Swimmingly

One of the few parenting tenents that Steve and I agreed upon years ago was that our children (if any - deo volente) would learn how to swim as early as possible. I don't mean that we disagreed on everything else, just that we didn't have a whole lot of things that were important enough to us that we were able to develop preemptive strategies. I wanted to always eat together as a family (which we do, by the way, although it usually totally sucks - nothing ruins a nice meal faster than the presence of my children) and Steve wanted merkids. 

"It's a safety issue," asserted Steve, a former lifeguard and current father of three.

So, fine. Shared vow to support swimming lessons. Check.

Then along came Patrick and about eighteen months later he and Steve started going to a Daddy and Me community ed swim class. It was ok. They splashed, Patrick turned blue with cold and I got the house to myelf for an hour. They did these for a while and once we had established that Patrick was comfortable in the water we moved him over to the Y to start actual lessons, which is pretty much when the wheels fell off the bus, the bus caught on fire and then it sank. 

We started Patrick as a Pike and after x sessions with zero progress we took the plunge (ho ho!) and ponied up for private lessons. He did this for six months before the instructor suggested that maybe the presence of other children might help? So he went back into Pike and stayed there (off and on) for another year. Maybe two. Every session he'd start brimming with enthusiasm and he'd end with another slip of paper recommending that he re-enroll for the same level next time. He liked it. He thought it was fun. He was perfectly gung ho; he just couldn't swim.

So we moved him to Foss, which is a swim school for swimmers where people who swim teach people how to swim. Swim swim swim. He started as a Middle 1. He stayed at Middle 1. He took a break. Came back as a Big... 1. 

SIX YEARS of swimming lessons and still the only thing keeping Patrick afloat was the air trapped in his trunks. If I were a litigious type I would have wanted to sue somebody. As it was I contented myself with asking at the desk what - precisely - the ad line "Swimmers. Guaranteed" was intended to convey. I was told it meant that they were confident they can teach a child to swim. I asked if they had any time frame in mind and they said no, not really. Thanks!

So we pulled him out of swimming and had him evaluated for physical and occupational therapy where we discovered that Patrick's left and right sides had never been formally introduced to each other. He did six months of therapy and made tremendous progress (now that he was finally being instructed in movement by people who understand how bodies and minds are supposed to work together) and just before Christmas he returned to the Y to start his new swimming class... as a Pike.

Actually they call it Guppy because he's so old but just between you and me he's still a Pike...

(hmm the children are in school and Steve has just entered the kitchen wearing nothing but his eleven o'clock shadow, hiking socks and a towel - I think I'm being very subtly seduced; who am I to resist him, hein?)

AHEM - fan fan

So Patrick is still a Pike but he only has half a skill left to master before they graduate him to Pike 2 or Guppy Plus or whatever it is. In retrospect I wish we had thought to get him evaluated a little sooner by someone other than a twenty year old swim instructor but... oh well. He's always been cute in the goggles.

The reason I brought this up was the picture of Edward cheerfully inhaling a pint of water in the sink reminded me that the twins - per our marital contract - started swimming lessons a month ago.

It's sort of been a disaster and I spend most of the time perched on a bench poolside with my hands covering my face; waiting for the minutes to elapse.

As Edward's mother I think the other kid in his class is a pushy, bossy, perfectionist, know-it-all and I wonder why her parents have never taught her the importance of graciousness or taking turns.Throughout the lesson you can hear her saying, "No, Edward!" "Put your face in, Edward!" "Stay on the wall, Edward!" "Kick like this, Edward!" Then she simpers at the teacher and delicately blows perfect bubbles or scoops water like she was a Baskin-Robbins' employee of the month five times in a row.

As Caroline's mother I frequently question the judgement of allowing the little boy in her class to take Pike at all when he is clearly too young for it. Didn't his parents realize that his idea of a good time would be climbing out of the baby pool and sprinting for the water aerobics class? And what about the time the teacher was just getting Caroline positioned to try a front paddle when the other child leapt from the side and tackled them both from behind. It was appalling. Sure, he seems comfortable enough in the water but that only means that he comes up laughing (and coughing) when he plunges into the deep end for the millionth time. And not to judge but I have yet to see him monkey crawl once.

Since there are only two kids in their class I spend a lot of time judging myself. Oh, and praying for it to end.

In retrospect - again with the hindsight - I should have put Caroline into a Pike class with a couple of four year old girls who could, you know, snub her a little for her own good and I should have put Edward into the AHL.

I don't have any live-action shots as the Y does not permit photography that might include other people's children (heads up, couple in the infant class whose schedule coincides with Patrick's lesson and who have taken more pictures of their baby in the water than National Geographic receives in a decade) but Caroline and Edward are pretty cute in goggles too.

Comments

[ali]

Oh, thank you for the laughs. I am so (not) looking forward to swim lessons . . .

[julie]

As Ben and Karina's mother, I am tremendously relieved to know that I am not the only mom of twins to say, "Yeah, but it's way more convenient if they're in the same class!"

[QoB]

Purely out of curiosity - did Patrick ever crawl?

I ask because I was told that children who don't crawl are less co-ordinated... both my sister and I apparently never crawled (went straight to walking at 10-11 months) and we weren't renowned for our athletic skills. We both did test "gifted", however, so I'd be curious to find out if there's any connection.

I still remember coming 3rd in a 3-person swimming race against children 2 years younger than me:)

[Amy]

Hmmm... I think I might want to get see if my 5yo's left and right sides need an introduction...

Thanks for the story and cute pictures :) Also, Caroline's mother and Edward's mother, might want to be a little less hard on themselves. Perhaps?

[Sarah]

After reading this I'm sort of surprised that they let you enroll twins in the same class. ;) Yes it is surely more convenient, but their little bossy mcbossy routine must get old fast for their teacher!

I'm so glad the therapy helped Patrick! That is awesome. I wonder if it is in my boys future too. He is a weird kid. He didn't roll until after he knew how to stand and cruise. Seriously. He could sit, stand and cruise before rolling or crawling. He walked on his first bday. After that he was late to talk and needed speech therapy. His crawl was never hands and knees and still isn't when he is inclined to crawl. What was Patrick like as a "toddler"?

[Ruth]

Oh, me. Swimming. I have one child (my oldest) who looks all arms-and-legs-akimbo on land but was a competitive swimmer, one whose stroke is lovely but hates being told WHAT to swim WHEN. Laps? No, thank you ... and then there's my third. Who spends every lesson chatting up the teacher and after three years cannot be trusted to get himself across the shallow end. I want him to be safe in the water, but am beginning to despair.

[map]

well, I hoped you didn't resist and went off for a little afternoon, um, hike....

[jonniker]

Oh Christ, my kid hated swimming lessons. There was that awesome time when I, the MOTHER, and a former competitive swimmer, fell in the pool. While, um, carrying my child.

That did a lot to foster confidence, I think.

[Eva]

Thank you for the laugh!

My twins did swimming at about the same age. They were not the only 2 kids in the class. My son refused to go in the water. Ever. He mostly got up and walked around, then his sister followed, then the other kids saw how much fun they were having and followed as well. Luckily, I didn't blame their mom, I blamed their dad =)

[Kristi]

Oh GOD! My oldest is a freak about swim lessons. Oh the screams... the crying... the agony. It's been awful. She is 5 now and we have tried it off and on for three years, last summer at the Y she ran around the pool screaming from me and wouldn't get in the pool

Alas. My parents just invited us on an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii with a pool in the backyard. Not fenced in.

I tossed those kids (including the younger 2yo) in a new swim lesson last Saturday. Oh the screams. They were actually a little better than last time and we are going to go twice a week for the next month and a half. I will NOT have panic attacks in paradise...

Good luck. We are all gonna need it.

[Brenna]

My three year-old recently started swimming lessons also. She chose to underscore her lack of swimming skills by trying to drown herself before the first lesson had even begun. When instructed to sit on the step and wait for her teacher, she just kept going until she was waiting patiently on the bottom of the pool. (To be fair, they never specified which step they intended her to sit upon.) I was right there, and plucked her out before they had fully grasped what had happened.

But they watch her extra closely now.

[Bopper]

We sent our kids to a preschool that had swimming lessons as part of the curriculum!

[Shannon]

My five year old son sinks like a rock every time I let go... He started classes at 6mo. Gone off and on ever since, but he's really getting into it now. He's too short for the non-parent classes so mommy gets the joy of having to swim for every class, too. My daughter started at 18mo and seems to hate it, thus we're taking a break from it with her. Can't stand the constant crying through class. We also thought it very important that they learn, but I had no idea it would be this hard...

[Erika]

My oldest boy is like a fish, he is six and has been able to swim since we put him in lessons 2 or 3 years ago. I still have the scars from attempting to make my 4 year old take Mommy-and-me lessons. We live in FL, so we *really* need for them to be able to swim, but it makes me feel a little better that my middle boy hates the water so much that he will not lie down in the bath for fear of drowning, much less get into a POOL full of WATER.

[afc]

to QoB above: my younger son never crawled (he was a butt scooter) & just came in 4th place in the 8&U state swim championships for breaststroke (and yes, there were way more than 4 swimmers, lol). i'd be curious to see if there's a true correlation between not crawling & coordination issues.
also, re:swim: those Y lessons SUCK (in general. i'm sure there are a few good Ys out there, yet even here in my hoity-toity east coast town, the program is awful). if you want them to become competitive/competent swimmers, stick with a swim school.
another word of advice - don't hover during lessons. let the instructors do their thing w/o the "reassuring presence of mommy/daddy". they won't let your precious offspring drown. try to think of it much the same as a music lesson -- you wouldn't hawk a piano/violin lesson (or would you?).

[SarcastiCarrie]

My 5-yo is shy. Let's just say I wound up in the pool for his first swim lesson. And it wasn't a Mommy and Me kind of thing. All was fine after that so long as I made eye contact throughout the whole thing. Otherwise: not happening. He cannot swim to this day, but he's going back in lessons this summer (for time #3).

[Olya]

We have been taking our three boys swimming since they turned one - older two love it, youngest one keeps loudly declaiming "I don't want to go swimming" every Friday (also every Monday and Wednesday when it's his brothers turn). Dude, you are 2.5, you don't get a vote in this. Oh, and he refuses to sing songs or go down the slide (what the heck is wrong with you, child, the slide is the FUN part). I think all the swim instructors know me as "that mother whose kid always screams his head off" ... *sigh*

[el-e-e]

I just -- 2 minutes before reading this post, really -- signed my 6yo and 3yo up for lessons. To the tune of mumble mumble dollars, no Y close to us, unfortch! I am anxious for the 6yo to be OUT of his arm-floaties. Fingers crossed it goes well, but he is NOT fond of the water on the face. Eek.

[G]

Swimming is big here in Germany, but it starts later. At 5 with the state sponsored lessons, earlier with the vereins (clubs)> I finally have my 7 year old and my 4 year old in a verein with class at the same time and I am so happy!I was a slow learner, though, and only after a year with my first did I realize that when she wore goggles she would put her face under water!

[Ellie]

(Well, that's one way to break up the monotony whilst the children are all away at school).

My right and left haven't spoken to one another since I had the brain tumor last summer, I can well imagine how disconcerting it would be to start life like that ... I'm so glad Patrick's PT helped.

Perhaps some deep breathing during Edward and Caroline's lesson? With eyes closed?

[Katherine]

I remember my swimming lessons where you were supposed to get the white sticker and then the yellow sticker and then the green sticker and the orange and the red and the gold etc.

I got the white sticker and the yellow sticker and the white sticker and the yellow sticker, and the white...

I'm still not a very good swimmer, but I made much better progress when I had lessons at the age of 33 ;)

In response to the comment above, I didn't crawl when I was a child either. I wonder if there is a link?

[SarahB]

I am glad to know I am not the only gifted kid to have failed swimming. I never made it past guppy and to this day am not a comfortable swimmer.

Who knew working from home could have such upsides? :)

[JulieO]

I hate swimming lessons. And I was pissed when I questioned the 'Swimmers. Guaranteed", and found out it was not an actual guarantee. The damn liars.

[Katherine]

Here in Phoenix AZ in the 1960s a famous Olympic swimmer (Dick Smith) ran a swimming school. My mother & 6-yr-old self enrolled for classes. When the second instructor couldn't get Mom to so much as float, Dick Smith himself took over to show the young uns how it's done. Mr. Smith finally admitted defeat. I guess there are simply some people who don't swim (or float even!).

[lynn]

I say have Steve teach them swimming. I tried one of those Y classes with my toddler but I thought it was pretty useless, so when he was 5 I taught him to swim myself - using encouragement (bribes) to teach him to hold his breath and go underwater for longer and longer - he learned to swim underwater well before he learned to swim or float on top of the water. Maybe this would work better for Patrick too.

Starting the summer after kindergarten my son's gone to a day camp that has swimming in a lake every day. I think this is the best way, because by 5yo they're more ready to learn, summer's hot and it's a great thing to do (personally I hate swimming in indoor pools during the winter - it's too cold when you go back outside with wet hair, and it feels weird somehow to me). Also, at day camp, their friends are all swimming too and the daily practice really helps them make progress.

[Heather]

Interesting, we had a child in Pikes FOREVER too. Meanwhile his twin had graduated to the highest under 6 level. Finally he's passed Guppies. That'll force Edward and Caroline into separate lessons soon. And who knew that the weird arbitrary marine creature designations are the same at YMCAs across the country?

[Maria]

Not like this is a contest, but:
Your post was funny, but Kristi's comment was funnier. "I will NOT have panic attacks in paradise" is the best sentence I've read this week.

[Mary Anne Mohanraj]

I took swim lessons at the Y starting age 12 or so (my parents are immigrants and didn't know how to swim themselves, so it took them a while to see the point). After a few years, could manage a mediocre backstroke; enough to keep me alive when doing very slow laps. But I can't float. I sink like a stone.

I was telling this to someone at a party on a hotel rooftop; we were all hanging out in the pool. And she said, "That's ridiculous, everyone can float, I'm a swim instructor, let me teach you." And for half an hour or so, she tried to teach me to float. At the end of which, sounding slightly shocked, she said, "You are the DENSEST person I have ever met."

I felt quite vindicated. But I still can't float.

[Marsha]

My children (now 10 and 6) loathe swimming lessons, although they adore "going to the pool". We spent years and years in Pikes - long after I dispensed with Mommy & Me (of which I disapprove anyway) - and this year they are both...minnows, maybe? Whatever. I don't actually care. What's important is that I told them if they don't pass the independent swim testy thingie, we're not joining the pool this summer. Our pool doesn't allow children who haven't passed the test in the water without a parent. I will not spend another damn summer in waist-deep water while they hang on me. No. This year, tney swim.

[Alexicographer]

Oh, geez, thanks for a good laugh, or several (especially the "Swimmers. Guaranteed." I guess that's where fine print, or the lack thereof, matters.). I have to say, though, that I think Amy has it exactly wrong, Caroline's mother and Edward's mother should be less hard on each other. Gee whiz, don't they know we're all (mostly) doing the best we can?

[Darlene]

My kids are all athletic and didn't progress in the city swimming lessons. We joined a gym last Summer with a nice swimming pool and waterslides and they all learned how to swim over the Summer with no further lessons. The older two love the waterslides, but the youngest is more cautious with things like that and hasn't gone on them yet. It's a really expensive approach, but it worked and beats years of getting nowhere with lessons.

My oldest is dylexic and really struggles with school, but is very athletic (this is very common for dyslexics). It makes sense that kids that are very good with school could have a tendency to struggle with sports.

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Does Patrick float? If he does not, then of course swimming is that much harder for him. I speak from experience as a lifelong Sinker (one of those apparently unusually dense people, ahem!). I took years of swim lessons and managed to learn how to swim as long as I kept moving forward ... but stop moving for an instant and I go down, down, down. My floating set-point is about 18" below the surface of the water, which is not terribly useful. Just chiming in to say there are a LOT of us out here! But I do hope P is not one of them and that getting his R&L sides better acquainted will solve this issue. (Because it sucks to be essentially a non-swimmer, like me.)

[Ellen]

2 kids, daughter an absolute fish, son a guppy for 6+ years. He wouldn't put his face in the water, even with a mask, until I had him at the community pool around 4 years old and was Mommy Dearest in full swing. He finally went under and came up saying "That is great!" and proceeded to go under the water for the rest of the day/summer.

Summer camp every summer with swim lessons every day. He is not coordinated and didn't care if he ever progressed. Fast forward to Boy Scout summer camp at age 12 and he comes home having passed the very rigorous BSA Swim test - 4 laps, no stopping, 2 strokes, etc. Truly amazing. He still can't swim gracefully but he can swim. It's a plot to see if you'll crack - I swear.

[MaryAnn]

Very funny post, Julia. Thanks.

I loved to swim as a kid. I think my sisters and I took lessons? I don't remember it but have heard the story (over and over!) of how my five year old sister got kicked out for not putting her head in the water.

When I was in third grade, we moved to the country with seven ponds. I think this is where I really learned to swim. Every summer after (and we'd moved to town!) my sisters and I lived at the pool. My childhood would not have been the same without the pool. Kind of makes me sad to hear the struggles some kids have.

I used to have a picture of me at sixteen doing a back dive into the pool. Loved that pic! Proved I could once do that! LoL

[Tommie]

Ohh, Marsha is a woman after my own heart. "I will not spent another damn summer in waist-deep water why they hang on me." This is SO my children and I hate it.

Julia, you're awesome as usual.

[Audrey]

long time reader, first time commenter...
"nothing ruins a nice meal faster than the presence of my children"...hahahahahahahahahaha...can totally relate :)

[JenniferB]

My husband and I had the same "kids will swim" clause in our pre-nupt. The daugther does pretty darn well -- but in hindsight, I don't think it was necessary to start her until she was 2 or more. She really "took off" during private lessons when she was 4.

So now our 20 month old son, who has terrible exema, is going to be spared swim lessons until he is 2 or more.

That is just one of the MANY MANY ideas/plans we had pre-marriage that have been blown to bits in our almost 20 years of real marriage.

[madelyn]

Does anyone in your area teach using the ISR method? YouTube it. You will be astounded. My now 3.5 year old swims like a fish. She could float and swim to the edge at 18 months. To "graduate" the baby is thrust into the deep-end, fully clothed, shoes, coats, everything (to simulate a real-life drowning situation) and they float and/or make it to the edge depending on the age. Starts at 6 months! About to sign up my 11 month old BG twins. Ugh.

It may be the kind of thing Steve would be better suited for. You can't be the kind of mom that flinches when baby gets shots and endure the first few lessons of ISR without tears. I'm steely (cold?) and even I cringed.

[madelyn]

re above: http://www.infantswim.com/

[Tine]

Like Steve, I'm a former lifeguard/WSI. And my boy (7yo) was not only terrified of the water but utterly unskilled at navigating it for...oh...about 7 years. I knew what to try. Didn't help. Nor did a parade of other swim teachers. It bugged the crap out of me.

Last year about this time, at the Edinborough Park pool, something clicked. He jumped in with no floaties. Went underwater. Paddled. Kicked. Moved across the pool. Didn't drown. Had fun! Um, WTF?

Naturally, his little sister (4yo) is constantly trying to keep up with him. She took his progress as a personal challenge and therefore got over her swimming issues at a much younger age.

[Noelle]

Julia, you know that Patrick and Ben are both zero-percent-body-fat boys. Ben also generally sinks like a stone, though he made some really big progress all at once at the end of the season last year at the pool. He could swim a short distance to the wall after jumping off the board, though he cannot if she starts from a stationary position. I have no idea if it will still be that way this year. Your post inspired me to enroll him (again) for the spring session at community ed -- once again, level 2B. Hopefully it will take this time!

[Karen]

This really brought back memories of my son's unending time as a Starfish. They finally started giving him ribbons just for showing up, which was the only way I could motivate him to keep going to lessons. (The pool, shared with lap swimmers, was kept so cold that the kids wore wetsuits to class. He hated everything about those lessons.)

[Rachel]

I was a TERRIBLE swimmer as a child. I was terrified of being in the water from infancy. My avid swimming and surfing parents put me in lessons when I was 5 hoping I could become a great swimmer and finally pulled me out when I was 9 and could finally swim accross the dive pool with my face in the water (while sobbing in terror the whole time), and they were reasonably confident that if I fell into a pool I probably wouldn't die.

After years of abusing my body on land so that any impact exercizes are a big no, I'm now making use of the community college night school lap swim class and up to swimming almost a mile a night - and surprisingly enjoying it.

With luck my kids won't have the terror I did, either way they're going into swimming class the minute they're potty trained, which is required for swim lessons here.

[Vanessa]

I didn't learn to swim until I was 13 and was determined that my daughter would learn earlier, so when she was 5, I signed her up for an insanely expensive swim school. The first lesson was wonderful. At the second lesson, she breathed in a little water by accident and instantly became terrified of the pool and everything to do with it. They moved her out of her group class after the third lesson so she wouldn't scare the other kids with her screaming, and after the fourth lesson, which she spent crying and clinging to her new instructor in the baby pool while 2-year-olds swam underwater all around her, her father and I decided that perhaps she needed a little break.

She's 12 now and still can't swim, doesn't even want to try. I made her go in our community pool with me the summer before last, and she spent most of the 30 minutes we were there screaming and hanging onto my neck, which looked pretty ridiculous since she was over 5 feet tall at the time. I'm pondering trying again this summer and angling for one of those Adonis-like young male swim instructors--surely an almost-teenage girl would be too embarrassed to pitch a toddler-style fit in front of a cute college boy? If that doesn't work, the only thing in our favor is that she's so terrified of the water that I can't imagine her ever going close enough to a pool to fall into it. Sigh.

[yasmina]

Both of our kids started swimming/playing in the pool at 6~8 weeks old. The girl finally swims like a fish at 3.5 yr old. Our boy loved it until a little pass 1 when his mother suddenly decided that day was the day to take off his floating device. Now he would never let go off his life saver-the parent (one of us, prefer the daddy) even when he is fully protected by his beloved floating device!!! He turned two a few days ago and we are still patiently waiting to see when we can at least let go off our hands...

[Elizabeth]

ahem indeed. wink wink.