A Very Short Story About Eighteen Stickers

This morning Edward looked at his sticker chart.

"I have two stickers,"' he announced.

"Yes."

"But I need ten stickers and I get a special present," he continued.

"That's right," I said. "No tantrums and you'll get more stickers. Like today! At preschool! When I leave you'll say goodbye and I'll say goodbye and I'll give you a kiss and you'll find a toy to play with and then you'll get another sticker!

Edward studied the chart and said, "I need eight more stickers. Eight more stickers and I'll get a special present."

"Yes," I said, "two plus eight is ten. You have two so after you get eight more you will have ten stickers."

"I want eight stickers," said Edward.

"Well, sure, if you... "

"I want eight stickers!" repeated Edward

"Yes, right, if you don't start..."

"I WANT EIGHT STICKERS! I WAAAAAAANT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" and he proceeded to become completely unglued, emitting sounds that could only be heard by dolphins in distant seas.

By the time Patrick entered the kitchen a few minutes later I had gone back to making lunches and Edward was a writhing, incoherent, shrieky heap on the floor.

Patrick looked at Edward and then looked at me. I shrugged.

"Edward!" Patrick said. Edward looked up.

"Take a deep breath!" Edward gulped.

"No one will ever be able to understand you or help you if you scream like that. Now use your words. What do you want?"

"I. Waaaaan-tuh. Eigh-tuh. TICKERS!"

"You mean the stickers for your smile chart?" Patrick asked.

"Yes," said Edward and then, having been reminded of his grievance, he started screaming again.

Patrick looked around the kitchen as if he expected to find hidden cameras somewhere and then he looked at me again.

"Edward is throwing a tantrum because he wants to put stickers on the chart that you created to try to get him not to throw so many tantrums?"

I nodded.

"Well that's..." Patrick started and then he smiled. "Wait," he said, "this is irony, isn't it?"

Meanwhile Caroline accepted the chart that I had made for her and admired my color choices. She asked about the boxes and I explained that she could earn stickers for exemplary behavior and that when she had accumulated ten stickers she would be able to get a little present of some kind. She smiled at me and said she understood perfectly.

We have no witnesses for the next part but it seems fairly obvious that after I left the room she got a dining room chair and pulled it over to the kitchen counter. Then she climbed up onto the counter and opened the cupboard where I keep the craft supplies. After rummaging around in a couple of shoeboxes she found what she wanted and made some changes to her chart.

Five minutes later she handed me back the chart which now had ten stickers affixed to it, one for each box.

"There," Caroline said, "I have ten stickers. Now let's go get me a present."

Apparently I can't parent my way out of a wet paper bag.

The end

Comments

[Mrs. Commoner]

Caroline is one savy little girl.

[Shandra]

This is exactly what happens with "performance incentives" in very large companies so, no worries, the best CEOs have not figured it out yet. :)

[Pam L]

Also, the only thing that ever worked for my two boys, who were not at all interested in anything so organized as a chart, was knowing the one thing they wanted to do/use and take it away unless they complied. Only we didn't present it like that, we made it positive by stating that 'Sure, they could absolutely do/have *whatever*'... as soon as they did what was required of them. It depended on what their current love was; Nintendo, staying out later (when older, of course). Even when he was little my son was always late coming home for dinner, for the night etc. We reminded him, bought him cheap watches with alarms set etc. So finally it was decided that each time he was late he lost 30 minutes of play time the next day. It became his problem, not ours to be calling him, reminding him, nagging him all the time. This was very effective in High School and when he wanted to drive too. And consequences you can't/won't keep will never work, they know it.

[Laurel]

Eh, it's not you. It's them. Unless it's me, too. Kids this young are just not able to fully comprehend the sticker chart. Yours are doing quite well just to get the math--they are smart like their big brother, no question!

Anyway, I've tried sticker charts several times for my under-5s--at two, three, and four--and each time it has been a pretty abject failure. They don't even get where to put the sticker, really. If I've noticed one thing it's that anything they will use, will not be used by "the rules." Sticker charts, toys, games ... it's very creative, but it drives my kinda-OCD, rule-loving self crazy.

[Lisa]

Oh Julia, I just love your blog! I am at work trying not to laugh my a** off!

[B.Mare]

Unfortunately the only thing that has worked here is "If you behave like that, you lose a toy" and then she has to earn the toy back. It's sooo harsh, but being of the Caroline persuasion AND tantrumy, harsh is the only way to go with Botany sometime.

We are also working on a sticker chart with some success but she's just a tiny bit older and also I keep it hidden until she's actually earned one. The prize is for being good all day at nursery. And she really, really wants, god help me, make up. MAKE UP. So I am no hurry for her to get all stickers.;)

[Kate]

I made a similar catch 22 for getting dressed alone. 1 m&m for getting dressed after we tell her, 2 if she does it without reminding (she is 3). We can't ever give her 1 without a screaming fit....

[Helen B]

I thought Caroline was going to put 8 stickers on Edward's chart and declare that act as her exemplary behavior. But I suppose she's more straight-forward than I imagined. lol

[tree town gal]

There is not one wasted line of text in this post. Utterly fantastic.

[sarah k]

I am laughing to the point of tears because this is so familiar...oh te tantrums around here. But about sticker charts: hold firm! Despite my doubts and some initial tantrum-ing and attempts at manipulation (they're not as advanced as Caroline, though...), it actually worked to get my boys to stop sucking thumbs (with the assistance of socks on hands at night). It might still work!

[Laur]

K, wait. Edward did 10-2=8? And he's three? Amazing. All of them!

[Sheila Z]

Kids up 3, Mom 0
Time to give up on the sticker system.

[Yasmina]

Removing one beloved item from them each time they misbehave works better than the rewarding system in this household for kids of 2.5 (boy) 4.5 (girl). Talking about positive reinforcement, ha!

[Sarah]

I think the three day sticker chart is a good idea for short attention spans. Lots of evidence that small steps with frequent rewards work.

On the other hand, it was totally worth it for the belly laugh for Patrick's insight. LOVE IT. Seriously, that kid is going to be a fucking rock star.

Anyway, best wishes. Glad it's not me.

[Nina]

hehehehe, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I would give Caroline a picture of a present and then the real one when she earns the stickers the proper way.

Patrick is ace.

[Marti]

The charts may not have the intended results but they ARE learning Math!

[jackie]

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This post just made my day as I have the same thing happening in my home and my son's school. Ah, it's all entertaining!!

[Kristin]

That is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time! Awesome.

[winecat]

Thanks Patrick, Edward and Caroline I needed that laugh : )

[jen]

Love. This. Post. Loving it.

[kara]

This anecdote has nothing whatsoever to do with your parenting, but it is SO very very funny that I absolutely cannot stop laughing....

[Hetty Fauxvert]

"Wait! This is irony, isn't it?"

BWAHAHahahahahahahahh!!

I just laughed so hard I had to take myself to task and tell myself to shut up so I wouldn't wake the household. Oh ... my ... goodness. Yes, Patrick, that is indeed irony. Good call, kiddo.

(BTW, I still say to let EddieBear stay home, if he wants to ... with nothing interesting to do. I give him three days, tops.)

[Terri C]

Too, too, too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lizardek]

My son and I are crying with laughter over this. TOO FUNNY!! Maybe if the paper bag was dry? HAHAHAHAAAA!!

[Pat]

As a kid I was worse, we had bad behavior charts where the kid with the fewest number of checks won. When I thought I was in danger of losing I convinced my younger sister that she should erase her checks. Of course she got caught and got an extra check for cheating and I won. Don't remember what I won but I still feel really guilty about doing that.

[Karen]

My oldest was so easily bribed. Potty training was a snap; he would do anything for a gummy bear. One for peeing, two for pooping, but no, you do not get three for peeing and pooping at the same time.

Then my second came along. It got to the point with potty training where I was telling him, 'If you poop on the potty, you can have a piece of chocolate." He sat for a minute, thoughtfully, and then said, "I think I don't want any chocolate." You cannot buy this kid.

At that point I decided to fall back on my grandparents' parenting philosophy: We're bigger than they are, and it's our house.

[Heather]

Oh my god, that is hysterical!!! I bet you were hiding your smiles the whole time!

[Txtingmrdarcy]

I think that Patrick is ready for a blog of his own. Why do I picture him wearing a sweater vest and pondering with a bubble pipe?

Do they even still make bubble pipes?

[Crystal]

No, you are just blessed with smart children. Or cursed. Ask Mr. Monk.

They are wonderful though. Good for lots of laughs, a hoarse throat, and prematurely grey hair.

But at least after they drive you batty, they will have the income to put you in the good kind of old folks home. :)

[Sharon]

You do just fine as a parent. I started reading here about a year and a half ago because my daughter insisted, and she was right, that your family is wonderful and you are a good writer. I spent my free time last week reading from the beginning, and while my children are all grown up now and our story is different from yours, I remember so many of the feelings I had when the kids were little. And so much of what you share about Steve's reactions to you is true about my husband ~ trying to solve a problem I've already fixed! Women my age don't share a lot of what is really going on in our marriages and I wish we did. The relationship changes again when we get older and the kids are gone. It often feels very lonely. You've spurred me to try to figure out a way to write more about that. In the meantime I truly enjoy reading about your life.

[Marilu]

Thugoht it wouldn't to give it a shot. I was right.