see if there were open seats available anywhere on the aisle. There were, in the front two rows. So in the next lull between pieces Patrick and I went to the front of the theater, only to discover that the front two rows had a sign saying No Seating, Reserved. So I looked around and saw four empty seats in the middle of the third row and I did the whispered grimace pointy thing to let the two women seated on the aisle know that we wanted to get past them to the empty seats. And they shook their heads NO. No! I'm still shocked. Who says no?

So Patrick and I were standing in the front of the theater as the next performance began and I was mortified (ha! right there embarrassment vs shame) and I looked frantically around the theater but couldn't find two seats together until finally this very nice man stood up so we could sit behind the women who refused to let us pass. I spent the rest of the act glaring at the back of their heads. My brother says I should have just smiled as brightly as possible and plowed over their feet into the empty seats. I think this is a pretty good idea but I was too surprised to think of it. What would you have done?

Then intermission came and the stage manager announced that they would not be letting us out of the theater into the lobby because we were safest where we were, thank you. And Patrick said, "WHAT? Do they mean tornadoes?" and I thought about it and said, yes, that is probably exactly what they do mean. And Patrick said, "And I am missing it? Do you know that I am eight years old and I still have never seen an actual tornado?"

Eventually they let us into the lobby and we watched the storm through the giant windows. I called Steve who checked the radar (in a future life Steve will be a meteorologist, probably called Drake Starr but that's just a guess. oh! maybe he'll come back as a woman! then he could be Dove Morning) and Steve assured me that although the storm was severe it was thin and passing. So we could wait ten minutes and it should be ok to drive home. Patrick and I waited fifteen, decided the rain was letting up and left.

As soon as I turned on to the interstate I knew I had made a giant mistake. It was raining so hard I couldn't see and there was lightning everywhere and the tires kept slipping every time I hit a new pocket of standing water. I probably should have just gotten off the damned highway but it felt safer to just keep going in a straight line so I drove 35 mph with white knuckles and the whole time Patrick regaled me with tornado facts, like how far they can toss a car or what the highest recorded wind speed is.

It wasn't the greatest date I ever had. 

+

Tomorrow I am having surgery to remove a Bartholin gland cyst. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that the Bartholin glands were first described by Danish anatomist Caspar Bartholin the Elder. In fact it was his grandson Caspar Bartholin the Younger. A common mistake.

I have had this cyst for the past seven years and I kept suggesting we get rid of it and my OB/Gyn kept saying it wasn't bothering me so we shouldn't bother it. Finally this past Spring at my annual exam she acknowledged that it probably needed to go since it was beginning to increase rapidly in size. I, naively, thought she could just... do something about it while I was there and she laughed and said it's the bloodiest procedure she does so it gets done at the hospital. 

She said it was a pity she didn't take it out while I was delivering Caroline and Edward and I said yeah I guess so. To this day I still shake my head over how I could have wound up so confused about my delivery options when I was seeing them practically every day. As you might recall, Caroline spent about two months head down and ready to go. Edward was sideways. As I got closer to having the babies I knew I was going to deliver in the OR because they wanted to be ready in case they had to do an emergency C-section. I thought we had two options: either baby B would flip head down after baby A had exited and we would have him vaginally; or baby B would do anything else and I would have a c-section.

I was shocked when baby B descended bottom first and my OB sat there looking at me expectantly, like, ok, go for it! Go for what? Who has ever heard of delivering a baby butt first? Well, you maybe, but I hadn't. I thought she was crazy but it didn't seem like a great time to discuss it. Nor did it seem like an appropriate moment to mention the old Bartholin cyst as she made the split-second decision to help things out with a massive episiotomy although in retrospect... anyway, tomorrow I am having a procedure.

+

Edward and Caroline were waiting for dinner and slamming their forks into the dining room table.

"Caroline! Edward! No!" I said. "No banging! I'm coming."

So Patrick - whose need for attention exists in inverse proportion to our ability to give it to him - started gouging the table with his fork too.

I said, not nicely, "PATRICK! FOR THE... STOP IT! STOP IT!"

Patrick said, "But Caroline and Edward were doing it... ."

And I snapped, "You're eight! They're two!"

Which is when Caroline slapped her hands on the table and bellowed, "I'm TWO AND A HALF!" and glared at me.

We laughed but I made a mental note to try to not sound so shrill. It's hard not to wince when you hear your shrieky shrieking echoing back at you.

+

Speaking of two and a half Edward starts most sentences with the word "no". We still do this:

Me: Edward may I have a...

Edward: No kissth! No haugh! No I lob you!

Recently I was on the phone with my mother as Edward was telling me about the things he saw in a book.

"A dog!" he said.

"Do you like dogs?" asked my mom.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Can you say 'yes I do'?" I asked and moved the phone closer to him.

"No yes I do," said Edward firmly.

+

It is possible I was gone from the room for longer than two minutes. Maybe it was five. But when I left Caroline and Edward were painting their usual pictures (Caroline pouring water over the entire page and then smacking it with her hands; Edward doing careful brush strokes in every color.) When I returned they had moved on to performance art

Caroline stretched out like a canvas and Edward painting her all over.

The plan has been for them to start at Patrick's old preschool in September. Technically they are not allowed until they are 33 months but the director had agreed to ask the county for an exception and I was very excited that they were going to start doing something pretty soon. Unfortunately the more I thought about it and the closer we got to Labor Day the more I realized they aren't quite ready yet. Not only is Edward potty averse, they are just.. young. I have a hard time visualizing them hanging out with the 3s and the 4s or even some 5s in a mixed age class. I think they'd be more trouble than they're worth, bumbling around like a couple of fireflies in a coffee can and looking blank when it was time to start gluing autumn leaves to construction paper. So I called the school today and said we're going to wait a bit. She said they had some families on the waiting list and I'm glad that will work out and we'll sign them up next year.

The problem is that I am now left with 14 months until Caroline and Edward can start preschool there and (see above and the home tattoo work) I think they are ready to do SOMETHING.

I just inadvertently re-discovered that our Y has a preschool and it has a two year old class and the class has vacancies for the Fall. It would be two days a week, from 9 until 2. They would eat lunch there and take a nap and the rest of the time they'd do... stuff. What do you think? It sounds like a lot to me - like a long day - but I tend to hover so I could use an outside opinion or several.

Comments

[Sam]

That person on the airplane was unbelievable. If only you could have managed to pee on her too, Jenn. No jury would convict.

My son switched from a nanny to full time preschool at age 2. There was a bit of adjustment (about 2 weeks), but he LOVES it now. And he learns so many amazing things that I don't think he would have from us at home. The older kids also inspired him to be potty trained (he's 2.5 now, just like the twinks).

[SarahB]

Just a note to say that I hope your surgery goes well!

And that the ladies at the concert deserved to be stepped on.

[Joy]

My son has gone to preschool / daycare since he was six months and it's fine for him and fine for me. Sometimes i wonder how they get him to eat and nap and all that but they do. He's gotten more comfortable with strangers (not strangers in cars with candy, I hope) and I'm sure E and C will be fine.

[Brooke]

I would probably assume (incorrectly, I'm sure) that the ladies in the theater thought I was asking if the seats were taken. Maybe they were confused that you walked away. Yeah, probably not.

I am amazed at the airplane lady.

[Lisame]

Ok, I admit. At first I thought it was rude of you to move about during the show. I was taught that if you MUST get up during a performance, then you stand at the back until intermission. NO excuses.

But then I read Jenn's airplane story! I would have peed on that tacky, rude *insert profanity here*!

And I got to thinking...This wasn't the Metropolitan Opera! How could they?!

[Sarah]

Noooooo on preschool. Why spend the money when they won't get anything out of it? Yes if you need a break, it's not like it'll hurt them. They will 'catch up' next year, one year if preschool is sufficient.

[Jen Farquhar]

Preschool, preschool. You could ask to start off with 9-12 for a couple weeks, and then ease them in. My littlest went @ 2 and a quarter - she was MORE than ready. My son went at 2 - he was too little. The younger siblings seem to cope better wth the whole shebang. And they get SO much out of it. And so will you - whether you clean the house or sit there and eat bonbons. (We have a WICKED cafe near us on a farm, that is my downfall!). You are not sentencing them to 24/7 in daycare - they will enjoy the different experiences, toys, and people.

[txtingmrdarcy]

Good luck with the procedure.

I can't believe I confused those damn Bartholins again.

[Snarky Mommy]

Is it too long of a commute from Chicago, because I would send Emmie (a few weeks younger than C and E) in a heartbeat!

Actually, she's going to the little preschool her brother attended twice a week for two hours in the first semester and twice a week for four hours in the second semester.

I would say 2x a week for that length of time wouldn't be too long. However, if they're not used to napping in public, I would pick them up after lunch and bring them home to sleep in their own beds to preserve the nap as long as you can.

[Shawna]

Ah yes, the Bartholin gland. Another thing intrinsic to the female experience that's named after the man who "discovered" it. (Braxton Hicks anyone?)

[Christiana]

I honestly thought you were kidding when you started out talking about balalaikas. To my surprise, you weren't. :)

I like to think I would have stood there in the aisle a moment and glared at said women and then plowed over them anyway, though I may have just done what you did and been so flummoxed that I would have no idea how to proceed. The nerve of some people!

I think the 2 days a week thing sounds terrific, especially for Caroline. My own Caroline desperately needs that social outlet, but since I am no longer working, even part-time (partially because my company closed my store and partially because I am 8 mos pregnant), we can no longer afford to send her. (She's 2.5, too) If there is a nap time involved, then I don't see that it would be that long of a day, really, since they WOULD be getting their rest. (And so would you). Just a thought.

[Libby]

Totally rude ladies. I want to think I would have done what your brother suggested but I probably would have been too shocked to do anything.

Do the Y. It does not sound like too much to me, I actually think it sounds pretty perfect. You can always pull them out if it does not work out.

The performance art picture made me laugh so hard!

[shriek house]

You had me at balalaika/domra convention.

(Fingers crossed for a smooth procedure today. My regards to Bartholin, Jr.)

[Leah]

"No kissth! No haugh! No I lob you!" So funny!! When I was putting my 11.5-month-old to bed tonight I had a meta moment of realizing the insane degree to which I was gushing with adoration and showering him with kisses and thought: oh well, get it all in now before he starts telling you not to!

[Courtney]

OK, so I had to wikipedia Bartholin's glands. The entry said "Bartholin's cysts are most common in women aged 20–29, especially those who have never been pregnant or have only been pregnant very few times." What exactly constitutes "very few times"? That seems kind of judge-y on Wikipedia's part, frankly.

I think the preschool sounds like the perfect solution - time for them to socialize with other babies, time for you (and Steve!) to have some kid-free time. It's only two days a week and it'll be a good prep for next year.

[Laurel]

I am not trying to be attitudinal, but you couldn't get much shorter time in care than 9-2, could you? At least, presumably the twinkles are on one nap by now, around midday. If you were to pick them up at 11 or 12 they'd probably pass out in the car and that never ends well (well, unless it's on purpose as a desperate last resort). Likewise, two days a week seems to be just about enough to get them familiar with the facility.

Maybe I am just feeling lame because this fall I am starting my 2nd child, daughter, who will be about 15 months, in care, 8-5 three days a week. My 3-year-old son is already in full-time. Partly I need to get more work done (I work part-time from home). Partly I just need to have eight hours straight to myself again. (Three days feels like a little much to me, I admit, but two days is not enough and half-days have just never seemed like good timing. Our daycare does 8-12, and would make you pay full-time costs for anything more.)

[Liz]

I agree with the consensus here on pre-school. My three-AND-A-HALF-year old has been in full-time, full-day care since he was 13 months and he's always enjoyed it. We phased him in a bit slowly at the beginning, staying with him for the first few visits, leaving him for progressively longer visits over the course of a few weeks and he really settled in well. You might try that if you're worried about drama. But from your descriptions, I think they'd do great.

[Pam L]

I agree with most on the 2 day a week 9-2 class. If it were more days no, but really you don't want to take them for a short class more days , like I had to the first year, because all you are doing is running back and forth to pre-school or trying to find something to do close by while they are there and, believe me, you can spend way more $$ than you need to shopping, eating and running errands just to fill the time. Or you go home, just get started on something and it's time to go back and my experience with pre-school is they are fairly annoyed if you are late picking up your little darlings.

[kara]

The twinks could not get any cuter. Performance art! *ROFL*

Best wishes for a smooth successful procedure and speedy recovery!

Not sure what I would have done in response to the rude ladies. If the concert was ongoing and I had a child with me, I probably would have backed off for fear of escalating the scene if I tried to climb over them.

[Pam L]

Oh, and I've never thought to ask if anyone wanted me to pass them to get to a seat. You just go for it and hope they are smart enough to haul in the toes and anything else they don't want potentially bumped.

[Arizona]

Look, I didn't want you and your kid sitting next to me because he'd probably be antsy and distracting and want to get up and go out again. I wanted to see the concert, not your keesters going back and forth during songs. So sue me.

Won't your twins be 32 months in Sept? and the usual age to start at that other preschool is 33 months? and you think they are toooo young? Um, okay. (*cough* sheltered! *ahem* hovering!)

You obviously aren't aware of this since you live in the Big Woods, but lots if not most kids these days go to day care full time, starting as infants in some cases. I can safely predict that 5 hours twice a week won't damage your superspecialsnowflakes' fragile psyches. They may even learn some things (table manners! using the toilet!) at a faster rate as a result of attending.

[Kelli]

I wasn't trying to say day care is necessary - I wish like heck I could be a stay at home mom. But there are something kids learn at school that are harder to learn at home. I remember my first day of kindergarten. I had always been at home with my mom and we lived in the country, so there weren't a lot of other kids my age to run around with. I wasn't scared of kindergarten, but I definitely didn't understand the group dynamics of being around a bunch of kids my own age. I was very well prepared for the academic things, but less ready for the social things. It took me a while to figure out how to make friends, how to work in larger groups and so on. My parents were very social people and I had friends growing up, but we got together 3-4 kids at a time, not 10 or more. Little kids are highly adaptable to whatever situation we present them. The older kid are when presented with a new situation, the harder it might be for them to figure it out.

[Caroline]

SEND THEM.

[sharon]

Have I got a good "No" story for you. 2 yrs ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer and had extensive surgery and chemo. We then had to fly to another city for further treatment. We requested an aisle seat for him and the airline messed up and gave me a window and him a middle seat. The check-in people said, no problem, get on the plane, tell the attendants, they will shuffle other people around to get him an aisle seat. We were the last ones to board. Here we are, shuffling down the corridor, with my weak, thin husband taking baby steps with my support, his head bald from chemo, wearing a protective mask, looking like the poster child for cancer. We get to our seat, there is a middle aged woman sitting in the aisle. We explain that my husband is sick and needs access to the aisle/bathroom, can she please swap with us and she looks at him and says, "No, I don't like to exchange seats. I am sure he can manage." Can you effing believe it? The attendant did boot her fat ass to a middle seat at the back though and we had the whole row to ourselves.

[Haus]

Oh, man - the things I've never heard of! Hope the procedure goes well and that you recover quickly. Of course, having delivered a breech baby I bet this'll be a piece of cake, right? :)

I say yeah to the Y idea - sounds perfect to me! 9-2 goes fast when there's lunch and a nap involved. If you were picking them up at 12 or whatever it would be a race to get them fed and down for a nap before they combusted, wouldn't it? So let them do it there, and pick them up when they're refreshed.

Rudeness always stuns me, too. I wouldn't have known what to do either!

[Diane]

Julia, if the seat thing looks like it might be an issue at any other event, just ask an usher to help you out.

The picture of C&E's performance art made my day.

Arizona? I hope you are joking.

[Uccellina]

My boy twin, also two and a half, does the No [x] thing too, and this is the first time I have heard anyone else mention that their kid does it.

"Mommy?" "Yes, Buddy?" "NO YES BUDDY!"
"Want some milk!" "Can you say Please?" "NO CAN YOU SAY PLEASE!"

Dude, what is that ABOUT?

[el-e-e]

OH, I love that picture. What a character!

Preschool at the Y sounds great. I can't remember how naps are going at your house currently, but I know my 2-y-o sleeps SO much better at school than at home (daytime sleeping, I mean). Major plus in my book.

[Tine]

Geez, Arizona. May I suggest that *you* attend preschool and learn some manners? And then read Julia's blog more before to avoid making more incorrect (rude, comical) assumptions about her parenting.

[K]aren O]

The performance art picture? Amazing! Is your camera somehow permanently attached to you? I can't imagine how else you get some of the pictures that show up here.

[Ami]

Children usually live up to the expectations we have of them, even at that young age (although you could argue a chicken-vs-egg question here): if you expect 9-2 to be too long it might be. But really, I think they'll do fine from 9-2. Time goes very quickly when you're that young. My kids had transition issues, so anything shorter than that was a waste of time for the kids.

Good luck on your procedure! I hope it goes uneventfully!

[terri c]

Sure hope the surgery went well!!!!

[Jennifer]

I vote for the Y. They are old enough to handle some structure and to learn how to play with kids other than each other. You could use the break too. 9-2 really doesn't sound too bad, and they may just surprise you. I know that mine always do!

[Pam L]

God, if I had your kids I would have a camera hanging around my neck every minute of the day or I don't know how you get all these great shots. Maybe a camera in every room, because, usually by the time I find mine, the magic is gone. Too funny. I wonder how she finagled that with Edward, or is he easily persuaded by the charms of Miss Caroline?

[Sarah]

The only thing about 9-2 is that it sounds as though you might have to wake them up in the middle of a nap? Suppose they eat at noon, and it's 12:30 to 1:00 before they get to sleep. Is a one hour nap O.K. for them? If not, I imagine they will be used to it quickly and will keep their usual routine on home days. I would probably wish for a 9-3 program on the assumption that nap would take up 12:30 to 2:30 and the staff could have them mobile and possibly cheerful by the time you picked them up. Apart from that, it sounds fine.

[Nimble]

My vote is yes for the 2yr old class. Two days a week is probably just right to keep it fun for them and not too much time away for you.

[Rupiedupie]

'Posted by:Arizona'
Ewwwww.
You can suck it!

[Sandra]

It's highly unlikely that anyone would have claimed those seats in the middle of the concert. You should have just said EXCUSE ME, and pushed past them.

People 'saving' seats when it's first come first served drives me absolutely batty! One or two seats? Ok. But a whole row? I don't think so. When my boys were small, my mother and I took them to Sesame Street on Ice or something. As we attempted to sit, a nearby woman frantically waved us away, informing us she was 'saving' those seats. Ok. We trooped one row higher and again, attempted to sit. An anguished wail let us know she was saving those seats, too. The hell with that, we sat down.

I'll accommodate people if I can, but if I'm here and they're not? Sorry, I'm sitting and they can stand.

[Darlene]

Way to go, Jenn. I'm still laughing...

[Sam]

Not to defend those women, because they could have just been witches, but I will say to those who commented about people not moving in the movie theaters- there might be a reason. I have certain physical needs (damaged knee, restless legs, etc) that require me to sit where I can move easily. I arrive 30 minutes early and would not be willing to change seats so others arriving at the last minute could sit together. Just something to keep in mind if you run into that situation again- that person may not be able to put your needs before their own.

[Quine]

Oh definitely go for it. They'll have a ball - and if not, you can stop. Useful for them to have the experience and you to have the time. And better to be bumbling around with other two year olds rather than with four year olds, I'd say.

[Kellyann]

Since you asked so sweetly..yes for preschool. That sounds lovely. Two hours is too short. You barely get out the door and you are your way back. They sound very social and will have eachother as well. They will likely love it,learn and grow in many positive ways. It will give you time to run errands toddler free, get your hair done, scrub the tub or volunteer at Patricks school. Give it a try and see how it goes.

[Cheryl]

I noticed that a lot of the comments suggested that maybe those seats were being saved for someone else. But I don't think so, since you sat behind them for the rest of the show and nobody joined them.

Maybe they thought you were the kind of people who were trying to get a free upgrade on good seats when they had to jump through hoops to sit in the "special" section. Some people get remarkably edgy about stuff like that and seem to feel it's their job to police those around them. Obviously they didn't notice the effort you put into being considerate of the performers before you asked for their consideration.

[Chris]

RUDE WOMEN: pissing them off and walking over their toes would have amped up your adrenalin and you wouldn't have been able to enjoy the rest of the concert. People are rude & unfortunately we have to let it go. We will never figure out *why* they are rude.

PRESCHOOL: I believe you're incredibly fortunate to be able to stay at home with your children. And you're right to wonder about putting them in a glorified daycare for 5 hours a day. Children who are only 2 don't *need* school; they need to be with a loving parent during the day. They will be in school from the age of 5 - 17, so why rush sending them away from you? I'm not trying to sound like a bag here, so all those in favour of preschool don't hate on me. I just truly believe that 2 and 3 year olds do not need to be in preschool. Daycare/preschool is for the parent not the child. Enjoy your sweet babies while they are young and remember that all too soon they'll want to be off doing their thing with their peers and involved with activities that will mean they won't be around much anymore. Just my honest opinion.

[Lynn]

My kids go to daycare most days while I work. It is 9-5ish. They play, go out for walks, eat lunch and nap. I think 9-2 would not be too much for a 2.5 year old. They'll be doing the same stuff you do with them everyday, painting, reading stories, playing dress up, except they'll do it with other kids and YOU will not have to be there. You could be writing an article or getting your hair cut, taking a nap.

Don't worry it will be good for them to deal with other kids and with adults. Caroline will probably end up running the place after 4 days.

[PiquantMolly]

Dove! I love weird old names. I found out that my great-great-great-grandmother was named Australia, and had siblings named Melbourne and Sidney. You know, in Iowa.

Her uncles were named Amazon and Pitt Cumberland.

[Tracy]

I'm going to agree with Sam. If I arrive early to get an aisle seat, it just might be because I want, or even need, that aisle seat, and no, I am not going to give it to you just because you want it, even if you ask nicely. But I am absolutely going to stand up so you can easily scoot by me on the way to your non-aisle seat. So boo to the "no" ladies.

Also, like everyone else said, millions of children survive (and even thrive) on 8 hours of daycare, so I don't think it's going to be a problem.

[winecat]

Oh my goodness what incredibly rude women. I think I would have thrust my way into the aisle just because they said no, but then again I'm like that : )

YES for the Y for the Twinkles, you need it and they will have a blast being with kids in the age group. Just think of the death defying things that Caroline can learn to do with a glue gun and some glitter LOL