Cry Havoc

My obstetrician said something to me once about the miscarriages that stayed with me. She said that just because the unbalanced translocation was killing off the embryos it didn't mean that we didn't have something else going on that was more subtle but just as murderous. Like Margaret O'Brien's doll who had four fatal diseases and the ice man who noted, "An' it only takes one."

I was thinking about this as I glumped around the place. I'm probably all funked for a lot of reasons and just because I am a gordian knot of Fears it doesn't mean I am not also tired or undernourished or in desperate need of a project that I can both start and finish.

One of the suggestions here had to do with accumulated lack of sleep and melatonin. I have significant insomniac cred - my mother swears that I was a baby who never slept and I am intimately acquainted with the three a.m. panic that only the sleepless know - so I greeted with skepticism (scorn even) the idea that something I could buy in the vitamin section at Target would put me to sleep. Me! But I asked for your help in lifting me out of this pervasive intolerable funk and melatonin was one of the suggestions and I happened to be at Target anyway and... melatonin kicked my ass. It was less like falling into sleep and more like drowning in it. One minute I was reading Georgette Heyer; the next I woke up at four in the morning with my tongue stuck to the pillow and no clear idea of where or who I was. 

I looked up melatonin online and found an MIT study that suggested 0.3 mg is the optimal dosage for adults. Normal OTC tablets are 3.0 mg and although I suppose there are plenty of people for whom that amount does not act like a sock full of nickles to the base of the brain I am not one of them. So I cut one tablet into 8 tiny pieces and I have taken them a few times and it is... quite nice. Like the sleep equivalent of climbing into a hot bath. Even on the micro dose I still wake up a little gummy in the morning but I think it is worth it. So thank you.

Caroline and Edward met their teachers yesterday and toured the preschool classroom. It was all very low-key. Caroline cruised the perimeter (cubbies - climbable, check; windows - climbable, check; sink and cabinets - check and check) and Edward evaluated the things with wheels and then they both went outside to the playground and found things they liked. The few other children who were there at the same time seemed to be about the right size and shape to be peers and both of the two mothers to whom I introduced myself said something wry. All in all it was a successful opening salvo and I am looking forward to having them start. Oh and I learned that we do have to bring all their stuff back and forth with us because they share the space with the three day class and in addition to the clothes and the diapers and the snack and the lunch and the eventual snow stuff we also have to bring bedding (nap mats? I am unfamiliar) every day so I am thinking the Lands Ends Tiny Takes that had seemed so roomy might need a clip-on sherpa. 

I shouldn't tease but this is what Edward looks like when he realizes his hands are dirty

and meanwhile we have Caroline who spent half an hour shoveling dirt into that wheelbarrow and then she climbed into it and rolled around

... but they're couuuusssssins, identical cousins and you'll find...

Anyone? Patty Duke? Hello?

My point is that Caroline and Edward would sue the administration if they ever found themselves assigned to the same dorm room.

--- Steve has the twins outside right now so that I can write this. He just scared the beejeezums out of me by pounding on the window behind me and then he shouted "I can't find Caroline!" before running off again. I just spent a scary ten minutes searching the woods in my socks while Edward trotted next to me saying helpfully "She must be hiding somewhere." 

Just because you are anxious doesn't mean the world isn't a terrifying place full of danger -- 

Good lord my heart is still pounding. Random picture of Caroline the lefty inserted like filler while I calm down.

Patrick started school on Tuesday and they leapt instantly into work, which startled both of us as his old school favored a more gradual approach to settling into the year. Patrick came home on the second day and said he needed to have the 2's and 3's tables memorized by next Friday. I thought he was joking. Yesterday for homework he had to finish writing his spelling words into sentences

(Sentences Patrick came up with that I remember: 1. The woods have no conveniences, unlike home; 2. After painting the cat blue the two-year-olds continued with their escapades; 3. The cat crawled cautiously out from under the bed after he was painted.)

He also brought home a couple of sheets that they had done as a... can I call it a teambuilding exercise in the third grade?... teambuilding exercise, which included Things I Know (Maybe) and About Me. I found some of his answers (or lack thereof) amusing:

1. My name is Patrick

2. I like to be called Patrick

7. I live with the two year old twins, Caroline and Edward, my mom & dad, and 1,805,972,366,241,000 dust particles.

8. My favorite music group is (I hate music!*)

9. Three things I have never eaten: anchovy pizza, sunflower seeds, people

16. Last thing I lost was (I keep track of my things!**)

18. The youngest person I know is Edward

1. The name of our president obama

2. The name of our governor ????????

3. The name of a popular movie star ??????

5. One state that touches our state north dakota south dakota wisconsin iowa

8. The name of one artist Pablo Picasso

11. Two countries in Europe Turkey and Finland***

and my personal favorite

7. Four famous inventions that changed our lives the toilet, the lawn mower, the vacuum cleaner and the hot glue gun****.

* What?

** WHAT???

*** Quick, name the first two European countries that spring to mind. Were they... Turkey and Finland? No?

****When I mentioned that I was contemplating a sewing machine for Patrick a very very nice woman left a comment offering him one that she swore she never used. I dithered a bit but eventually accepted and she mailed it and when it arrived Steve and the mailman carried it into the hall like one of Tut's fatter cousins.

Patrick was beside himself when he discovered that there was a sewing machine in the box in the hall. It was like a very crafty Christmas as Steve admired all the (bobbins?) and Patrick read aloud from the manual about (serging?) and I gathered up the paper it had been wrapped in.

Patrick said he wanted to get started sewing something right away. I said fine and suggested he make a pillowcase, all rectangular with nice long straight lines.

Patrick said, "Actually I would like to make a hat."

I said a hat sounded like a great idea and he should definitely do that some day and in the meantime... how about a pillowcase? He responded by sketching the hat he had in mind. I looked at the hat design and reminded him about gravity and said that maybe it might be fun to make a pillowcase. He added some bling to his sketch. I said, pillowcase? and he just stared at me.

So I told him I would take him to the fabric store and we could look for materials and see if they had anything fun that might interest him; something perhaps in a nice, soft fabric that we could cut into rectangles, sew together and then flip inside out. He said sure and we would need to buy some wire. For the hat.

So Patrick and I went to Joann fabrics and he went through the remnants like a sirocco. Then he hit notions and then he swung into the jewelry making aisle and as we shopped we squabbled about the impracticality of making a hat.

"We don't know HOW," I said.

"Take some wire, twist it into a shape you like, stretch fabric over it, sew it along the rim and then," he waved his hands around, "we'll figure out the rest."

I told him it wasn't going to work and he said it would and two days later... 

I stand corrected.

Seriously. I know I am the least nimble-fingered person in the upper Midwest and I am therefore easily impressed but isn't that hat mostly superb? And it fits him. And it is a HAT. A little loud for my taste, true, but still. If I knew how to stick up one of those facebook like buttons I would and then I would ask if you liked it and then you would say yes (wouldn't you? how could you not? it's a HAT) and Patrick would be able to see the likes and he would be pleased. You know, it's hard to be in a funk when you live with someone who might one day consent to make you a hat.

Like like like.

PS Sorry. What a horrible storyteller. Caroline was found in the woods and we all lived happily ever after. The end.

Comments

[tgsdmom]

I Like the hat. Like the grimace. Like the answers to the questionnaire. Like Edward's expression. Like the pictures. Like that the melatonin helps somewhat. Like that you found Caroline. Like the post.

[Callie]

Good luck with preschool! My two-year-old started yesterday and I’d say we’re doing so-so. He does great at drop off and looks fine at pick-up but somewhere in the middle there are crying jags, brought on by other children who cry. He has always stayed with a grandparent, so adjusting to the mood swings of other toddlers may take some time. Yours will probably not have that problem. :)

[christine]

LIKE!

You're one of my favorite bloggers ever. Now I'm off to buy melatonin for my recently insomniac (also anxious) husband and cousin!

[Kristin]

That is a truly FABULOUS hat! Patrick rocks!

[Rachel]

Like the hat!

[liz]

LIKE!!!

Ohh I do so like that hat!

[Carolyn]

How many of us do you want to hear say "LIKE!"? I'll be one more. Fantastic job, and wonderful creativity. I have to say one of my worst faults as a mother of young children was dissuading them from what seemed to me to be over-ambitious projects. The correct way, I think, is to just stand back and make sure they have what they need to do what they have in mind. As Patrick says, they'll work it out. And yes - get busy sewing nap mats. Perfect project!

[Amy]

OMG Patrick is hilarious! The dust particles bit! And "I keep track of my things!!" (I picture him writing it indignantly.)

[Margie]

A mere "like" button would not suffice! I love love love that hat (as would both my boys, thank god they can't read this or they would be telling me "mama, you need to SHARE your sewing machine!"

[Cherish]

LIKE!

[Loth]

Like! And does Patrick accept commissions? Because over here in the UK, the Queen is long overdue for a makeover.

[rosie]

Like!

We need more "How To" features from Patrick.

And seriously. The list make me laugh out loud several times!

[Melissa aka cookingmel]

Love, Love, LOVE the hat!

[Jan]

Huzzah! That the melatonin works like that for you is, I think, a very good sign. If you don't also have the problem of not being able to *stay* asleep through the night (as I do), you may be able to beat this particular monkey. You will probably find that the melatonin is less effective over time, but needing only a tiny fragment now means you have a lot of room for increasing the dosage. Sublingual melatonin (dissolves in the mouth) works faster (a brand is called "MidNight," and there is a CVS generic) and doesn't last as long -- you might find that a fragment of that leaves you less groggy in the morning.

[Mrs Shortcake]

I LOVE:

- Meet Me In St. Louis references
- glue guns (see: first blog "Have Glue Gun, Will Travel"
- Patrick's hat

Your family, and tales of, never cease to amuse and amaze me. LOVE.

[Susan]

Ditto Like Like Like

[amanda]

like! like like like.

[Justin]

Like

[Val]

Your kids are what my boyfriend would lovingly call "somethin' else." :)

I'm glad you're sleeping better. Here's to a great autumn for you all.

[Moose]

The boy gets things DONE. I am impressed. Next up, time machine.

Also, I got the Patty Duke reference. I find this somewhat alarming.

[rupiedupie]

Ahh,
To the wisdom of 'Jan'.
Jan, do you have your own blog?
If so, please post the address.

[Angela]

Julia, I've read every one of your posts and this is seriously one of the funniest. I had to keep covering my mouth at work to avoid cracking up in front of all my coworkers. I love your writing!

[Ryan Elizabeth]

Like!
So very impressed by the hat!

[Cris]

Love the hat.

Patrick reminds me of my 94 year old grandpa, who grew up on a farm during the depression, was in the Navy in WWII, and then an electrician for Ma Bell. He just ... makes things. Anything. Everything. He both didn't have a choice and has the aptitude for it. Last time we visited I thought they had a new chair and asked about it. Nope - turns out Grandpa recovered it. "How?" I asked. A shrug of the shoulders and "you know - you take off the old fabric, sew new fabric from that pattern and reapply it." Sure - but for him and for Patrick, that is how it works. That is how my Grandpa built his own sailboat that sleeps 6.

Patrick will make a kick-ass Grandpa someday and right now is the coolest kid around. Like like like!

[DesiK]

LIKE, dude!

[Sarah]

It's a fabulous hat, so add me to the "likes." Maybe Patrick should make the sleep mats. I would maybe take a crib mattress pad and then put fleece or flannel on one side. Fleece or flannel alone might slide too much on the floor, which is likely to be tile. Patrick could plan an applique or a better cover--or-- big letters on the mats!

[HereWeGoAJen]

I like the hat. Actually, I like the whole kid. Also, I kind of sew and I do not think I could make that hat.

[Susann]

LIKE! Most definitely. I'm a pretty accomplished seamstress, but have never, ever in over 40 years of sewing even attempted to make a hat. But what I'm taking away from this, with thanks to your genius eldest son, is the "we'll figure out the rest" bit. Perhaps if I'd taken this attitude a few decades ago, I, too, would be able to make a hat half as fine as Patrick's!

Howled at Edward's "dirty hands" expression. I was absolutely a Caroline, to my mother's dismay. Fortunately my sister was a prissy thing, so they did girly things while my dad and I built stuff.

[Amanda]

Like!!! Patrick you are amazing!!! Good job!!

[Elizabeth]

Go Dog Go!

Except that I like Patrick's hat quite a bit.

[Amie]

LIKE! My 6 year old would LOVE a hat like that!!

[Natalie]

Likety like like like! Great job Patrick, you've found your superpower! The sewing and legos are evidence of some AMAZING construction and engineering skills.

[Nicki]

LIKE!!! :)

[jennamom2boys]

I love Patrick, the hat, and the fact that he would not be deterred from making it. And the twinks. This was the best thing I read all day!

[Jan]

"MidNite" not "Midnight" is the brand sublingual melatonin. (I think Midnight has something in it like valerian which would really glue your tongue to the pillow.) Rupiedupie, I don't have a blog, but thanks for your kind words! I'm a semi-public figure with an institution of, er, higher learning, so I could only have an anonymous one.

[Wordgirl]

Wow.

I love your writing -- and I say this everytime I visit -- and I love how you describe your children...

Like buttons all around...

[Maria]

Of course, adore the chapeau. Also, please put Patrick in charge of stitching all Halloween costumes in your home this year, including whatever color letter he is this year (is it E? I've lost track).

Not that you asked, but who's not for some unsolicited advice, right? The Lands End bag you use to tote around the toys at night's end? You use another one that size to fill with the twins' school stuff and leave it at the back door (or the trunk) for trips to/fro school.

[Kelli]

I love Patrick's initiative and fearlessness. My family is a big 'why buy it if you can make it/fix it yourself' kind of family. As I kid, I loved horses and had Breyers. My folks didn't buy me a stable, I made one out of a big box. It had stalls. And a tack room, and a hay loft. Any hay. I loved it more than anything they could have bought me. Mom is crafty and dad is a cabinet maker and they've taught me that along with functionality comes pride, self satisfaction and artistic expression by doing it yourself. I see all of that in Patrick's creations, and I love, love, love them!

Glad Caroline is safe. My own 19 mo old is fearless and precocious and it takes about .5 milliseconds for her to be out of sight. I know it's only gonna get worse as she gets older.....

[Jennifer]

Like!!

[Martha]

Like (actually love) the hat!
I am wondering, though, about the **** footnote and its relation to question #7. Was there perhaps a hot glue gun involved in the making of the hat (or a toilet, a lawn mower or a vacuum cleaner)?

[minoti]

patrick is one amazing kid!!! i do not like the hat, i love it!

[yasra]

CAROLINE IS BEAUTIFUL.

also, I sort of fantasize that Patrick will grow up to be a famous inventor.

I don't really think it's that far-fetched.

[Janie]

like!

I'm Crafty McCrafterson and I'm impressed

[Jamila]

That is an amazing HAT! I've been sewing for half my life (aka, double Patrick's life) and I have never even attempted to make a hat!! Wow, I am all kinds of impressed.

I'm also impressed with your melatonin reaction! I think I need me some of that!

My son does the same hands out "messy, messy, clean me!" thing, although when the mood strikes, he has no problem also rolling around in dirt.

[Jamila]

oh, and my favorite part of Patrick's survey? Listing "people" as something he's never eaten. That's... great!

[sarah k]

That hat is seriously impressive. And I'm glad he doesn't eat people. :) I wish I knew Patrick; I like him!

[Sara]

Nice hat!

(And glad you found Caroline. Whew!)

[Rebekah]

*Like*

[Jenn]

Like!!

[Mrs. G]

LIKE!

I am very impressed. I can't even sew straight lines.