Guns and Butter

Patrick spent half the day yesterday draping his room in white sheets in order to set up the photography studio necessary to obtain the artwork he wants for the Lego magazine he has decided to write illustrate edit and publish; and the other half filling every tupperware container I own with various soap mixtures in his ongoing attempt to create the coveted but illusive Unbreakable Bubble.

As we got ready for bed Steve said, "Why is there corn syrup in the bathroom?"

"Because Patrick thought the thickness of it might improve the durability of his bubble solution."

"Is that also why your toothbrush is coated with Dawn?"

"My toothbrush is... oh DAMN the child."

So this morning I ran into Target with a clear, three minute goal: buy a new toothbrush.

Forty-five minutes later I emerged with an Elefun game for Caroline (I seriously have no idea what to buy her for Christmas/birthday - this thing is an elephant that blows butterflies out of its trunk; I expect she could use it as a cannon;) four bags of cat food for sensitive systems (you're sensitive if you throw up when you're mad, right?) six Mardi Gras bead necklaces for $1 (Caroline again - she can shoot them out of her elephant cannon;) a laser pointer shaped like a mouse (stocking stuffer for Patrick - he likes playing with the cats;) a jumbo bag of Peppermint Patties (no explanation needed) and a can of pineapple that must have fallen into my cart by accident because I seriously have no recollection of even being in that aisle. What did I not buy?

*Commercial break while you contemplate your answer

Hey! I have an ad above my, um, title bar banner - my first ever - and I charged a relatively small fortune for it so I would REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate it if you would click on it so the advertiser can consider it a small fortune well spent and do it again some time. It's a link to enter a sweepstakes to win a cruise, too, so it's not like I'm sending you someplace horrible. And before you say that no one ever wins those things I will have you know that my father once filled out a sweepstakes card for Magic Flute wine and they sent him to Vienna. Austria, I mean, not Virginia. So there. Go. Click. Click again. I'll wait.

Time's up*

A toothbrush, of course.

Speaking of toothbrushes Patrick went to the dentist two weeks ago and continues his streak of being cavity-free with nice straight teeth and plenty of room for more. As he was leaving he was allowed to pick two prizes from the treasure wall and after careful deliberation he selected a tiny frisbee shooter for himself and he presented me with a stunning emeraldesque and diamondette ring.

He really is a very sweet kid.

The ring, of course, did not fit me but I did not want to disappoint him so I crammed it as far as it would go onto my pinkie and after I dropped him off at school I pried it off and dropped it into the catch-all in the car for some to-be-determined future purpose. Which...

I don't even remember who suggested geocaching (one of you, most likely) but Patrick and I started a little over a week ago and we have rapidly become addicts. A geocache is a... thing (maybe a tiny container with just a sheet of paper to sign, maybe a slightly larger one with random stuff in it) that people hide all over the world. They then post the coordinates online and to find them you can use the GPS device of your choosing (I hear iphones work - I wouldn't know since we live at the epicenter of a cell service dead zone and thus require no mobile telephonic device more sophisticated than the ones you might give a small child for emergencies: mine is practically Hello Kitty pink with three big buttons labeled HELP HOME and GRANDMA.)

I had given Steve a fairly fancy GPS handheld a few years ago for Christmas with the idea that he might not want to get lost in the wild and die. Steve, however, is apparently a woodsy purist who prefers to navigate by sense of smell and I think the idea of carrying an extra pound of battery-operated cheat appalled him. He thanked me politely and put the thing in his office where it promptly fell into a Snow White coma, waiting for someone to awaken it. When I first considered geocaching I thought maybe the normal Garmin we got for our cross-country trip would work (you remember, Garmy, who tried to kill us on the TransCanada Highway?) but then I remembered Steve's Rino Garmin with all its fancy icons and I fetched that instead. Patrick has named it Argy and we love it like the puppy I refuse to buy.

Seriously, geocaching is pretty much the most fun you can have with another person, especially if the other person is eight and you don't object to too much fresh air and wandering around a lot.

This was our first successful find. We had to go back twice because we had no idea that a cache could be so tiny and we were kicking around the snow looking for a breadbox when we should have been... well, I don't want to ruin it for you.

Sometimes, we discovered, the cache has treasure in it and the rule is you are allowed to take something provided you leave something of equal or greater value. The first one we found like this had a few pretty beads and we thought maybe we could start a geocache necklace but in order to take a bead we had to figure out what to leave.

Patrick asked if I would mind, terribly, if we left the ring he had given me?

I said I could learn to live without it in time so we made the exchange and that was that. One bead to the good; one finger strangling plastic ring to the bad.

We took Caroline and Edward and Steve with us to another one a few days later but that was a little stressful, frankly. Patrick and I were scrambling around an icy bridge looking for the cache and I was convinced that Caroline and Edward were going to get billygoat gruffed into the water. They survived although Steve and I each had to carry a twin the quarter mile back to the car.

I thought this was quite touching. Edward, very literally, following in Patrick's footsteps.

Poor Edward. With the exception of my normal-headed self he is the only member of the family who does not possess a head circumference in the bottom tenth percentile. I was unprepared for his head needs this season.

Doesn't that hat look like a tomato skin about to pop right off?

Where was I? Oh right. Geocaching. Fun for the whole family - exercise, compass reading, exploring. You know, you could probably work a holiday gift out of it now that I think about it. Buy a little geocaching handheld - something to consider. 

Hair picture as requested. Please note that I had to crop most of it because unbeknowst to me an extremely naked Caroline was prancing around in the background. I set the timer to take ten successive photographs as Edward and I were posing all Madonna and Child and when I went to check the pictures I discovered the Benny Hill element. Funny as a series and I would love to share it with you but, alas, not internet appropriate. Caroline, by the way, is in a permanent state of deshabille because she decided on Wednesday that she no longer wants to wear a diaper and I guess she figured the clothes might as well go, too. I don't want to say too much on the subject for fear of jinxing it again (she had a potty flirtation last June but it was just one of those summer flings) but so far she is on day five of successfully potty training herself. I think I'll have her do Edward next.

I could use some blog inspiration. What stories do I owe you? What do you want to know? Anything you want to ask each other and would like me to post for you? Lemme know. I'd appreciate a nudge and I solemnly promise on this stack of Georgette Heyers to answer anything you ask - hopefully you can help me to write more often.

PS No good place to stick this question but I just cleaned out my front hall closet and found our old (broken) video recorder and a stack of six mini DV tapes that contain all video record of Patrick's first three years. Can you think of any way - short of buying a new camcorder that plays mini DV tapes or getting this one fixed - that I can transfer the video on these tapes onto my Mac? 

PPS Don't forget to click the ad up there. THANK YOU! 

Comments

[Lisa S.]

I laughed when I read your comments about the cruise sweepstakes. My husband entered a sweepstakes online (offered by a very prominent online company) by clicking on a banner similar to the one on your page, back in November. He received a Fedex package the next week and, after careful scrutiny to verify the legitimacy of everything, he is currently awaiting the arrival of his (our) brand new 2011 Toyota Camry.
So needless to say, I clicked on your banner and entered the sweepstakes!

[sb]

I'd like to hear about law school, why you left it, and what you did after that.

[Alexicographer]

Yes, exhusband and law school. Please! Also I'm impressed that you're doing the geocaching stuff with a broken foot -- right? Wow!

I clicked but I'll admit I didn't sign up because I genuinely don't want to win a cruise (see? I do believe it's possible -- DH once won a trip to Disneyworld, or land, which one is in Florida?). Does that still help?

[Meegan]

Oh, I'm on board with the Honduras/ex-husband story! Yes, I am. Maybe a childhood Julia story? Your mother sounds like a hoot, so surely you have some blog fodder there, no?

[shay]

hey, about the dv tapes: i have a camcorder that plays mini dv tapes as well as a firewire cable (and i'm a mac user). if we could arrange a drop off and pick up time, i would be happy to let you borrow both to transfer your tapes to your mac. i live near downtown mpls and work in roseville. and i met you at the dinner with the bloggers (i was the sole boy, i think), so you know i'm not a total loon. anyway, let me know. email is: divinemaddness at gmail

[a different Julia]

I read somewhere that a drop or two of glycerin makes stronger bubbles. But I never tried it for myself.

[Sarah]

"what it is called when you add two numbers together (e.g., 7+7) and then add the answer to itself (14+14) and keep going until you reach several million? "

As a math teacher I'd either call it successive doubling, or multiplying by powers of two ... maybe even the power of exponents :)

[DJH]

Just found these and thought the twinks would love them as would your readers with younglings.

http://www.skiphop.com/product/21020.html

[Mary]

There is a place in St Paul that copies any medium to DVD -- on Cleveland and James. I haven't used them but see their sign as I go by.

Has Patrick ever gone to the science museum or the Woodbury library to the collectors corner? It seems like it would be up his speed -- knowing about the natural world, find rocks or fossils or whatever, scoring points, trading for other stuff.

[kris (lower case)]

i clicked on the ad and signed up...do you get credit just for people clicking? or do we have to sign up every time?

[amanda]

Just commenting to say that you sound happy and generally delighted in this post. If not true, way to pull of "tone"! If true, I am thrilled for you.

[Madelyn]

First marriage, of course. Others: What ever happened with that neighbor (divorced guy?) that let his older kids tend to the younger (special needs?) kids? Does Patrick still associate numbers with colors? Still happy with your hair? I'm going in Thursday. Merry Christmas to me.

[rupiedupie]

Backstory, backstory, backstory...
As much as you'd ever like to share.
I've joined this following within the past year and missed all the old posts about your history. ~Probably won't look through the archives.
Jump in now, I'll keep reading. (big grin)

[Justin]

I second the notion that you tell a few stories about your mother. She does sound like a hoot. And I would love to know what happened with the neighbor children.

[Lisa]

Check CostCo for the video file transfer - they have a lot of photo / video services for MUCH CHEAPER than places like Ritz Camera (this I learned when I got all our wedding negatives transfered on to CDs).

I'm guessing that Christmas / holiday season will be some blogging fodder ...

[Mizasiwa]

I know you cant really talk about Steve, but some more Steve stories would be nice. Also do you both come from gifted families that Patrick is so incredible or is that just a gift? Any young Julia stories are good too and there are a lot of missed or unfinished stories that some of the other comentors have already asked about. I came into your story I think late, somewere in between or something and for some reason the archive didnt allow me to read your blog from the beggining so I have never really understood the translocation thingy and how Patrick came about so pre patrick early steve memories maybe?? I really love reading your blog you are a truly gifted writter and your kids are gorg!! very cool hair too im definatly going to tell my sister in law to have a look!

[kate]

Hmmmmm... for some reason I'm not as interested in your ex-husband as everyone else is. Why dwell on the past when you have a fabulous family now?!
I'd echo the person who asked for a Christmas present discussion, or maybe some funny stories about kids and their understanding of the Christmas story. My 5 year old has written some great versions at school in the last week or so, including one which intones "Why that's a very good idea" after the angel Gabriel tells Mary what's going to happen.

[Heather]

I did click the advert. Hope it helps! Love the thought of geo-caching. Sounds like lots of fun. And I love the stories of what the kids are doing. They all have their own personalities and it's neat to hear the crafts they are doing or the trouble they are getting into. Makes me feel like our home is normal then as that's what goes on around here.

[Jody]

On the miniDV question, decide if you just want a data dump of the material, in which case you can try some Wal-Marts, lots of Wolf/Ritz cameras, or other local camera/film stores. But if you want to be able to keep the video format that lets you edit the tape without a lot of conversion hassles, you might want to google the companies that do that and send the tapes out.

I've decided that I want to send the tapes out, but now I have to work up the courage to send them in the mail. What if they get LOST?

I may get the basic "stick this DVD into your machine and hit play" transfer first, and then move onto something more elaborate once I have my backups.

[Allie]

I love your blog and I'll read anything you write. I save your posts for last because you are my favorite! So basically anything you write is good for me. Also, clicked on your banner ad... fingers crossed for that cruise. Finally, my dad's GPS is Fiona... and she's kind of a bitch.

[TeacherMommy]

I one-hundredth or whatever the ex-husband story but am excruciatingly jealous that it appears you get to never talk to him ever again. After the recent email exchanges and phone calls with my ex over the holiday custody arrangements, I deeply desire that sort of non-contact arrangement.

Alas. It is not to be.

[Janie]

I was about to email you to send me the tapes and I'll use our camera to put them on DVDs for you, when I remembered you don't actually know me and would be unlikely to jump at the offer.

So I suggest borrowing a friend's camera to make the switch, or I bet you can buy them cheaper than paying a store to do it for you. The DVD burning is easy.

[Karen]

Yes to Cathy's request. I'm dying to know about your sordid past!

[Alison]

Yes, yes, what Cathy said. The completion o the ex-husband tale.

I geocached pre-kids. It's been a while, but perhaps it's time to take the five-year-old out to find some.

[Ami]

Funny, everybody keeps asking about your first husband story, and I had forgotten about that and was going to suggest you tell us how you and Steve met. Also, I second the request for cooking stuff, even if you just keep it on this blog.

Today's post had me laughing out loud!

Not sure if I commented or not when you asked for ideas. My 7yo son got some Magformers when he was 5 and he still loves them dearly. Also, all his friends do too. But, they could pinch little fingers (STRONG magnets) so maybe wait a year on those? Also, ZooMorphs. Big hit, no pain involved. Good for motor skills and imagination. Finally: paper airplane kit, best $9 I ever spent. Entertained my newly six-year-old son for at least 4 hours last Christmas and he still plays with them and makes them all the time. We have a shopping bag full of the ones he made last year. Still. (Yeah, my house is a mess.)

[Jen]

My kids and I have been recently reading that same Mouse Soup book you have in your hands in the picture -- was that yours as a child? Mine was, and it looks similarly tattered (or well-loved).

[Elizabeth]

The firewall here at work won't let me visit the ad site, instead sending me the access denied message one gets when trying to visit sites it determines to be in the rather large naughty category. (Yesterday it decided that Snickollet was off limits because it was "adult" and I just can't imagine what is unappropriately adult about a widow raising twin kindergarteners.) So yeah, how dare I try to win a free cruise while I should be working. I'll try to remember to try again from home.

I'd like a follow up on the situation with Patrick's teacher, I got all infuriated on behalf of your extra-special Y-chromosome snowflake.

[Tine]

Regarding your question about videotapes....

This company (http://www.vhstodvdmemories.com/) might be able to help you. Pam, one of the owners, is a high-school classmate of mine. They're in Hastings.

[Tine]

P.S. I can see your ad just fine, and I'm using Safari. Just FYI. Also, I clicked it twice. Yay me! ;)

[Sam]

Hey, a question I may be able to answer!

Last year I wanted to do the same thing with my mini-DV tapes. My video camera has some kind of Firewire port on it, and one day I happened to try to stuff some random cable into it, and it fit! Find out what kind of port your camera has and look for the cable online. I plugged the other end into my computer. In iMovie, go to file and then import from camera.

I had to find another program to convert them from the old format to something you can upload on youtube. It's called MPEG Streamclip.

[tgsdmom]

I remember your description of the intoxicated first date(s) with Steve.

Although I am curious about the completion of ex-husband story, it is not very important. Tell only if you feel like it.

Just live your life, be happy and write whatever you want. I shall read.

Generally, I suppose kids stories (including about your own childhood) through your prism read the best here.

[victoria]

You look like you're twenty four and posing for a Pantene commercial. Also your children are gorgeous and your house spotless and, uh, also, you are a talented writer. I hope you ahve a happy holiday.

[victoria]

Oh, yeah, whatever DID happen with your wild youthful romantic adventures in tropical climes, you sultry vixen, you?

[Allison]

I was going to suggest letterboxing too. The low-tech geocache.

Plus you get to make a stamp!

[Diane]

Ex-husband.

Also, our GPS is named Amelia. She doesn't always get us there.

[Jen Rundall]

Ref stressed cats - yes they barf. Cat bulimia, I don't know.... but we have it licked! (if you'll excuse the awful pun).

http://www.zylkene.co.uk/

I don't know if you can get this in the US but it is a natural milk-protein based supplement you mix with their food. Our barfing, urine-infection prone tom (who has to be the most neurotic cat known to man, with serious human-sibling 'issues') has become a different feline after starting this. Check it out, it does rock (you can buy it online but again, not sure where in the US).

ps GEOCACHING ROCKS, would you like us to send a Travel Bug with a final intended destination of Patrick? He can track it across the world and hope it gets to him. We sent one to Auckland, and it made it there but is having a 'holiday' on the way home. What do you think? Email me privately and I can explain/set it up for you.

[Jennifer]

There is a geocache location outside of the hotel that my husband manages (hint: northeeast suburbs) and he didn't even know that it was there for quite a while. It sounds right up Patrick's ally!

I also echo the desire for an end to the first husband story...and why law school ever showed up on your radar.

[Missie Horal]

I haven't read the other comments yet, but you owe us a first husband story.

Perhaps if Steve saw the movie 127 Hours, he'd be more inclined to take his GPS into the wilderness with him.

My youngest sister got an Elefun one year when she was 3 or 4, and it was the hit of Christmas for everyone!

[Rosemary]

I want to know how you got your hair straight?! What exactly is the treatment? thanks!

[Shana in Texas]

I would love to hear stories from your youth and family. And, I second all the above requests as well. Can I borrow Caroline after she is finished training Edward?

[Barbara]

Glyerin. Not corn syrup. For the bubbles in case that wasn't obvious.

[Allison]

you could either find a place that transfers footage or you could call your local AV rental place and rent a deck that plays back those tapes that you can connect via firewire to your computer. Sorry if I am comment number 99 with this suggestion but I do love your blog so and wanted to help!

PS: Have you and Patrick read the Benedict Society Books? I just started the first one in the hopes that my almost 10 year old step son will get interested in it after I am done.

[Laurie]

Oh my....I had a naked daughter for a couple of years - fun! For whomever asked: FableHaven is a FAB series for that age group.

[JulieB]

goodness me yes - you can't swear on a pile of Georgette Heyer novels and then NOT tell the ex marriage story! and any other salacious, alchohol misguided adventure that may [or may not] have happened along the way - just hang on while I pour myself a glass of wine and get comfortable..

great Madonna & child shot - complete with the out of shot putti. But I am amazed and incredulous - sitting here of a sunny evening in New Zealand -that there isn't even the teeniest referral to ALL THE SNOW!! RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW!! as if it was completely normal!

wow.

[Bonnie]

I can't see the ad!

[Betsy Hart Rosoff]

I have a home based business that transfers all formats of video and can edit them into a presentation as well if you like.
www.homevideohero.com

Drop me a line if I can help at betsy.hart@me.com

[Shawna]

Hm, it had occurred to me to solicit help from you and your lovely readers in choosing our first-ever teacher's gift, but I forged ahead on my own and researched and bought something.

Ideas for next year would always be handy though.

[Maria]

Well, at least you can add "funky hat" for Edward under the tree. My son has one with the fringe in the middle like a Spartan warrior. It really is for my amusement, and it's one of those things he'll hold up when he's 20 and say, "I can't believe you made me wear this." Perhaps a matching chapeau for Caroline? Will she do accessories even if she won't do regular clothing?

As far as stories: I find even your Target runs funny, so I'll just tag along on others' requests.

[Karen Conrardy]

I was wandering around Target (also my favorite place) electronics the other day and spied a lime green geocache device. It looked pretty cool. I may get it for my 8 year old daughter for Christmas. It apparently comes preloaded with lots of coordinates plus it downloads new ones. Check it out!

[Shawna]

I wanted to add another vote to what happened with the class Halloween party too!