Eldest Only Child

Patrick's sinus infection has completely cleared up. The ENT has asked that he stay on the flonase for a couple more weeks and that he take it for several weeks any time he starts to get congested in order to prevent a recurrence. He's not built to drain, apparently.

So that's good.

The problem is that after his sinuses got the All Clear he had a day at school in which he became too nauseated to eat lunch or function. I guess he rolled down a hill at recess and that was it for him for the next four hours. I know it sounds kinda stupid - my child gets sick when he spins around! So do I, actually - but it is so debilitating for him that it is hard to think it is normal. I'm running out of ideas, though. We'll go back to the pediatrician but do you have any thoughts? Inner ear? Migraines still?

I will be eternally grateful to you for explaining that the Vivaldi orphaned girl narrative is an actual thing. The CD we have slapped the first seven minutes of Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery onto the end of a recording of the Four Seasons with no explanation and I was as confused by it as Caroline and Edward were enchanted. It didn't seem to bother them that the story just ended abruptly after three tracks - we'd just play what we had over and over again. I, however, need closure in my arcs so once you explained what it was I was able to buy it and thank you and I'm less unsettled knowing that Katerina is the Duke's... well, I don't want to ruin it for you. 

I ordered the second Classical Kids collection as well (Mozart, more Mozart, something about Unicorns so I'm guessing lots of recorder and... someone else - Handel maybe.) It should arrive today and I hope Edward will be willing to step away from the Bibaldi. Expand his horizons. Live a little.

That reminds me. Patrick and I spent a day in downtown Minneapolis during his spring break. When he expressed an interest in seeing how high we could get I snuck us into the IDS tower and when Patrick started to read the sign prohibiting the public from the elevator we were approaching I nudged him inside with my hip and hit Door Close. 

As the elevator went up Patrick pressed his hands to his cheeks and said, oh my oh my oh my and I said, aw c'mon, we're a mom and her kid and we want to look out a window for five minutes. it'll be fine. trust me. live a little.

Patrick said, "I'm living as much as I can," and then added, darkly, "considering the circumstances."

He took pictures from the 50th floor and we looked at them on my camera as we descended.

I said, "Oh that's a nice one. Aren't you glad we did this?"

Patrick looked at the picture he had taken and said, "Yeah I like it... and maybe they'll let me hang it on the wall of my jail cell."

He added, "This one is better. And LEGAL."

He had a point.

Shockingly, we were not actually arrested for wandering into the unused banquet space at the top of the IDS and Patrick's ability to make me feel like Auntie Mame is a neverending source of amusement to me. Like when I took him with me to run two quick errands before his tumbling class. First I went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of this cava (Aviyno. the reserva - if you can find it, buy it. buy it all. best $16 worth of liquid sunshine you'll ever drink) to which Steve and I are... I don't want to say addicted... partial! that's the word. They had eight bottles left in the store and I thought oh to hell with it and bought them all after the cashier offered me a case price. After we bought the wine we went to Bed Bath and Beyond because I had printed my 20% off one store item coupon and after much nail-biting and price comparison and close reading of the retailer's satisfaction guarantee I decided I was going to buy the Mint floor cleaning robot and - since Steve heartily disapproved of the idea - I was going to give it to him as a surprise present. Sort of like a bowling ball named Homer.

- That night I started the Mint in the kitchen while Steve and I watched Netflix.

After a while he said, what is that noise?

What noise, I asked.

That noise! I have to go check. I think the dishwasher is breaking.

So he went into the kitchen and I tiptoed after him and watched as he looked around frowning and then the Mint bumped into his foot and he screamed like a little girl and I DIED laughing and he said, Julia, why is there a cube trying to eat my foot and I shouted Happy Birthday! It was awesome. His birthday is in December of course -

Where was I?

Oh right. So I bought a case of wine and then Patrick and I ran into B B and Beyond to get a floor cleaning robot. The saleswoman rang it up and took the discount and then told me what I owed her and Patrick said, "WHAT? Do you realize that you have just spent almost $300 on wine and vacuum robots in the past fifteen minutes?"

The woman said, "Did he just say... wine?"

And Patrick said, "Yep. Wine."

And the woman said, "That is really funny."

And I blushed and said, "Well I guess the plan is to drink wine while the robot cleans my floors."

She laughed and said it sounded like a good plan to her and I said doesn't it and Patrick compressed his lips and looked at us a young Jonathan Edwards planning his next sermon. He does a great dour. 

Oh and here is my two second Mint product review:

It is not a vacuum substitute so much as a swiffer substitute. It picks up cat hair and dirt and those little bits of stuff that wind up next to baseboards but it cannot do much with, say, half a banana. So if you are looking to replace your shopvac the Mint is not for you. If! However! You want something to zip along giving the hard floors in your house a little love while you organize canned food drives (or drink wine) then go ahead and put the Mint on your wishlist. Is it faster to just sweep your own floors? Definitely. Am I sitting here writing this while Minty is cleaning all the dirt in the front hall that the kids tracked in yesterday? Also definitely.

But buy it somewhere that offers a decent return policy just in case you are not as into floor cleaning gadgets as I am. And I am now coveting the Neato XV - it vacuums. Whoo whoo.

Speaking of abrupt endings: 

After condemning Stuart to the bowels of the Little family plumbing, Caroline refused to ever listen to the book again. By that point, though, Patrick had gotten into the story (such as it is) and he requested that we keep going the next time we were alone in the car. So he and I finished listening to Stuart Little together. Then we blinked at each other.

(I know what I am about to write is blasphemous so if you're sensitive perhaps you should skip down or at least get yourself a glass of water before reading the next part):

I had no idea that Stuart Little was such a strange, vaguely mean little book and the ending was so supremely unsatisfying that Patrick and I literally crawled around the floor of the car checking to see if I had dropped a disc somewhere. But no. It really does just end like that.

It was all so post-war and odd. Don't get me wrong, it is beautifully written and very clever and witty like a dry martini but as a book for children I don't get it. What was up with the tantrum he threw with Harriet Ames? Why didn't he take her to the supper dance at the club? Why does he leave his family like a runaway bride and why oh why is he following Margalo and shouldn't he either find her or give up at the end? It's just so cynical.

On the plus side I realized that I can get Patrick to listen to pretty much anything once it gets started so after failing for the past two years to interest him in reading the Witch of Blackbird Pond we are halfway through listening to it on CD and I'm swooning. I LOVE this book and Patrick - not surprisingly - approves of the Puritans so we're both happy.

+ I found Caroline and Edward under the dining room table on Sunday.

"We're hiding from Patrick," Caroline explained.

"Oh," I said. "Are you playing hide and go seek?"

"No, we don't want to do any more band practice."

"Ah," I said. "OK."

He has been working them pretty hard but I expect the Von Hippogriff Family Percussionists will be ready to debut soon as the result of his tireless direction.  

As Patrick got older and I kept miscarrying I worried that the age gap between him and any putative sibling would stretch to some point beyond which there could be no relationship. I worried that he would be an only child for so long that the transition to a larger family would be hard on him. Then the twins were born and he was so amused by them that I thought, whew, THAT worked out just fine didn't it?

Recently, though, I have noticed the first signs of sibling strain starting to creep into his dealings with them. Caroline and Edward are no longer "the babies." They don't disappear for naps, they don't hang out in baby jail, they have opinions about what is on the TV, we're planning on bringing them with us to the farm in a couple of weeks and Patrick the Only Child is more than a little tweaked about it all.

He still loves them.

He just thinks maybe they should do a semester abroad somewhere. Or better yet WE should go away to a waterpark and leave them with a babysitter. You know, because all of their stuff is here and it's not like they would like a waterslide and even if they did they ruin everything because they are so little.

See what I mean? He's a little peevish.

This is a sincere question. We've gotten used to dealing with them as two separate units (well three obviously but it is really two since the twinklebots do many many things together - bath bedtime school dentist - while Patrick is on a different schedule) but the necessity for this is fading as Caroline and Edward get older. My instict is to say oh settle down Patrick and welcome to the family but it IS sort of a drag for an eight year old to have to kowtow to preschool tastes. Clearly we don't need to do separate family vacations (Patrick will be going to Disneyworld and Caroline and Edward you get to go to the... LIBRARY!) but maybe some division is appropriate? How much should one lump kids together and does age and personal preference matter?

PS It's ridiculous for me to be so proud of myself but look

Steve went to the farm for the weekend and I took the kids to the playground. All by myself. Go Celexa.   

Comments

[veronique]

I need some Celexa then...I'm the epitome of anxious mother. Or anxious person in general. Strangers even notice my tendency to freak out at EVERYTHING my 3 year old does. I'm so anxious though, I'd be worried about the side effects of anti-depressants...sigh.

[Bonnie]

This posting is full of good news. :)

I am 5 1/2 and 7 years older than my sisters and I support telling Patrick to get used to it. I don't think it hurt me any to accommodate 'the little girls', it's just part of being the oldest/older (in any family that doesn't have endless resources - my family was pretty poor, so even if my parents would have liked to give me more options, it wasn't possible for us). At least he gets his own room! And I doubt Patrick is going to be babysitting them three afternoons and nights per week starting when he is 10 or 11, like I did. One thing I think is very important with older siblings is to avoid putting them in a parenting position as much as possible. I can't imagine that you are planning on doing so, of course. But just to put it out there, I helped raise my sisters and was given a lot of responsibility and it was hard both on me, and on our long-term relationship. When I had to be in charge so much, we never really got to be friends and just have fun, even when we were older. And I used my power for evil sometimes.

[Megan]

Not ridiculous at all. Go you!

[Shawna]

1) Every time we go to Jamaica (which is twice now) my husband has come down with recurring vertigo and nausea that takes a couple of months to go away. We think it's related to the fact that one of his ears got plugged both times, and it lingers long, long after his ear is syringed out. So yeah, my vote is for inner ear.

2) My kids love the two live-action Stuart Little movies, but the book... well... let's just say I'm glad to see that someone else had the same reaction to the book that I did. Bleah.

3) There are only 2.5 years between our kids, but we still sometimes do one activity with one kid and another with the other. When we do go on tropical vacations, however, we deliberately choose a place where there are waterslides they can both go on (toddlers do love waterslides, by the way), so we'll likely be stuck at the same resort until our youngest is taller than "the sign". We'll have more variety open to us after that.

[Toni]

I would say "both". Having a sister younger than me by a mere 13 months - and then a brother 11 years younger - I was 'forced' to do both. Sometimes, I got to do what I wanted to do - and much of the time, I had to do what everyone wanted to do. It's a good way to show Patrick that the world requires compromise at times.

Thanks to you, I'm on my own 'helper med' - and the difference is amazing. Even if I do require a nap during the day. :)

[Lisa B]

Always pleased to see a new post, complete with pictures! And obviously the Celexa is doing well by you, what with the wine-buying and robot-gifting. Hooray! As far as age difference - I was 9 years younger than my next sister, 11 years younger than my next brother, 13 years, 15 years - get the picture - and we rarely did anything together as a family once I reached an age I can remember. I think 9-year-older sister said it took her until age 19 or 20 to see me as a person, not just a bratty baby sister. Here's hoping Patrick with snap out of it - with or without your assistance. ;-)

[stacy]

I wonder if Patrick's doctors have ruled out BPPV? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benign_paroxysmal_positional_vertigo

The good news is that it's really easy to fix. The bad news is that it only rarely causes vomiting so my House-like skills may be wrong here.

[Cris]

Your blog is my case of wine.

[Jan]

So glad to hear about sinuses. I would look into the inner ears, particularly since he has had sinus problems elsewhere.

Re: Stuart Little. E.B. White was not the nicest guy...

Yes, age and preference do matter.
Patrick is what, 8 going on 9? You will only have a couple more years of his wanted to be with and around you; then he will be wanting to hang with his friends. I don't have a solution -- I think it was great that you took him to Chicago -- but whatever you can do for some special time with you and him or Steve and him, or you and him and Steve would be good.

[Genevieve]

The ending of The Trumpet of The Swan was much more satisfactory.

[Carolina]

Aha! No wonder the "Bibaldi" was so frustrating to you--I think in its entirety, Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery is reasonably interesting even for an adult, but just the first three tracks of it would be just bizarre, and pretty frustrating to listen to over and over again, I would think.

[Erika]

Yes, Stuart Little is weird. I made the mistake of reading it to C. when she was 4 (right after Charlotte's Web) and she didn't get it. She loved Trumpet of the Swan at the age of 7, though!
BUT!
My favorite part, the part that I had to go read to my husband and still remember 3 years later, is where the parents are trying to think of alternative wording for "The Night Before Christmas" b/c they don't want Stuart to be embarrassed at the "as quiet as a mouse" part. They're going through words that rhyme with Mouse (louse, grouse), and the older son, George says:
"I suggest souse."

Such a perfect E.B. White, Thurberesque, Algonquin-table moment.

[LMM]

"Happy Birthday!"

hysterical.

[cherylc]

There was a whole article in the New Yorker that talked about the ending of Stuart Little. Essentially, they said it was weird. They said all of his books deal with hard and complex subjects. It's true the end of Charlotte's Web is pretty sad too, although not so odd.

My kids (two singletons) are about the same amount apart as yours are, but I'm not sure I have any answers. Basically, we try to have the older one do as much as possible with friends or her same age cousin, while we do things with the younger kid. And we try to get the younger one to have playdates too. But they are both in school/daycare and so they meet other kids. Our vacation is a family reunion with a tornado of kids, so my only worry is that I won't be able to take the noise. But they'll each be able to do their own things.

[Ab]

I know very little about this, other than that my mother had it, and I don't know if the symptoms line up that well with Patrick's illness but has the ENT ruled out Labyrinthitis? It is caused by a virus in the inner ear and can result bouts of nausea and vertigo for a long time after.

[Jillian]

I avoid going anywhere with my two unless I have adult reinforcements.

The Patrick nausea, vertigo, headaches, etc are certainly puzzling. They do all feel related. I'm afraid I have nothing helpful to offer other than sympathy. That's got to be a steady drip of anxiety for you.

[jen]

Wine. Apothic Red. $10.99 a bottle (or less if you buy a case). For when the other runs out.

Glad to hear Patrick has clear sinuses and I've no idea what the residual dizziness issue would be. Ugh, that has to be frustrating.

[babelbabe]

Julia, he's got to get a grip and come to terms with being NOT an only child. I have 4 hoodlums, so we are in sorta the same boat. I admit it helps that now I don't hesitate to leave the 10yo home for an hour while I drag the littlers (3 and 5) to the grocery store or gym (God, did I just admit that on the Internet?)but 9 times out of ten everything I make the 10yo do "with the littlers" (the park, etc.) he winds up enjoying as much as them albeit in a different way. and if not, I make sure he brings a book everywhere. soon enough he will be old enough to stay home alone and do what he likes when he likes; time enough for that.

[babelbabe]

also, i still lean towards migraines.

[Anna]

I was going to post this when you mentioned SL in your last post but restrained myself: I don't like Stuart Little at all. He's so whiny! I don't mind the open ending but the whinging has GOT to GO.

also...My 7-year-old is an only child who pestered me FOR YEARS for a sibling. The only way I got him off it was to play up the feelings that Patrick is having now regarding the twins. Hope you can find a way to wrangle it all...

[Claire]

I have two boys. Five year age difference. The younger is 6 and in K and the older is 11 and in 5th grade. Elementary school ends at grade 5 and then middle is 6-8 and high is 9-12. Last year and this year they have attended the same elementary school (it also has a PreK program). One day at the dinner table the younger realized that his brother would be at a different school than him the next year and that they would never attend school together again. He was heartbroken. My older son was a bit sad too...but I think he will enjoy the space.

I think with the age difference we do some stuff together and some stuff separately and just find a balance.

[Terrill]

My younger daughter is Zoe Katherine. . . named after Kit, of course, since when I was young I longed to have a literary namesake.

[MelanieTM]

There are so many crazy inner ear things that can cause his symptoms. Meniere’s disease and Labyrinthitis as someone has already mentioned. I'd start by asking about the latter because of his recent bouts of infection.

[Jill]

I finally saw a physical therapist who diagnosed my vertigo as inner ear damage. I think you need to figure out if it is vertigo or dizziness- it makes a difference in the diagnosis. Or do you already know? I'm just feeling so frustrated on Patrick's behalf, and yours.

[Melissa]

Meniere's disease? Hope he feels completely well soon!

[Pam L]

I think Patrick will get used to it. Mine are 7 years apart, not by choice either. Adam, the eldest (aptly named, yes?) asked for a baby brother and was thrilled until Paul turned two-his and started dismantling his Lego creations etc.It was like raising two onlies for while as Adam was in school full time when Paul was born. We spent a lot of family time together and there were plenty of movies and activities for everyone to do/watch together. Due to his age, Adam was off on his own adventures with kids his own age for many things, school, Scouts, friends, parties etc and there were times when Dad or Mom did things alone with him, but not so much by design as that's the way it was. It's part of being a family and a good way to learn for the future that "You can't always get what you wa-ant, but if try sometime, you just might find, you get what you ne-ed! They turned out to be great buds, even though these days, it's not as often.

[Kristine]

As someone who takes Celexa... but resisted for quite some time because of the stigma, I'm very happy to hear you're doing well. I have never found it to feel like I'm "drugged"- I'm just able to be me. And yes, the tiredness has always been awful for me at first (had to go off/on for pregnancies) but for me it went away. Again, glad you're doing well! :)

[Jackie]

Typing one handed while rocking baby- pls excuse brevity... Siblings Without Rivalry is an EXCELLENT read on managing the sibling stuff. Practical, useful, real examples on how to handle just the sort of situation you mentioned and worse.

I cannot recommend it enough. They should give copies out at the hospital when you have a second baby (in fact the only reason I read it is that my insurance company sent it when I had my second baby)

[Bobbie]

I have suffered from vertigo after a horrible bout of viral labyrinthitis about 14 years ago. I have never been as sick as I was the first time I had it, but I have had it once or twice a year since then (usually at the start of allergy season). Aside from the first time when I had to lie flat on my back for four straight days or I would vomit, I've dealt with it. Fast forward to two months ago. I started working six months ago (for the first time in 20 years), and I HAD to go to work. I couldn't stay home and moan about being dizzy and nauseated.

I finally broke down and went to a chiropractor. I walked into his office lurching into walls, and I walked out 30 minutes later a new woman. I wish I had gone to him years ago. He basically put me flat on my back, but with my head lower than my body. I had some goggles on with a camera in them that measured my eye movement. When my eyes started moving back and forth (and I'm crying because I'm sure I'm going to either spin off the table or throw up), he simply turned my head, and the violent spinning stopped (something about "dumping the debris" out of my ear canal).

Maybe this could help Patrick?

[Liz S]

I'm opposit, 2 kids then my years of miscarrage and infertility and then the little guy. my friend calls him the only child with siblings. yep, its hard. but so is life so I make them all go with the flow. we've had some big melt downs. poor little guy had to sit through Annie 7 times when his sister was cast as Annie but I wasn't missing a night for anything. But I'm a wing it kind of mom. BTW, I have one sister just older and a brother just younger. Then 8 years and three sisters. "the little girls" as adults, I don't like the other "big kids" much and I hang with the little girls.

[Stephanie]

No DEFINITELY oh get used to it Patrick. This is why you want siblings for a child; exactly the sort of necessary compromise that makes you tolerable to live with as a grown-up, isn't it?

[Jen]

It's Stuart Little reality week:

http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2011/04/no-i-said-no-i-will-not-no-.html

I'm with the just go with the flow people. I had #3 when his brothers were 8 and 11. They had normal sibling ups and downs (and at 17 and 20 are really good friends, which is lovely to see, though they can still get on each other's nerves in a second if they're in a mood!).

The older one has always found it much easier to get along with his little bro and now that he's at college, it's like the messiah has returned when he's home.

I'd go with inviting a friend over/along for Patrick when possible. Of course, I'd hate this advice, because I don't really enjoy being responsible for other people's kids for long periods of time/vacation-y things.

Otherwise, some things alone, other things that you do because you're part of the family. Turns out that there are a lot of things that are still fun even when you are a lot older than your sibs. You get to relive your childhood before you've even hit puberty!

[Jess]

Maybe this is crazy, but because I am a person who has to take Dramamine during car trips, and has done so since middle school.. could Patrick be having bouts of motion sickness? Rolling down a hill would make me ralph too.

[Crystal]

Well, you are awesome, so go ahead and be proud. Not ridiculous at all. :)

In fact, my solution to similar issues was to not give John any freedom until he was 9 and I bought him a two-way radio so I could always reach him and vice versa.

The batteries were useless and the signal was useless but over time he earned more freedom. The little ones tho, not so much. So my next solution was to buy 35 acres with 60 miles of trails for our northern border and now I have to chase them out of the house. So, in comparison, you taking your kids to the park is pretty awesome. I loved the park, until I had kids who wanted nothing more than to run away from me once we got there, and never ever, wanted to leave. Owning a huge hilly winter wonderland with 10 acres of woods is so much more satisfying..... I guess it's my parenting version of the Mint. :)

I think there's a happy medium between big brother and big kid. He needs some time alone, he needs some time with each parent, alone, and he needs to not have to deal with twinkles all the time, but he also needs to accept the downsides, and be reminded that it's not all bad. At least that's how I've handled it with John, at 15, it seems to have been a good balance.

Glad there is still a farm to go to, lots of the mustang folks in WI are helping those who's barns have been leveled... We stood over here on the other side of Lake Michigan and quivered in our boots. Dayum, that was some scary stuff. Made Dallas storms/tornadoes look like a walk in the park.... All this lovely nature comes at a price.... So far still seems fair. :) It's truly incredible.... How is the farm coming? Done enough for you to go visit again and take more pix?

[Owlfan]

I would say to consider the interests of everyone when planning bigger things (vacations, stops on car trips), but realize that no one gets their way all the time. When we did Disney a few years ago, I had everyone, both kids, me, DH and my mom list what they most wanted to do at each park. Then we made sure that their top activity got done. Yes, it meant we split up a couple of times, but mostly we hung together and did it all. Similarly on car trips, the kids get to pick lunch one way, the adults on the way home.

Generally there are enough differences in age that they will be doing different age appropriate activities - or you can farm out Patrick or arrange carpool or playdates to keep someone occupied where they really don't want to do something. And as someone else mentioned, once Patrick gets just a few years older, you can leave him home for some things. My younger one finally hit that age, so he doesn't necessarily have to go with us when I take the older one to the dr/orthodontist/etc. He is sooo happy. But when he does have to go, he brings a book or his DS.

[babelbabe]

i REALLY like the idea of listing top activities when on a family trip and ensuring each child gets one. that's fab, because they each get to do stuff while enjoying the family vackay, and they each get some alone time with a parent. perfect. will use this! thx, Owlfan. Unfortunately, they don't get to list favored activities day to day but neither do I :)

also, I meant to also say, go you at the park. sometimes the thought of all the prep involved - snacks and toys and convincing the kids - is so exhausting I just want to stay home but I am never sorry I made the effort. and if my husband is out of town, we can come home and have pancakes for supper :)

I am awful chatty tonight, sorry.

[Amy F]

Yes about Stuart Little! The ending was so abrupt I thought maybe a child had torn out the remaining pages and I went right to the library website and was sad to realize there wasn't even a sequel (until many decades later and that hardly counts).

[nrbp]

Your twins (and Patrick, and you) might enjoy "The Composer is Dead"--a Daniel Handler picture book with CD (skip the book and just listen to the CD). It's full of orchestra insider jokes. I'll bet your library has it.

A fairly recent article about "Stuart Little" from The New Yorker that includes an alternate ending:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/07/21/080721fa_fact_lepore?currentPage=all

[Alison]

Have you ever read Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome? Same kind of thing as Stuart Little - one minute it's all charm and wit and the next minute they row past the body of a woman who's drowned herself, and they just go hey-ho and keep going.

WTF?

Oh, and I still think it sounds like migraines.

[Just me]

I'm a BPPV therapist and that sounds like something that should defintely be checked. I don't know how often it occurs in kids, but Patrick is just a short adult anyway.

[marie]

EAR ROCKS....google it. My sister-in-law had this and it sounds similar to Patrick's symptoms. I would also give a vote to migraines - spinning and dizziness can set off a whopper of a headache for me. (along with any strong scents/perfumes/etc, smoke, changes in the weather).

Hope you figure out what is causing his symptoms soon! Not fun for anyone involved.

[kris (lower case)]

i never think it is very fair when kids are stuck together without regard to their ages. yes you are a family and there will be times when they all want to bethey should not be forced on each other. my son (11) plays with the 10 yr old down the street who 90% of the time has his 8 yr old brother and 75% of the time his 5 yr old brother tagging along... now a 11 and 10 yr old play a lot differently than a 8 or 5 yr old.. it is totally unfair that they always have to include these other 2 but the mom uses it as a way to not have them all at home. uggg...

[Julia]

Patrick is going to have to get used to how things work as a cohesive group, but you can still give him some one-on-one or one-on-two time. The twinks could probably use it, too, as they get older. The suggestion I read somewhere was that every month, on each kid's day of their birth (so the 17th of each month if the birthday is June 17th), that kid gets to go on a date with one or both parents. That won't quite work for you since the twins have the same birthday, but you get the idea.

[Julia]

Oh, and as for my experience as a middle child in a huge family is when I was very little, I got along great with my brother who was 21 months older than me. As we aged, less so, mostly due to my brother wanting to do "boy" stuff and me wanting to do "girl" stuff. (Though there was some blurring of the lines for a while, we both fell into most of the gender stereotypes.) My sister is four years younger than me, and we we were close after that, until we got out of the house. As an adult, I have pretty much zero relationship with my sister (it's mostly a personality thing) and would be closer with my brother if he didn't live on a different continent. But I have a ridiculously large amount of extended siblings (half, step, adopted) who make up for whatever is lacking in those relationships.

My point is, I don't think any particular theory of raising kids is really going to make a difference in the long run. As kids, they will be forced to socialize with each other. As adults, they will make their own choices who they want to socialize with.

[Niki]

Witch of Blackbird Pond! Love that book. I picked it up a couple of years ago when I got it my head to rebuild my library of childhood favorites.

I love your kids to bits. Thanks for sharing their stories with us.

[Vanessa]

I'm 8.5 years older than my next-closest sibling, and I think the main thing to watch out for is not so much dragging Patrick along to preschool-oriented events, but making him too responsible for the twins as he and they get older. I loved my brother when we were kids, but I got heartily sick of babysitting him 2-3 nights a week and all day Saturday for years on end. My parents didn't have much choice, as they both worked full-time and then got divorced (at which point I also had to accompany my brother to weekend visitation, which we both hated) but I resented it anyway.

I'm also 19 years older than my half-sister, but since I was in college when she came along, there were never any sibling issues--I was more of an aunt than a sister. I don't really have a relationship with her now (and barely have one with my brother, except via Facebook) but there are a lot more factors at play there than just the age difference.

[Chaya]

Re Auntie Mame and Jonathan Edwards go to town:

I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my mother when I was Patrick's age. The lines were loooooong and we were in from out of town, so she found an elevator and we just...went upstairs. And saw the galleries. Without any little "paid visitor" shirt tags to demonstrate our legitimacy. I was so mortified.

I am 30 now and have a little by-the-book stickler daughter of my own, and I'm still pursing my lips in disapproval at that memory.

[Megan]

As a kid, my dad had a really bad fever/throat/ear/sinus thing (probably just a raging sinus infection), and ever since, he can't spin without getting symptoms like you describe in Patrick. He can do roller coasters that go upside down, but things like the Teacups at Disney knock him down for the rest of the day. Writing this out makes me think he should get it looked into, but he's lived with it for 50 years with no real ill effects, so I'm pretty sure that if I mentioned it, he would just shrug. Long story short, could be nothing to worry about.

[Hawkeye]

Ahh, Patrick the Puritan. Love it.

I have to agree with Bonnie - 2nd poster. I thought she was dead on. I'm the eldest (two sisters - one 2.5 years younger than me, one 7 years younger). You learn patience from accommodating the younger siblings, not to mention responsibility, tolerance, early maturity, etc. I, like Bonnie, often babysat and was put in a parenting role. Every summer from the age of 10 on, I watched my younger siblings 8 am - 5 pm. So many opportunities for evil! It strained the relationship between the middle child and myself, but fast forward twenty years, and everything turned out ok. Not that I necessarily recommend putting your ten year old in charge of a seven year old and a three year old, but there you go.

[MJ]

I vote for inner ear, too. Ask your ENT about the maneuvers that can be done to knock the crystals in the inner ear back into position.
And I HATED Stuart Little - having had many miscarriages I was creeped out by the mother giving birth to a mouse, and the book never got better from there.