This morning Edward looked at his sticker chart.
"I have two stickers,"' he announced.
"Yes."
"But I need ten stickers and I get a special present," he continued.
"That's right," I said. "No tantrums and you'll get more stickers. Like today! At preschool! When I leave you'll say goodbye and I'll say goodbye and I'll give you a kiss and you'll find a toy to play with and then you'll get another sticker!
Edward studied the chart and said, "I need eight more stickers. Eight more stickers and I'll get a special present."
"Yes," I said, "two plus eight is ten. You have two so after you get eight more you will have ten stickers."
"I want eight stickers," said Edward.
"Well, sure, if you... "
"I want eight stickers!" repeated Edward
"Yes, right, if you don't start..."
"I WANT EIGHT STICKERS! I WAAAAAAANT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" and he proceeded to become completely unglued, emitting sounds that could only be heard by dolphins in distant seas.
By the time Patrick entered the kitchen a few minutes later I had gone back to making lunches and Edward was a writhing, incoherent, shrieky heap on the floor.
Patrick looked at Edward and then looked at me. I shrugged.
"Edward!" Patrick said. Edward looked up.
"Take a deep breath!" Edward gulped.
"No one will ever be able to understand you or help you if you scream like that. Now use your words. What do you want?"
"I. Waaaaan-tuh. Eigh-tuh. TICKERS!"
"You mean the stickers for your smile chart?" Patrick asked.
"Yes," said Edward and then, having been reminded of his grievance, he started screaming again.
Patrick looked around the kitchen as if he expected to find hidden cameras somewhere and then he looked at me again.
"Edward is throwing a tantrum because he wants to put stickers on the chart that you created to try to get him not to throw so many tantrums?"
I nodded.
"Well that's..." Patrick started and then he smiled. "Wait," he said, "this is irony, isn't it?"
Meanwhile Caroline accepted the chart that I had made for her and admired my color choices. She asked about the boxes and I explained that she could earn stickers for exemplary behavior and that when she had accumulated ten stickers she would be able to get a little present of some kind. She smiled at me and said she understood perfectly.
We have no witnesses for the next part but it seems fairly obvious that after I left the room she got a dining room chair and pulled it over to the kitchen counter. Then she climbed up onto the counter and opened the cupboard where I keep the craft supplies. After rummaging around in a couple of shoeboxes she found what she wanted and made some changes to her chart.
Five minutes later she handed me back the chart which now had ten stickers affixed to it, one for each box.
"There," Caroline said, "I have ten stickers. Now let's go get me a present."
Apparently I can't parent my way out of a wet paper bag.
The end
And that is why I read your blog! Caroline, Edward, and Patrick are soooo entertaining :) I have supplies for sticker charts languishing in my car...thanks for reminding me to go get them. Our goal is to give him a place to get the stickers he gets from school (you know, when he doesn't bite or scratch anyone, oh yeah, we have that kid) and when he gets all of his stickers that week, tada, prize (book). Fingers crossed....and mental note to hide the sticker sheets well.
Posted by: ksmaybe | October 10, 2011 at 09:31 PM
I'm sorry but that is hilarious!
I have no advice, but hope it gets better!
Posted by: Heather P | October 10, 2011 at 09:31 PM
Oh, I was so Caroline, physically, as a child. I was pure monkey.
(Until the books came down to the bottom shelves, then I never left the floor. That part of me was Patrick. Teaching yourself to read is an excellent present for the oldest child to give a parent . . . I think.)
And Patrick should get a special present for the correct use of irony!
Posted by: Meg | October 10, 2011 at 09:38 PM
Ha! :) Isn't it fun how different kids can be? And so entertaining? Not my own, of course, but yours. I can't remember how I found you, but I'm pretty sure I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm a mom of 2 boys 11 and 14) in Texas. I enjoy your writing; thanks!
Posted by: jadine | October 10, 2011 at 09:43 PM
OMG, laughing so hard I'm crying. I can so totally see that happening here too.
Posted by: Rose | October 10, 2011 at 09:51 PM
irony, indeed! i love it. sorry to enjoy your strife so much but that whole scenario is priceless!
Posted by: mama without instructions | October 10, 2011 at 09:54 PM
I was also laughing out loud at Edward. And Patrick - irony! Hahaha! But then, from nowhere, Caroline! Caroline for the win! You have three beautiful children. Sorry about the tantrums. But oh my goodness, almost worth it for this gem of a story.
Posted by: Anna | October 10, 2011 at 09:56 PM
Priceless!
Posted by: BabyKMama | October 10, 2011 at 10:01 PM
After vowing to avoid all rewards, even in the form of sticker charts, I finally gave in. And now I am wondering why I waited so long!
For my five year old, I take a single plain m&m, put it where she can see it but not get to it, and tell her that if bedtime goes smoothly she can have it in the morning. Works like a frickin charm! She's so easily bribed!
Perhaps Obama should start giving m&ms to the Republicans. Might help him get is way.
Posted by: TAC | October 10, 2011 at 10:07 PM
Mwahahahahahahahahaha! I love your family sooooooo much! Other than that I don't have to much to offer!
Posted by: Barbara | October 10, 2011 at 10:19 PM
As always you make me laugh!
Posted by: carrie | October 10, 2011 at 10:26 PM
Hahahahha. i literally laughed until i cried, and then i read the post again. I'm fairly sure my neighbor hates me now! Your family is beyond hilarious, I love it!
Posted by: KK | October 10, 2011 at 10:33 PM
Oh my, that is hilarious. Your kids are priceless.
Posted by: Shannon | October 10, 2011 at 10:40 PM
maybe it would help (with Edward, i mean) if the reward was more immediate? like, a small present at 5 stickers/5 days of being a decent human being and then you could work up to 10 after he successfully makes it to 5 a few times? or maybe he would just be screaming for THUH-REE TICKERS then instead of EIGH-TUH. i dunno, i don't have kids yet.
Posted by: elspeth | October 10, 2011 at 10:45 PM
Ha ha ha!!! Caroline did the same thing my nephew did years ago with his chore chart. He was young so for his chore all he had to do was dust-bust the stairs and at the end of whatever time period was up, he would get something special. So, check, check and check, he simply marked off all his dust-busting boxes at one time, all done, problem solved, where's my prize? Maybe Caroline thought it was a scavenger hunt?
Posted by: Pam L | October 10, 2011 at 11:02 PM
What did you say to Caroline?
Posted by: tami | October 10, 2011 at 11:04 PM
Hey, wet paper bags are easy. Three-year-olds are tricky.
Posted by: bethany actually | October 10, 2011 at 11:08 PM
OMG I love your kids.
Posted by: Yatima | October 10, 2011 at 11:15 PM
Love that story of Patrick. Its just so wonderful when the older child points out the rather large holes in our parenting. My son did that recently...somehow you can't feel quite as bad that way. good luck with Edward...
Posted by: jb | October 11, 2011 at 12:17 AM
Caroline reminds me of my daughter, so much. We tried sticker charts and Amy did the exact same thing. "I have enough stickers now Mummy, I need my present."
*headdesk*
Posted by: Veronica | October 11, 2011 at 12:51 AM
Thank you. So glad to know I'm not the only parent who didn't find sticker charts to be the panacea some claim.
Posted by: grace | October 11, 2011 at 01:11 AM
Given that Patrick is most probably the most amazing kid the world has ever produced, you must be doing something right!
We tried a sticker chart for toilet training. Master Three started weeing just a few drops at a time or, um, pinching things off into small pellets each visit, thus converting one bladderful or one bowel movement into about ten stickers.
That sort of muscular control will one day make him the envy of his nursing home.
Posted by: Keren | October 11, 2011 at 02:41 AM
Love this!
Posted by: Losh | October 11, 2011 at 04:40 AM
Lol... poor Edward. That made me laugh so much. Caroline is delightful.
Posted by: Amy | October 11, 2011 at 06:17 AM
Thanks for the morning giggle.
Posted by: Stephanie | October 11, 2011 at 06:17 AM
I like Caroline's style.
Posted by: Jenny Greene | October 11, 2011 at 06:35 AM
Oh this made me chuckle! If Caroline puts her mind to it she'll have solved the international debt crises and secured world peace by teatime!
Posted by: Carie | October 11, 2011 at 07:15 AM
Just this morning I was entertaining the idea of a sticker chart to try to get my 3-year-old to finally go on the freakin' potty. I am beginning to reconsider...
Posted by: Callie | October 11, 2011 at 07:36 AM
That is my KT. She would first have the tantrum, and THEN climb up the wall to find where I hide the stickers and do it herself.
We Cannot Win.
Posted by: el-e-e | October 11, 2011 at 07:47 AM
Wow...guess sticker charts are going to take a little time. Stickers under lock and key? And for Edward, he just needs Caroline, his bestest buddy, to explain the rules to him!
Posted by: Kathleen999 | October 11, 2011 at 07:51 AM
I'm trying desperately not to laugh too loud because I'm at work!
And that's so my daughter! Both the Edward behavior and the Caroline behavior. :)
I once told her that she couldn't have candy until her cereal was done. She promptly (unbeknownst to me) fed her cereal to her daddy, then brought me the bowl to show me. And got her candy since she did exactly what I told her to do!
Posted by: Shannon | October 11, 2011 at 07:51 AM
It's not you, dear. It's them! :)
Sticker charts didn't work for my boy, either. 5 stickers for a prize was WAY too long to wait.
Posted by: Tine | October 11, 2011 at 07:59 AM
I just CRACKED UP. no kidding, i was trying to eat my waffles and it ended badly for me.
Posted by: vanessa | October 11, 2011 at 08:15 AM
That is priceless...
Posted by: Melissa aka cookingmel | October 11, 2011 at 08:23 AM
Hhahahahahaha the twinkles have definitely won this round!!! This was hysterical, truly made my day.
Posted by: Clarity | October 11, 2011 at 08:31 AM
SO fun to read, but not (always) to live through, I know!
We have actually had great success with sticker charts. I have found though, that they must be developed with the attention span of your audience in mind. Thus, our charts are structured so that you can fill it and earn a very modest "reward" (ie select a finger puppet that came as a part of a large set) every day or two. Delayed gratification is yet another skill to learn, but a hard one to combine with the bigger problems that make you think about creating sticker charts in the first place.
Posted by: MK | October 11, 2011 at 09:06 AM
SNORK!! I am going to read this post several times today and I will laugh every time, I am sure! Oh my goodness, I love your kids so much.
Patrick recognizing "irony" completely made my day.
Posted by: Betsy | October 11, 2011 at 09:13 AM
Oh my your children are hilarious. Trust me, it's not you, it's them. I would also suggest a new hiding place for the stickers.
Posted by: Christine | October 11, 2011 at 09:28 AM
Oh my your children are hilarious. Trust me, it's not you, it's them. I would also suggest a new hiding place for the stickers.
Posted by: Christine | October 11, 2011 at 09:28 AM
Irony! Priceless!
What did you do for Carolyn? Did she get her prize? In our house, I would have reminded her that, while I appreciate her creativity, the rule is the stickers have to be earned and only Mommy or Daddy can give them. I would actually take the ones she put on herself off the sticker chart.
And tantrums really, truly suck. But hold your ground and they will go away. Between two kids and 5 years teaching at a school for children for behavior disorders, I have seen more than my share of tantrums. My plan for dealing with them is to remove the child from public areas so they don't get a lot of attention, and to make sure they don't get any kind of reinforcement - ignore, ignore, ignore. When they're done kicking and screaming, they're not really done - they're still upset and thinking about it, see we wait 5 minutes after the last sound and then they can rejoin the group. My 5 year old is now pretty good at gauging when he is ready to rejoin us, so I let him do it when he is ready, but I definitely had to teach that. After they are calm, a hug and a kiss and an "all done?" and we're back to normal. After a few times of not getting their desired outcome and not getting lots of attention, the motivation is gone and tantrums dissipate. Do not bargain, entice or cajole, b/c kids will always hold out for a better bargain!
Posted by: Kelli | October 11, 2011 at 10:04 AM
Lauging, laughing, laughing. Maybe in a few months you'll find this funny too. Hang in there!
Posted by: Ami | October 11, 2011 at 10:12 AM
I'm STILL laughing! What a great start to the morning. (Well, MY morning, anyway...)
Posted by: Heidi | October 11, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Yup, that is pretty much how it would go at our house, too.
[sigh]
Posted by: Julie | October 11, 2011 at 10:18 AM
Oh, three year olds are my least favorite! I love them when they are somebody else's though because the stories are so entertaining! Your kids are the best!
Posted by: Eli | October 11, 2011 at 10:20 AM
Maybe you could take stickers away for bad behavior?
Posted by: Katie | October 11, 2011 at 10:35 AM
I laughed so hard, your kids are awesome.
Re: Edward. I would go with short term tangible rewards (daily very small prizes).
Re: Caroline. I would say "Good try! No cigar!"
Posted by: liz | October 11, 2011 at 11:11 AM
Snort. SO trying not to attract attention at my desk.
Posted by: Sandra | October 11, 2011 at 11:15 AM
This is *exactly* why I never used sticker charts. I knew that it would then become all about I WANT STICKERS NOW!!!
And taking them away for bad behavior will just make it worse, believe me.
Fwiw, I finally got my 8 yr old to leave me alone at bedtime by paying her a quarter every time she's in bed with the lights out by 8:45, and doesn't call me a zillion times for water, extra kisses, hot water bottle, I'm hungry, etc. No decent bedtime, no quarter. We don't punish for bad bedtimes, though--it's all carrot, no stick.
It seems to be working, or at least so I tell myself...
Posted by: Erika | October 11, 2011 at 11:20 AM
Oh wow, your kids are smart!
Posted by: victoria | October 11, 2011 at 11:49 AM
I've tried the sticker charts too. My 4 year old does ok with it for a day or so, then decides that having a tantrum here and now is better than the prize. Same with bribes. "Chase, if you don't stop it right now, i'm bringing your ____ back to the store" "That's ok mum, I don't want it anymore"
Posted by: Sharon | October 11, 2011 at 12:17 PM