Dam It

Concussion. I'll be damned. Oh, sure, I suppose it seemed obvious to you. Blow to the head followed by visual disturbance, headache and vomiting but for some reason... now I feel guily and kinda dumb. You know what else? Apparently "keep an eye on him" is one of those phrases (like "maybe I should see someone") that I understand imperfectly. I was, like, ok! Great! I will keep an eye on him! So at intervals I would go stare at Patrick while he slept and think, "I wonder what I am supposed to see?" Does a concussed person swell? Turn purple? Thrash around? Would I notice if he was slipping into a coma? You should have seen me trying to pry his eyes open so I could shine a flashlight into them.

 

It was one of those nights when I contemplated the fact that every adult is basically a fraud. Nothing makes me more sympathetic to people blundering around running companies or ruling nations than these times when I look around and discover that *I* am the closest thing in the room to an expert on lasers or Rhodesian Ridgebacks or head trauma.

 

Patrick slept for twelve hours and when he woke up the next morning he was normal. Even his lip looked better. So - apart from a little sloshing of the brains - he continues to survive my parenting. He's taken it a little easy this week, though. Just in case.

 

+

 

In other news you can use:

 

an ice dam is a ridge of ice that forms on the edge of a roof and it prevents the melting snow behind it from pouring safely onto the ice-and-dirt beds below. When this happens - in the absence of a miracle - the water seeps under the shingles and given enough snow and just the wrong combination of extreme cold followed by unseasonable warmth; you get water sluicing down the walls of your living room.

 

I tried to explain this phenomenon to my Mid-Atlantic mother and my Pacific Northwest brother and from their murmured condolences I realized that there is something about having to put plastic pitchers on your window sills that is... shameful. Vaguely indecent. Like ice dams are the STD of home ownership.

 

"Really? Water? Pouring from the ceiling? Don't you have insulation? I mean, doesn't the house have some kind of... external barrier? Weren't you protected?"

 

I felt the need to explain that it's not like our house has been hanging out with crack houses and it has never happened before and, really, even well-constructed, energy-thoughtful homes can fall victim to an ice dam when we have THIS MUCH SNOW and it has been THIS COLD and the weather abruptly turns tropical.

 

Seriously, check it out. It's like Spring around here.

    

 

The upside was the fact that it finally got above fifteen degrees and the down was that we developed an unexpected water feature four feet away from our couch.  

 

Steve came up with a temporary fix before there was too much interior damage (he climbed on the roof and swore at the ice until it melted) but it sucked nonetheless. As I fell asleepp I forgot what was going on and thought, ah, the relaxing plinkety-plink of summer rain on a tin roof and then I snapped out of it and realized that my lullaby was actually the steady ka-ching of water damage.

 

+

 

I don't want to jinx anything but I might have found a babysitter. I asked if she could do this weekend or possibly next weekend and she said she could do BOTH. In the past we have always used a nanny service (nanny professionals in St Paul - they're great and we've had wonderful people) but the hour minimums plus the mileage plus the hourly rate have placed them outside our austerity budget range unless it is an emergency. So although preschool affords us the time to occasionally - how did you phrase it in the comments? take a hike? - spend time together during the day; the last time Steve and I went out at night alone was... I don't actually know. It has been at least six months. We did meet some work people before Christmas and that was fun (we went to burlesque show because nothing says Business like tassels and a well-placed feather boa) but just Steve and me and a no-stress evening? It's been forever.

 

+

 

Patrick made a very clever box for his valentines. I continue to find him exceptionally witty.

 

+

 

Somehow that picture reminds me of Edward's latest culinary obsession: lemons. As in, lemons.

 

 

I love his diabolical eyebrow. Love it.

 

 

Comments

[Hetty Fauxvert]

That Valentine box is quite Edward Gorey, isn't it? :)

I think "concussion" would have been low on my list of thoughts as well unless he had an actual goose egg lump, or his pupils didn't match. I think most people are quite ignorant about concussion -- I read an article about that just the other day (one that basically says it takes *months* to really come up to speed after a genuine concussion, so, um, maybe you'll have to continue to keep that eye on him, whatever that means!).

The diabolical eyebrow: Love it! Lemon juice -- maybe not so much. Dentist boyfriend (former) once told me it was a straight ticket to cavities. But who knows.

[Becca]

Our house hasn't leaked in two weeks! Our recycle bin is finally holding the recycling again!

We finally invested in a roof rake, which may or may not do anything (we haven't had new snow in two weeks, either) but balancing on a ladder placed on an icy driveway is always extra fun.

My favorite moment was when I was woken up by the water dripping onto my face.

[GingerB]

Hell, I said not to worry, but then, I have a tag for my blog posts entitled "proof I don't know much about parenting" so no one should listen to me, ever. And the universe saw fit provide special health conditions for me to watch over, so I can really screw my kids up utterly and completely.

Ice dams happen to people who live dangerously, such as those who try out Amazon Prime and forget to cancel it during the free trial period. Patrick wouldn't be exactly safe with me but he might feel at home.

[Brigid Keely]

That first photo of Edward? He looks a LOT like Caroline. I mean, of course he does, they are siblings. But I mean, a LOT a lot.

[tgsdmom]

Thanks so much for the update. And how do you manage to let us know Patrick had a concussion and still have me leave the computer with a relieved and amused mood?

All the best to all of you.

[Justin]

I always wonder about concussions. The advice always seems to be "keep an eye on them". I mean presumably you just recover, and if there are further problems it isn't a concussions anymore, it's something else. I'm glad Patrick is doing well. If children were actually all that delicate life would be tragic. The fact that so many of us survive childhood is comforting.

[Nee]

When I was pregnant, I was given the best book for parents ever: Take Care of Yourself. Basically, it provides flow charts for every imaginable health problem to help you decide if you need to go into the doctor, or if there is a home remedy you should try first. It was a godsend when my daughter had a concussion (came indoors with wet feet and wiped out on the linoleum) and I didn't know what to do. Highly recommended.

[sueinithaca]

Let him take it easy as long as he wants. I, uh, fell out of a hammock in December and gave myself a concussion. for serious. How embarrassing is it to have to tell the CT scan guy that you fell.out.of.a.hammock in December? I upstate NY. I'm pretty sure I made their day. Anyway, it took at least two weeks before I could name all of my business partner's immediate family members without stumbling. Coincidentally (or NOT. maybe it was the concussion talking) I chose just this moment to go back to college. It may just be the age talking, but my recall ain't what it should be.

[SarahB]

Dam indeed.

Here is to the babysitter, and I hope Steve agrees to be your D.D.

[Laurie]

Your Mid-Atlantic mother should know what an ice dam is, as there have been lots of them happening here this year. LOVE the Valentine's box....god, I love that kid! Can Edward raise that eyebrow on command? And SO glad that it's "just" a concussion!

[Meg]

Your tale of the ice dam had me giggling and laughing in rueful sympathy. Everyone, but everyone has had trouble with this this year around us (in Vermont) for the same reason. We had twin 'water features' on either side of our living room, one of which went astray via a decorative beam onto a couch cushion. My husband moved a ladder (through thigh-deep snow, mind you) and chopped at the ice with various implements and it has finally gone away. We have minimal water damage, but not so my mother (who has lived here for 30 years, which makes me feel better somehow since we are only two-winter newbies in this house) who has a Big Brown Stain on her kitchen ceiling. My husband also scaled their roof and raked all its snow off (using ropes and fire-department skillz, I think he enjoyed it).
At least ice dams are not like herpes which you have forever! They go away! Eventually it may stop snowing and even (gasp) melt! Then of course we have mud season and a new rash of troubles to contend with (chickens up to their feathers in mud and no doubt a very wet basement). Oh joy.

[Alexicographer]

Oh dear, glad all is OK (in the end) and as ever, you make me laugh. Rhodesian ridgebacks, indeed. We once had water streaming down an interior wall in a rainstorm (bad chimney flashing) and that was no fun. Also, my son, too, is into lemons (per my mom, I was too as a child), which proves useful if we're at a restaurant waiting for food as I can entertain him (and us) by giving him the lemon off my water. If we're really lucky, dad's ordered a Dos Equis and it's arrived with a lime and ... oh the fun one can have!

[el-e-e]

SO sorry about the concussion. One of the parenting things that scares me the most because it's so tricksy like that. Hope Patrick is completely well soon. It's been a tough winter, no?

He's such a genius with crafts. what fun!

[Alexicographer]

ps We started the morning by my giving my son a bottle of warm milk (why, yes, my not-quite-4-year-old *does* still start the day with a bottle of warm milk) and his then coming out to our living room and vomiting it (surprising how little time it takes for the curdling process to begin) all over the (no ziplocs handy, but happily, leather) sofa. Exact cause unknown, but given his current generally perky demeanor it seems that the, um, slight sourness of the milk in the bottle (detected by me only from the remnants remaining in the bottle after he'd drunk the rest up) might have been the reason. Gee whiz, poor little guy. Though I'll take sour milk administered by a bad mother (me) over a stomach bug any day so now I'm weirdly hoping this actually is my fault.

[liz]

I love that box, and those photos of Edward.

And we get ice dams every winter here in VA. If you have a nook in your roof, you're just gonna get 'em.

[Pam]

Neither of my boys ever had a concussion, at least that I KNOW of, which is actually kind of a miracle considering the trampoline jumping and the bike crashes "in the hills", a home made dirt track, so I too would probably not think of that either. Patrick does seem to be having a streak of bad health luck. And the leaky house! Too much! You do deserve a night out to "take a hike", or whatever.

[Jenn]

Ugh, we had ice dams last winter and I thought we escaped damage, but then I happened to look up in a closet over the summer and the paint had started peeling off the ceiling. But at least we escape an indoor water feature...

We are extraordinarily lucky here in Pittsburgh and our snow has mostly melted, hooray! Which means that we will probably get 2 feet of it next week.

[Peg]

The ice dam discussion totally hits home here. We had some dry rot in the soffet (sp?) on the exterior wall above our family room doors, which made the gutters collapse which caused water to seep down the walls into the family room and cause floor damage which we didn't notice till I was walking out the door and my foot collapsed. When we pulled back the carpet, we discovered dry rot throughout the subflooring which included a main supporting beam. Ugh. $7500 later we've got a new door unit (door and two windows), a brand new sub-floor and hardwood floors. The water had been leaking for a while and with all the craziness going in our lives we didn't notice. Water damage stinks but hey, at least I have the wood floors I've always wanted in there :)

Enjoy the night out...you definitely deserve it!

[Tine]

We've got the goddamn ice dams too. I think EVERYBODY in Minnesota does. It's like London's 1665 plague. Conditions are perfect, the scourge is everywhere, and there's little one can do to avoid it. We were scraping snow off the roof for weeks on end and hammering away at the ice that formed anyway...and we STILL got water damage in the living room. (*insert incoherent swearing/muttering*)

I laughed out loud at Patrick's Valentine box. Dang, that kid is funny! I'm so, so, so glad he's getting better. :)

[SarcastiCarrie]

I'm sure it's not the "green" solution, but some of our neighbors have some kind of heated wire on their roofs at the gutter line to prevent ice damming. I don't think they run it all the time...just when conditions are ripe for damming. Of course, with your electric bill, you might want to reconsider. Plus Steve loves to climb a ladder in ice season.

I believe Mark Sandford coined the phrase "hiking the Appalachian Trail" in regards to certain activities of a fun nature.

[Ann]

You have the most clever and adorable children, but you should really discourage the lemon eating habit. The acid corrodes the teeth's enamel and can be very very damaging in the long term. Best to stop it now, before you have to pay dearly for restoration work in the future. Dentist's wife *sorry* his biggest work related rants are chewing ice and sucking on lemons.

[Liz S]

I didn't think concussion and work in healthcare. So don't feel too bad.

And, I have ice dams too...........

[Sarah]

Ice dam remedy/preventer: Nylon stocking tubes filled with salt (I forget if regular outside salt is ok on the roof, but google should reveal some answers) tossed up onto the edge of the roof. They look awesome and then when you have to pull them down in April it’s super awesome. But seriously, we’ve done it several times (in central MI).

[Monica C.]

Aah, homeownership. I'll take your ice dams and I'll raise you an undulating foundation. Hello Frisco, Texas!

I spent my childhood eating lemons, sometimes with salt, sometimes not. Delish!

And damn, can you get a break on the medical front? I declare your household injury/illness-free until at least 2012.

[Ellie]

So sorry about the concussion!! They can be really serious with symptoms showing up two weeks, or much more, later -- affecting cognitive and physical abilities, as well as emotional state for both the short and the long term. People with concussions can seem dramatically better within a few days because the initial, excessive, sleepiness and general feeling of wretchedness has passed. But serious symptoms can and do show up in time. So, yes, keep an eye on him as in: keep a tally sheet (or in whatever manner is most workable for you) of symptoms and behavior, anything that's off or different or that he has difficulty with etc. (headaches, gross motor balance and coordination changes, hand-eye coordination changes, vision changes, emotional ... You get the idea).

Ice dams here too of course, good luck with it. The leaky basement comes next, with the full thaw ...

[Lisa]

All adults are frauds - I love it! So true! Glad Patrick is FINALLY better. You deserve a spa day.

[Moosilaneous]

Best title ever.
I'm totally with tgsdmom somewhere above - How do you do that??
Awesome writing.
And yes, you deserve a break. All of you. From illness, from accident, from weather, from kids, etc.
(and nylons full of salt? as one commenter suggested? you have awesome readers, too)
Thanks, glad to hear things are Better.

[Cat]

Love the valentine box. Practically everyone in rye northeast had ice dams this year, too

[Cori]

I'm sorry for Patrick. Hope he's feeling OK now. Poor kiddo!

Speaking of STDs of homeownership... We have never lived anywhere with actual snow, but we did pick up silverfish when we lived in Santa Monica. And the little buggers have followed us from house to house ever since. We would think we were finally rid of them and then we would see one crawl out of a box of Christmas stuff. Bleah!

[Robyn]

I could read your blog just for the clever titles. :)

Love the eyebrow. I am just flabbergasted how big the twinks are...wasn't it just yesterday that they were newborns, and Edward had the kind of face that made you want to buy insurance from him?

[Libby]

I am so glad Patrick is ok! Don't be so hard on yourself Julia, that could have happened to any of us. Sorry to hear about the water damage, that blows.

[julianna]

Don't beat yourself up too much, Julia. When I was ten, I slipped on the icy front step, and my mother paused her phone call long enough to make sure I wasn't bleeding, then sent me off to catch the school bus. Yep, I had a concussion. She still feels bad about it, but it happens to the best of parents.

I do think it would be prudent to call the pediatrician's office and see how long they think Patrick should take it easy, and what their definition of "take it easy" is (no tumbling, but what about swimming? does he need to skip gym class at school? etc.).

Thank you for updating us. Enjoy the babysitter!

[Terri C]

Yikes, poor Patrick, a concussion! Hope he gets better soonest. I *love* the Valentine box. He's a genius.

[BethF]

That Valentine box is so cool that I called my 10-yr old over see it. He declared it "awesome" but asked me who Pat Vick is. The black box makes it even cooler.
I second the no lemon rule. My father-in-law is a dentist and he says they eat at your enamel. Lemons are worse than candy on your teeth.

[Bobbie]

Ice dams. Roof rakes. Drip drip drip. Sounds like winter in Connecticut this year!

My sister and I are debating who has it worse off - she had to change the Tupperware containers in her windows hourly, while we just had three window sills with ice in them that when melted left a small puddle on one bathroom floor. What's unseen? Who knows! I figure we'll find out for sure when it's warm enough to see mold....

[Kristin]

I think I would still call the doc about the concussion, even though he's feeling better. Doc might want to see him, or not, but better safe than sorry. Good luck!

[erin]

Based on some of the stories you tell here, Patrick is basically the human version of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes. I mean that in a really good way. He just seems like a cool, funny kid. Glad he's recovering from the concussion and his other recent ailments.

Edward is adorable - diabolical eyebrow and all!

[Laura]

My soon to be seven-year-old loved Patrick's Valentine box, but he stood puzzling over the word(s) at the top. He finally settled on "Eat Rick," which I though oddly appropriate given the large mouth for inserting Valentines. His next question was, "Who's Rick?"

[not a troll]

Julia I think you are funny and your kids are gorgeous but you are kind of scaring me with this nonchalant attitude towards parenting. A 2 year old crawls out a window, an 8 year old has a concussion..Now I shall never revisit these comments as your legion of fans will attack me viciously and call me a troll. I am not. I am sincerely worried.

Have I made mistakes? Oh hell to the yeah. But..it's not FUNNY! It's not ENTERTAINMENT! I shudder at the flames being directed my way. Good-bye.

[Linda]

Unfortunate circumstances have given me a lot of knowledge about head injuries. Take that kid to a Dr. If he's been vomiting, he had blurred vision and he hit his head he needs to be seen and you need to be very aware that a second hit to his head can have severe and permanent consequences. It’s not just a matter of taking it easy for a few days.
Get him checked out. If it's ruled out that he was concussed then you can rest easy.

[kris (lower case)]

i have a friend in minnetonka that had to pay $600 to have her roof shoveled off. she has ms and can not do that sort of crap herself. she lives in a condo though so i think they should be responsible for some of that expense. glad patrick is ok. and are you an expert on ridgebacks?? i hear the males are wussy...

[Robyn]

For the record, I don't think you sound nonchalant about ANYthing that has happened. What I read was that when Caroline crawled out the window, you were so petrified that you clung to your family for dear life, and when you found Patrick had a concussion you hovered over him as he slept.

[elana]

glad you have a diagnosis for patrick!

so weird that you mention an ice dam. we live near nyc and our walls started leaking last week. we freaked out until we spoke to someone who mentioned ice damming. we had never heard of it. this winter is awful.

[Nimble]

Hurray for P's healed head. My oldest daughter likes lemons and limes... and raw onions. I liked sour things as a child but loathed onions so I think she's weird. My teeth are crummy and I tell her that and limit her lemon slices.

[Christy]

I have to agree with Robyn, I don't think Julia sounds nonchalant about any of this! In fact, she's beating herself up about not being the best parent. Hang in there, Julia! It will get better!

[Erika]

There is a difference between being nonchalant and trying to find humor after the fact in situations that left you feeling icky. Cosign what Robyn said!!

[Erika]

Also... Julia's gift is that she can take situations that were not funny or entertaining in the slightest and retell them in a way that makes them so. That is a WAY WITH WORDS, not poor parenting. *shoots flames*

[LMM]

Well damn...you have us for dinner and we look clean enough and much fun is had and surely we couldn't be contagious and we didn't even sleep over and now you have ice dams. Our bad. ;)

[Darlene]

I think you have to have a sense of humor when you have kids. I think as moms we all feel like we haven't done enough or done things soon enough for our kids no matter how much we try. It's good to have a place to feel understood/better about that.

I did think that it could have been a concussion and I'm happy to be reminded of that issue. I was concerned about my youngest son having one several weeks ago and it made me realize that his recent overly emotional behavior could be a symptom. I researched online and it led me to also realize that my adopted daughter's learning and behavioral issues could be related to a head injury/shaken baby kind of incident from her birth parents. I had never considered that possibility and now I want to have her see a Neurologist and maybe have some kind of brain scan to prove or rule that out. Thanks for sharing your story and making me laugh.

[azita]

love love the box. you guys should market it!