MMXI

Happy (1) holidays; (2) birthday; (3) to see you again; (4) anniversary; (5) that I got the flu last time; (6) New Year

1. Patrick is exceedingly droll and a reward unto himself but for the person hoping to experience classic parental moments of lip-curving pleasure he has always been something of a trial, especially around the holidays. Not for one second of his existence has Patrick ever believed in elves. Rather than clasp his hands in surprised joy at the sight of the presents on Christmas morning he has been known to raise his eyebrows and say, "Really? Did we really need more stuff?" When I told Caroline and Edward that Santa might put presents in their stockings on Christmas Eve Patrick sat them both down and asked them to consider - seriously consider - whether the concept of Santa Claus made any sense whatsoever. And for the first six years of his life Patrick would open one gift and then devote his entire attention to it, firmly refusing to open anything else because (see?) he already had a gift and, really, that was plenty.

Killjoy, that's the word I was looking for. Curmudgeon. That's another.

I call this: The Magical Wonderment of Christmas Eve through a Child's Eyes. Scoot over, Norman Rockwell.

Patrick does like decorating the tree, though. And Edward likes whatever Patrick likes.

Actually, pausing Christmas for a moment, Edward has become Patrick's shorter, stockier, sportier doppleganger.

Patrick played constantly with the twinkles over the break and when he went back to school yesterday I thought Edward was going to go all suttee. It took four back-to-back episodes of Wonder Pets to coax him back from the edge of madness and despair. It was sewious.

Meanwhile back in Whoville

  
Caroline was so excited about Christmas she broke into spontaneous interpretive dance. She wasn't just merry; she was funky.

On the consumer front:

Edward got the parking garage from page 42 of the catalog (excuse me, magazine) that he has been sleeping with since Halloween. We helped him unwrap it and after a moment's stunned silence he said, "Oh it's Edward's parking lot!" and hugged the box.

My Dad and stepmother sent Caroline a thing called a funroller which is basically a giant inflatable hamster wheel for children. It was just what she needed.

A few weeks ago I went through the billion sticky notes that Patrick had placed in the Edmund Scientific catalog and discovered that there wasn't the slightest chance we were going to get him anything he coveted. Is it possible he may one day apply for a grant that will enable him to acquire a Celestron telescope? Sure. Am I going to buy him one? NO. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas that he might actually he get and he looked all liquid-eyed and said, "Christmas is really just about being together as a family" which of course made me want to slap him. So I said, "Ok, if you only got ONE thing for Christmas what would you hope it might be?"

He said, "Wait! What?? I'm only getting one present for Christmas?" (which... what price family-togetherness now, eh Saint Patrick?) and I said at this rate you aren't getting any so he stopped goading me and picked... a Lego set that I later discovered is out-of-stock until January. But Citiblocs. That's where I was going. In sheer desperation I ordered him a couple hundred Citiblocs which are a less expensive but perfectly serviceable version of Kapla blocks and they are absolutely terrific. Seven thumbs up.

All in all a very nice Christmas.

2. Caroline and Edward turned three.

Caroline got a doll who she named Tia. Tia now spends a lot of time stuffed between couch cushions unless I happen to walk by with a camera whereupon Caroline instantly becomes all maternal solicitude. She's not the most nurturing of personalities but she has great dramatic instincts.

Edward got a train table. I do not have a picture of Edward with his train table because any time someone walks within twenty feet of it Edward yells NO! MINE! and flings himself bodily over the trestles and bridges. I haven't really wanted to capture these moments of fraility although I did inadvertently get a pure Edward moment on Christmas Eve. Here he is a milisecond into a rage. Note the flared nostrils and the wild gleam in his eyes. It's not pretty. Actually, it IS pretty. Edward is always pretty. But shortly after the teeth clench he starts smacking things. I suppose in a way it is fortunate Caroline is a biter.

 
Anyway they turned three and opened their presents and were cute and pleased and said appropriate things like "Oh SANK you" and "Here, Tarayine, it's for you."

I told them we would have a party that night and our friends would come and there would be cake.

Caroline said, "And party hats?"

Party hats? 

I said, "Sure."

Sidebar:

I grew up in Washington DC where there are lots of different people who believe and celebrate lots of different things and where the expression "Happy holidays" is meant to convey both a friendly greeting and an acknowledgement that you are deserving of happiness however you spend the year's end; not - I don't think - as an intentional slight to the franchised majority. But I digress. Growing up I was friends with lots of different people and some of them were Jewish and one of my favorite childhood memories is of attending an all ages New Year's Eve party where the hosts had set out the largest bowl of candy I had ever seen (good stuff, too, like Tootsie rolls and Bazooka gum) along with dreidels and I sat there and spun for hours.

I wanted to recreate something similar this year at our house (what can I say? I like candy) so I stopped at a place called Party City one afternoon to buy a dreidel or seven. In the store I went up two hundred linear feet of Christmas decorations and then down another two hundred ditto of ditto without seeing so much as a single Star of David anywhere. I thought I must be in the wrong aisle so I asked a store clerk where the Hanukkah stuff was and she said, "Sorry. We don't carry anything like that."

I thanked her and looked at the angels and the Santas and the green and the red and the crosses and the tinsel and I vowed that I would never shop there again. I appreciate savvy merchandising as much as the next girl but really.

So imagine my chagrin when Caroline said she wanted party hats. DIEGO party hats. And something with trucks for Edward. And I found myself back in Party City for the second time in a week because where else was I going to fulfill such specific birthday wishes in less than four hours?

I still need a dreidel for next year but this time I am going to do my shopping somewhere other than the eastern suburbs of Saint Paul Minnesota.
 
On the plus side the hats were a big hit.

After the singing and the cake Edward stood on his chair and applauded, presumably for all of it. Caroline stood up next to him and wrapped her arms around him and whispered something. She has never done this before in her life and I would give anything to know what she said to him but I never will.

3. I woke up on the morning our Christmas houseguests left and enjoyed the feeling that comes with successfully dispatching one's hostessing obligations after a fun but hectic seven days. I had nothing to do that morning but keep the children mostly alive and possibly break down another 300 cardboard Amazon boxes.

Steve walked through the room, looked at me lying bonelessly in our bed and said, "I think they're coming around lunchtime."

I said, "WHAT?"

Steve was instantly defensive. He said, "I TOLD you my friends were coming to stay for a couple of nights. Last week. I told you last week." You can always tell when Steve secretly knows he's wrong because he gets so very strident about how right he is. Also he tends to walk away in the middle of a sentence.

I followed him into the kitchen.

"Who? What? When? Guests? Now? Today? Are you kidding?"

So he reminded me who and what and when and I reminded him that the last we had spoken on the topic it had been a month ago and at the time the friends had been uncertain about their plans.

He said he was pretty sure he had told me, which WHATEVER. Do I look like a person who would forget a whole new set of houseguests arriving minutes after the last ones leave? Like hell.

I said, "Like hell."

Then I asked what on earth was I going to feed them and he looked at me all sulky and I said, "Nothing, apparently, if you keep looking at me like that." So he laughed and said he was sorry and he agreed it was barely possible that he might have forgotten to mention that they had decided to stay with us and he'd go wash the guest sheets.

Then he promptly got the flu and went down as if he had been poleaxed.

4. Steve and I got married on New Year's Eve twelve years ago and to the best of my recollection we have never both been healthy on December 31st again. The only time in recent memory that we actually made it to a restaurant was three days after Caroline and Edward were born. She was in the NICU and Edward got admitted as well for jaundice so with our $3000 a pop highly qualified babysitters in place we took Patrick and went to the Outback near the hospital. I had no idea it was New Year's Eve and wondered why on earth it was so crowded. I had also somehow managed to lose my shoes during labor (a nurse put them in a drawer; I assumed Steve had taken them home) so before we went to Outback we drove to a shoe store. I walked through the snowbank in my socks and when the sales clerk came to help me I told her I needed to buy anything she had in a 7 wide wide.

She looked down at my wet socks and then looked around the floor, "Um where are your shoes?" she asked.

"It's a long story."

Patrick said, "Don't people who need shoes usually come to shoe stores?"

I digress again.

Poor Steve was a wreck for five days. He shivered so badly during the night that I finally threw an extra blanket over him and sat on him until he stopped shaking. Extra body heat you know. I learned that on MASH.

5. So happy new year and I apologize for the long delay in posting but I haven't had a moment to myself in EONS. My new year's resolution is to update my blog more frequently. I'm also going to learn how to drive the lawn tractor. I think that last one is related to Steve's flu but if I examine it too closely I suspect my motivations are excessively morbid.

How were your holidays? Did you have fun? Did you get anything good? Did you give anything good? I need a new recorded book recommendation for Patrick and me; we're almost done with Artemis Fowl and I cannot remember which post I asked about books last time. So feel free to repeat yourself.   

I missed you.

Comments

[Alice]

We slept, we tubed, we ate and slept some more. Riveting details here: http://tinyurl.com/3439jcd

[Liv]

Happy new year to you and yours! Lucky for Steve that he's smoking hot :) Liv

[Candy]

Don't ever leave us alone so long again.

I CANNOT believe the twins are 3! I think that means I've been reading your blog for 52 years. And I'm only 49. They are all precious, and Patrick never fails to kill me.

Worst gift received this year was from my step-children who are in their mid to late 30s and ought to know better. They gave me something called "The Tool" which apparently is used to remove children's toys from that impossible to remove packaging they're put in, which would have been awesome if they had taken the price tag off ($8.99) AND if I still had children young enough to need me to do that for them.

Anyway...love the twinkles and Patrick always kills me. And any post with a picture of The Hunk is a good one!

[HereWeGoAJen]

I asked Matt about a hundred times when the three different groups of his family members were arriving at our house. He snapped that he had already told me at least four times. I told him, yes, but he had changed his answer four times too so I didn't consider it reliable information. (Also, they showed up three hours earlier, two hours later, and a day earlier than he told me they would.)

[SarcastiCarrie]

People who need shoes usually come to shoe stores.

[Beth]

Three?! The time, it flies.

[Nancy]

The Ranger's Apprentice Series, by John Flanagan is pretty good. My daughter is in love with Earagon but I haven't read it myself. The Red Pyramid was pretty good, by Rick Riordan and my kids like the Lost Hero by him as well..... alas someday I will read books again that are not in the 9-12 section of the bookstore!!!

I can't belive Caroline and Edward are 3, wow!! Time flies and all that... :) I am glad you had a nice holiday and look forward to more blog posts!!! Happy and Healthy 2011 for you all Julia!!!!!!

[Heather]

I think one of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to just directly communicate between my husband's family and some of his friends. Too many gatherings like yours above! (Though I'm guilty of it too. Recently I INSISTED I'd told him something, I could even remember the conversation and where it took place, and then I found a text somehow lost in the drafts folder. Apparently I was remembering the texting as a conversation, which is really sad.)

[Catherine]

Books for Patrick - I have a nephew Patrick's age who loves the 39 Clues series. I haven't read them myself, but have heard good things. If you take a look at the authors of the 10 books, some great names in there including Rick Riordan.

Edward really is quite pretty. I am mom to three and a half year old triplet boys, including an Edward, who is also rather pretty, but in a different way.

[Alexis]

My sister, mom, two nieces and I are so close we all live down the street from one another. Also included are my sister's fiance and my fiance. Everyone is 20 or over. I'm 26 (my sister is 20 years older than me). This year we decided to do homemade Christmas. Despite the fact that we all cheated, everyone made at least one homemade gift for the others. I received bath scrubs, jewelry, sketches, etc. Each of my family members is very artistic, so it was enjoyable. Even if they weren't, I'd love everything anyway. Next year I'd like to suggest we only do one item for each person, so that we each end up with 6 or 7 presents total. It makes us focus on the spirit of Christmas, and not the commercialism. I would take homemade Christmas over anything store bought any day.

[Kizz]

I got up at 6:15 on Christmas morning and didn't go to bed until 2am on the 26th. I don't have kids and no one I spent Christmas with has small kids. I wasn't sick. (I was trying to outrun a storm after a full day of holidaying.)

It was a good day up to the outrunning part.

[katie]

Honestly, you are my favorite blogger. Keep up the posts, however frequent/infrequent. I love the way you talk about your family. It never fails to make me laugh. Glad you all survived all that celebrating!

[SarahB]

Happy birthday to the twins, and happy holidays to you!

My dear husband surprised me with a kindle with a very beautiful hand-tooled leather case. It is ridiculously wonderful, as is he.

Did you get any fun surprises (besides unexpected house guests)?

[NZ Sarah]

Happy New Year!
Have you tried Cresseida Cowell books?

The movie 'How to Tame Your Dragon' is loosely based on one of her books...very loosely I think.

The version we listen to are read by an Englishman. I think I mainly enjoy them because of the fabulous welsh accent he gives one of the other viking tribes. It sounds totally illogical when I see it written like that but it works, it's funny and I think you and Patrick might enjoy the books.

[katherine]

I'm just so pleased that you ended the post by saying you missed us. Right back atcha missy!

[Lise]

Oh I love Citiblocs! I got them for my niece and nephew last year.

I first heard about Citiblocs/Kapla blocks when I was working with a preschool-science-inquiry project and we ordered them for the classrooms. When they got in I opened the box in delight and spent an afternoon playing with them, of course dedicated to testing them out to make sure these were good resources for our science inquiry units. Of course.

[Tracey]

Any book by Jerry Spinelli is fun for a boy Patrick's age. My son, who seems very much like Patrick in so many ways, loves these.

We had a lovely resful christmas, full of legos and xbox and books.

I am so glad you posted, and I love to read your writing no matter how frequently you update :o)

[Erika]

But the real question--when Steve got sick, did that mean that your house guests stayed elsewhere?

[elsimom]

Ah - my littlest just turned 3 last week. We had party hats (thanks to my mother) that were all the dress-up hats from the basement. Pretty fun to see my bro-in-law in a Sherlock hat, myself in a red leather newsboy cap, my sister and my 8 year old in giant cowboy hats, etc. The birthday children (my niece and nephew also have early Jan. birthdays) had princess hats and a safari hat (theirs to keep), respectively. Also - we had Coldstone Creamery cake, which littlest's description of her birthday cake as chocolate WITH strawberries.
She also got a Baby All Gone, which I thought her big sister had put on her list, but turned out to be "What I ALWAYS WANTED" - true quote - I think we abducted her from an America's Funniest Videos clip...
Full disclosure that I work for Target, but most Targets carry Hanukah stuff AND a full selection of licensed character party hats (so you can skip Party City next year!).
My older children got the game Labrinth for Christmas. Seems like something Patrick might like (or it might be too easy for him...).
We're reading the How to Train YOur Dragon series aloud at our house, but I think the illustrations are part of the fun, so you may want to get hard copies to accompany the tapes if you go that route.

Glad you're back!

[elsimom]

P.S. I clicked over and signed up for that cruise faithfully about 20 times, so I really hope I win. But, in case I don't, I hope you put another sweepstakes on your banner, and I hope they pay you big money to do it, and then I will totally click on that and try to win also!
(How cool would it be if one of your readers won?!)

[Amy]

I, in fact, do intentionally slight the franchised majority when I say happy holidays. Don't even try to tell me my Yule celebrations are YOUR Christmas celebrations.

[Jan]

I posted a question at the end of the last entry just as this one went up! You sound much much better. And I too am so pleased to hear that you missed us! Yeah, I'd like a Celestron telescope, too. Just saw the Pocket Universe app for iPhones and iPads, just in case you have either of those. It's pretty cool and Patrick would love it.

[quirkfarms]

so glad you are back. I was worried that you were all stuck in a snow drift somewhere. Happy New Year to all!

[Kathleen999]

No presents for me, a couple for my husband from me and the kids, a GAZILLION for the boys between Hanukkah, birthday and Christmas. Hands-down favorite gift is the family gift of the Wii and the WiiFit. Great for those stuck-inside winter days. Our boys love it and it's fun to all play together. We are not going to get any other games for it unless they involve some kind of physical activity.

And when I found out I could stream Netflix on it, that made me very happy.

Lots of food, and now back to reality but the two big holidays and one twin birthday plus work as usual most days has pretty much knocked me out. Still, love the holidays!

[QoB]

Philip Reeve. Anything by him. I got "Here Lies Arthur" for The Holidays and I'm dying to dig in to it: I've read all of his "Mortal Engines" series.

[Sara]

Our house on the other side of the cities was blessed with the stomach flu as well over the holidays. It was awful as my husband and I were hit with it at the same time (I assume from taking care of our daughter who was sick two days earlier). IT WAS AWFUL!!!!! and took us two days to recover while it took our daughter one day and our son approximately 2 hours. My only saving grace was that it was the morning after my birthday...at least no one was sick then!

Anyways on the telescope front try astromart (I think that is it....hubby is not here otherwise I'd ask) or maybe even craigslist. My husband has been able to purchase very large telescopes for very little money (although it would still be lots of money for someone Patricks age). but the point is you might be able to find something to start with in a decent price range. Also the non-electronic ones (the ones you have to position yourself) are far cheaper than the ones where you just press buttons and look. Good luck!

[Meegan]

I have been obsessively checking your blog, like, three times a day for last week because oh! I miss you so! Nice to have you back! Happy Birthday to the Twinks (and me - we share a birthday!), Happy Anniversary to you and Steve and finally, Merry Christmas. There. Moving on...

yes, please, to your resolution. You are my favorite. I love your writing and like many others, wish you would write a book. But I will settle for a blog. You must be so relieved....

[ali]

Missed you too! Glad Steve's flu didn't make the rounds (spitting 3 times to avert the evil eye as I say that). Happy everything to you and your family!

[Laurie]

YAY! You're back! LOVE the photos - so gorgeous, all of you!

We were big fans of The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke; the FableHaven series by Brandon Mull, as well as his Candy Shop Wars; seconding the Ranger's Apprentice series; almost anything by Roald Dahl; the Genius books by Catheine Jinks; Cryptid Hunters by Roland Smith; The Lighthouse Land by AndrewMcKinty.....

Happy Anniversary! Happy Birthday, twinks! Happy Christmas!

[Kim @ Beautiful Wreck]

Hard to believe the twins are 3. Time flies. Wow, you have a lot going on during the holiday time period. I would be a little nuts.
We had a laid back holiday, while battling sickness and weird back injuries.

[Toni]

1) Our Target had a Chanukkah section. NOT an endcap like many years - BUT AN AISLE. I was so excited, I nearly started crying. Which is why the other woman shopping in the aisle told me she was going to buy them out to let them know that there IS a market for Hanukkah stuff.

My point?? A. You'd think since Target is headquartered in MN, that they'd put stuff like that up by you and B. I followed the woman's example and promptly bought out Target. So if you need a dreidel or 7...they are yours...

2) Happy Birthday Edward and Caroline. :)

[sueinithaca]

My 6 year old spent the majority of a (child's) birthday party indignant: "Mommy! Those kids are running all over the place! They're so loud and noisy! Make them stop!" It must be challenging to be so crotchety at such a young age. (she, too, declines the magic of Christmas. Unless some other child tells her there's no Santa - then she goes full-on drama queen. Go figure.)

Our weirdest gift this year: My husband's aunt's husband's child from his first marriage is married to a lovely woman (get that connection? It's tenuous). I've only met her the once, but she seemed sweet. She (the lovely woman) gave us his and hers chocolate and strawberry flavored KY jelly. We discovered it amidst a gift basket of toiletries that she had put together for us when she heard we would be coming to a family party.

[Bethany]

Missed you too! I'm a little alarmed to realize I have had the lawn tractor resolution since the end of the summer and I could only look at my motivation for such as morbid as well...Hmmmm...

I remember when the twinkles were just twinkles...now they're 3!!

Any potty training updates? A good update would be wonderful news for you! A "bad" update would likely be amusing for us readers so either way it's a win!

[anon]

Sewious - hahaha. The song is now stuck in my head.

[Sara]

Great to hear from you! Sorry about Steve's inconvenient poleaxing. Not fun.

Happy birthday to the twinkies. Wow! Eggbert turned three a couple of months ago, and I had always thought of Caroline and Edward as much younger. I guess that the difference between a newborn and a two-month old is a lot bigger than the difference between a 3-y-o and a 3-y-2-m-o. Go figure.

In shopping news, I got a great dreidel at the the Land of Nod online. And party hats are everywhere.

[Jennie]

This is probably a silly question, but has Patrick read The Phantom Tollbooth? Love it.

And, yes, Edward is very pretty.

[Suzanne]

Have you read or listened to any of the books in the Freddy series by Walter Brooks?

[r]

Happy birthday Caroline and Edward! I can't believe they're so BIG!
Did you get anything fun gifts for yourself fpr Christmas/holidays/intentional slight to the franchised majority?

[r]

Ack, sorry about the typos in my last comment...

[kris (lower case)]

i knew when you said you were looking for a dreidel there was no way you would be finding one in minnesota... at least not easily. i remember visiting there once in the 80's and stopping at mcdonalds and asking for a cheese danish (which they have in cleveland) and they were all 'what'!! they had bosenberry ones i think... there does not seem to be a whole lot of jewish type people there... maybe i am wrong though..

[quirkfarms]

how about "wally the wordworm" by clifton fadiman?

[Amy]

Hooray! Welcome back!

[unexplained]

Nothing useful to add but wanted to say that the SuperTarget in Sandy bleeping UTAH had a Chanukah display, for crying out loud...

[plunkie]

Extra body heat you know. I learned that on MASH.

I just had to tell you that gave me the extreme giggles. Happy birthday to the twins and happy anniversary! Love love love reading you.

[nrbp]

We are listening to T.H. White these days (The Sword in the Stone) and the children are enjoying it more than I thought they would (and I am enjoying it exactly as much as I thought I would, which is to say just enough).

I've found the Home Science Tools catalog to be much more in line (both in scope and in price-range) with what I am willing to purchase for my family. http://www.hometrainingtools.com/Default.asp?

[Laura]

My 11 year-old boy is crazy for the Ranger's Apprentice series but was ready for something different, so for Christmas I got him The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel trilogy. He reports book one is "awesome".
Happy New Year!

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Wow, time does zip by! I started reading your blog back when you guys were "trying" and we were "trying" (and the whole thing was excessively trying, as perhaps we all remember -- infertility sucks big ones) ... and now yours just turned three and our twins are pushing four ... and wow, to think I remember them all when they were just zygotes. (Yours are exceedingly lovely, btw. What charming and attractive kids! There should be a law. :)

Sorry for Steve's flu; glad you got the party hats. (A must! Our twins played with the hats from their party for six months, kid you not.)

As for Patrick ... Normally I just "heart" Patrick and that's the end of that, but his curmudgeonly attitude toward Christmas disturbs me. My five-years-older brother did his level best to ruin Christmases for our entire family as long as I could remember, and he succeeded with many of them. (For instance, when he was a teen and I wasn't yet, we all had to wait to open presents on Christmas morning until he rolled his lazy ass out of bed -- about 11 or so -- or else he'd throw a walleyed fit and be a complete ass and ruin the morning. And my parents let him get away with this.) Also he made very sure I never believed in Santa Claus at all, and I always felt very cheated by that. Mind you, my parents made the mistake of tiptoeing around him and trying to placate him, and I don't think you two would ever do that. Plus I have a hard time imagining Patrick acting like that. (Okay, ever!) But I wanted to point out that a single family member can be a spoiler. Just throwing that out there.

Regardless, Happy MMXI to you and yours! :)

[Hetty Fauxvert]

And oh! re the audio books: I really hope you'll give Terry Pratchett (Sir Terry, now, actually) a try. Specifically his "Wee Free Men" (available on CD, unabridged) just might crack Patrick up completely. The protagonist is a girl about his age, and just terrific -- smart, determined... and saddled with the company of the Nac Mac Feegles, who are an exceedingly funny company of "little men" that I won't even try to describe here. (But you should read all the glowing reviews on certain bookseller websites that we won't mention by name here. They're right!)

[Yatima]

I have my beady eye on this Celestron:

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=celestron+telescope&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&hl=en&biw=1179&bih=539&ie=UTF-8&cid=524926509467899497&ei=QVIkTYz6C4WmvgOQq_zlAQ&sa=X&oi=product_catalog_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CFYQ8wIwAQ#

My Claire, 8, inhales the Warriors books like so much cocaine. Only in a much more child-appropriate metaphor that I cannot summon right now.

[Sandra]

I missed you, too!! We share an anniversary - 'tho ours was 16 years ago - and one or both of us has also been at death's door for the event on at least half of the New Year's since then. Actually, last year, it was our 9yo daughter suffering from food poisoning in a hotel room in Disneyworld. Happy, happy anniversary indeed.

Missed you much. I love Patrick, and the twinkles too.