Lapse

After I finished that last post Patrick went to a swimming lesson and received his mid-session progress report. It duly noted his ability to front float 30 seconds and tread water ditto and concluded with the recommendation that he should enroll next time as a... Minnow.

 A Minnow! My boy Elroy McKilljoy, an intermediate level swimmer. WOW! Patrick was all shrug yeah sure I can totally front symmetrical paddle 25 yards but those of us who lived through the first 2190 days of beginner's class are relieved.

Actually, back up.

Half of us are relieved; feeling that anybody who gets an X for mastering back alternating paddle 25 yards can probably now safely go down a water slide, which is the limit to which we had allowed our hopes to soar. The other half of us are confident that this is but the first step on Patrick's way to ruling Atlantis.

Steve and I - I don't want to say we quarrelled because I would hate to give the impression that a cloud ever mars the sky of our azure love - Steve and I had a loving validation of each other's viewpoints on the subject.

I waved the mid-session report in Steve's face and said something like, thank god Patrick can now swim to the side of a reflecting pool should he ever accidentally fall into one (perhaps during a book release party) and I can finally stop lugging him to swimming lessons.

Steve, looking rugged yet tender, looked up the Minnow class online and said "Are you insane, Fatfoot? Patrick has mastered the basics and now he can start working on his form."

"Form?" I laughed like a thousand angels eating creme brulee. "FORM? Guess what. After watching eleventy hundred swimming lessons I can assure you that your eldest son will never - and I mean never - butterfly anything. OK, maybe a whole chicken. But that's it."

Steve said, "Nonsense. He has the build. Long and lean."

"Long lean and two-thirds osmium. The kid SINKS at 31 seconds. Besides he wants to devote more time to his tumbling."

"Swim lessons take precedence. It's a... ."

"So help me if you say 'safety issue' one more time I will strangle myself with his goggles. We wanted him to be able to play in a pool without drowning and it looks like he can now do that. Besides, he is starting to make progress in tumbling and he really enjoys it. He has asked about moving to two tumbling classes a week so he can improve faster. And you know what I read? I read that the only happiness in life comes from a healthy self-esteem and true self-esteem can only be developed through setting a difficult goal and reaching it. Like mastering a back-flip."

"Or finishing the 200 meter in 1:51:40."

"Bah."

Swimming! Said Steve. Tumbling! Said I.

We asked Patrick what he wanted to do and he said that if it was all the same to us he would like to continue with both swimming and tumbling.  

Ah. Well. OK.

I am not a big fan of the overscheduled child (to be completely honest pre-Celexa I was not a big fan of leaving the house at all) and right now Patrick is on a Destination Imagination team that meets once after school and once on Saturdays, he has swimming on Tuesdays and he does tumbling on Thursdays. I have told him that I will not buy him any more canvas until he takes a proper art class. Not that I don't like what he has painted thus far just... e.e. cummings, you know?

Good lord. I am writing this while Patrick works on some tumbling skills during the Friday night open gym (hence the train of thought) and he just popped up in front of me like Banquo's ghost all covered in blood. Apparently he was trying a flip into the pit and the knee bone connected with the jaw bone; his tooth went halfway through his lip. Poor kid. He just sat next to me drinking cold water for a few minutes and then I sent him back out there. I cannot decide if I am being bracing or abusive.

[Written an hour later]

Survey says... abusive!

Oh my god I feel so guilty. Patrick came back to where I was sitting and he said his lip really hurt, he was done, let's go home, he probably needed stitches, Mom Mom Mom are you there everything is going black and blurry et cetera. In my defense this is his approach to pretty much everything so I didn't take it seriously. In fact I made him wait for a minute before we left so I could finish downloading a systems update on the gym's borrowed Wi-Fi (not only does our home satellite internet SUCK; it limits our downloads to almost nothing - it is bad and we do not get enough of it. Bazooka Joe part 2.)

On the car ride home we started listening to Charmed Life (gasp! so good! already!) but as we turned onto our road I heard the now familiar but totally unexpected sound of Patrick throwing up in the back seat.

* People will give a lot different suggestions when they are asked for The Answer. Douglas Adams came up with 42. Me, I say: Ziploc bags. I have them everywhere, even next to Patrick's seat in the car. 99.9% of the time this is pointless but every now and then...

Anyway he threw up and cried and threw up some more and I tried to soothe him and encouraged him to direct himself toward the Ziploc while driving as fast as was reasonable under the circumstances. 

Did I mention that last week? It was one of his later symptoms, the vomiting. Anyway he was throwing up last week and now he is doing it again and I feel like the world's worst parent because I made him do two backwards somersaults before I was willing to drive him home even though he was talking about his sore lip. I should have been able to interpret that "sore lip" meant he felt Worse.

He's asleep in my bed. I'm worried about him. 

Comments

[amanda]

Oh dear. I am so sorry for ALL of you. No one needs mom guilt and Patrick sounds pitiful. This is why I should be in charge of the universe. Stuff like this... wouldn't happen.

[Peg]

So sorry, I hope Patrick feels better. I know with my kids it's sometimes hard to figure out if they are really hurt or sick or if they're whining for attention. It's always the time that I think they are being a "faker faker" that they're actually sick.

[Dala]

Sorry. We love our kids so much. Where's that magic mommy wand to wave and fix things? Sometimes you just -need- to be able to fix something for them.

I'm hoping for you that in a couple of days you'll look back at this and be able to think that you were worried about nothing. I hope it all clears up - and soon.

[Brigid Keely]

Aww, poor kid.

[styleygeek]

If his lip was bleeding, he might have swallowed some blood, which makes anyone feel queasy. Hopefully that's all it is, rather than a relapse.

[Rose]

Or he might have a concussion. Wake him every couple of hours tonight perhaps? Son-o-mine got elbowed in the jaw and ended up with a concussion.

[Leah]

If you're worried, I'm worried. I'm sorry. I hope everything is ok. No advice, just commiserating.

[Sheila Z]

Concussion was my first thought also.

[Beth]

On the brighter side, I'm glad you are enjoying Charmed Life. I hope Patrick feels better soon.

[Crystal]

As am I.

Cut yourself some slack. You are mere mortal. Lesson learned, you'll probably do it again, and you're still probably in the top 10% of parents.

I just hope he starts feeling better. I also hope.... they are very thorough in figuring out what's up with him, because it would just be comforting for you to know he is okay. And that's all I'm going to say, because my brain is unwilling to consider any other outcome.

So yeah, test, test, results, tee hee, so silly to have worried, better safe than sorry... A nice prospect to look forward too, after he's been given a once-over.

[GingerB]

Really, I think swallowed blood on a delicate tummy would make anyone hurl. I mean, once your retch muscles get a good workout like a stomach bug delivers - they are ready for action, right? And cheer up, he didn't CHOKE on the blood. Forgive yourself.

[Denie Heppner]

"a thousand angels eating creme brulee" had me on the floor. i love creme brulee. love your writing style. hope patrick is better. i have a puker kid too... there's a bucket in my car right below her car seat. let us know how you got the blood/vomitty stuff out of the car once the storm has passed, so to speak. :)

[Vanessa]

Poor Patrick! Teeth-rattling whack to the head + swallowed blood + jumping around and getting all sweaty + car ride + recently having been sick is enough to make anyone heave, though. I'll bet he's fine in the morning, except possibly for some lingering lip soreness.

Also, I have totally been guilty of thinking my daughter was being a drama queen, and then finding out to my dismay that she was really sick/hurt. I think all parents have, especially those of us who have kids with drama queen/king tendencies.

[Becky]

I adore Charmed Life. Have you done Howl's Moving Castle, yet? It's both a wonderful book AND a good movie and how often do you get to say that! The move does go in a very different direction than the book but I think it actually works to it's benefit. Anyway...

I agree, blood on a solid tummy is hard and blood on a questionable tummy is horrid. My children also tend towards the ultra dramatic when injured and I have had not quite the same experience since mine are so much younger but there was one notable experience at preschool pick up when what I thought was merely a bump resulted in a dripping trail of blood (which I didn't notice since I was carrying a screaming, tired, hungry baby) down the hall until I finally turned around to see why Megan was being so pokey...for the second time that week. No one reported me to the CPS. I think we've all been there. But, I do very much hope that Patrick feels better soon.

[Laurie]

Oh, been there, done that. Once, with the four days worth of stomachache that turned out to be strep (his THROAT didn't hurt, how was I to know?), and once when he fell off his bike, and complained that his non-bloody leg hurt, but never mentioned that the face he took all the skin off of did.

I hope he is better.

[emerson]

Your best line yet:
"I don't want to say we quarrelled because I would hate to give the impression that a cloud ever mars the sky of our azure love"

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[Ruth]

We all have those moments, don't be too hard on yourself. I once made my boy (who also tends to the dramatic side when ill) walk around on a broken foot for a week because his limp only seemed to appear when he wanted to get out of something.

I hope Patrick is doing much better today. It wouldn't hurt to call into the pediatrician's office, just for peace of mind.

[Kathleen999]

I know. It's scary when they are sick. But if it's any consolation, I've got one that is a stoic Norwegian who never complains, but is suddenly he's asleep and very sick, and the other who complains constantly about everything. And I never take the complainer seriously. But then again, he usually doesn't have anything to complain about.

[sarah k]

The "azure love" line and the recreated "vindication of each other's viewpoints" had me in hysterics. Your honesty & irony make me feel so much better about life!

Hope Patrick is better this morning. And it's not your fault. How were you to know?

[Kristine]

Definitely cut yourself some slack, you are a fantastic mom, but even kids with fantastic moms get sick sometimes. Hope he's feeling better and hope you are too.

[Kristi]

Oh no :( Not your fault. We have all done the same. Hope he feels better SOON

[SarahB]

Oh, I am sorry about Patrick and feel bad he is sick some more, but may I just offer that you will laugh about this incident at his eventual book release party?

Your writing slays me, slays me I tell you, and the first half of this blog had me laughing harder than this week's episode of my beloved 30 Rock.

For the record, I am with you. If Patrick won't die in a pool, that is Good Enough, and (once he feels better, poor thing), I would encourage him to choose x number of activities and see if canvas or goggles wins. Perhaps Steve can help Patrick with his "form" this summer.

[nearlydawn]

Yeah, I think being a parent means you will be very wrong sometimes. I hate it when I scold my kid for something he didn't actually do. Ugh...

I fell HARD once while skiing. I complained and my Mom told me it was "just a sprain"... I was 15, I KNEW it wasn't a sprain, I complained for a week, but I couldn't take myself to the Dr, so I had to deal.

The issue kinda came to a head when I was required to play volleyball in gym class - everyone heard the SNAP! as my thumb re-broke. I had managed to lived for a week with a broken wrist and thumb (three breaks in my wrist) - man did my Mom and Dad felt like horses a$$es. It took 12 wks to heal and a year to regain full use...

You know, I sometimes remind them of it just to watch them squirm. Now that I'm a parent I should probably stop poking at them... They are going to have amunition against me sooooon enough.

[Victorix]

A friend of mine sent her son swimming with a broken arm - only got suspicious that it was really broken when he started swimming round in circles, I sent my nephew back to gym twice with broken bones, the stoic ones are always difficult to deal with!

Really hoping he'll be better soon

[sueinithaca]

my business partner has been known to end conversations because her husband needed to "have a shouting conversation" with her. I should give her loving validation of each other's viewpoints as an alternative description.

[liz]

Oy, I have so done the "walk it off" only to find 103.5 fever behind it....but then there are also the times of "I'm feeling soooo sick"..."OH! The Valentine's Party is today! I'm all better!"

Sometimes you make the wrong guess.

[Steph]

Every parent in the world had brushed off a sick only to find out it was "something". Try not to be so hard on yourself. I agree with some other poster that said swallowing blood would make you sick.

Hope Patrick feels better and thanks for keeping us posted.

[Katerina]

Well, perhaps not your best mothering moment, but we all have those. Personally I wouldn't even think of letting my kid go to tumbling class so soon after Unexplained Scary Disease That Looked Quiteabit Like Kawasaki, but then again I'm the one who has a generalized anxiety disorder and frets about every little thing, and then worries that it's bad for the kid. Which it is. So you can't win eitherway, thus, no guilt, but be extra nice to poor little Patrick. As I'm sure you are.

[Melissa]

Don't be so hard on yourself! It's hard as a mom not to feel guilty, but certainly try to go easy on yourself. I hope Patrick feels better soon.

[Jan]

Having been a swimmer and tumbler, I would say they are both valuable for coordination and self esteem... but swimming is much better for the body, and you can really hurt yourself tumbling. After I saw Nadia Comaneci in the Olympics, I ran outside to throw a back handspring and nearly broke my neck. (I was in college and hadn't actually done much tumbling for years.) Don't beat yourself up so much, though. I second art class, however. These lessons may buffer the school change, whenever and whatever that is.

[Priscilla]

Doesn't it always happen that way? I agree it is hard with the stoic ones. Mom guilt is worse than any other kind. I hope Patrick feels better soon!

[Katerina]

Oh now I'm afraid I sounded mean. I'm sorry! But you know, I'm really way more anxious than you are, especially about health, and especially about kids. Unhealthily so. To paraphrase a New Yorker cartoon (entitled "One-Downmanship"), my anxiety makes yours look like blithe ebullience. You scared me way back when with your migraines, and your chilblains, and everything the kids ever had. So anyway, at least you can congratulate yourself that you're not as paranoid as me, because it drives my family nuts and it's kind of paralyzing.

But I forgot to mention that right up until the puking I thought this post was especially funny. You witty writer you.

[parodie]

Hooray for swimming! Boo for feeling wose. Children (actually, Other People generally) are hard to understand sometimes (most of the time).

[Pam]

It still seems way too long for him to still be sick. Does he still have any of the other symptoms, the red lips, low fever etc?

[Olya]

*hug* Hope Patrick feels better soon, Julia!

P.S. "loving validation of each other's viewpoints" - writing genius :-)

[An Admirer]

Its waaaaay tooo long for him to be sick. Take him to the ER and get him an echocardiogram to check for side effects of Kawasaki's, and checked for a concussion also. Honestly!!

[Tine]

I've been arguing with myself over what to say here. I'll just cut right to the chase...Patrick's ongoing illness worries me. I am generally and watchful-waiting type, but in this case, I would take him to the doc and insist on an echo (easy and painless) and whatever other tests might be necessary to rule out Other Scary Things.

[Karen]

Hoping Patrick feels better soon. While I don't think it hurts to be cautious and get him back to the doctor for a check, I also agree that swallowing blood could be the culprit this time.

We've all had parenting moments like this, and it makes us human, not bad parents.

[kara]

Sending healing vibes to Patrick, and to you too...

[Alexicographer]

I have no advice, I hope you'll be able to post a positive update soon, and just wanted also to say thank you on behalf of myself and moms everywhere for sticking with the stream-of-conscience style of this post; I think we all have had or will have moments (minutes, days, hours, months) that progress as yours did, you know, the part about making him wait for the download and, etc. etc. It's so hard to know, and I think this post captures that perfectly.

[Jan]

Kayla, take your ignorant malice and stick it where the sun don't shine. Shame on you. And if Patrick is in fact gay, for which there is not yet any sign except for minds bound in stereotypes -- it don't matter a whit to us, his future patrons.

[Rachel]

The comment you mentioned from Patrick -- the one about everything going "black and blurry" would really concern me about the possibility of a concussion. Honestly, I have my doubts that Patrick would have swallowed enough blood to make him vomit. I have children at work (I'm a preschool teacher) lose teeth, bite their tongues, lips, nosebleeds, etc... and bleed horribly and never complain about the effect of swallowing a little blood. I have however, had a child vomit after a bad fall that turned out to be a mild concussion.

That said... Patrick is your son. Go with your gut. You said you're worried, perhaps you have no reason to be... but, perhaps your best mommy instincts are kicking in and telling you something is still not right because something genuinely is not right.

It's been 24 hours, so I hope by now everything is a-ok. If you're still worried though, as other commenters have suggested, there is no harm in taking Patrick in for a second opinion on what his pediatrician told you last week.

I would, at the very least, put a call into your peds office to ask that they do a repeat blood workup this coming week to make sure that his CRP rate has gone back to normal.

[jana]

your son is RAD.

[Fidi]

Hope Patrick feels better soon. And this always happens - after a sickness that involves vomiting there is always an evening when they have to do one more (and hopefully last) throwing up. Don't be to hard on yourself, I tell myself that it actually makes them feel better... (i.e. getting rid of the last bit of queasiness that they may have felt.)

[Bopper]

I, too, always had ziploc bags in the car for my carsickness-prone child.

[Jackie]

Yikes,
Hope he is better! I spent last night with my sick 3 year old, so I am feeling your pain. I didn't have a ziplock, but a very handy rubbermaid was put to good use ;)

[Terri C]

I heart Patrick. And you. And you truly are, as I have said for years, an exquisite writer--besides being a wonderful Mom. So there. Keep us in the computer posted and know that wishes for every good thing are headed your way!

[Alchemilla]

Thinking of you & hoping everything's OK. Which of course, it will be.

xxx

[Katerina]

Thinking of you and Patrick, hoping he is All Better now.