An Affair To Forget

When I want to be alone I take a bath. Generally this works for about five minutes until Caroline's mermaid senses go all tingly and the next thing I know she has materialized from under the bathroom door and executed a neat swan dive as she enters the tub with me. Then Edward will wander in, look at us in surprise and say, "Oh, are we taking a bath?" and he'll plunge in too. That's when I climb out because bathing with three people in the tub is not really alone. Sure the butcher and the baker did it, but did Garbo? No.

When Steve wants to be alone he remodels part of the house which is further proof that Steve is much smarter than I am and not only because he understands which way to turn the wheel when he wants to back up to the left. Not only does no one strip off their dinosaur pants and climb into a construction zone with him but it is hard to prolong even the lengthiest bath much past an hour whereas the basement project alone took Steve two years. Two years of throwing up his hands apologetically and saying, "I would [whatever] but I have to flange the binnacles; unless you don't care if the toilet downstairs flushes... ?" And when I hastened to assure him that, yes, I do prefer those new flush toilets that everyone is talking about he said, "Well then I guess you'll have to [whatever] without me because those spy sprockets aren't going to monkeywrench the panel slotters all by themselves."

I mention this because Steve was without a project for almost a year and he started to get sort of twitchy and that's why this corner of our basement that used to be a good place to throw things we don't use but might want later (like the microwave with the broken door and the antique phone from Steve's grandparents' house in Ohio) is now painted burgundy and smells like popcorn. It's our new place to watch TV and although my intial reaction was Oh my god, really? Another place for Edward to watch television? I have to admit it has been pretty fun. We started Family Movie Night and at least once a week all five of us crowd onto beanbag chairs and fight over what to watch

[What is WRONG with these people? How can you NOT want to watch Tangled over and over and over and over again? It's awesome. That song? In the boat? With the floating lanterns? I LOVE THAT SONG]

Inevitably Patrick asked to invite some people over so that he could have Friend Movie Night (Patrick takes after his father in that he loves to entertain and doesn't quite get that hospitality is not manufactured wholesale by elves any more than clean towels are but fine) and after saying for the past six weeks, sure, we should do that some time I surprised the hell out of myself by saying ok how about Saturday?

Patrick made up a guest list that included every boy in his class but one and when I pointed out that he couldn't just not invite one kid he was horrified and said, "Oh I didn't mean to forget HIM. Of course we have to invite HIM. And all the girls too I guess."

So we have invited Patrick's entire fourth grade class (plus a very good non-school friend) for pizza and a movie at our house in two days.

These are my questions for you:

1. aaaaaarrrrruuuuugh

2. If I have a sufficient quantity of cheese pizza, water and lemonade and I make a giant salad and chocolate chip cookies do I need anything else except popcorn?

3. What? Movie? Should? They? Watch?

They are 9-10 year olds, boys and girls. I have only met a couple of parents and am anxious not to offend anybody by which I mean that I am anxious not to have anyone call me afterward to say, "Lemuel never used the word buttmunch before he was corrupted at your house." So, you know, ix-nay on the seminal Tom Hanks' work Saving Private Ryan I mean Bachelor Party. Also I don't want it to be something they have all seen so often that they get bored and wander into the rest of the house to set fires in wastepaper baskets - that's Caroline's job.  

Please (please please) advise. Also if you want to come over and help I will be able to excuse myself and take a bath. Just saying.

Comments

[Allison]

RE: the carrots. I saw this very clever idea where you use individual dixie cups or other small vessels and put ranch dressing in the bottom and carrot slices stacked all around in the dressing. Very cute and no mess.

[Jen]

Regarding the PG rating -- it changed when the PG 13 was added. PG movies from pre PG-13 era are more equivalent to PG13 movies of today.

So, Goonies, Princess Bride, Ferris Bueller, ohh, what was that camp one with Bill Murray? etc. do have lots of swearing, and more um, mature themes, etc. even though they say PG.

I guess I could head over to the Google box and find that magic date...but I'm not!

[Annie]

I also love The Secret of Roan Inish but it's a lovely quiet little movie. Additionally, an entire class of fourth graders (heavy on the boys) is probably not going to go for the delicacy of Miyazaki. (They're on my favorite movie list and I'm a 32-year-old female filmmaker.)

Possibly explore the Mel Brooks genre--Spaceballs (may be a bit older), Young Frankenstein, Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (by Joss Whedon). Original Ghostbusters. The Secret of NIMH. Fly Away Home (that one also trends girl, but kick ass flying girl who adopts geese).

[Beth S]

Please do NOT show a Star Wars movie. We love them and all but, there are too many geeky parents who will flip out on you when they find out their precious child got to watch it without them. We learned this the hard way with one of my son's best friends, and the dad has still not forgiven us. Star Wars is too important to some people and not worth the risk. Plus, they will then turn anything they can find into a light-saber and there will be chaos in your basement. I think an older Disney movie would be a good choice. Something from when you were a kid they probably haven't seen.

[Caroline]

Your post reminded me of the book "Five Minutes Peace" by Jill Murphy. I am regularly feeling like Mrs. Large!

I think Goonies is a great suggestion!!

[Kate]

I agree that showing Star Wars might be dangerous and that you should stay away from recent animated movies that they will all have seen. Princess Bride and Goonies are great movies, and my four year old has watched them, but if you're concerned that some parents might object, how about Flight of the Navigator? I just watched that with my daughter, and I can't remember anything even potentially offensive in it. the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which a bunch of people suggested, is another good one.

[Chris in NY]

We loved Princess Bride, but not actually sure it will hold interest for 5tht graders. Trying to recommend ones that they might not have seen over and over:
Spy Kids (the first one, not the sequels)
ET
Matilda

[Kate]

God, if you start reading conservative/parental movie reviews (I just looked up some out of curiosity), you'll think there isn't anything you could show a big group of kids that doesn't risk offending SOMEONE. Flight of the Navigator has a couple of instances of swearing and smoking, so my memory didn't serve me well! Princess Bride refers at one point to "perfect breasts". Goonies has quite a bit of mild profanity.

I think Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is fine, though!

[Gina]

How To Train Your Dragon or Goonies

[Brenna]

All my kids (4, 10, and 12) love Ponyo. Or maybe something older that most of them haven't seen...Flight of the Navigator or Harry and the Hendersons, perhaps? Good luck!

[jen]

Chronicles of Narnia is the only one I can think of that has not been suggested. Might be too recent and too many of them have seen it though?

I think you are good on the food but I do agree on the salad sub (I'd just do a veggie and fruit tray so they can pick which one they want).

Good luck!

[Alison Spodek]

Goodness, I'd think by 9-10 PG would be okay. I mean, 80% of the kids in my 4 yo's class have seen Star Wars...

I like ghostbusters, neverending story, dark crystal, or princess bride.

good luck, have fun!

[Sara]

I would also recomend the Miyazaki movies, maybe Castle in the Sky, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092067/

I also wanted to add a little known movie that I saw last year to the list: Summer Wars. I think Patrick would love it... http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi346397209/

Or maybe Inkheart, Back to the future, Fantastic Mr Fox...?

With 10 yeas old, I would add Golden Compass or Stardust too, but as they are PG13 maybe not every parent would agree.

[Tine]

I'd go with the older movies, which more kids may not have seen. My almost-9-year-old *loves* the oldies, like:

Escape to Witch Mountain
Return from Witch Mountain
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Any Muppets movie
etc...

And I'll second those who've suggested:
Coraline
Princess Bride
Despicable Me

Don't know if anyone's suggested "Over the Hedge" -- that one is freakin' hilarious! :)

[Hilarity in Shoes]

Pete's Dragon! Ooh, or Escape to Witch Mountain.

Orrr...can they vote somehow? Three choices, secret ballot and majority rules?

[missie]

Neverending Story gets pulled out repeatdly when my oldest (10) has sleepovers. The Muppet Movie is also a great suggestion from above.

[Kaethe]

National Treasure
Hotel for Dogs
Bedtime Stories
Murder By Death
Clue
Series of Unfortunate Events
The Spiderwick Chronicles

Another voice for skip the salad

[Mollie]

Night at the Museum?

[Erin]

Somewhere out there Patrick's teacher is laughing him-or-herself silly. Oh, and I vote for the old Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Good luck!

[Bopper]

Princess Bride for sure.

[frances]

I concur wholeheartedly on "Iron Giant," "Princess Bride," "Matilda" and "Star Wars: A New Hope." Most of the other movies here would probably be winners as well, though maybe not "Big," which is a touch grown-up for this crowd. Watched the "Beezus and Ramona" not too long ago with my third grader, and we both really liked it. Watch a totally stupid movie--"The Spy Next Door"--which my third grader loved and I actually sort of got in the spirit of after Jackie Chan thoroughly charmed me. Dumb, but stupidly funny.

[Dina]

How about Willow...my kids love it (and so do I). It's an oldie with magic and wizards and Val Kilmer (can't go wrong with him). Hope your evening turns out great (and no one throws up on the bean bags)

[karen]

What about Sandlot? It's a great movie - for boys and girls - but they MAY sat the
S--t word. I'm checking...

[Denise]

My kids are a bit younger, but I find you can't go wrong with the Studio Ghibli films: Kiki's Delivery Service, My Neighbor Totoro, Ponyo. I haven't seen Howl's Moving Castle or Castle in the Sky or Princess Mononoke but I think they're the same studio.

I will echo Melody NC above...we were in a nostalgic mood and put on The Breakfast Club for the kids one night...yikes.

[Jan]

I loved the Goonies, but am now surprised by the expletives. The Wererabbit is full of subliminally offensive and puerile English vegetable references to sexual body parts.
There is not really a lot out there between the stupidly condescending and the inappropriate/offensive.
What about the original "Swiss Family Robinson" with Haley Mills and her dad, or "First Man on the Mountain" (I think that's the name, about the ascent of the Matterhorn), or my favorite, "The Horse without a Head," -- based on a great French detective story, filmed by Disney in an English studio, and a lot of fun. (Kids in a French village just after WWII get enmeshed in a high stakes burglary plot and overcome the baddies.) Great ending scene in a fireworks factory.

[yasmara]

I only say this because we just watched the Princess Bride with our kids (so obviously, I approve of watching it) but there is a line at the end that I had kind of forgotten...When Inigo kills the 6 fingered man, he says "I want my father back, you son of a bitch." For a class party, I might err on the side of G vs PG.

Same with the Goonies, as Melody_NC said...it's funny how these things were no big deal in the 80s!

[Jan]

p.s "Horse without at Head" is a toy hobby horse on wheels whose head is missing and which plays a major role in the concealment of the theft.
What about Lord of the Rings?

[mar]

Evan Almighty - it's got animals, Steve Carrell, and Morgan Freeman - very funny! And seeing as most of Patrick's classmates are probably like him with a better grasp of subtleties, they'll get a lot of the humor in it. Netflix gives it a green light for 8+ - it's hysterical!

[Erin]

When I was 9ish I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang over and over and over, but it might be too romance-y for the boys in the crowd?

[mara]

I LOVE Tangled. Bought it for my two-year-old and we watch it all the time. He calls it "hair movie".

[Jan]

Too many p.p.s's for sure, sorry, but I'm sick:
Howl's Moving Castle is amazing, but I think more for girls. Maybe your best co-ed bet is Traveler's Guide to the Galaxy, or whatever it is.

[Marie]

I second "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" (both movies) but I also want to add 2 titles a bit irreverent: How to eat fried worms and School of Rock.

[Shandra]

I see a lot of my picks have been mentioned but a few I may have missed - I wonder how Space Camp has aged? Time Bandits, the Supermans, ET, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Home Alone, Sword in the Stone and other classic Disney, Ella, International (or go REALLY classic) or National Velvet, The Black Stallion

[Missy]

Agree with some of the previous movie suggestions and have a few more:

Matilda
Sandlot
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The Little Rascals movie
Home Alone
Mr. Poppers Penguins was cute too!

If you want to do something more than popcorn for the movie, we have had great luck with a popcorn bar. We put out a big bowl of popcorn, and then bowls of pretzels, goldfish, and a few bowls of candy (M&Ms, Mike and Ikes, Gummi Bears) and let each kids make up their own bowl. The kids love it and I don't have to pop as much popcorn.

[Caroline]

Pee Wee's Big Adventure!
My son is 30 and he can still do the dialogue.

[Karen]

Mighty Joe Young was a cute movie for kids.I dreaded seeing it when it came out in theaters but had to take the kids and it was cute and held the kids interest-it's about a gorilla but not a mean scary gorilla.

[Bethany Gronberg]

Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Princess Bride are both big crowd-pleasers, in my experience. I would also suggest baby carrots and/or grapes instead of salad. Most kids that I know are unenthusiastic about salad.

[Liz S]

Totally agree with the Myazzaki(sp) suggestions but really just wanted to pipe in about a parent faux pas. When I was 15-16 I was invited to the birthday party for a very sweet and innocent young Catholic girl (I too was a semi- sweet and innocent Catholic girl but....) Her mom (even more of a sweet innocent Puerto Rican Catholic) rented History of the World Part I- Mel Brooks. She thought it looked like a good documentary or something. We still laugh today about how shocked she was when she came into the room just as the naked from the bottom down knights were chosen.

[Lawmommy]

OH MY GOD I LOVE BACHELOR PARTY! (Sorry for the cap-lock squeeing, couldn't be helped. On a fairly regular basis my husband and I will look at eachother and say, appropos of nothing, "two on a qualude is bad luck" or "today's lucky spice is...paprika!") (Marriage is weird like that.)

But, um...yes, no Bachelor Party for the kiddy party. Harry Potter? Young Sherlock Holmes (very good family movie circa 1985, concerning a young Sherlock and Watson)? The Muppets Take Manhattan? The Great Muppet Caper? Holes? Jumangi? The Spiderwick Chronicles? Percy Jackson: The Lightening Thief? Classic Bullwinkle cartoons?

I think you are fine with pizza, cookies and lemonade and popcorn.

[Shawna]

Oooo, I'm loving all the movie suggestions! I see a lot of them are what entertains my 3 and 6 year-old though - would they still be cool for the 10 year olds?

I'm finding myself nodding at the old-school suggestions the most: Goonies, Star Wars, Ghost Busters, Princess Bride, Back to the Future. Meet the Robinsons is a good modern cartoon too, with a great musical number with singing frogs. I also loved Grease and Grease 2 when I was young, but I know now a lot of it went over my head. There could be some awkward questions when the kids get home...

And may I just say that I LOVE that song in Tangled too? I twitter along with it every time it comes on! (literally twitter, not the social media twitter)

[Shawna]

Oh, Enchanted is good too, though maybe more for girls?

What can I say, clearly I'm a sucker for a good musical number.

[Lucy]

How to Train Your Dragon is great, and Rango is straight-up hilarious!

Also: fruit, not salad. Good luck!

[Liz]

What about something like "My Neighbor Totoro" or "Iron Giant"? For kids, but you know...smart kids.

Food selection sounds perfect. You could even forgo salad and do baby carrots/celery and ranch.

Can I come, too??

[Jennifer LB]

Clearly I am showing evidence of the hippy town where I live but...in Zeke's class there was almost always someone that was vegan, lactose or gluten intolerant. It might be worth a little food available to kids who might not be able to eat the pizza..

I'm loving all the movie suggestions. My 8 year old's movie nights consist of Shaun the Sheep marathons lately. We held off on Disney/Pixar stuff for the LONGEST time - so he's only now getting to see stuff like Madagascar.

[Annie]

Seconding "Willow" and "Big". Sweetie says "Young Sherlock Holmes" and "The Rocketeer"

"The Incredibles". "Despicable Me" is great.

Have a couple of options, maybe, so that the kids can vote. Or not, but then you risk half the kids saying "But I don't liiiiike that movie" and you have to say "Tough cookies kid, that's what we've got."

[Susan B]

What about The Wizard of Oz? I'm surprised at the number of kids who haven't seen it these days.

[Christine]

A movie we love that many haven't seen is The Emperor's New Groove. It's totally safe, and very funny for all ages. Though, thinking about it, 9-10 year olds might be all jaded at just the mention of anything animated. Maybe better to stick to live action.

[Jill]

The Neverending Story or Labyrinth? I don't think there's any profanity in either of those.

also, I seriously cackled at your indignation that your family would not want to watch Tangled on endless repeat, as I just tonight ordered Tangled "for my daughter" (after checking it out from the library about 17 times) and also downloaded the soundtrack "for my daughter." Which explains why I've been listening to the boat song on my way to work in the mornings. On repeat.

[Tracy]

One of my favorites at that age...Cool Runnings. I think Ghostbusters would be pretty awesome too. Liar Liar? funny, and probably something not most kids that age have already seen. Along the same vein - The Mask, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, Jumangi, Lemony Snicket's Series, Space Jam....Those are all movies that would appeal to the girls as much as the boys, whereas something like Indiana Jones or Star Wars might not. Just my thoughts.

I wouldn't worry TOO much of them picking up every little thing from the movie - with that many kids in one room, I doubt everyone will be able to stop talking long enough to be able to hear most of it!

[Smumzie]

Ok, 1 is not a question but I love the sincere panic I see there.

2 - do your kids actually eat salad? I like the sliced apples idea.

3. THE PRINCESS BRIDE is quite possibly the best movie of all time. Sorry to yell but I feel very strongly about it.

Also Jumanji is excellent. The first Harry Potter is good but they've probably all seen it a million times.

I tried to get my step-daughter to watch The Neverending Story with me when she was 10 and she never let me forget it. The animatronics of the big dog thing is just... unfortunate. But I LOVE the story behind the movie - that the kid reading the book has to use his imagination or the other world will be taken over by the "nothing."

Ghostbusters and How to Train Your Dragon are both great suggestions, too.

BTW, I've said it before but I love your writing. The whole first paragraph (like so many of your posts) should be in a book. You just have that certain something (which you would undoubtedly write in French there but I cannot - see what I mean?) that makes your writing come alive.

And by all that I mean to lay on a heavy guilt trip for those times when you can't post more often. It's just stingy of you to get sick or busy with your life after all.

:o)