Preschool Let Out For The Summer And No One Was More Surprised Than Me

Robins built their nest on top of one of our front porch columns. There was snow on the ground when they started and the site must've seemed like an excellent one: quiet, no cats, an easy commute to worms. Since then, however, Spring has sprung and Caroline and Edward have figured out how the front door works (turn, push. turn, push. and it works on every door in the house - amazing) and now the Family Robin is feeling shellshocked. Like a couple who went house hunting in August and saw only the silent expanse of playing fields next to the cute house by the school; September rolled around and they're asking themselves from whence in hell came all these children.

I asked Steve yesterday if he had seen the baby birds yet and he said: yes, he had.

I asked him if they reminded him of anything and he promptly said: oh you mean our kids?

I said: yeah, somehow the constant, open-mouthed need and the incessant yeeping seems familiar.

He glanced out the window  and then asked, abruptly: did you know that Caroline is on top of the playset in her ballet leotard?

I said: she's outside??? and that was the end of our nature talk since I had to race out the door to try to talk Caroline down from the top of the swings and then into shoes and pants - not necessarily in that order.

Actually - apart from being repeatedly absent from the house without leave - Caroline has been brainwashed by Kai-Lan and as a result she has become the sweetest thing ever. She's like KoolAid in the 70s made with a cup and a half of your own sugar.

Every time I turn around she has her hands clapsed together and she is saying things like, "We're sorry, Mommy, we didn't mean to make such a big mess" or "It's ok, Eddybear, you can have half of my raspberries." Then she rounds her eyes to improbable diameters and bats her lashes at me. She also keeps holding hands with everybody and saying things are super. Super nice, super exciting, super great. Super super super.

(This will most likely be the first and last time Caroline and Edward are ever dressed to match but Patrick saw the Be Careful I Bite! shirts on the clearance rack at Target and insisted we get them.  Who am I to resist, ehn?)

So Caroline is 103% cotton candy and just when I wonder what happened to the Caroline we know and love she forgets her new super persona and... there she is again.

Something about this picture - not the pink plaid shorts, maybe the sneer - reminds me of CBGBs circa 1985. You look at her and think, "Hmmm. Maybe I should be careful. Maybe she bites."

Meanwhile Endymion here

This sweet boy

has become a maniac. A deranged lunatic. A complete pain in the ass. I finally asked Steve if he thought Edward had been radicalized.

For a week and a half  he has stopped throwing tantrums only long enough to pitch fits. I turned off the TV the other day and he emitted a scream that started at high C and went up and up and up until I thought my ears might bleed. He kicked, slapped, de-boned himself and shouted his outrage in alternating shrieks and bellows. I understood what a Viking berserker looked like. My attempts to soothe fell flat. Ditto my loving firmness. In exasperation I finally asked, "Edward what in the name of the magnificent Ambersons is WRONG with you?" and Edward the literalist replied, "MA EAR HURTH!"

Oh.

The urgent care doctor actually winced when she looked at his ears that afternoon and I think the term "significant" was thrown around - as in: his ears are "significantly" infected. I mentioned - while we were on the subject of my inadequate parental skills - that I had noticed a bit of a wheeze in his lingering cough and she agreed that he might also be nursing a little pneumonia. Since he had just been on amoxillian for his ears a couple of short weeks ago (we assume it failed to clear up the infection and it has been progressively worsening from there) she put him on azithromycin, which doubles as a good lung drug.

He finished that a few days ago and I look forward to the return of my little pumpkinbutter. Obviously he has been sick - not sociopathic - and now that he is feeling better I hope he stops screaming at me every time I open my mouth. It's unnerving and it makes me want to spank somebody.

+

Patrick has been having a rough couple of days at school, largely because he has spent them in disgrace. This surprises me because there are only a few days left but apparently tough love doesn't take a vacation and Patrick's boisterousness has led to his being forbidden to go out to recess. ALL WEEK. Now I ask you - school ends next Thursday. We are having the first warm days in eight months. What could possibly justify such a heinous punishment? Patrick and seven cronies (all boys. watch me fall over in surprise) spent Tuesday through Friday this week sitting on the wall outside while the rest of their class played. I asked if they had murdered someone and Patrick laughed and said no but I am having a hard time imagining what else they could have done. I expect they are spring feverish and disruptive and probably were driving their teacher batty but no recess? For a week? Under the circumstances I think my instinct would be for them to get more exercise not less. I'd have them running laps or something.

Patrick's third grade experience makes me roll my eyes. I cannot fairly say that he has had a bad year. In fact his MAP scores for math went up 28 points between winter and spring, which if you know MAP testing is, like, unbelievable. Once he got his math facts down (and this teacher made it imperative for him to get his math facts memorized. or else) his reasoning skills took over and his math abilities (which have never been shabby) skyrocketed. So, good. On the other hand Patrick got into more trouble this year....

huh

you know I just this second realized that he stopped complaining about being teased right around the time that he started getting skulls and crossbones in his planner for behavior. I... I think Patrick might have consciously Gone Bad. Darth Vader reached out his hand and groaned, "Jooooin meeeee" and Patrick said, "But the rebels... and the Ewoks... and.... oh... OK!" And off he went to get fitted for a respirator.

I basically ignored it apart from saying "Really Patrick? Eight check marks? Really? SETTLE DOWN KID." But since he is a genuinely nice child I didn't harp too much on it. He would talk too much; she'd take away his art privileges and that was that. I don't know. His teacher taught him well and I guess that's what is important but her discipline methods left a lot to be desired. I still cannot believe that these eight boys spent four perfect Spring days watching recess from a wall. Meh.

So I felt sort of sorry for him this week (without telling him that I thought he was being unfairly punished - Patrick's martyr instincts are plenty strong without my feeding them) and I decided to give him a treat. Steve agreed to watch the twins and I picked Patrick up after school yesterday and we had a mini adventure. First we went to examine the tornado damage in Minneapolis and then we went to the Walker sculpture garden where he took a lot of pictures

  

So did I cover everything... Edward congested not psychotic (maybe); Caroline trying out new super sacchrine personality; Patrick recovering from no recess trauma through art therapy. Yeah. I think that's it for the week.

Oh and thank you very very much for your thoughts on my troubled and troubling friend. You gave me a great deal to think about but I have yet to come to any conclusions.

YIKES! The MOST IMPORTANT THING and I almost forgot. So after much marital... discussion about priorities and silliness and needs versus wants and whatnot I finally managed to convince my belovable Steve that the only practical way to insure that my mother (my city-dwelling mother. who lives in the city. and do you know who else lives in cities? criminals!) be given the added protection of a mobile telephonic device was for me to get a smartphone. So I could give her my old one, you see, and add another line to our friends and family plan. Which gave us a crazygood price on the HTC Thunderbolt that is curled up in its ladybug charger case on my desk as we speak.

Now that I actually have a phone that does stuff I finally understand that smartphones are not intended to replace the dumber kind. I mean yeah sure they do. You can call people with it. But that is not the point. The point is that you suddenly have all of these amazing THINGS. Right there. In your purse. Patrick keeps asking, "Does your awesome new phone have a camera?" Why yes it does. "Does your awesome new phone have GPS?" Why yes it does. "Can we track tornado conditions with your awesome new phone?" Why yes I think so. Maybe.

I have Our Groceries and I have Google SkyMaps and my question for you is: what apps (look at me talking the talk) do you love?

Also, total aside, but this occurred to me yesterday and I wanted to ask you. Sincere question: why do women carry purses and men do not? I mean, what is it that we carry in them that we cannot live without and yet men seem to manage just fine with a little wad in their back pockets?  

 

Comments

[Robin from Israel]

ROFL - I was at CBGB's in the mid-80's and yup, she's got it pegged!

PS Sorry Edward is sick but my god I loved the description of a raging toddler deboning themselves and turning into a crazed berzurker (or is that redundant since berzerkers are already crazed?)

-----------------------------------
My photography is available for purchase - visit Around the Island Photography and bring home something beautiful today!

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Had not really thought about the purse question before, but this got me to remembering my very *first* purse. My mom finally let me get a "grownup" purse when I was in sixth grade, and I remember feeling frustrated because it had virtually nothing in it! LOL! I think I carried lunch money and tissue; that was it. Now the purse I carry (with, yet, tampax and lipstick and kid toys and infant Tylenol and all the other appurtenances) weighs about five pounds. Empty was probably better.

On another subject, not to be a killjoy, but ... the twinlets being able to get outside any old time they feel like it concerns me. Perhaps you can reassure this reader? Are you so very far away from the road that they can't wander out there and get run over or anything? Bears, bobcats, ankle-biting gopher holes, none of these a problem? We have four y.o. twins and they are NOT allowed outside our house (admittedly on a busy street) without supervision. I've got locks on ALL the outside doors! LOL!

[zarqa]

I know a man who carries a man purse. Sort of a small messenger bag slung over cross-wise. Absolutely nothing effeminate about it and quite fetching.

Apps: when I got my ipod Touch for my birthday in December I went app hunting and they being so cheap, I picked up some cool ones, that sadly were just that, cool, but not essential. The one essential app for me: Angry Birds. I'm not a gamer by any stretch, but damn, that game is addictive. Yes, and there is useful stuff like maps, calendars, barcode reading thingies that let you scan things in stores and compare prices with competitor stores (an app that makes you feel smart and guiltily disloyal at the same time), etc. Even found one that lets you listen to police radio anywhere around the country. Fun stuff!

[zarqa]

Oh, and Caroline's punk scowl totally made me LOL, even before I read the CBGB in the 80's reference. Dress her in pink and black and spike up her hair, they wouldn't even id her at the door. :)

[Leah]

I was going to say how women's pants have tiny pockets. But I also agree about how men foist their crap onto the one carrying the purse. Mine also gets MAD at me when I don't have the stuff he thinks women 'should have" in my purses. "WHAT? Who doesn't carry TYLENOL?" Well, apparently YOU don't either, honey. Sigh.

[Leslie]

Seafood Watch by Monterey Bay Aquarium. Tells you which seafood to avoid because of overfishing or mercury.

Chem Cuisine by Nutrition Action. Tells you which additives are safe.

Fooducate. You scan it over a barcode and it tells you if there are ingredients in a food that are unhealthy. It also gives food a health grade. TJ Almonds are an A, Almond Joy a D+.

A flashlight app lets you use the phone as a flashlight.

Amazon Kindle app.

Word Feud and/or Scrabble, if you like word games and prefer not to accomplish anything else with your days.

[Niki]

I only carry a purse some of the time: when i need my checkbook, a brush, my wallet, my keys. (Back-pocket wallets are terrible for your spine, and front-pocket keys dig into my thigh, when driving.)

My favorite apps are Our Groceries, FeedSquares, Google maps and email, Firefox for Android,Pandora, EEBA (money management "envelopes"), my bank and airline apps, and the Kindle app.

[Melani]

3rd grade was a difficult behavior year for my son as well. The teacher and I did NOT agree on punishments by any stretch and spent much of the year rolling our eyes at each other. The next year was much, much easier--better teacher but also Colby figuring out how to have friends without being "bad". When my daughter reached 3rd grade I wrote an entirely too long letter to the principal stating that if I had to endure another year with that teacher I would become a very vocal, angry parent instead of the kind, quiet, volunteers for all the crappy jobs parent that I had been for the last 5 years at that school. My daughter had an awesome 3rd grade with a different teacher. :)

As for purses, I only carry one a few days a month, ahem. The rest of the time I get by with a small wallet I stick in one pocket with my iPhone in the other.

APPS that I like are QRANK, Words with Friends (must!), my bank's app, sudoku and facebook.

[Tine]

I hate purses and never carried one till I had my kids. Now I carry one (a back-packy type) because everyone always expects me to have the...
lip balm
wet wipe
chewing gum
kleenex
band-aid
tiny bottle of water
sucker
sunglasses
...they need RIGHT NOW. That includes my spouse, btw. Not carrying this stuff does nothing to reduce my misery, so I serve as the family camel.

[Sharon]

Apps! Oh my! Anything by duck duck moose is a winner in our house. Plus monkey preschool lunchbox and monkey preschool when I grow up.

My 3.5 year old also loves fruit ninja, doodle bowling, the fingerprint mood detector, and he can't stand angry birds, but I do love it so.

For you, try sleep cycle. It is awesome.

[SarahB]

My MIL gave up carrying a purse because her husband and two boys were always wanting to put things in it. I think there's something to that.

I fall in more of the Girl Scout "Be Prepared" style of purse-carrying, so, yes, I have wallet, keys, sunglasses, phone, hairbands, small notepad, pens, business cards, SmartTrip card, kindle, tylenol, bandaids, emergency contact numbers in case my phone dies, with room for Kindle/small paperback and/or water bottle. Oh, and always snacks, now that I've realized how much low blood sugar affects my mood.

My husband manages to carry an awful lot of stuff, at least as measured by the size of piles he leaves around the house and also the time it takes him to get through airport security. I wish he would carry a murse also.

Welcome to smartphone land. I love having Google Maps and being able to check traffic and alternate routes when we're out and about. And set up your favorites in Internet Explorer or whatever your browser is. I like having Google Reader and the NY Times handy for Metro reading.

[Nicky]

I'm not smart enough to know much about smartphones, but if it's an Android one, Alchemy (not alchemy classic) is an awesome game. We play it on our tablet. There's also Matching Zoo (like a memory card game for kids, with animal sounds) and Bookworm which are addictive, but we have those ont he iphone so I'm not sure what else they run on.

[Lisa]

It occured to me that I have noticed more guys (especially younger ones 20 / 30 somethings) carrying man purses. Crumpler and Timbuk2 messenger-style bags are esp popular. There's a guy in my office who admits to having kind of a Crumpler bag fetish - he must have 6 of them! My DH carries a backpack when we are out and about. (Or, he wears pants with lots-o-pockets.) But I live in Australia - so maybe it's a regional thing?

[Kris]

delurking to say that in NC and several other states, state law requires that children be given a certain number of minutes of recess daily, and that it cannot be taken away as a punishment. and I agree, it seems counterintuitive to take away the only time when kids can run around and be kids.

[Chaya]

Wait, so your preschooler changed his personality and started acting like a maniac for a demonstrable REASON? And here I was about to empathize . . .

[winecat]

A the purse. Wallet, address book, keys, paperback or Kindle, inhaler, etc., etc., etc.
Just not enough pockets.

[Kara]

I guess others have said it, but. . .purses: tampons and lipstick. Oh and also, I would assume that it started out with the fact that women were mostly wearing dresses and skirts, which may or may not have had pockets, and then it turned into a fashion statement from there. Because now most women wear pants most of the time just like men, and we do have pockets and guess what? If I'm going out by myself, whether it's to dinner with friends or to run errands without children? I put my cell phone, my debit card, and my driver's license in my right jeans pocket. When I get out of the car, the keys go in the left pocket. And I can survive for hours that way! Imagine!

On the other hand. I usually do have children along, and of course you wouldn't question the necessity of the diaper bag. But in addition to the customary diapers, wipes, snacks, and milk, there are two things that I always have in my bag: tissues and hand sanitizer. I am never without help if I need to wipe something off of hands/faces/etc., and it's not just the kids who need that, right? So there's reason enough for a purse right there.

Case in point: my dad, whom I assume was pretty representative of the male audience. . .well, when I was a child and out in public with him, if he got something on his hands? SOCKS. He'd wipe his hands on his SOCKS. Now, he wasn't a caveman, this certainly wasn't in any sort of dining situation; he didn't neglect grabbing a napkin when eating. But you know, if he happened to get something on his hands--I fail to think of an example here--a little errant dirt or whatever, the wiping on the socks happened. See, that way he didn't get anything on any visible clothing, like if he just wiped his hands on his pants. But you know, if it had been socially acceptable for a man to carry a purse, I'm sure my dad would have been all over it. He definitely would have carried a nice little travel pack of Kleenex and a small bottle of hand lotion. And probably a pack of plain M&M's.

Although now that I think about it. . .he DID wear a fanny pack on a couple of outings to Disneyland in the 80's, when THAT was socially acceptable (why?), so that confirms that he would have totally adopted the purse too.

[Dee]

As a little girl I used to be asked to find something in my mother's capacious purse -- her wallet or rain bonnet (this was a woman who sported a serious 'do), for example, and I used to cringe in horror every time I encountered a crumpled tissue, which usually also had lipstick smears. As a direct consequence, I have never ever carried a purse (I am 55) and I never will. I did schlep around a diaper bag when my kids were small, and it had its charms, but purses? Ewww. It always seemed like some embarrassing talisman women were doomed to carry around, while men and boys sauntered fancy-free, with their hands in their pockets.
I am astonished by the tampon explanation so many give --- why not put them in your pocket? I will not buy clothes without pockets (decent pockets, not just decorative ones) on principle. In the last ten years or so this has gotten easier, so I cannot be the only one who thinks pockets ought to be a standard part of clothing. I recall reading an interview with the director of a German nudist camp, who was extolling the virtues of the clothing-free lifestyle with such gusto that the interviewer was moved to ask if there wasn't anything, anything at all, to recommend wearing clothing? The man thought for a minute, and replied, "Okay, pockets."
So in conclusion,if you are not a nudist, you don't need to carry a purse. Glad I could clear that up for you.

[Andrea]

When I was in grad school I had this tiny little purse that went crossways across my body. It was super light and kept both hands free. Now I have to carry a giant bag that hurts my shoulders. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't get back into a smaller bag. I used to carry a minature brush, my wallet and my keys with a paperback in my back pocket. Now I have my phone, my iPod, my small camera.....I need a bigger purse cause I carry a bunch of stuff that hadn't been invented then!

[Annette]

Like Dee above, I was puzzled by the tampon explanation -- I've been stuffing those things in my jeans pockets for as long as I can remember. Unless everyone who commented uses tampons with applicators (Tampax, right? I remember needing to buy some at a U.S. airport once, and those were indeed huge). So... if you want to go purse-less, o.b. is your friend!

[Amy]

I have that same Be Careful I Bite shirt for my 3yo. It's cute.

As for purses, I also can't think it would be very comfortable sitting on a big wad of stuff in my back pocket.

As for apps I highly recommend Words with Friends and Angry Birds. I also love the Kindle app, Weather Channel App, Facebook app, and the Goodreads app.

[Pam L]

The purse question: Because women are actually better Boy Scots than men. We are prepared. WE have the tissues they need, WE have the band-aids, can carry the boarding passes, extra water, camera, hairbrush, chap-stick,phone charger,etc.etc.etc. so they don't HAVE too. Half the time my DH has the keys and that's it. He often forgets his wallet and anything else that might be useful. Me/ You never know when you might need a hair tie or a paperback or a granola bar.

[Pam L]

Oh, yeah, and the checkbook which he does not use. He does not have a debit card because I would never be able to keep track of his debits and the checkbook balancing, also my chore, would be a nightmare.

[Julia]

In my purse, I carry a rarely used make-up bag, which comes in handy on occasion. I also have a small notebook, also handy occasionally, and pens. Oh, and tampons. Of those, I could probably survive without all but the tampons, unless I start planning much more carefully.

[Courtney]

For apps, try Shazam (that is serious magic - you hold your phone up to the radio and it tells you what song is playing).

Pandora is great, Amazon Kindle, I have a barcode scanner, and Bump so you can share with other smart phones. Epicurious has an app, and OpenTable if you ever use that.

Do you go to Starbucks a lot? They have an app where you can load it up with money, like a gift card, and then scan your phone at the register.

And . . . Twitter! You can tweet now that you have a smartphone, you know :-)

[Linda]

Why do men not need purses? Because they have moms, and then wives, who carry all their schtuff for them.

[Katrina]

Having recently moved to a city in Asia where bagsnatchings on white women are the norm I have tried very hard to minimise my purse needs. The main difference between men and women is that men's clothes have pockets and women's do not. Although bras make very good pockets. Secondly - my bag is always full of his shit. Sunglasses, pens, purchases. All things he either refuses to carry or asks me to carry for him - since I have a bag.

[monica]

I have a string of bells hanging from the front door handle- that way I hear when someone is coming or going from the house... they started as a holiday decoration of sorts, but I quickly saw that they were useful as a type of alarm, and they have been there ever since. Even though my kids are 8 and 11, I still like to be semi-aware of when they are entering or leaving the house!

good luck!

[Kelly]

We just got smartphones this spring and I'm completely in love with mine. The apps I love enough to keep on my active screens are:
My Days (cycle tracker with handy count-down widget)
Weather Channel
Flashlight
Yelp (review thingy)
Netflix que manager
Google maps/navigation (OMG I love the navigation option!)
Alarm Clock Plus
MP3 Ringtone editor (awesome!)
Sudoku Daily
Fandango
Advanced Task Killer

Apps to distract my 4yr old in dr's offices:
Monkey Preschool Lunchbox
Kids ABC Phonics Lite
Kids Numbers Lite
Kids Memory Game

Games for the 6.5yr old in dr's offices:
Move It!
Chuzzle

I love my phone. It goes everywhere with me.

[Hawk]

I always carry my digital camera with me in my purse - and also a book. Everything else is crap that just hangs out there.

[Kaethe]

I don't carry a purse. I don't buy anything that doesn't have pockets, so inhaler, billfold, and keys go into said pockets. If I go out to run errands with the kids I grab a reusable shopping bag and throw in a book (or the Kindle) and sunglasses. Family outings call for a backpack to hold cameras, jackets, snacks, etc. and the Spouse and I trade off carrying it. I don't need a place to keep tampons since I'm on no-period Pill.

[Abby Spice]

Apps! Apps! Okay.

-Remote for iTunes. I don't think it's free, but it's so, so worth it. Better than any of the iOS ones I've found. It does what it says it does. And when I'm babysitting and iTunes is going on shuffle and suddenly Rocky Horror comes on and I don't want the two-year-old telling her parents she's a sweet transvestite, but we're across the room with a baby on my lap, I am damn glad I have it.
-IMDb. Seriously, I'm constantly like, Who is that guy? or, What was she in? and voila, it tells me!
-Kindle. It seemed crazy at first, reading on something so small, but it works, and unlike my iPad, I really do have my phone with me all the time, waiting rooms etc.
-Instapaper is useful
-I use Evernote a lot; it syncs to my iPad, iPod Touch, and computer (as does Kindle)
-Flashlight comes with at least some Droids (I have an Incredible), and it took me a while to notice it, but it's now on my home page
-NYTimes
-Ringdroid

That's all I can think of right now, actually...

[Shannon]

I don't carry a purse. I left it behind so many times in high school that I finally revolted and refused. Tried once in college to carry one - same problem. I just learned to live without all those things that most other women carry, like lipstick, combs, mirrors. I carry a man's wallet, Chapstick and a non-smart phone that fits in my back pocket. Keys and change go in the front pocket. And I never buy pants w/o pockets. On those rare occasions I have to wear a dress, I just give my driver's license to my husband to carry and tell him he has to pay for everything!

And for the record, I'm constantly forgetting the diaper bag! Fortunately, I don't usually need it anyway.

[Heather]

My favorite apps for my iphone:
epicurious, diapers.com, espn, accuweather, nytimes, phoneflicks, geocaching, pandora, peekaboo barn, opentable, kayak, and mylite (flashlight capability. Should I go on? You will wonder how you ever lived without your smart phone. And your children will quickly learn to use it more easily than you.

[Olivia]

Women carry purses so men can put their stuff in them. Perhaps if we stopped enabling them, men would start carrying their own bags.

[Heather]

I love my smartphone. My favorite app is Cozi. It keeps it all together. And sudoku puzzles. And mapquest and pandora. I'm working on finding a pedometer I like. My husband is always giving me his stuff too to put in my purse.

Sounds like the kids are all doing well. Poor Edward! I love the pic of him asleep! He's gorgeous! And it's so hard to tell when kids are sick. I take my one twin to the doctor when he won't sleep well at night and has no other symptoms. What's the problem every time? Ear infections. The nurses look at me like I'm nuts bringing him in with no problems other than issues sleeping. No fever, not cranky during the day, eats great. But he loves eating, is such a happy kid all the time, that sleep is the only thing that is affected.

[Sally Cumberland]

My husband (who fancies himself a dandy) recently gleefully scored a man-purse at a flea market. Despite my gentle and loving teasing, it was filled and went with him to some recent something. Upon arriving home, he was emptying it and joyfully discovered the bag contained a *secret pocket*...out of which he fished a massively raft-esque Maxi Pad. It was left there by the previous owner (NOT a man I'm thinking). I haven't seen it since.

[Amy in CO]

I'm the same with my kids - "Why are you acting like such lunatics?" only to find out they've been sick for the last week and a half.

Glad I'm not the only one. ;)

[Lisame]

I am VERY opposed to punishing children by making them sit. The only problem children really have is pent up energy. My mother was/is very against drugging her hyper children so she created a solution. She taped a one foot square in the kitchen and before going anywhere I ran in place with a kitchen timer. Most of childhood memories involve me running in place!

I am so pleased you got a real phone. Stay away from Words with Friends. I kicked cocaine but this app is harder.

[Justin]

I never carried a murse till I started riding the bus. I think that most men either don't need to carry one, because they can get someone else to do it, or they just leave stuff in the car. Now that I have a messenger bag I drag all sorts of stuff I think might need around. I still have a wallet and tend to leave the bag in the car, but it's a lot easier to drag in and out of the house and office since it's all contained.

[Cris]

My husband carries a man bag - I see them more and more on 'techie' kind of guys. It doubles as a laptop carrier and also schleps the various ad proofs around, job estimates, etc. His problem is that he never empties it out so now it weights about 20 pounds.

I just got a smart phone too, so thank you for asking about the aps and thank you to everyone who responded! We love the Luxor game (with the balls - my 4 year old wants to play with it all the time!).

[Rachel]

Why do women have purses? Because of Chick Pants. None of my jeans will safely contain a wallet, my dressier pants have pockets so small there is hardly room for a dime. Even my coats have tiny useless pockets compared to men's coats. In my late teens I discovered I could store more in my bra (money and cigarettes on the left, ID and debit card on the right, lighter down the middle) than I could in my pockets.

Mens pants on the other hand have so many pockets of such great size that they can store the entire contents of a purse and an economy size box of tampons and still have enough room to put their arms in their pockets up to the elbow.

I hope Edward is feeling better soon.

[Amy]

I just plain old simply love the way you write. I love the way you KNOW your kids and love them like people, not just your kids. And I love how your thoughts just glide along, off the screen and into my head. Reading your posts is like a glass of wine at the end of the day - it just feels GOOD and tops the day off nicely. Thanks for sharing!

[Sheri Bheri]

Ah - the purse vs pockets debate. Quick question, how many of your outfits (pants, skirts, dresses) actually HAVE pockets? I would guess that 100% of your husbands pants have pockets. Heck, I bet his SWIMSUIT has pockets!

It chaps my hide that they put pockets in the pants of NEWBORNS but not in the clothes of GROWN WOMEN.

It's The Man, keeping us down.

[Genevieve]

Your phone probably came with a "Books" app -- well, you can go to Google books from there and download a lot of free books that are in the public domain. Mine is loaded with Jane Austen, Alice in Wonderland, Jean Webster, etc. and I have never found myself without something to read since I got it. (Even when out of range to access the internet and read websites, you can read your books.) Amazon Kindle app is also good (even though I don't have a kindle) when sometimes books are being given away, or you want to buy one.

My kiddo likes to play DoodleJump, which might appeal to Patrick. He put ScoreCenter on the phone to keep track of his teams. I agree with everyone that the Maps are fabulous, as is Pandora. I use SoundHound rather than Shazam as the app to identify songs - love it. MusicalLite and xPiano give you a piano (and other instrument sounds). NetQ lets you manage your netflix queue. And TripAdvisor was quick and easy on our last trip (love that site, they never have steered me wrong).

[Lisame]

The story of the "dandy" husband and the found maxi pad just made my day!

[Deanna]

I don't have kids, so I always feel a little guilty making assumptions about what I would do as a parent. But didn't you feel like you needed to ask the teacher what they had done to get those four days of punishment?

[Abby Spice]

You can get lots of books very cheaply on Amazon, as well. Everything in the public domain has a free edition, and I got, for instance, all 15 Wizard of Oz books for 97 cents. Beat that, Borders.

[Crystal]

I often did not carry a purse, until I had children.

But I'm kind of an odd bird.

Post-motherhood, my purses grew with my brood. I've been downsizing, streamlining, I'd like to get back to at least a pocketbook, but I'm not there yet.

My kids carry backpacks. A very homeschoolerish thing, they have an assortment of things in there that make trips bearable, and they pull things out and put new things in, but the idea being we can grab and go, whether moving cross-country, going for a park day, a trip to the ER, or a week visiting family.

Thus enabling my purse-size reduction plan.

I have bought two HTC phones, the Wing and the Hero. I'm done with HTC. High tech crap... I loved them both for 6 months until they became laggy, annoying cheap, cracked buggy trash. I got a crackberry before the Hero, I can see why they're great for business folks, but compared to an iphone? Android? Meh.

I HAD an ipod touch, which my little turkeys dropped one too many times during the move. The screen cracked enough to turn it into a glitchy wreck. Lee got a samsung android phone for his new road warrior job, so I'll play with that and see if it's enough to reignite my android obsession but basically, I just want a damn iphone. If they would only give me a truly unlimited family plan on Verizon for the iphone. I'd take it and get all three of us one but no....

Actually, the downsides of combining your data and phone and the limitations that places on what you can do and how well, I'm thinking I'll get an ipad when the next one comes out, and get rid of the smart phone, and go back to something more basic, or a more entry-level android....

Which would totally destroy the purse plan, but whatever....

Here's to motherhood becoming increasingly boring... I'd like some of that myself. :)

[jess]

After years of being staunchly anti-purse, I have finally given in. Why? So I can wear casual dresses, skirts, and fitted pants. Women's clothes often have small pockets, or none at all. And unless you carry a money clip, no plastic, and no change, the wallet necessary to contain such items creates an unsightly bulge in the tiny decorative pockets of women's jeans. Add to that a phone and keys, and it becomes far more practical to just carry one big external pocket over your shoulder. As an added bonus: tampon storage. Yes, very practical -- at least that's what I tell myself these days when I find myself admiring some fancy ruched leather deal in Macy's.