Travels With Patrick V.1.a - c

I.

(Somewhere underneath Dupont Circle or maybe Metro Center)

Patrick: Do you realize I have never been on a subway before? You must be consumed with guilt.

Me:

II.

(Confronted with a pool of melting ice cream on Connecticut Avenue)

Me: Oh, hey, watch your step.

Patrick: Where? What? Huh? OH!

Me: Keep going.

Patrick: (bent over with his nose to the pavement) But I want to.. what is that?

Me: Once upon a time someone dropped some ice cream on the sidewalk and it melted. The end.

Patrick: (long pause)

Patrick: That is really a tragic story.

III

I regret not bringing his baby book (note to self: start baby book for Caroline. also, Edward) because my little superspecial had so many firsts today.

First time on a subway.

First time eating food from a vendor (Patrick "Is this food... legal?")

First time watching rescue vehicles simultaneously en route to different emergencies.

First eye-witness of a burglary in progress (guy [A] raced by us clutching six jugs of Tide. CVS employee [B] ran after him. CVS manager [C] jogged after the employee. B completed flying tackle on A who sent Tide bottles clattering skyward. Patrick and I jumped into the street. C said, "Oh %$#@, oh *&^%." Patrick said, "Is this sort of thing usual in Washington?" 

We went to the Washington Monument, the National Gallery, the American History museum, the Natural History museum, the Building Museum, the real Smithsonian (what is it called? the Castle?) and... something else. Oh right. Of course. Air and Space. We saw the IMAX Tornado movie which was exciting because this is Patrick's passion right now (tornadoes; he loves them - and yes one touched down while I was at the library but it was north of me by at least five miles) and we saw a planetarium show on cosmic collisions that Patrick snorted his way through in its entirety. The movie (according to Patrick) kept saying that x or y was fact when apparently (according to Patrick) there is still much debate on the various subjects. Anyway, Patrick got sort of heated and chatty which brings me to my holier than thou (not THOU of course because I am sure you would never but... the other thou's) moment.

I feel pretty strongly about the fact that children belong in the public sphere. They belong in libraries; they belong in restaurants; they belong on airplanes and they belong in movie theaters (within reason.) That said, I feel even more strongly that the reason that children should be permitted to hang out with people who neither know nor love them is because that is the best way for them to learn how to behave in public. The cardinal rule being: Never Disturb Other People in a Public Space. And it is pretty simple. If you are loud, if you are out of your seat, if your feet are anywhere other than the floor, if you walk to the left side of the staircase, if you try to go down when the sign says go up... you get gently - perhaps even lovingly - corrected. And if you do not respond to that initial warning, you get removed. Period.

My two pet peeves of the day were: the group of four 50-somethings who thought they were adorable every time they shouted out witticisms during the planetarium show (really? take me to your leader? for shame. if my 9 year old had behaved like that he would have found himself in the hallway in about half a second;) and the woman with two children whose entire family chatted their way through the tornado movie. Holy cats lady shut the fuck up. Yeah, I get it, your son was really excited to discuss what he was seeing. Mine was vibrating like a newt which was why I had to repeatedly hiss "Later!" in his ear before clapping my hand over his mouth. Not. Appropriate.

For Patrick's birthday we got him his own camera, presented three days early to take advantage of DC. He was pleased.

I said: Oh, that's a nice picture of the bridge.

He said: Thanks but to me it is an interesting picture of graffiti (zoom in- look right- imagine Patrick talking about the color red.)

Patrick: We should live here.

Me: You don't find it a little dark and creepy?

Patrick: Not really. It'd be like... like.. oh YOU know.

Me: No. I don't.

Patrick: That thing you sing.

Me: Oklahoma?

Patrick: No! The... the Phantom of Oprah.

Me: Ohhh. Oprah. Yeah.

Patrick and I were pretty much dumbstruck by this one. It's a sculpture. That looks one-dimensional. Until you look closer and see that it has depth. And then you photograph it and... bam. It looks like a giclee cartoon on grass.

He spent fifteen minutes taking this picture. It was a long time as far as I was concerned.

PS When I delicately brought up the idea that I might venture out tonight I discovered that my mother was less concerned that I was going to be murdered and more perplexed by the idea that a guest in her home would consider going out for the evening. Without her. Leaving my child and sneakers and an increasing pile of dirty laundry. Apparently I was not raised this way. Thus I went to dinner with Patrick and my mother and then watched Gnomeo and Juliet on TiVo until they both fell asleep and I started a blog post. Would I rather be at the 4Ps? No comment. But just so you know I didn't blow you off so much as I was grounded. My loss.

PPS MY GOD. I just re-read this and nothing I said about children and the great world applies to airplane travel. You just survive that, feet noise and all. And no, children should not just stay off airplanes entirely. How else would they ever meet great grandparents?

Comments

[Connie]

OMG you make me laugh every single post

[Jenn]

I went to see Kung Fu Panda with the kids the other day and it cost a gazillion dollars because of the 3D / popcorn thing. And the guy behind us is in the middle of the movie theatre -- middle of his row, with about an 8 month old a 2 year old and a four year old. Now it's a kids movie -- you expect chatter and seat kicking. What I DON'T expect is two WAILING children for more than 45 minutes. And if you feel the need to bring a baby to a movie (it wasn't one of those parents and babies things) -- then sit at the aisle. But as he told the usher on the third time he came and asked him to remove the wailers, he was alone with the kids and it's not fair to the 4 year old to have to leave. Forget the couple hundred other patrons who paid waaaay too much money -- to hear his two kids out scream each other. I try to have a "been there, done that" sympathetic attitude when kids are acting out in public. But I can guarantee you -- I have NEVER been there, and done anything stupid like that!!

Long winded way to say that in my experience -- in most cases most 9 year olds have more in public behaviour common sense than adults!

Oh and much as I would like to meet you -- I would LOVE for Sam and Patrick to get together, The conversations they would have.....

p.s. -- the manager eventually kicked the guy out of the movie. And then he had three screaming kids. Oy.

[bpw]

RE: Graffiti pic; there is a huge amount of graffiti, but it's not all red, there's the blue tucked in under the tree leaves and as for the last shot?

i dunno, but for nine year old to see it and then stick with a shot like that, seems pretty amazing to me. even spectacular.

like, perhaps there is a fair or something that you can enter it into?

i really DON'T know, it just seems pretty beyond basic good, to me.

[Sheridan]

You were grounded? Ha ha ha ha......

[Robin from Israel]

I'm a fine art photographer and you know what, Patrick's got a great eye for composition. Love that last shot. A lot.

[Meg]

I was all "I know which CVS that was!"
And then I realized, oh, wait, that's all of them near me. And, really, all of them anyway.

I cannot count the number of times we were hauled out of the mall, the grocery store, the movies, even Mass, because we didn't shut up when told. (Look, one kid can grasp the concept, but when there's more than one, the lesson keeps repeating until the last one is old enough to Get It.) And what really bothers me is not the infants who cry, but the old-enough-to-form-complex-sentences kids who behave like infants in maturity or lack thereof.

Especially when they kick my seat for fourteen hours from Toronto to NYC while playing their music at top volume while their mother slept across the aisle. Nope, five years hasn't erased that horror from my memory.

[http://www.designermama-manaallamano.blogspot.com/]

That house sculpture is amazing! I had to look at it a few times to really get it. Totally awesome. Thanks for sharing.

[Jen]

I love the 4Ps.

[Alison C]

I don't have children but agree with your point. I do think that children should be in public places but they should not behave like savages.

I was visiting a friend in NY quite a few years ago and there was a couple who brought a child about 3 years old. She ran up and down the stairs in the theatre, laughing and shouting. After the thrid complaint the usher asked them to leave. The mother said loudly as she was leaving "She is only 3, it is not her fault". One of the guys who complained replied " No one is blaming the child" heee!

[Heather]

I agree. Children should be in public and taught to behave properly. Otherwise it does get worse when they are older. Our daughter acts great in public. We're working on the boys. We have to walk outside with them a lot.

BTW, these pics continue to solidify my admiration of Patrick. They are amazing photos. He really does have a good eye.

[Lizzie]

First movie we took the daughter to was "Happy Feet"...an early afternoon showing when she was almost three. Lots of prep on how to behave. And yes, we WERE the only ones in the theater. She obviously thought we'd lost our minds.

[Amy]

Patrick's pictures are really good. I'm glad you guys had a good time.

[SarahB]

Do you ever read DCist's "Overheard in DC"? They post funny things "overheard in DC" on Friday afternoons, and your post reminded me of it. It sounds like you both are having a blast, and I hope you continue to do so.

And, as for hanging out, perhaps another time?

[Lindsay]

You SHOULD move here! (I'm selfishly glad you didn't get out last night because I would have been really sorry to have missed it... Maybe next time?)

[Pam L]

My Mother always used to say that the only way kids could learn to be civilized in the public is to BE in the public. They took us to decent restaurants and we learned not to make a scene about what might be on our plate even if we would have shrieked at home. She would get mad at the parents that obviously (her observation) hardly ever took their children out and then spend the entire time yelling at them when they didn't know what to do. I'm glad you got to do this with Patrick and cameras can be a great creative too, good to see he's using his that way.

[A]

Thank you so much for sharing your trip with us--loved reading all this.

[Sylvia]

I love your conversations with Patrick--reminds me of my son when he was young. And I agree with those who praised his photos, the last one especially.

Oh, and Meg--I cracked up when I read your comment about "Mass" because I first thought you were escalating to the state, not church! And as for that terror flight to Toronto? The mother should have switched seats with you.

[Pam]

I love that you - and Patrick! - are loving "my" city! and such wonderful photos....

[Tine]

A post from the road! Thank you.

But...bubble recipe please? Pretty please? C'mon, Patrick. Cough it up!

[MJ]

Patrick's photos are really wonderful. It may have taken a long time to get that last shot, but it was worth it.

[Kim]

I felt the same way about that house sculpture! It made the whole sculpture garden for me. Well, that and the really cool tree sculpture near it.

[Jan]

The cardinal rule being: Never Disturb Other People in a Public Space. And it is pretty simple. If you are loud, if you are out of your seat, if your feet are anywhere other than the floor, if you walk to the left side of the staircase, if you try to go down when the sign says go up... you get gently - perhaps even lovingly - corrected. And if you do not respond to that initial warning, you get removed. Period.

This is a little too long to go on a bumper sticker, but how much do you suppose we'd all have to chip in to get it mounted on billboards throughout the country?

Barring that, maybe just someplace near my SILs house? Where she'd see it every single day? Please?

[bethany actually]

Yep, Smithsonian Castle is the main building. I'm sorry you got grounded, not least because I really wanted to meet you. Sigh. Oh well.

I agree with you one hundred percent about children in the public sphere.

[Olivia]

That sculpture is tres cool. And [uptight] people need to learn the difference between public spaces and adults only spaces. Libraries and airplanes are public. Strip clubs and...I don't know fancy art gallery shows(?) are adults only.

[zarqa]

What a great read! That sculpture sort of leaves me dumbstruck too and, now, I must see it the next time I'm in DC.
Patrick IS superspecial, astoundingly so. What a coup for him to have a mom who sees it and feeds it, so beautifully.

[Lisa]

I agree with you about Children in the Public Sphere. . .which is why I no longer patronize our public library.

I mean, I *know* I'm old and shit, but really? When did we lose the concept of whispering? (And I don't mean the children's library, which blessedly is on the lower floor and has it's own dividing wall from the rest of the floor.) I mean up in REFERENCE is not the place for your kid to practice Running & Screaming. Jeez Louise.

/also?
//get off my lawn

[Rebecca]

That sculpture is so weird!

[Robyn]

Patrick never ceases to amaze me. What a photographer! Seriously, what a kid!

When I was uber-pregnant with our first, my husband and I were in a restaurant, and a couple with a very well-mannered kid leaned over to me as we were leaving and said a friendly "good luck!" with a side dish of advice - "Start taking them to restaurants early! That way, they know how to do it!" What great advice...

Let us DC'ers know if you're ever in town again and not grounded (although we all understand!)

[Erin]

I hear you on the 'going out' part while visiting others. I would love to jump at the chance of free babysitters when we visit my in-laws OR when they come visit us! My kids are in bed by 7:30pm. Come on in-laws! Do you really need me and the husband to sit around and watch TV with you for the evening? Give us a break! Gah!

[Shana in Texas]

Patrick is awesome! I love his perspective. Is he available for marriage 'cause I have a six year old and I would love to have him as a son in law in about 15 years. Let's pencil in a date, okay?

[Libby]

I had not visited your blog in a while. Glad to know you are all doing well. You are so delightful Julia. Never ever stop writing, do you hear me?

Happy belated birthday to Patrick. We celebrated Sofia's 9 at Disneyland. It was excellent. Hard to believe how fast they are growing huh?

[Monica C.]

We just got back from Madrid and my kids were fascinated by: (1) graffiti and (2) homeless people. WOW! I grew up in Berkeley, CA ... and now I have kids that, at ages 7 and 9, had never seen a homeless person before last week. I have Got.To.Do.Better!

[winecat]

"you must be consumed with guilt" priceless Patrick.

OMG I needed that laughter.

[MsCellania]

We must share the same mother! My boys are 10 and 11, and she has 'babysat' them twice. (She lives 45 mins away.) Once, in FL on vacation with my parents, husband and 2 sons then 2 and 3, my father said "You 2 go out! The boys are asleep; go have dinner. Enjoy the night!" I called my mother to get directions after husband and I got off the causeway and got a bit lost maybe 10 minutes after we'd left, and mom said "Oh, good; are you guys on your way back?!" Yeah, mom; we feasted on the sunset and we'll be right back. The boys were still asleep, just not her thang.
Patrick's photos are very nice. I'm glad you got him a decent camera.
I have a son with autism; if he's misbehaving in public, he is snatched practically out of his shoes and removed. And he loses a privilege like screen time. If he can learn to manage behavior to behave by age 4, anyone can. Seriously.

[Jan]

I thought about writing before that Patrick would be offended by the Planetarium show, but I wasn't sure you would be seeing the same one. You did. It was simplistic.

[Nancy]

So glad that someone of your generation teaches their children how to behave in public. I've had it with children running amok in stores and restaurants. Not only disturbing to other patrons but extremely dangerous to the child. My daughter still remembers "the grip" when being led out of a restaurant.

[tgsdmom]

Happy Birthday to Patrick!

[Cris]

The wit doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Love it!

[RY]

I wish I had seen these entries earlier! Is it too late for us to hang out in DC?? When are you leaving??

[Sheila Z]

Yes, children most definitely belong in the world and should be out mingling with the masses. Grouchy adults seem to have forgotten that they were children once and most likely were a bit of a pain at times. Also, growing children need socialization. After all, these children will one day grow up and be forced to pay the old farts Social Security checks. Self interest says we all, as a village, need to help raise children. Besides, I find young children entertaining to watch.

It's the parents that let children run wild and don't even attempt to help their child understand how to behave appropriately that drive me nuts. Children shouldn't be expected to behave perfectly, but parents need to put some effort into parenting.

What bugs me more than a child behaving like a child are adults who feel free to talk loudly and incessantly on cell phones in public spaces. These yammer mouths are hopeless idiots and there is not much chance of them ever growing up and respecting other people.

[Brandi]

This reminds me of a story my Dad tells. He was in a restaraunt eating after a long day at work (construction, very tiring) and there was a child running around like a maniac. He finally caught the kid and told them to sit back down and be quiet. The kid's mother of course was upset that her kid had been wrangled and said to my Dad "Well I guess you don't remember what it's like to be a child!" to which he replied "I do remember being a child, and when I was I didn't aggravate everyone in a half mile radius!"

Needless to say my sister and I were removed promptly if we couldn't behave.

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip otherwise! I need to take a week off and go to DC and just visit all the Smithsonians. I would be in nerd paradise!

[KK]

The last picture reminded me of this artist - click the link and scroll down - it's the U Bahnstationen Theatreplatz work. Very cool stuff.

http://takegreatpictures.com/photo-tips/photo-book-reviews/architecture-of-absence-aperture

What fun you have together!

[Christiana]

I'm right there with you on kids in public. That's how I learned - and even my 3 yr old is picking up on this stuff (she is amazingly polite in public).

[animzmirot]

My 19-year old daughter still remembers and reminds me ruefully of the time when she was 4 and I yanked her and her twin brother out of The Goofy Movie (obviously no great cultural loss) because she kept asking questions and was so busy with the questions that she missed most of the action, never mind the explanations. And that was the end of her going to the movies until she could STOP TALKING, which took years.

There was no way I would tolerate my children bothering other people, and we have left baseball games (throwing popcorn), museums (running and whining), restaurants (no, you cannot have mac and cheese as a side on a meat meal--we keep Kosher) and various other venues. My kids are beautifully behaved now, with excellent manners and an uncanny ability to engage adults in hours of conversation. Yes, it was hard work and at times really frustrating, but so worth it in the long run.

[KarinNH]

Just wait until they are teenagers...

Last year, I returned to a clothing store I had been in once before (about 6 months prior). As soon as I walked in, one of the associates asked if I had my sons with me. She then turned to her coworkers and said, "Her boys are absolutely amazing, very polite, really nice" and so on.

Later, when I passing along the compliment, my older son looked at me and said it was pretty discouraging when simply acting like a decent human being was that memorable. They also laughed and said I would have killed them if they had behaved otherwise (manners were an exception to my very relaxed parenting!)

[Laurie in Oregon]

Just had to say--I love Patrick! Would love to explore a city with him. Except he's not my kid so that would be weird. But if he ever wants to Portland he's got a tour guide!

[Amy]

My nine year old REALLY wants to know what that last picture is. "Is it a bowling alley? WHAT IS IT???"
So please tell me.
Thank you.

[Paz]

That last picture is a tunnel with an escalator that connects the east wing of the National Gallery with the west wing.

I would have taken you to the 4Ps if I knew that you were here. Hope you had fun, melted ice cream, metro (not subway), robbery in progress, and graffiti... what else could you want?!

Oh yeah, 4 fucking Ps