Lackamalaisical

I am in an unprecedented funk. A recession. A malaise.

Nothing is specifically wrong. The children have a cold but if I slipped into the megrims every time a kid stopped breathing through both nostrils I'd never get out of bed... so that's not it. We continue to follow an austerity budget but things aren't nearly as disastrously nauseatingly bleak as they were this time last year so I doubt that financial concerns are crushing my spirit. I just.. I just feel SAD.

I cut out alcohol and caffeine and I started going to bed at ten (I still don't fall asleep until forever but, you know, I'm in there) and I have refused to watch the last disc of season one of True Blood (Aaaaiiiiiieeee! That SHOW! I had no idea I was such a delicate flower but I have spent half this series with my head under a pillow) and I have been drinking lots of water and I sat in the sun for forty minutes yesterday and... and meh. Steve - good son of psychiatry that he is - suggested that I see someone (especially with regard to what even I can acknowledge is my whackaloon anxiety when it comes to my children and The Great World: we are going to the Ffarm this weekend for the first time since it has been somewhat de-deathified and I got so worked up in anticipation of all of the things that might happen to the twins that I started communicating solely in eeps) and I nodded but in truth I don't even really know what that means. I have seen that line a million times since I first started reading Ann Landers at the age of eight (You might want to see someone about your eighty cats. If you continue to answer your wife's harmless inquiries with 'For breakfast I want to dance on your dismembered corpse. And eggs' you should see someone) and although I have always been respectful of the wisdom I have never gotten the logistics.

Is the theory that we all have some loving family counselor on speed dial? Am I supposed to go to my normal physician - the guy who told me that there was really nothing to be done with migraines and who I worry already feels like I'm that girl who spends too much time in the nurse's office - and tell him I've been feeling a little SAD lately? I am 90% certain he will tell me to cheer up.

And so I should. But I'm still in a funk.

+

I took Caroline with us to speech/physical therapy last week. Generally she stays home with Steve but we had to go to the airport immediately after Patrick and Edward were done and I thought she would appreciate the car ride so she came too.

She's very different from her brothers. When Edward and Patrick are waiting at therapy they sit with me - Edward usually on my lap - and we read. Caroline wanted to be as far away from me as possible. She went and looked at the toy area and then at the book area and then she wandered over to the receptionist and said "hello" and then she scribbled on the sign in sheet and then she saw a smaller toddler.

"Oh!" she said ecstatically, "A little baby! Hello little baby!" and she patted his head like a bichon frise.

When Edward hesitated to leave us and go with his therapist Caroline put her hand into the woman's outstretched one and said, "I'll go!"

The therapist laughed and said, "I don't think you need to practice talking."

Caroline squinched up her lips and said, "We could play something else, OK?"

[Caroline's newest affectation is to end every sentence with oooookkkkkay? or you knoooooow? Very pre-pre-pre-teen]

Edward realized that Caroline was trying to muscle in on his beloved Kendra and said, "No Caroline! MINE!" and he took Caroline's hand away and inserted his own. Then they left and Caroline kind of shrugged and went back to the toy area where another mother was playing with her son.

Which... and this might be the gumps talking so forgive me if I sound cranky but... the toy area at therapy is a corner of the lobby with a knee wall and a gap to go in and out. This woman was sitting on the floor with both legs stretched out so they were completely blocking the entrance. The first few times Caroline walked over she stopped at the legs and tried to figure out what to do. I watched her and waited for the woman to move her legs but she did not. So Caroline left and then circled back again and left and circled... she really wanted those toys. Should I have said something? It was obvious that Caroline wanted to get into the toy area but maybe the woman needed a prod from another adult? I tend to hover though and I am trying - especially with Caroline who has a strong independent streak with which I do not want to interfere - to back off provided they aren't bothering anyone. I'm still not sure if I should have intervened.

Anyway Caroline eventually climbed over the woman's legs (generally I would consider this "bothering" but... the woman WAS blocking the area) and went to join the boy (six?) at the toy kitchen. He was very nice. He did not want to play with Caroline but he wasn't mean about it. He simply ignored her. So Caroline stood next to him and imitated what he did, which mostly consisted of holding things up and saying, "What is this mom?" and his mother would say, "That's spaghetti" or "That's an egg." Caroline watched them for a moment and then picked up a piece of play food and said, to the woman, "What is this mom?"

The woman answered her the first two times but the third time she said, "I'm not your mom! Your mom is over there" and waved in the general direction of three feet away, where I was sitting. 

I said, "Hi Caroline!" and Caroline looked embarrassed.

I don't even know why I am telling you this story... it has no real point but now I feel all committed to finishing it.

So then the mother decided she wanted to take pictures of the kid using her cell phone. She pulled out her phone and told the boy to smile and gestured at Caroline to move saying, "Could you move out of the way?" since she didn't want Caroline in the picture, which is fine although just in case you've forgotten this is the toy area at therapy not the Eiffel Tower or anything. Caroline stood there looking like she had no idea what the woman was talking about (because she had no idea what the woman was talking about) and then she saw the camera/phone and was, like, ohhhhhh POSE! So Caroline vamped and the woman asked her to move again and the boy, gently, gave her a nudge out of the way and I decided to intervene on behalf of the purity of the family photo. I swung into the toy area (climbing over the lady's damned legs which were still stretched across the entrance) and said "Oh I do BEG your PARDON for CLIMBING over YOU" as I did so.

I picked up Caroline and climbed BACK over the legs and Caroline was just about to kick up a fuss when I suggested we go to the bathroom. Since this involved opening doors into mysterious corridors Caroline perked up enormously and it had an automatic soap dispenser that was worth the price of admission right there.

I think the woman was rude. The end.

+

When we got home I let Caroline POSE.

+

Thank you very much for the movie suggestions. I think I will put them into a google document and post it on the sidebar. Unless there is a better way to organize and share something like that? A list that I create but you can update? Something? I have been meaning to do this with your book suggestions too so that they are neatly accessible for us.

Oh! Speaking of which I am looking for good preschool books for the twins. You know the kind of picture books that talk them through a typical day? I'd like to read some before they start in three weeks - Patrick wasn't remotely suggestible but they are. Any suggestions? I looked at the library but I find that the picture books section is such an unholy mess that it is impossible to find anything specific when you want it.     

We have the Curious George remake where he goes to school and I tried reading that but every time we've talked about school since then Caroline has mentioned the monkey. Maybe Spot goes to school? Although I think he's pals with a monkey there too. No monkeys.

+

Patrick starts school again in two weeks and I will miss having him around. He calls Caroline and Edward his little minions and they will more or less do anything he wants them to do. He recently confessed to my mother that he loves the power.

I think if I could compel people to wear sunglasses during lunch for my amusement I would probably do it too.

We are a little vague on whether or not he had to keep a summer journal. At times he says yes, at times he says no. Since he has not written a word - about his summer, he is on Issue 25 of Letter Comix - since June this may and/or may not be a problem for him when school starts. However, Steve and I are very clear on the fact that we are done with the third grade so the emphasis there is on for him. Last year I wanted the school transition to go well and I somehow inserted myself into the middle of his homework struggles so that he would get mad at me when Sunday night rolled around and he had X to do. Never again! That's my vow this year. I may help him organize himself but I refuse to become involved in that battle. Yes, homework sucks and, yes, I fully expect this year he will have a lot more to do and I will be happy to find him a sharpened pencil but that's it. I am writing this as a personal affirmation, by the way, because I am kind of controlling and in my secret heart I just KNOW I could do a better, more organized job if I could just do third grade all over again. Like, I would have that science fair posterboard done in November rather than faking data the night before like I always did. 

Ha! I just re-read that paragraph and remembered that Patrick has been struggling with memorizing the last thirteen multiplication problems (random ones that he blanks on - mostly from the 4s and 7s tables: he points out he doesn't like the number 7. he also dislikes the letter W) and I finally offered to pay him a dollar for each one he nails before school starts. So... you know, totally disengaging myself.

+

I went in for seed packet gardening this year after I dug up a bunch of overgrown shrubs and wanted to add back in some color without spending any money or effort.

The results were mixed.

Lush morning glory vines framing the porch entrance? Pretty!

Riotous wildflower cottage garden? Not so much.

Isn't that appalling? My idea was that I was going to broadcast handfuls of wildflower seeds into the front bed and it was going to morph into a charming blast of all-summer color. Instead it looks like it should be hiding a rusted 1966 Dodge Dart. Mistakes were made. I got a lot of nice advice last spring about the garden (Planting Oaks was especially helpful) and as I recall many of you told me that my underperforming irises needed to be... separated? Replanted? Since I am going to have to pull all this crap up anyway I thought I would move the irises while I am at it.

+

I love Edward's tumbling auburn lock. He's very Romantic, even in fire truck pajamas. Speaking of pajamas, Caroline has outgrown her Little Keeper Sleeper 2T short-sleeved pair. Little Keeper Sleepers are designed for the stripper toddler who cannot keep her clothes - or worse her diaper - on after you put the cherub to bed. Lulu is a reader who sent me an email a few weeks ago offering to send Caroline her son's outgrown 4T pairs and this was so very kind of her that I decided to do the same. So the first person who comments or emails me that they have a child who could use Caroline's escape-proof 2Ts  (full disclosure: we had a babysitter the other night who let Caroline paint - REAL CRAFT PAINT not washable gak - in them so one of the two pairs has a slight red stain on the chest) will get them in the mail. Lemme know.

Comments

[Dara]

That woman was totally RUDE with her legs splayed blocking the toys. I would have asked her to please move. Or, at least given her the hairy eyeball.

I wanted to mention the movie "9" (not the musical). It's kinda dark, but both my 6 and 8 year old girls love it.

I am sorry you are sad. {{{hug}}}

[Carrie (in MN)]

Okay I didn't even finish your post yet (although got far enough to say...that woman was a B-I-T-C-H).

Please contact me - use my regular home email which is carrielcoleman at comcast dot net. (I'd use your email but I can't get the thingy to do the whatsis). I a) have a resource for you to use to get a more sympathetic/astute primary care provider - one who is achieving good things with patients with depression,among other things; and b) am a patient in the East Metro with a low/moderate level of depression who has "seen someone" and is feeling much much better.

Please contact me, or at the very least check out www.mnhealthscores.org. We are a non-profit organization that gathers and publicly reports information on health care quality in MInnesota - you can use our website to compare how your doc is doing compared to other docs based on empirical data, not someone's opinion.

[Pam L]

The woman WAS rude, and dense, or just really really rude if she didn't want Caroline to be able to play. Who DOES that? especially when Caroline is younger and so so cute? And taking pictures, in the waiting room and insisting Caroline move-just weird. So, forget her.

On the sadness, it might just be a transition time. I've been in a slight funk myself. No explanation, I'm not particularly sorry school has started or summer is ending, I get tired of a season after a while and am not a fan of temps over 85, and even with a business to run and a busy socially active teenager in the house and lots of stuff to do in the garden, I feel kind of listless, like ho hum,what's the point. If it does persist you could get a referral to just talk to someone. Kaiser gave me one years ago, no big deal,she was part of their system, no permanent record that I know of. I only went twice but she was a good listener, I just didn't feel the need. Of course, there could be medical so that reasons too , something to watch.

[alison]

She was most assuredly being tremendously rude, Egads. Takes all sorts.

I went to see someone when I was feeling sad, I didn't get to be a regular patient, but I did have a couple of sessions where I cried a lot about things that truly surprised me, and afterwards I felt so much better.

I think the fact that what was upsetting turned out to be surprising is sort of the point of therapy/psychology. A few well-thought out questions turned out to be just what I needed. I recommend it, without being very clear on the process, sorry. It remains a mystery, but it absolutely helped.

Barnes and Nobel has a selection of going to school books out. I flicked through a couple this week, and was a little (lot) underwhelmed, so there goes my ringing book unendorsement...

[Priscilla]

Have you had your Vit D level checked? Mine was shockingly low, as was my iron level, and I feel much more like myself now that they are back in the range of the living.

Also, we are big fans of Berenstain Bears "Go To School".

[rachel]

May I humbly suggest speaking to your local librarian? They probably have a list of 'preschool books' or can at least point you right to them.

[Julia]

Oh! The librarian! Might as well go full crab here... I have asked her on a number of occasions to help with books for Patrick. Not crazy requests either, things like 'Anything like the magic treehouse?' or 'Do you have any nonfiction books on space that might be appropriate for a fifth grader?'

And she has ALWAYS told me to try a keyword search with their catalog. Pah! PAH I say.

But yes one would suppose a librarian would be just the person to ask wouldn't one.

[janonymous]

The woman was a complete bitch. Really. You handled it well.

As for "talking to" someone, I just found someone convenient who was on my insurance and tried her out. She wasn't a perfect match, but close enough, and it gave me a chance to vent about some things (medical probs/recurrent mc/deaths in family) and she helpfully refocused me in positive ways, like asking, "So what is your plan for taking care of *yourself* while your [screeching, manipulative relative] is visiting?"

[Anne]

I second "Check your vitamin D level." (And if it is low, you can mega-dose at the outset, not have to build up over months and months. Also, there is a therapeutic range. If you are at the low end, maybe going to the high end would help. We're all different.)
Also I find that sometimes thinking of something as your special treat (flavored coffee? reading in bed after 10? real licorice?) and treating yourself with it makes a difference.
Minions! I love it.

[Ruth]

Escape-proof 2T pjs? We could use those, if they're still available ...

and yes, the woman was rude. I could see blocking the exit if her kid was, say, barely One, but a six-year-old? Pshaw. I think the way you handled it was just fine.

I love morning glory vines. The ones we had on the chain link fence in Chicago seeded into the lawn and threatened to consume my kids, but the ones in New England have been better behaved. Maybe it's a regional thing.

[Christy]

I have to agree with the other commenters, the woman was a total bitch. Can't wait to see what kind of person her son will grow up to be! Anyway, about the funk/sadness- I think we all feel like that at some point or another, but talking to someone can always help. And it might help with the anxiety you feel.
Enjoy reading you and all the comments on your posts. You are the highlight of my blog-reader!

[MFA Mama]

I third the Vitamin D thing. Or rather than checking it you could just start tossing some Vitamin D down your gullet. I find that I'm much happier and less neurotic when I take a large-ish dose of the stuff daily (by which I mean about 4,000 IU), which I do since a friend nagged me into getting that checked and my level was mortifyingly low.

Or, you know, you could See Someone, but Vitamin D is pretty cheap and doesn't involve calling a doctor, so.

[Leta]

1)Could you ask local friends for therapy recommendations? Or is that a social faux pas? I mean, doesn't everybody go to therapy sooner or later? I found mine by asking a priest.

2)That woman was rude. I would have been peeved.

3)When my oldest started preschool, I made several trips to the library, and brought home every book I could find about going to school. However, this was three years ago and I am having trouble recalling specific titles. I would search amazon or the online library catalog,

[Heather g]

I'm not sure whether you are doing your running again or not. I found exercise, specifically running, was fantastic for keeping anxiety in check and lifting mood.
Sorry you are feeling blue, and in summer too.
I love "Starting School" by Janet and Allan Alberg but that is for older children. "Good days, bad days" by Catherine Anholt is nice for typical days. It has twins in it too. Lots of her books do like "Chimp and Zee".

[Erinn]

I have been "seeing someone" for years now. In college I saw people off and on, but never found the right "fit," so to speak. Since I have... the results have been great (admittedly, they are also great because I found the right meds to regulate my anxiety disorder...that was after they finally made the right diagnosis of anxiety disorder...for years they tried to call it depression...what I have is a Generalized Anxiety Disorder...that causes depression as well as anxiety...phew...long thought there). I speak to my therapist monthly now, whether I think I need to or not. I always have things to discuss, and in times of distress (how bout now where my best friend, who is my maid of honor for my wedding, just informed me that she cannot come to the wedding because she is going away for a birthday party the same weekend... WHAT? She says she cannot cancel and is "sorry" she forgot... ggggrrrrr....) Anyway...the long and short of it is, it can't hurt to go talk to someone. You may be surprised just how much it helps.
Erinn

[Erinn]

Just realized I never finished the thought ... in times of distress...
In times distress, I see him as often as weekly. :)
Erinn

[Christa]

Unless there was some issue with her kid (I suppose in a therapy waiting room, you could have a kid who's got issues that aren't readily apparent) its weird she was sitting on the floor and blocking the entrance to the toy area for her 6 year old to play.

More importantly, she was clearly blind, since the only normal reaction to Caroline posing for you is to take the damn picture and then ask you nicely if she can keep it. My goodness is she adorable. I really don't know how you can enforce any rules with either of the twinkles. Between her smiles and Edwards eyes, I'd be like, "sure you can sit on the table and eat M&Ms for dinner."

Good luck on removing yourself from the homework battlefield. I am currently fighting that battle. I just had to sign a letter my 4th grader had to write to his teacher explaining why his science assignment wasn't done on time and I only beat myself up about it (as if it were my fault) for an hour or two, or three at the most.

If you get out of your funk, share the secret. I think its going around.

Good luck.

[Mara]

To Erinn, above: some best friend! WTF?

To Julia: that woman was totally rude.

[fayrene]

The speech therapy waiting woman was rude (even if she was just oblivious, it goes over into rude).

Also, find another doctor if you are feeling a bit marginalized by your current one.

And did you not ever See Someone through your epic fertility journey? It may be seasonal/transition (toddlers heading to school, etc), it may be Vitamin D, or it may be that you are finally in a secure enough place in your life that you need to Process Things.

I know that I was able to find someone here who specialized in "reproductive trauma" - and it helped me immensely.

I hope I am not being presumptuous, but I always vote for therapy when it is possible.

[tgsdmom]

Julia, I am so sorry you are feeling gloomy. I am sending you lots of virtual hugs.

Depression is very common in our time. I went through low period too, but just waited for them to pass. One reason, I guess, is that when one is sad and listless, one has less energy to try and find ways out.

However, if you can act on it, consulting with a physician or a psychologist/psychiatrist should not do much harm (except some waste of time and money). And you shouldn't care about what they think of you. Sometimes a good talk can make wanders. Sometimes there are chemical reasons/solutions (vitamins, hormones, Prozac). Sometimes it can be related to boredom or too few goals. Rearranging a room (basement ;-)) can help. Or make you even sadder... Buying something new for yourself can help too (and might cost less than a visit to the doc.). Start a personal project or study something new. Whatever you do, know that you are much loved.

And that woman was definitely rude. At first I thought maybe she was autistic-spectrum (higher chances to find such people at the waiting room of an early intervention clinic). Maybe she was not aware that the little girl buzzing around wanted to come in and play... But given the fact that she answered Caroline's "What is this, mom?" questions several times before refusing her, convinces me that she was simply rude, impatient and egotistic. I do wish you would have stepped on her (by mistake) when you went in to get Caroline.

Multiplying by 7 is the hardest to memorize. I agree. My first son was so fast juggling the numbers in his head that he avoided memorizing the multiplication table until 5th grade at least. But it must be done... Maybe play "7-boom". You take turns while counting and if your number has a 7 digit or is divisible by 7, you have to say "boom". So: 1,2,3,4,5,6,boom,8,9,10,11,12,13,boom,15,16,boom,18,19,20,boom,22,...

[elana]

that woman was rude and kind of nutty. you don't move other kids out of the way of your photo in a PLAY space!

we liked this book before my two started preschool: http://www.amazon.com/My-First-Day-Nursery-School/dp/1582349096/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1250623401&sr=8-1

[Dawn]

What kind of arrogant, self-obsessed witch blocks a two-year old from the toy area of a waiting room? Unless her six-year old is a flight risk and even then, she could have had the courtesy to explain and help Caroline step over her legs. I think that woman needs to "see someone," pronto! :)

Sorry you're feeling sad. Sounds like you need a new GP. Just because they're smart enough to get through med school, doesn't mean they're evolved enough to have a personality. Sheesh. Hope you feel happier soon.

[Eva]

Julia,

This post just didn't sound like you and it's amazing what anxiety can do that is so harmful. I really and truly think you need a new doctor. As a brand-new one and the daughter of a neurologist, the idea that migraines aren't treatable is ridiculous. Beyond that, just look at your insurances' list of psychologists/social workers. Usually you see one of them and they decide if you need a psychiatrist. They can also do counseling/coping techniques with you.

You should do this!!!

Eva

[Terrill]

We like Danny's Duck, by Jane Crebbin, and Preschool to the Rescue by Judy Sierra. They don't really "talk you through a typical day", but they are entertaining and at least mention preschool.

I'm sorry you have a bad librarian. Has Patrick read books by Edward Eager? I can't wait until my 4-year-old is ready for them.

[Just me]

Since I have bipolar disorder and am fairly reliant on a psychologist to well, work and things, I know all too much about how to find "someone" to "see".

Unfortunately your insurance makes most of the decisions unless you want to pay out of pocket. They'll probably have a pretty limited list of providers if they are like most insurances and then you call them and find out where you can get in. It's a good idea to meet and kind of interview several; you'll know when you click. After that I strongly recommend giving it several weeks (in my case I use 3 months but I have been doing this so long I'm the longest term client at my agency as far as we can tell) because after you click at the get-to-know you you may find the sessions where they challenge you more difficult to like them. (Suprise).

Good luck. Be sure to find out the rules of your insurance about when treatment has to be approved; mine has some strange rules about "not immediately" but after so many sessions they start fighting because they say I'm chronically ill and can't get better-despite having maintained the best I"ve been in my life for some time this last year and doing pretty well now. YOu won't have that since you are not "hopeless" in their eyes.

Goodluck. I hope you feel better. Forgive my typos; weird keyboard.

[Jennifer]

You know how talking to certain people feels like you just had a lovely chat over a batch of perfect storybook cookies with the mother you wish you'd had? Every time I've read your words over the last many years, I have felt exactly that way. You have unknowingly comforted me many times and I simply wish that I could do the same for you. There is a lot of good advice above here. Try some of it and know that you are not alone and that this too shall pass. A box of very expensive chocolate and a tacky People magazine can sometimes help temporarily, but you didn't hear that from that from me.

[Kristin]

That woman was totally a rude bitch!

And, I am sorry you are feeling sad right now. HOpe you find what you need to feel better.

[Kendra]

1) Go here: http://www.depression-screening.org/
2) Take the inventory
3) Take THAT to your doctor
4) Ask about a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist if you want
5) Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
6) Walk around vigorously for as long as you can each day.

This is working for me. Your mileage may vary.

I don't know exactly where you are the cities, but I think you are far away from me. That is unfortunate, as I know a great therapist near me.

Feel free to email me.

[Alexis M]

Another bipolar here. Sometimes it's just not the sun shining as long as it use to. My psychiatrist has told me - on a number of occasions - that when the days start to shorten, people get more depressed..even if the decrease in daylight is a half hour or so.

Try popping a melatonin about an hour before you go to bed. It will make you feel calm and will help you get to sleep...and will also, in turn, help your sadness. Or it should. Give it a try. If it doesn't help, have your GP recommend a psychologist or even a LSW or counselor.

[lb]

I heard somewhere that the way to learn a fact for life is to learn it, then ignore it until you have alllllmost forgotten it, then bring it to mind again, and repeat. This worked like a charm with my daughter and those pesky last few multiplication problems. I would randomly ask her them at odd intervals thoughout the day or week, just whenever I happened to think of it. I think it was far more efficient than, like, sitting down and writing them out 20 times, or anything boring like that. Try it with Patrick. Pick one and ask him at breakfast. Then again at lunch. And if he gets that then wait until the next morning, and so on. He will have them all licked in no time. Not sure how this fits in with your policy of disengagement though.....

[Annws]

She was definitely rude--and oblivious to anyone other than her child. Seriously, lady, pay attention!

Find a different library or librarian--I hate hearing your frustration with the mess and "keyword search" unhelpful response. Not surprised, tho--I assume you are using a Washington Co. branch. There are many nicer, more helpful librarians out there!

Here is a list of books-http://www.hclib.org/BirthTo6/booklistaction.cfm?list_num=207 A lot about kindergarten, but still school and what happens when you get there. More lists here for other topics http://www.hclib.org/BirthTo6/Booklists.cfm

You know you can use your Wash Co library card at any metro system? Once it is registered at a library system, you can request books delivered to your closest library in that system (metro library info here http://melsa.org/melsa/index.cfm/about/locations/) in a nice tidy pile waiting for you. Productivity!

Guess what I do for a living:-)

Sorry you are feeling low--hope it improves soon.

[chicago sarah]

I love the comment "I thought she might have been on the Autism Spectrum"...so kind...but really, she was probably just rude. I _hate_ situations like that and no matter what I do I end up stewing about it afterwards.

My standard line to my patients in the midwest "I'm from the East Coast, I don't understand this stiff-upper-lip Midwest thing, everyone I know has done therapy. It's great! You get to talk about yourself for 50 minutes and you don't have to listen to someone else's troubles the way you do if you talk to a friend. You (or your insurance) is paying for the therapist to listen, be supportive, and constructive!

Try asking your PCP (or the office nurse) if they have a list of recommended therapists. Ask your friends. Therapy is kind of the big secret that everyone does but often doesn't talk about.

I've done therapy off and on, it really has helped me a LOT with some specific situations and also with some work-related frustrations extending to the world in general. I recommend it. :)

Last, Caroline- that girl slays me. "We could play something else, okay?" heehee

[Elsha]

Growing up the joke in my house was my dad asking if we needed a session at his office, as he is a clinical psychologist. He also used to ask our softball team (he coached) if we needed to have group therapy sessions. Hello, 14 girls ages 13-16? OF COURSE we needed therapy! Not that we ever actually did any.

I hope you find someone who needs the little sleeper keepers. When my daughter started turning up naked every morning a few months ago I remembered you'd written about that on here and I came back and found the post. We ordered a couple in size 4T and they are the BEST. I am hoping that if my son goes through that phase it's at the same size.

[katherine]

Julia, I am so very sorry you're feeling this way... Therapy could very well help, but I would not rule out a medical cause to what you're experiencing. You might want to consider seeing someone who is willing to do a bit of "investigative" testing.

I know that physicians will usually only run labs for very specific concerns. And they usually only run tests for the "horses" not the "zebras" of illnesses -- unless, of course you are dying before their eyes and they have to figure out why...

If you find that your concerns are either too vague or not dramatic enough to warrant an in-depth investigation by a traditional doctor, maybe you can see an integrative medicine-type doctor? From what I understand, they are usually much less likely to dismiss you, and much more likely to run tests that others might not consider.

Now don't get me wrong: If I had to guess, I would say that you are probably not the alternative medicine kind of gal (I, myself, am the skeptical scientist, so I completely understand.) But, the way I see it, you don't have to buy into the whole alternative medicine philosophy and go crazy on supplements and dietary restrictions to benefit from the integrative approach. I just think that some of these doctors are more likely to look at the big picture when they see you and, if not anything else, run more tests on you.

In any case, just something to consider.
I ran a quick google search in the event you are interested, and found that this link might be a good place to start:
http://www.minnesotamonthly.com/media/Minnesota-Monthly/May-2010/Heal-Thyself/

By the way, many of these doctors have regular practices, so it's quite possible your insurance will cover your visit (but maybe not all tests.)

Hope you feel better soon.

[Rose]

I'm intrigued by Patrick not liking the number 7 or the letter W. Do his numbers and letters have personalities and/or colors associated with them for him? I'm wondering if he might be a synesthete -- someone for whom unrelated senses are connected. Color > Grapheme is one of the most common types.

Sorry you're feeling meh.

[Brigid Keely]

If your doctor says nothing can be done about your migraines, you really might want to consider... finding a doctor who actually practices medicine.

I wonder if the sitting woman possibly had mobility difficulties?

[Darlene]

I read Corduroy Goes to School to my kids before they started pre-school. I recommend it.

Could feeling sad be related to the procedure you recently had?? I'd start with your doctor and have some tests before seeing a counselor.

That woman was really rude. I would have told my child (loudly) to say "excuse me" to get through to the toy area. That way my child learns what to do and they woman hopefully becomes aware that she's being rude.

[Maria]

I am a huge proponent of seeing someone. I got a few names from a list (when I was going through fertility stuff) and then called a few people. I could tell on the phone who might be a better fit for me. Mine was a social worker. I almost canceled the first appointment because, as I drove there, I thought, "I have nothing to say." I did. I had a lot to sort. That's what seeing someone allows--a place for you to sit and blather and sort and have someone at least help you organize all your internal stuff. Going to see someone doesn't mean you're on par with the lady with 80 cats. It's something to try and to see if it helps ease your anxiety.

Your MD would be a total tool to not listen to you. Get the referral from him (if you need to) and then find yourself a new MD. Your MD should be a mensch (I don't know enough Yiddish to know if there's a female version of that, too) and nothing less.

But I read someone who said above that this post doesn't sound like you. And it doesn't. See someone, even if it's only once and to confirm that therapy maybe isn't for you. It's worth a try, no?

[Kirsten]

Sorry you are blue, Julia. It can be hard. Have you tried some Omega 3 fish oil in addition to the Vitamin D? It can really help if you are not getting much to begin with. Also, the exercise can really help too.

I think whether therapy is helpful for people varies greatly person to person and therapist to therapist. I have little faith in it for me -- probably owing to the fact that I am the daughter of a psychiatrist, so you know, rebellion and all -- but I have seen it work wonders for others; and be not so great for others.

That woman was rude. I never know what is the right thing to do in those situations. Often I feel if I say something like "I'm sorry, but could you let my daughter get by to play with the toys?" and the person does not respond well then I get all the more worked up; but if I don't, I just simmer... The good thing is, Caroline probably didn't care much.

[Eliza]

Millionth-ing, TOTALLY rude. Very unimpressive, rude lady. I think you were doing well for not giving her an evil glare - if I'd been there, there would've been some evil glaring going on, for sure.

I get the glooms/SAD thing too - exercise really can help. Even if it's just something that gets you out of the house and walking around the block - fresh air and some time to yourself can do a lot. If you do that say, every day for a week, and you still feel crappy, then yes, time to "see someone". (I'm not in any way negating seeing someone as a first option - I just know that a lot of the time when I have the malaise feeling, exercise and fresh air fixes it quite quickly.)

In any case, we're thinking of you, and I hope you feel much better and like your usual self soon.

[Karen]

That woman was incredibly rude. And I can't believe it's that noteworthy that your six year old is playing at a play kitchen that you need to take his picture. I would have happily snapped Caroline's picture, a dozen times at least.

When I get in the dumps it's usually because I'm not exercising, or not taking my fish oil and calcium. That said, I've struggled with depression and there are times when it comes down to talking to somebody or hiding in the closet all day. You'll know.

[Jujube]

Not to make light of depression, because I don’t take it lightly and talking to someone definitely helped me in the past when I felt blue, but, that being said… http://ops.tamu.edu/x075bb/poems/gorey/n.jpg
It seemed like maybe a little dark Gashlycrumb Tinies humor might be just the thing. Edward Gorey has always been a favorite of mine and, ironically, of my children. If you care to see the full alphabet, it’s here http://ops.tamu.edu/x075bb/poems/gorey/. If I offend, I apologize. I have been accused of having an odd (weird? inappropriate?) sense of humor. Please take care.

[Heidi]

A million other things to say about your weightier matters, but since I REALLY need to go to bed right now, I'll just mention that when my son started pre-school, he really liked D.W.'s Guide to Pre-school (I think that's the title). It's from the Arthur series, though my son was never a big Arthur fan. It does walk through the major components of a pre-school day.

[rupiedupie]

I'm right there with Kirsten.
Omega 3 pills, vitamin D, primrose oil is GREAT too (doesn't hit you with a high or anything, but SERIOUSLY I'm clear minded, noticeably so, on the days/weeks I take them)

I went through a funk when my youngest was 3/4 ish.

Downward spiral that didn't ease for a year.
I walked away from social connections and an organization that was draining for me.

BEST.CHOICE.EVER

In the midst of that, I finally found a physician who was attentive enough to clue in and deduce that I had (undiagnosed for years) endometriosis. Exploratory surgery last fall confirmed it and made me the best I'm gonna be till menapause.(TMI?)

This season, I'm ALL about gentle, self care. Me first. Walks with my honey, a few minutes of deep breathing to relax, healthy food, sleep patterns...everyday things, EVERYDAY.
ALL the little things we quickly lose sight of while caring for little ones.
Doesn't it add up? Or maybe it's the LACK of all those things that builds up over time and wears one down.
I've also become VERY choosey about social connnections/requirements.

My kids are 11 and 6. Full day school starts 2 weeks from now. Life is good again.

Keep trying for ways that ease your days Lady. Find the things that work and build onto them.

Oh and about that waiting room lady. Whiskey Tango?
Blocking the entrance to a public space (meant for little ones) THEN assuming more ownership of that space on an even more psychological level by camera capturing/demanding control over said space. (make me shake my head)
I do not possess the grace and calm that you do.
And I too, would've meddled that in my mind for at least a week's replay.
Head shaker for sure.

Random p.s. A few years ago, I thought it would've been nice to have a conversation T that said one of two things.
Either

Whiskey Tango

or

Efffffewe

Cause just like the instance of the waiting room lady, every once in a while, I'd love to whip out a nonverbal like THAT.

p.p.s.
Ernest Becker's 'Denial of Death' has been a transformational read for me. Have you ever read it? (it's not light)

Thanks for your honesty.
Keep keeping on.

[Janet]

I know it's not a pre-school specific book, but I loved "We Like Kindergarten." I don't know the author, but it's a Little Golden Book.

[Diane]

That woman should have been clubbed over the head with her camera. Can you teach Caroline to say "Excuse me, please"? And repeat it?

Also, be sure to have your thyroid checked. I'm another beeper (bipolar), and I could not stop rapid cycling until someone figured out that I need Synthroid. I've been in remission for the longest time yet.

Therapy is a Good Thing. I'd rather hang out with people who've been, there's a lot less drama then.

[kris (lower case)]

the woman was a total bitch as everyone has already said... multiplication is a necessary pita and can only be done by practice (which usually includes moms forcing their kids to practice) and homework has been an ongoing battle here that i swear i am not getting involved with every year... good luck on that 'cause while it sounds good to say 'it is your responsibility and you will suffer the bad grades' the reality is...BAD GRADES!!!! no, i don't think so!! i hate suffering thru school again.... once was more than enough..

[Becca]

"Seeing someone" brings back the horrible awkward memory of telling my mother that I wanted to try therapy when I was around 20 or so. I was living with my parents while having a lot of surgery, and relying on them for transportation meant I couldn't go without their knowledge.

I'd start with your GP, because there are many physical as well as psychological reasons for you to feel as you do. You can certainly pursue both possibilities at the same time. GPs often have names of local therapists. I found mine through other means, but when I mentioned him to my GP she asked me for his name and if I liked him so she could add him to her list.

I'm on the autism spectrum, have post-traumatic stress disorder, plus depression. I've seen several therapists over the years, and while you can do basic work with one you're compatible with, it's absolutely worth it to stick out the search and find out who really suits you. It's made such a huge difference for me.

In the end, I think it comes down to the same thing I tell people in my foot group about pain medications and surgery. There's no benefit from being in pain, and in fact, you heal faster when you're not in pain.

[Sarah]

Two things: Start taking 5,000IU of Vitamin D every day now as it takes a month to kick in. Seriously. The difference between life and death. Also, you may be low on neurotransmitters. Neuro-5-HTP Plus by Biotics Research is awesome. It's like taking an antidepressant without ANY side effects.

For Patrick, consider this student routine/guidebook that a lot of kids have a ton of success with: www.flylady.net/images/student_CJ.pdf (i have no ties to FlyLady).

S

[Melissa H]

Spot most certainly does go to school. He paints and hides at singing time and spells DOG in blocks. If I haven't "lost" the book entirely may I mail it to you? I'd throw in Berenstein (sp?) Bears go to school as a bonus. My mom edited it (with pencil) from kindergarten to preschool when my daughter was starting preschool.

Speaking of books, when are you writing a book? You're an incredibly talented writer. And, not to belittle depression/anxiety/sadness in any way but it seems like those qualities go well with "novelist" and "artist" so all the more reason to write a book for me to buy ;) I do hope you are feeling more yourself soon. Seemed like other commenters had great advice.