Although my love for Jackson Hole remains undying, my excitement for being there with my children waned long before bedtime yesterday.
I suppose Steve and I got greedy but after a glorious afternoon and two and a half hours in the pocket-sized pool we thought we could just wander around town for a while and then find a place to eat dinner. It was at least an hour after our usual dinner time but, hey, I had a fetching new hat, Steve was happily lecturing on the various ways snow melt can manifest itself and we were on vacation. Laissez les bon temps, hein?
Here's a hint: never think you can push back feeding children and then try to free-form a plan in an unfamiliar location. We wound up death marching the kids around town until we had to carry the twins. Then we showed up at the restaurant that we'd found recommended online only to discover the steak place had closed and a biker bar had taken its location. Don't get me wrong. We like bikers. So much so that we had no desire to inflict our increasingly fractious children upon them. So we set off for another place but... no, it wasn't going to work either. So we headed five blocks in the other direction as I grew increasingly hysterical (fine. I say don't fuck with the children's meal times but to be completely honest when I haven't eaten I become a demon) and the children whined and Steve got exasperated with all of us.
Then Edward tripped on a curb and face-planted, striking his forehead so hard on the concrete I'm sure the bikers could hear it back at their place.
[Exhibit A:
]
I sat down on the sidewalk to triage him; concluded he would live but he needed some ice and maybe a little Tylenol and definitely some dinner; and I told Steve we would be dining at the very next place we saw which happened to be an uber-fancy gastrobistropub. They took one look at us (maybe two at Edward) and said ohhhhh soooooo sawwwwry. I was tempted to tell them that Edward is Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago, but in truth they were right to shun us.
In the end we wound up at some random place; the children ate three baskets of bread and nothing else; Edward reclined on my lap after he fell off his own chair (no he does not have a concussion but I thought that too); Caroline spent the evening grimacing horribly at a nice old lady who had smiled at her; Patrick played with the Kanoodle set I had purchased for just such an emergency and Steve ordered antelope and ate it with what I considered to be unseemly enjoyment considering we had almost picked one up as a hitchhiker.
Not our best night and I guess the moral is there is much to be said for Pizza Hut when travelling with children.
But today dawned bright and clear and our hotel had an excellent free breakfast (Lexington; nice place, huge rooms.) After we ate Steve and I read your travel ideas and we planned the rest of our itinerary accordingly. Steve had originally thought the drive through Yellowstone would take forever but after reading what you had to say we went anyway and we are so glad we did. Thank you so much.
We saw buffalo (what is the difference between buffalo and bison? is there one?) and elk and a grizzly (maybe. from a distance. unless it was a tree stump) and a mud volcano and waterfalls and an amazing canyon and the river and it is almost unfathomable to me how many different, interesting, beautiful things can be accumulated in one place.
Spectacular and unusual things aside I have to say that the highlight of the day was pulling off the road and playing in a creek for an hour.
Tonight we're in Bozeman Montana after dining in Livingston (Pizza Hut! It was... Pizza Hut but the children ate a ton, no one cared if they were cheerful and I had a locally brewed ale that was so delicious [Bozone - I think] that I ordered another. Our waiter asked if I wanted him to bring the next one after I had finished the first or before and I looked at him like are you kidding me? and he said "Totally" just like Crush in Finding Nemo. When he brought my second beer he gave me a knuckle and I knuckled him back. As I suspected, I am much much cooler in the West. Yeehaw, as Caroline would say.)
Tomorrow we are heading to Coeur d'Alene.
Thanks for all the suggestions.
PS An eagle! I was taking a picture of the bald eagles and that house suddenly got in the way like an inconsiderate tourist. One of the hazards of passenger side photography I suppose. And yes it is true that we have bald eagles by the sackful where we live (one actually was nesting between our house and preschool this year and on the way down to the farm we have to practically wave a broom out the window to keep them from carrying off the car) but these were Wyoming bald eagles. No doubt they have cowboy hats.
You must go to the Museum of the Rockies before you pull out of Bozeman. Great place! If you buy a family membership, you can use them to get into the Pacific Science Center and the Museum of Flight in Seattle. Trust me on this one, Patrick will look back on this as the best vacation ever. And the twins....will probably be too young to remember it.
Posted by: Jeanette | July 29, 2011 at 11:35 PM
I think the US only really has bison. Buffalo are African, perhaps?
Posted by: kdblya | July 29, 2011 at 11:36 PM
Some days I think Edward is the cutest, and some days I think Caroline. And then other days I think it's Patrick. Further research is called for.
Posted by: Yatima | July 29, 2011 at 11:55 PM
Kdblya's right, buffalo are Asian or African so when people call the North American bison buffalo they're wrong, they're an entirely different kind of animal. But of course if you correct people on it then you come across as a pedantic kill-joy. Or at least I do ;)
Posted by: Jacqui | July 30, 2011 at 12:56 AM
I was going to suggest the Museum of the Rockies, but I see my twin sister got to it before I did (unless there is another Jeanette who uses her Museum of the Rockies membership to take her kid - and mine - to the Pacific Science Center and the Museum of Flight). We drove from Seattle to Yellowstone last summer and I looked at her as if she were nuts when she bought a family membership to a museum in Bozeman. But her membership came with some extra passes that got us all in to that museum and she has been using it all year for the museums in Seattle. So, score one for sis...
Posted by: Jennifer H | July 30, 2011 at 01:37 AM
Are you staying in Coeur d'Alene tomorrow night? Restaurants there fill UP on Saturday night. If you want to eat at one of the places on Sherman (the main street) get a reservation or go early. Thee are lots of places that are out of the fray, though.
I like the Olympia, a casual Greek place that's good for kids. The Bonsai Bistro is pricy for Asian food, but the kids might like the koi stream running through the restaurant. Near the freeway is Tomato Street, an Italian place that is family-friendly.
Or you could drive into Spokane and I'll feed you dinner and ply you with local beer and wine while my teenage daughters take care of the twinks and Patrick explores the overstuffed toy closet or whips up a new pair of pants in my sewing room.
Posted by: Lise | July 30, 2011 at 01:45 AM
Oh, man, we have so been there on the dinner thing. Usually multiple times on the same vacation. It always ends up with one of us at the table waiting or eating and the other one of us outside running the tired, hungry but totally manic children around. And then we switch off. "Family" meals they are not. Yet I have no doubt we'll be doing the same thing, yet again, next week when we're on vacation...
Posted by: Stacey | July 30, 2011 at 01:57 AM
Oh my gosh, one of my twins fell walking down a boat ramp while we were in Montana and stopped herself with her face, after skidding several inches just a few weeks ago. Thankfully it was our last day there, so not every picture was filled with a mug that looked as though we beat her. I'm so happy you guys went through Yellowstone. My God, that place is amazing! Honestly, it is my new very favorite place on Earth...including all those tropical, amazing places that I always thought every vacation should have. I'm so glad my husband insisted, and I'm so happy I was so wrong. Happy travels westward!
Posted by: Kerri | July 30, 2011 at 03:49 AM
Probably someone has suggested this already but your trip to Yellowstone made me think that Patrick would get a kick out of Bill Bryson's 'A Short History of Nearly Everything' which is available from Audible!
Posted by: Victorix | July 30, 2011 at 04:23 AM
This is so fun! I love going on a vicarious vacation with you!
Posted by: Kristin | July 30, 2011 at 06:56 AM
First, I love that you are posting daily. I was confused at first - but now that I woke up and got the daily thing, I'm looking forward to the posts.
Second, do you watch Big Bang Theory? Because Sheldon decided that Bozeman was the best place in the US to live. I'm so glad to see that you got to see it *giggle*
Posted by: Toni | July 30, 2011 at 07:14 AM
My fondest memory of a childhood road trip across the southwest was playing in a glorified mud hole along the route.
Posted by: Shana in Texas | July 30, 2011 at 08:27 AM
We went on a trip very similar to this when I was little and the pulling-over-and-playing-in-the-creek part is the only thing I remember. Perhaps it would have been cheaper to just drive to a creek.
Posted by: Jessica | July 30, 2011 at 08:29 AM
Love your daily vacation blog! You are the funniest writer... I only comment once or twice a year to tell you that, but I think it every time I read your blog.
Posted by: Nancy | July 30, 2011 at 08:45 AM
I have always wanted to go on a vacation like this but my husband..he's not into the roadtrip thing. Jackson Hole, Yellowstone, and Mt. Rushmore have been on my list forever. Thanks for posting!!!!
Posted by: Polly | July 30, 2011 at 08:56 AM
I just read Bill Bryson's book. Literally finished it last night. But I think it's probably a bit too mature for the twinks and Patrick. IMHO, but it's freaking hilarious!
I think you have inspired me, and next summer my hubs and I will travel out west with our newly adopted toddler.
Posted by: Nicole | July 30, 2011 at 09:08 AM
You know, I can't understand how many people are given book deals and you still haven't. I don't mean that those who are can't write - I just mean they are not you and there certainly should be more of you in every format. I don't know, are editors asleep?
Toni, Sheldon in acriminal Bozeman! The name sounded familiar and I couldn't fathom why, cheers! Oh, how I love that show...
Posted by: Lioness | July 30, 2011 at 10:02 AM
Edward I
Looks so much like Patrick in that photo. Normally there is not that much resemblance but that is such a Patrick face! And I recommended Bryson's audio book a month or so back so that's two votes for that. (definitely not for the twinkles yet)
Posted by: Andrea | July 30, 2011 at 10:09 AM
Coeur d'Alene! You're coming to my town! We'll be down at the lake today; hope to see you there! (In a not-stalkery kind of way, of course...)
Posted by: Sash | July 30, 2011 at 10:20 AM
I love this so much. Someday when i can stand being in a car with my kid for longer than 5 hours, we'll try it. And we too have done the dinner thing. Though sadly, often it's just our normal weekend thing. Oh, it's dinner time? What should we eat? (cue meltdown before we've even ordered food). You would think that three years in, we would have figured it out already, but sadly we have not.
Enjoy the trip!
Posted by: Sarah | July 30, 2011 at 10:27 AM
Actually, Yellowstone rangers and most experts will tell you that Bison (scientific name Bison bison) is the fancier word for the American Buffalo, and both words are correct descriptors for the animal. The "one is actually wrong" myth is just very pervasive and a chance to sound clever. (I'm not an expert myself, just did a whole lot of research after we drove through the west and wanted a straight answer. We asked park rangers all over the place, and then turned to both the internet and dead tree encyclopedias.)
Here is the relevant section from Wikipedia:
Name
Some consider the term "buffalo" somewhat of a misnomer for this animal, as it is only distantly related to either of the two "true buffalo," the Asian water buffalo and the African buffalo. However, "bison" is a Greek word meaning ox-like animal, while "buffalo" originated with the French fur trappers who called these massive beasts bœufs, meaning ox or bullock – so both names, "bison" and "buffalo," have a similar meaning. In reference to this animal, the term "buffalo," which dates to 1635, has a much longer history than the term "bison," which was first recorded in 1774.[12] The American bison is more closely related to the wisent or European bison. The Lakota word for the American bison is tatanka.[13]
Posted by: Carolina | July 30, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Dang! I was just SURE it was a UFO. Oh well, eagles are cool, too. :)
Posted by: Leandra | July 30, 2011 at 11:33 AM
I am soooo jealous of your trip. I LOVE Wyoming and Montana and Yellowstone is amazing. Since you are a beer drinker get your self a Fat Tire asap.
Posted by: Kat | July 30, 2011 at 02:36 PM
Your vacation route is pretty much one variant of my childhood annual summer vacation (the other variant took us further North through Glacier National Park). I grew up in Rapid City, SD, and my grandparents lived in Coeur d'Alene, so we saw a LOT of Wyoming and/or Montana every summer--fun times and fun memories, even for 6 kids and 2 parents crammed into a Ford Country Squire station wagon for 7 days! It sounds like your family is enjoying it, too, although no vacation is complete without a few kid meltdowns...
Posted by: nlb | July 30, 2011 at 02:45 PM
We have three children, too. Every time we travel I think about my cousin's recent story abou the Southwest Airline stewardess who, during her droning monologue about emergency procedures, said, "And if you're traveling with children today . . . what are you thinking?!?" That sums it up. Glad you and your family are enjoying (at times)!!!
Posted by: Stacey | July 30, 2011 at 03:00 PM
What most people call "buffalo" in America are bison. True buffalo are not native to America. The "American Buffalo" are all of the genus Bison. There are African and Asian Buffalo's, like water buffalos. We have Bison. Here in Colorado near Denver (Genesee/Evergreen area)we have a herd that is the most pure bison around. Often they are not and stop displaying real bison traits and therefore cannot survive in the wild on their own.
Posted by: Pam L | July 30, 2011 at 06:16 PM
It scares me to say that your trip description almost makes me want to agree to my husband's desire to drive cross country in an RV when the kids have flown the coop. LOVE that you are writing daily!
Posted by: Laurie | July 30, 2011 at 07:24 PM
Your hunt for dinner reminded me of our worst-meal-of-the-trip on our recent drive back from a month long trip to TX.
Here it is, as brief as I can make it:
The night ended with me dragging screaming, sobbing, overtired one-year-old twins down the center of Bourbon St. at 10:00 at night after hanging my head in shame and dragging screaming, sobbing, overtired one-year-old twins out of a very, *very* nice restaurant, where my husband was still sitting, enjoying both my entree and his (since it would make no sense to try to box up and take a fish entree back to our hotel...). We paid over $100 for that meal, and I think my stomach contained all of three baked oysters and one small milk punch (small, but deeeelish), and one bite of rice, and whatever of the babies' pasta alfredo I licked off my fingers after cutting it into tiny pieces which they gleefully pulled from their mouths and threw to the floor.
In fairness, we took them to this very nice restaurant in desperation, as it was quite late, we had been on the road all day, and it was not far from our Bourbon St. hotel (not that we intended to stay on Bourbon-- that was a delightful little Hotwire mishap. Lesson learned, I guess). We were tired and hungry, and we had eaten at this restaurant before and loved it, though we had only ever eaten at the bar, so we had no idea how very, very nice the table service portion of the restaurant was.
I have never gotten more stink-eyes, more GOD-you-are-a-TERRIBLE-parent looks than walking down Bourbon St with two babies, one of whom only stopped crying long enough to show off his new trick of shouting WOOHOO when he heard clapping, which he did as a scantily clad woman stepped out of a doorway into the street... Awesome.
The rest of our stay there was great, though. If we hadn't ended up in a Bourbon St hotel, I think the French Quarter otherwise would have been just fine for traveling with little ones. But anyway. Lesson learned. Pizza Hut it is, from now on!
Posted by: Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) | July 30, 2011 at 08:35 PM
Oh dear, yes, I think it was Madrid where my stepkids taught me the value of (an occasional) Pizza Hut (in lieu of tiny authentic Spanish cafes and tapas bars and -- oh, woe is me!) in the context of family harmony. But yes, sometimes convenient and familiar trumps, um, good. Oh, and mine were both, well, old enough to vote (one just barely) on that trip, so don't feel bad (or count on crossing Pizza Hut off your list anytime soon).
Posted by: Alexicographer | July 30, 2011 at 09:54 PM
I don't know her, but now I'm ready to visit Lise! Restaurant tips plus a babysitting & crafting offer - wow, just, wow. Sounds like an actual vacation, or heaven.
Posted by: NellaBean | July 30, 2011 at 10:06 PM
I love all the comments about buffalo vs. bison. All I can think is "Ooooh give me a home, where the buffalo roam, where the deer and the antelope play, where never is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day!" Bison would be lyrically awkward there.
Posted by: B.Mare | July 31, 2011 at 03:37 PM
Good lord America is beautiful!!!!
Posted by: Lisa from Israel | August 01, 2011 at 06:02 AM
Dammit, I am too late to tell you that our Science Museum of MN membership got us in free at the Museum of the Rockies! Oh well...
Posted by: yasmara | August 01, 2011 at 08:46 AM
I think everyone has been through some version of this dinner experience on a vacation. The kids are hanging at the pool, you're enjoying a nice pre-dinner cocktail, and you don't want to be the killjoy who says, "Get out of that pool and got dressed. Got to stay on our strict feeding schedule!" So you suppress your instincts only to discover an hour later when you're starving, your kids are crying and you and your husband aren't speaking that your instincts were oh-so right.
Posted by: Kristin | August 01, 2011 at 11:57 AM
Abe Froman! Hee hee hee...
Posted by: Robyn | August 03, 2011 at 11:24 AM
I hope you get alerts for all your comments as I want to make sure you get this message... try Trip Advisor for last-minute dinner planning. We have 2 kids (just 6 and just 4) and we did our entire last 2 holiday eating-out planning (I use that in the loosest sense of the word) using TripAdvisor. More in "oh hell it's 5pm where is open and good and kid friendly within a 5 mile radius?!" kinda 'planning'. We haven't hit a dud restaurant yet. I have the iPhone app that says 'restaurants near me' and just scroll to something 4*+ that has been reviewed in the last month... and choose. Highly recommended. We have eaten at some pretty surprising places; way-out-there pubs, mom-and-pop Thai cupboards (there were 5 tables max in that place, down a random sidestreet in a forgotten seaside town), but it was DREAMY), Italian to die for (in a restaurant I wouldn't have set foot in without the prior recommendation of the review). Seriously, it ROCKS.
Posted by: jen | August 06, 2011 at 05:35 PM