Eldest Only Child

Patrick's sinus infection has completely cleared up. The ENT has asked that he stay on the flonase for a couple more weeks and that he take it for several weeks any time he starts to get congested in order to prevent a recurrence. He's not built to drain, apparently.

So that's good.

The problem is that after his sinuses got the All Clear he had a day at school in which he became too nauseated to eat lunch or function. I guess he rolled down a hill at recess and that was it for him for the next four hours. I know it sounds kinda stupid - my child gets sick when he spins around! So do I, actually - but it is so debilitating for him that it is hard to think it is normal. I'm running out of ideas, though. We'll go back to the pediatrician but do you have any thoughts? Inner ear? Migraines still?

I will be eternally grateful to you for explaining that the Vivaldi orphaned girl narrative is an actual thing. The CD we have slapped the first seven minutes of Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery onto the end of a recording of the Four Seasons with no explanation and I was as confused by it as Caroline and Edward were enchanted. It didn't seem to bother them that the story just ended abruptly after three tracks - we'd just play what we had over and over again. I, however, need closure in my arcs so once you explained what it was I was able to buy it and thank you and I'm less unsettled knowing that Katerina is the Duke's... well, I don't want to ruin it for you. 

I ordered the second Classical Kids collection as well (Mozart, more Mozart, something about Unicorns so I'm guessing lots of recorder and... someone else - Handel maybe.) It should arrive today and I hope Edward will be willing to step away from the Bibaldi. Expand his horizons. Live a little.

That reminds me. Patrick and I spent a day in downtown Minneapolis during his spring break. When he expressed an interest in seeing how high we could get I snuck us into the IDS tower and when Patrick started to read the sign prohibiting the public from the elevator we were approaching I nudged him inside with my hip and hit Door Close. 

As the elevator went up Patrick pressed his hands to his cheeks and said, oh my oh my oh my and I said, aw c'mon, we're a mom and her kid and we want to look out a window for five minutes. it'll be fine. trust me. live a little.

Patrick said, "I'm living as much as I can," and then added, darkly, "considering the circumstances."

He took pictures from the 50th floor and we looked at them on my camera as we descended.

I said, "Oh that's a nice one. Aren't you glad we did this?"

Patrick looked at the picture he had taken and said, "Yeah I like it... and maybe they'll let me hang it on the wall of my jail cell."

He added, "This one is better. And LEGAL."

He had a point.

Shockingly, we were not actually arrested for wandering into the unused banquet space at the top of the IDS and Patrick's ability to make me feel like Auntie Mame is a neverending source of amusement to me. Like when I took him with me to run two quick errands before his tumbling class. First I went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of this cava (Aviyno. the reserva - if you can find it, buy it. buy it all. best $16 worth of liquid sunshine you'll ever drink) to which Steve and I are... I don't want to say addicted... partial! that's the word. They had eight bottles left in the store and I thought oh to hell with it and bought them all after the cashier offered me a case price. After we bought the wine we went to Bed Bath and Beyond because I had printed my 20% off one store item coupon and after much nail-biting and price comparison and close reading of the retailer's satisfaction guarantee I decided I was going to buy the Mint floor cleaning robot and - since Steve heartily disapproved of the idea - I was going to give it to him as a surprise present. Sort of like a bowling ball named Homer.

- That night I started the Mint in the kitchen while Steve and I watched Netflix.

After a while he said, what is that noise?

What noise, I asked.

That noise! I have to go check. I think the dishwasher is breaking.

So he went into the kitchen and I tiptoed after him and watched as he looked around frowning and then the Mint bumped into his foot and he screamed like a little girl and I DIED laughing and he said, Julia, why is there a cube trying to eat my foot and I shouted Happy Birthday! It was awesome. His birthday is in December of course -

Where was I?

Oh right. So I bought a case of wine and then Patrick and I ran into B B and Beyond to get a floor cleaning robot. The saleswoman rang it up and took the discount and then told me what I owed her and Patrick said, "WHAT? Do you realize that you have just spent almost $300 on wine and vacuum robots in the past fifteen minutes?"

The woman said, "Did he just say... wine?"

And Patrick said, "Yep. Wine."

And the woman said, "That is really funny."

And I blushed and said, "Well I guess the plan is to drink wine while the robot cleans my floors."

She laughed and said it sounded like a good plan to her and I said doesn't it and Patrick compressed his lips and looked at us a young Jonathan Edwards planning his next sermon. He does a great dour. 

Oh and here is my two second Mint product review:

It is not a vacuum substitute so much as a swiffer substitute. It picks up cat hair and dirt and those little bits of stuff that wind up next to baseboards but it cannot do much with, say, half a banana. So if you are looking to replace your shopvac the Mint is not for you. If! However! You want something to zip along giving the hard floors in your house a little love while you organize canned food drives (or drink wine) then go ahead and put the Mint on your wishlist. Is it faster to just sweep your own floors? Definitely. Am I sitting here writing this while Minty is cleaning all the dirt in the front hall that the kids tracked in yesterday? Also definitely.

But buy it somewhere that offers a decent return policy just in case you are not as into floor cleaning gadgets as I am. And I am now coveting the Neato XV - it vacuums. Whoo whoo.

Speaking of abrupt endings: 

After condemning Stuart to the bowels of the Little family plumbing, Caroline refused to ever listen to the book again. By that point, though, Patrick had gotten into the story (such as it is) and he requested that we keep going the next time we were alone in the car. So he and I finished listening to Stuart Little together. Then we blinked at each other.

(I know what I am about to write is blasphemous so if you're sensitive perhaps you should skip down or at least get yourself a glass of water before reading the next part):

I had no idea that Stuart Little was such a strange, vaguely mean little book and the ending was so supremely unsatisfying that Patrick and I literally crawled around the floor of the car checking to see if I had dropped a disc somewhere. But no. It really does just end like that.

It was all so post-war and odd. Don't get me wrong, it is beautifully written and very clever and witty like a dry martini but as a book for children I don't get it. What was up with the tantrum he threw with Harriet Ames? Why didn't he take her to the supper dance at the club? Why does he leave his family like a runaway bride and why oh why is he following Margalo and shouldn't he either find her or give up at the end? It's just so cynical.

On the plus side I realized that I can get Patrick to listen to pretty much anything once it gets started so after failing for the past two years to interest him in reading the Witch of Blackbird Pond we are halfway through listening to it on CD and I'm swooning. I LOVE this book and Patrick - not surprisingly - approves of the Puritans so we're both happy.

+ I found Caroline and Edward under the dining room table on Sunday.

"We're hiding from Patrick," Caroline explained.

"Oh," I said. "Are you playing hide and go seek?"

"No, we don't want to do any more band practice."

"Ah," I said. "OK."

He has been working them pretty hard but I expect the Von Hippogriff Family Percussionists will be ready to debut soon as the result of his tireless direction.  

As Patrick got older and I kept miscarrying I worried that the age gap between him and any putative sibling would stretch to some point beyond which there could be no relationship. I worried that he would be an only child for so long that the transition to a larger family would be hard on him. Then the twins were born and he was so amused by them that I thought, whew, THAT worked out just fine didn't it?

Recently, though, I have noticed the first signs of sibling strain starting to creep into his dealings with them. Caroline and Edward are no longer "the babies." They don't disappear for naps, they don't hang out in baby jail, they have opinions about what is on the TV, we're planning on bringing them with us to the farm in a couple of weeks and Patrick the Only Child is more than a little tweaked about it all.

He still loves them.

He just thinks maybe they should do a semester abroad somewhere. Or better yet WE should go away to a waterpark and leave them with a babysitter. You know, because all of their stuff is here and it's not like they would like a waterslide and even if they did they ruin everything because they are so little.

See what I mean? He's a little peevish.

This is a sincere question. We've gotten used to dealing with them as two separate units (well three obviously but it is really two since the twinklebots do many many things together - bath bedtime school dentist - while Patrick is on a different schedule) but the necessity for this is fading as Caroline and Edward get older. My instict is to say oh settle down Patrick and welcome to the family but it IS sort of a drag for an eight year old to have to kowtow to preschool tastes. Clearly we don't need to do separate family vacations (Patrick will be going to Disneyworld and Caroline and Edward you get to go to the... LIBRARY!) but maybe some division is appropriate? How much should one lump kids together and does age and personal preference matter?

PS It's ridiculous for me to be so proud of myself but look

Steve went to the farm for the weekend and I took the kids to the playground. All by myself. Go Celexa.   

Comments

[Brooke]

As the eldest of four, with a three, six and 11 year difference respectively between my sisters and I, my advice is: Tell him to suck it up.

At 17 (just to clarify, I'm nearly 30 now), I still couldn't rent most films as my youngest sister might see them and she was only six. For every activity I did 'on my own', my sisters were also allowed one of their own - and at times I had to go to their activities, because it was only fair, as my mother put it that 'if they had to sit through my soccer game, I could sit and read a book during ballet practice'.

Seriously though, compromise is something that helps if you learn it early, and I think my parents did a wonderful job on teaching my sisters and I that while we can do our own thing, we are part of a family and that means not doing your own thing all of the time.

[SarahB]

I love this post for so many reasons, perhaps most because it made me laugh so frequently and so loudly on such a grey day. And the people of the DC Metro System gave me glances as if to indicate, "Isn't it enough that you're having so much fun and we're not? Do you have to be so blatant about it?"

Ah, $300 on wine and vacuum robots. What a great expenditure! And how you introduced Steve to it! Hee.

You asked about Patrick and the age gap. I grew up as a gifted only child, with no distracting other siblings, and I can still tell you that the one-on-one time you describe with Patrick sounds like Heaven. I think that is how you balance it out, personally, times that are devoted to just him without the distraction and competing interests of the younger siblings. At some point, the twins will need that too, but I'd keep it up while the twins are still semi-toddlers/pre-elementary school and then see what the balance needs to be like from there.

[Elaine]

Even when I was 7, I thought "Stuart Little" was weird and gross. I mean, a human giving birth to a mouse? ICK.

I liked his other books, though.

[Pam L]

Also, we went to Disney World when Paul was 3 and Adam was 10. We live out West so it's not something we thought we'd do again so we felt this was the best time considering ages, although I guess we could have waited a year or two. Luckily Dad loves roller coasters so he did that stuff with Adam while Paul and I started with the kiddie stuff and then we met up for the medium stuff and then Epcot. It worked out well and we all enjoyed Universal together. It's not perfect when you're trying to corral a toddler at Scout function or a school deal because Dad is working, but the world isn't perfect and we all survived.

[Jana]

I need to preface this by saying that I'm not a parent so, you know, grain of salt and all that. But I have to say that one thing I think my parents did right was to encourage (force?) us kids to work stuff out ourselves. (I have a brother who is a year older than me and a sister who is eight years younger.) Of course they had to step in once the shouting/crying/bleeding reached a certain level, but for the most part my mom would just expect us to work it out. I think my relationships with my siblings benefitted as well as my ability to handle people with different opinions, etc.

[Kate]

"something about Unicorns so I'm guessing lots of recorder "

Best line ever!

[Kim]

First time poster here. LOVE your blog. Just wanted to chime in and say that , as previous posters suggested, labyrinthitis seems very possible. I struggled with Labyrinthitis for years, and had recurring bouts of severe dizziness that made it almost impossible to function for days at a time. Posted certain tricky problems when I had to, say, carry around a newborn without dropping the poor thing.

Anyway, in addition to the maneuvers previous posters have mentioned, my ENT treated me with an anti-viral drug. After that, the episodes finally slowed down, and now I haven't had one in over a year. So -- maneuvers to move the inner ear crystals back to where they're supposed to be plus anti-viral medicine might do the trick. Good luck!

[alison]

I don't know how helpful this is (or isn't!) but I'm 5 years older than my sister. I can so totally relate to Patrick at that age. My sister was fun and cute for the first 2-3 years but then, like your twinklebots (I will use that in a sentence today! :) - she became "too little" to do anything I wanted her to. She couldn't play Nintendo with me, and she was still reading picture books when I thought chapter books were all the rage. And then from the time I was 8 or 9 until I was 24ish, things were a bit... tense. She and I were each, for all intents and purposes, only children. Of course we did things together, and of course our parents told us both to get over it when one of us wanted to be without the other. But it really wasn't until I went to college that I decided she wasn't so bad... and then when I got married and we ended up being pregnant together that we really started to *gasp* love each other. Now I think she's so amazing and I am so very lucky to have her for my (leetle) sister.

So basically? Keep doing what you're doing, and if things get worse before they get better, don't fret. It'll all eventually end up just the way you imagine your family to be. :)

[Kristin]

I LOVED The Witch of Blackbird Pond. And Halfway Down Patty Lane. And Little House on the Prairie. I also love that your family listens to books instead of plugging in to their own whatevers.

[JulieD]

I've enjoyed reading the comments as I am in a similar situation as I have a 9 year old daughter and my son will turn 3 next month. My brother and I were 4 years apart and were never close growing up, so I didn't want a large span between my children but a bought of infertility coupled with a handful of miscarriages made a 4 year age difference look good as I have a 6.5 year age difference.

I also have two older stepkids who were 7 & 9 when I had my first born, but it was different with stepkids as I had a lot of 1:1 time.

But now that isn't the case and we tend to do what the 2 year old is able to do as it is harder to take a 2 year old and tell him he can't join in. It is easier on us to just have the 9 year old join in where she can with the younger activity.

With the stepkids now they are older teens, so they are old enough to be able to appreciate the experience of watching the little ones have fun. And that is nice, but that didn't happen until they were older.

However, that isn't necessarily fair to do all the time and I admire all that you already do one-on-one with Patrick. It has inspired me to try to do more with my daughter to try to balance out the equation a bit more.

[virtualsprite]

Have you looked into Peter and the Wolf by Prokofiev and the Young Persons Guide to the Orchestra, with music/narration by Benjamin Britten? It's story and classical music and both are very clever - although Peter and the Wolf is a little... well, Russian. My kids LOVED these.

We have a similar family situation, but it's our little one who is the only child most of the time. His siblings (my stepchildren) are 8 and 10 years older than him and he takes umbrage when they are with us and we have to do their stuff. We tell him to suck it up, but we're heartless Wisconsin farm people. It's in our nature. But we dragged all three children everywhere and rarely divided them, so my older kids had to go to preschool programs and the little one had to go to Little League games and hunter safety classes. It's give and take, but it all worked.

[Tine]

Go you! Also...I'm almost positive I've been to that playground. Is it in a little river town with a 5-letter name? We used to stop there when visiting friends who lived nearby. (They now live in Santa Fe, damn them. They keep begging us to visit but...uh...the drive is a *wee* bit farther.)

"Patrick approves of the Puritans" cracked me up. Tell Patrick to count his blessings...if he had to put up with hubs and me as parents he would be in a perpetual state of dour disapproval!

[rosie_kate]

Go Celexa, indeed-- is Edward really sitting on a plastic tub at the edge of a table top? :-D

(Please don't take that as judgement. I can see my kids doing that and my shrugging it off.)

I am dealing with a 5 year age-gap between my two, and surprise baby coming, making a mere 15-month age gap between the "babies". ("It's like having twins! With a break!" my mom said...) I was so excited when I got pregnant with my second, thinking, oh, now Jonah will not be an only child!" But it recently dawned on me that he will always kinda be an only child. That dynamic will never really go away. I have no advice, only bemusement.

Also, I was covertly reading this post while my oldest was reading a book out loud to me. I got to the floor robot story and laughed so hard that my son thought he must be a very entertaining reader, indeed...

[Karen O]

Re: "I had some goggles on with a camera in them that measured my eye movement," from an earlier poster, this sounds like Video-Electronystagmography Testing. I had this done through Park Nicollet Clinic locally and based on the findings, I was taught the Epley maneuver. (Check out YouTube videos.) It's deceptively simple and amazingly effective for vertigo.
Relief!

[elsimom]

For your next adventure, you should take Patrick to the 5th floor of the Macy's downtown and run around until you get kicked out. (No more furniture, but it's just open up there - and lit! Weirdly enticing....)
Our children are 9, almost 7 and 3. I have periodic arguments with the 9 year old about the fact that just because she knows how to use the clicker, doesn't mean she can switch channels away from the three year old's shows. I think a mix is good. Some stuff you and Patrick do just for Patrick (example: audio books on way to school). Some stuff you do as a family (playground - all play at their own speed) and some stuff you do as a family (yes, you are too old for _________, if you're bored you can bring a book and sit there, your call). We haul each of the children, at various times, to sit and watch the other children's activities (dance, t-ball etc.) just because of scheduling. So - I guess - I broadly fall into the "Patrick will have to get over it" category.

One of the things I tell my oldest is "We did this for you when you were little, you just don't remember." And it's true - while each kid has a different overall experience, you are doing many of the same things for the twinkles that you did for Patrick when he was small....and he got all that time to himself, so now he has to share a bit.

My family of origin, I am the oldest, then I have a sister 4 years younger than I, a sister 9 years younger than I, and a brother 16 years younger than I. I get along with all three. In some ways I feel I have a lot in common with the youngest - similar interests, etc. Of course, I went off to college when he was two, and he was a reader at my wedding at the age of 9. BUT - even now it is a mix - some things in our family cater to the two single children, some things cater to the two who are married with kids, some things are fun for all.

One other thought - my mom used to take us for "special days." That basically meant you had mom to yourself to go do something that was just for you. I don't remember how frequent these were - but I remember many of the things we did over the years. I try to do it now, less formally, with my children. So - even though I fall into the "go for a mix" category - I think finding time to do something individually with each of the children once in a while can be a great thing.

For the dizzy/nauseous - I agree re: ear rocks - it can also be a form of vertigo, I think? But you have to do some sort of exercises to settle the "floating crystals" back to where they belong.

[Felicity]

When I was a child I became car sick every time we drove anywhere. (As a child I always developed delirium with even low fevers, though I am not sure if this is related!)

All my life I have suffered migraines and nausea when I spin, go on long trips, play certain games on the computer, or move my head suddenly. I often black out, though never faint. A few weeks ago I was spinning with my 5 year old, assuming that I had grown out of it all, and promptly had to run to the toilet to vomit! I had a migraine for the rest of the day.

From Wikipedia...
3 Types
1. Motion is felt but not seen
1.1 Carsickness or Car sickness
1.2 Airsickness
1.3 Sea-sickness
1.4 Centrifuges
1.5 Dizziness due to spinning
2 Motion that is seen but not felt
2.1 Motion sickness due to films and other video
2.2 Simulation sickness
2.3 Motion sickness due to Virtual Reality
2.4 Space sickness
3 Motion that is seen and felt but do not correspond
3.1 Coriolis effect

I have 10 year old Twins, and a 5 year old boy... they are prone to car sickness, and I give them ginger, and a drop of pure peppermint oil on their finger... this always settles it for them. But they do not have the terrible, debilitating motion sickness that I have had all my life, thankfully.

Im so glad that Patrick is getting better, and it may be that this is a chronic issue that will need to be controlled, if there is no way for it to be remedied.

If he plays computer games, be wary that they are not first person. Rides at fun fairs may be triggers, and tumbling may not be a great idea for him. I can get nauseas bending down to pick up my bag!

Cheers. :) Edward, Cecilia and Oscar's Mummy.

[Shannon]

I personally find it easier to take my two kids (5 & 2) to the park for a couple of hours than to stay at home with them for the same amount of time. At home, they're constantly whining for attention while I stress out about all the things I should be doing because I'm home and I can. When we go to the park, it's about them and me just hanging out together.

And while they aren't that far apart in age, we still hit points where the 5 year old wants to do things that the two year old can't. It's good for the older to learn that not everything is about them. And sometimes it's good for the younger to learn the same thing. But I make a point of doing things with the 5 year old just so that he knows he's still special. Once the 2 year old starts to understand things a little better, I will do the same with her.

But like others I agree that you should not make Patrick be in charge of the little ones. I also have a stepdaughter who was 10 when her half-brother was born and that was definitely one mistake we tried not to make, although it did sometimes happen. Even now (she's 15), she still does not like being put in charge of her siblings, even if we offer to pay her to babysit them.

[Halyn]

Since the siblings are here to stay, Patrick is gonna have to get used to it. As several people before me said, this kind of compromise and learning that it isn't always about you is what makes people tolerable as adults. By all means, make time to do things with the kids separately--it's good for kids to have one-on-one time with their parents-- but y'all are a family. You gotta be able to get along and spend time together. I'm the oldest of five, with a 22 year gap between me and the youngest, and a ten year gap between me and the second youngest. I have lived this. I am happy and healthy and well-adjusted and friends now with all my siblings.

[lizneust]

I'm going to echo everyone who says inner ear damage of one variety or another. Given P's history of sinus stuff is not surprising. Happened to my Mom a couple years ago - she thought she was having a stroke. It's taken a couple years for the worst of it to go away, and she still cannot turn around quickly w/o feeling queasy.

My kids are close together in age, and I was the same way w/ my siblings. So no personal experience, but since you asked... I agree with the folks who encourage you to strike a balance - sometimes you have to get over it, but somethings should be his own. I completely agree with whoever said you shouldn't use him as a babysitter, though. My in laws did this with my husband (younger) and his sister (7 years older). Their relationship is lousy, which is sad. My MIL has commented several times that she wishes she hadn't done that as much as she did. There is a real power thing that comes into play whenever the two of them are together, and we're all in our 40s.

I *love* that you surprised Steve with Minty. I can never get away with that stuff - I am about as sneaky as an elephant. Also, must try cava.

[victoria]

""I'm living as much as I can," and then added, darkly, "considering the circumstances."

!!!

I'm'a moving to Minnesota and stalking y'all, that's all there is to that.

[jen w]

I think he might have vertigo/motion sickness thing going on. My son vomited once after spinning on one of those spinny things on the playground. He won't do anything that spins ever since. It sounds like Patrick has it worse than most, but maybe there is a med he can take for it? I know we give Meclazine to adults that come in with it where I work. Menieres disease has something to do with vertigo, and inner ear stuff, but I don't know much about it. I would think it could affects kids. I know adults wiht it, and they get nauseaous often and have to take meds for it. I think it is a collections of symptoms that they then get that diagnosis.

[Katie]

I think it was Lisa Belkin who said that having a second child provides both kids with two inevitable truths: that you will never be alone in the world, and that you are not the center of it.

We have an 11 year old, a 7 year old, and an 11 month old. Right now, the biggest rivalry problems are the 11 yo dealing with the 7 yo's transition to semi "big kid" status. Not sure how the baby is going to play into the mix. But we'll probably take a "deal with it" approach.

[Amy]

I love the stories of your children. I have nothing to add that wasn't already mentioned above. My main concern is I CAN'T FIND THAT WINE!! I love trying new wine and whenever someone mentions one I need to try it.

Please help!

[Karen]

My oldest will be 11 soon, and he has a six year old brother, a four year old brother, and soon a baby brother. Because the kids share a room, they all go to bed the same time every night, except one night a week, when we let the oldest stay up longer than the little kids, he can pick whatever he wants (within reason) to watch, something that would scare the younger kids sometimes.

He also gets to go on trip with dad that the youngers don't.

I hated Stuart Little, too...something about a human giving birth to a mouse never sat right with me. Now, the movies are different---they adopt Stuart, and that makes a little more sense. Humans adopting a mouse, I can get my head around that.

[Leah]

I love Witch of Blackbird Pond too. Ever since I first read it I have always had a yen to go to Barbados, imagining it to be a paradise of sunshine, molasses, and rum. Also, I always have a little happy moment of recognition on I-95 when we go by Old Saybrook.

It's nice that Patrick enjoys it--it always struck me as a total chick book, what with the sisterly relationship issues, the heroine's amazing wardrobe, and *three* romances!!

Also, "Chastity Hughes has new red shoes." (Would a Puritan child have red shoes?--or maybe that was one of the reasons they accused her of being a witch.)

[Martha]

I remember loving Stuart Little when I read it as a child (in the 60s). Don't remember specifics anymore, may have to re-read.

I will add my endorsement for Siblings without Rivalry. I wasn't much on parenting books when my four were growing up, but was ever so glad this one came my way. Faber and Mazlish's book "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children" was also very good.

[WAE]

My youngest brother is 11 years my junior with 2 other brothers in between us. Some things my oldest brother and I got to do on our own, some things we had to do with the little ones. Compromise is the way of life and, personally, I think it's in a child's best interest to sometimes have to do things just because that is what the family is doing (and I say that as I'm about to force my 13yo son to go to his little sister's choir performance in the interest of building his character!). As a side note, I also had to babysit my youngest brother a LOT, but I paid him back years later when he was in high school and he got to babysit my son. I take partial credit for what a fantastic dad he is to his new 6 week old baby.

Also, a few times a year, alergies cause me to have inner ear issues that make just the thought of someone rolling down a hill cause me to be nauseous. So, could alergies be causing some of the sinus AND other issues?

[azita]

I'm 8 years older than my sister and remember being and remaining delighted with her addition to the family and loved to take care of and teach her things. That said, it wasn't until we were both in our 20s that we became good friends. Until then, the age gap was just too big. At least in our particular case. Your kids seem to have a great relationship from the get-go though.

[Melissa]

It sounds like many of your commenters have mentioned inner ear diagnosis, which occurred to me as well. I've had similar problems with my ears that were worse if my sinuses were infected.

You've mentioned proximity to a well known clinic in Rochester; can you get Patrick an appointment there with an ENT specialist? (Lots more experience and training with ears) It may take a while to get him in there, so you might want to get another MRI done, preferably with Patrick sedated. If nothing else, a clear MRI would help the regular Ped and ENT rule out other problems.

On another topic; giving all the kids some one-on-one time with you and Steve would help everyone although handling the logisitcs might drive you to finish off that wine in one sitting. But I think Patrick will enjoy the twins more if he gets to "be in charge" of some family outings.

[Andi]

My nine year old likes books, quiet conversation and baking. My seven year old likes karate, being upside down and relaying every passing thought at a yell. We don't know what the baby likes yet. So, close ages but wildly different temperaments means lots of compromise and waiting (ahem, patiently) for their turn to be the most entertained. I was an only child and I never learned this knack - it would have made sharing dorm rooms (and marital rooms) much easier.

[Katherine]

Have you been to the Foshay Tower in downtown Mpls? Not as tall, but it is an open air observation deck and has a pretty cool little history museum. And by pretty cool, I mean I tell everyone I know they should go. It is not free, but you can get a library pass.

[Shelley]

I got nothin on the dizzy spells, but just had to say: this post made me laugh so hard, Julia. By the time I got to the Jonathan Edwards reference I was sliding out of my chair hiccupping. I needed a good laugh today. Thank you.

[Laura C.]

Your kids are all beautiful, but could Edward BE any more heartthrobbish? Yeesh.

[Lisame]

I am the oldest of four girls. I'm seven years older than the oldest of them and I swear my folk's must have had sex coming home from the hospital delivering them because they are so very close in age.

Patrick may not like it now but - too bad - cause later he will be grateful you kept them all together. I know this to be true.

Early post someone wrote that he should never be put in a parental position with them. I CAN NOT STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS TRUTH! He is their brother (their beatiful older brother) and that is all he shall be. They will all love you more for it.

Have a nice day, I must leave now and buy wine and floor cleaners.

[Bonnie]

Mine was the second comment but I'd like to add that even with a 5 and 7 year age difference and being at a much different life stage than both my sisters always (and also, like Patrick, I was 'gifted' and so advanced in some areas [and lagging in others]), I never, ever felt like an 'only child' after my sisters were born. We did so much as a family unit that I never had the chance to have my own life and agenda and separate myself from 'the little girls' until I was in high school. My parents did some things right (in that I would like to do the same things with my own children) and some things wrong, when it comes to this. Like I said above, me having so much of a parenting capacity in the family was mostly a negative.

These days, at 25, 20 and 18 (and all living independently) we're not as close as I would like, since I left home when they were 12 and 14 and they've been living 2 states away since then. But we love each other very much, get along exceptionally well, and have a very strong bond. I think a big part of that is because I was forced to spend so much time with them as we grew up, and I wouldn't change that. We really KNOW each other in so many aspects, all of our quirks and likes and dislikes, in a way that seems rare in other sibling groups. And that's even though we've spent a lot of our formative years a 6 hour drive away from each other and see each other very rarely ATM.

At the time, if my mom had allowed me, I would have ditched them a lot more for my friends or solitary pursuits. ;)

[Bonnie]

It helps that I grew up to be a much nicer person than I was as a child, and I've expressed my regret and apologized to both my sisters for being mean and controlling. The dynamic we had back then is totally obliterated. But a lot of siblings never can get past it.

[Sarah]

upmteenth seconding of recommending that you encourage the Celexa and continue to peel your fingers off the steering wheel of life control.

Patrick will continue to do one on one stuff with each of his parents from time to time, but he will be a better person for learning how to deal with the real world, ie people who don't want to do what he wants to do and he has to deal, aka any job you have as an adult.

Keep in mind kids can and will complain all the time about everything ---that doesn't mean you have to listen.

Also, I would get him to the ENT asap to see about inner ear craziness. I don't know if I'm crazy, but it seems to me his left/side right side disconnect problem might be related to having balance/motion issues. Look at the total package of all his medical/physical issues.

And good luck!

[Mama Fuss]

My thought was inner ear, too, but I could be completely wrong.

The thing that bugs me about my friends who have children with large age gaps... is that a 3rd grader and a preschooler SHOULDn't be allowed to do the same thing all the time. I mean, if you didn't let the older kid go bungee jumping at the age of 4 sighting he was too young, why should his much younger sibling get to do so just because older brother is? (obviously, I'm just giving a random example, but it seems ridiculous whether it's bed time or bungee jumping or buying school supplies).

Another friend of mine uses the line "who said life was fair?" pretty often with her kids. Sometimes, one kid is going to get something get to do something that they need or want because it is the right time to get it, but that doesn't mean that you have to/can spend the money or effort on every other kid in the house right at that moment.

[An Admirer]

That little boy appears to be on a tub that will topple backwards off the top of the table top any minute. How safe is that?

[Ali]

It's a long shot and I don't know if anyone has already suggested it but could Patrick be suffering from Meniere's Disease? Apparently there's also a high incidence of Meniere's patients who suffer from migraine. I can't remember if you've mentioned that he's ever suffered from tinnitus but certainly the balance and nausea issues would be consistent with Meniere's. As I say, it's a long shot but it would certainly bring together many of his symptoms. The wiki page has a good amount of information.

[MsCellania]

Do a Royal Caribbean Cruise. Twinkles go to one kiddy camp, Patrick a different one. Parents can drink and have sex all day. Get 2 connected cabins, and you can fool around at night, too. If you absolutely MUST do something with your children during the trip, take them to a port stop that has a great beach. You can literally have your kids checked in to on-board camps from 9-midnight, with breaks for meals. And the children will love, love, love those camps. Even Patrick

[Deanna]

In our house it was "You can pick one activity, your sister can pick another, and we'll keep trading off. But so help me, if you can't enjoy your sister's activity, you'll suffer in silence." Draconian? Perhaps. But my parents never reported having unpleasant vacations with us and our sibling interactions only increased in pleasantness as we grew older. Maybe my parents got case prices for after bedtime too. ;)

[Emily Drew]

I laughed so many times during reading this. Really, Patrick's indignation at your shopping just killed me...

[Kimberly]

Are you sure he's having headaches and not dizziness? I had vicious attacks of vertigo as a child, but I called them headaches because that was the vocabulary I had. There is a condition called True Vertigo which is unrelated to any other inner ear infection or issue. Also, vertigo can be symptomatic of other things. Has he had his eyes checked? That might also be a place to look for the problem. Best of luck.

[Justin]

Calm down people. Edward has his back against a wall. He isn't likely to suffer a debilitating fall. Personally I'm impressed that Patrick has managed to get them to practice at his whim. He should enjoy it while he can, as they get older they'll get somewhat less cooperative.
I have a brother and a sister, each two and half years after the other. Totally different personalities in each of us. A mixture of sucking it up and the occasional chance to choose activities worked just fine. The age difference will come and go, sometimes more of a deal, sometimes less. It will work out.l

[Courtney]

My daughters are 10 years and 10 months apartm which puts them at 3 and 14 right now. It is really hard to go to the mall with my oldest, because if Julia (my 3 year old) pulls a toddler meltdown then the fun is canceled for all which sucks for the teenager. SO I like to do something just my oldest and I at least once a month and leave the little one at the neighbors. So I vote for some outings/time with you together and some apart. It is important for Patrick to learn patience in dealing with the little ones, but it's also nice for him to have mom all to himself every now and then. When my 14 year old asks to hang out with me and play cards when the monkey has gone to bed, I have to tell you it makes me SO flipping happy :)

[Denie Heppner]

re patrick: i'd highly recommend a good chiropractor. i've had bouts of vertigo over the years, and have benefited greatly (as in 95% effective on the vertigo) from neck/jaw treatments. apparently muscles in this area of the body affect the ear/inner ear. just a suggestion- blessings!

[corinne]

I am proud of you as well. 3 kids to the playground - well done.
Send me your address and I will send you my Zoomba. Wait, I mean Roomba. (That didn't look right.)
I got a central vac and never use the robot anymore.

[Nike Shox R4 Torch]

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