One Liners

From the living room I heard, "Oh just shut up, Hehyo Kitty!"

I poked my head around the corner and saw Edward sitting on the floor by himself. Held up to his face was one of Caroline's one inch Hello Kitty figurines. It looked serene, pastel, vapid. Edward was scowling at it.

"Everything ok?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Edward without pausing in his glower.

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

I raised my eyebrows and backed away, leaving him to his quarrel.

"I mean it Hehyo Kitty - BE QUIET!" followed behind me.

I have this vague memory from somewhere - here? the comments? - about a boy whose imaginary friend was an older girl who refused to play with him. I always thought that was deliciously hilariously weird (clearly a trait we cherish around here) and Edward's one-sided feud with Hello Kitty ranks right up there.  Also I've never thought of Hello Kitty as particularly brave but I admit I was impressed that she was taking him on like that. He's pretty fierce.

+

Caroline is all about questions. Mostly what does that spell? or how do you spell... ? or - worse - why is that spelled... ? She is at the stage when children actively try to make sense of things; understanding, sorting and categorizing: boy toys and girl toys; cat food and people food; big kid movies and little kid movies.

This morning she crawled into bed with us rather early? Six? I don't know. It was dark and cold. It quickly became apparent that she had a very stuffed up nose and after listening to her snuffle for a couple of minutes I groped around on my bedside table until I found a handkerchief.

"Here Caroline," I whispered, "lean towards me and I'll help you blow your nose."

"No, I'm good," she whispered back. Then she picked up the edge of our duvet, held it up to her face and thoroughly blew her nose into it.

Which was completely disgusting and prompted a rapid evacuation of all parties from the bed. I started to gather up the bedding and Steve staggered toward the bathroom with Caroline trotting after him.

"Do you need to pee? I already went pee. Are you going to go pee? Boys pee standing up. Edward pees standing up.  Girls pee sitting down like delicate little flowers. I pee and poop sitting down. Daddy? Daddy Daddy Daddy? What about you? Do you poop like a delicate little flower?"

+

Patrick is irritated by negative numbers. Why? WHO KNOWS. But they annoy him. He was sitting at my desk the other day, working out the equation of a line and lambasting the entire premise of negative numbers.

"I mean how many elephants are sitting on this desk right now? Zero? Negative two? Negative twenty? Pah!"

Pah, says my eleventy-eleven year old fourth grader. Pah. Or maybe it was Bah. Whichever. Anyway, I was fairly sure he was teasing me about the whole negative numbers thing but just in case I wracked my memory trying to come up with the history of negative numbers? Fairly recent, maybe? Like, seventeenth, eighteenth century recent. Dutch perhaps? And they had a commercial start I'm pretty sure. Someone pointed out that accounts receivable and payable needed to be recorded and voila, negative numbers.

For the record I am not looking this up and therefore am well aware of the fact that I am making a fool of myself. But this is what I sort of remembered and duly repeated to Patrick in an effort to defend the negative. In an ideal world we would have wikipedia handy at every parental turn but sometimes you just have to fake it. With authority.

Patrick continued to work on functions and listened to me bumble on about numbers and finally said, "So you are saying that negative numbers are necessary because they allow people to pretend they have money that they do not - in fact - have. That they might - in fact - never have because just because someone owes it to you they might not give it to you especially in the 1700s when they basically dropped dead all the time?"

And I said, "...yarb?"

And he asked for a snack and I hurried to get it for him because I am VERY good at making Boost milkshakes as indicated by the fact that Patrick has gained two pounds.

Feel free, of course, to offer me a better defense of the negative numbers. Clearly I need one.

This is the family portrait Patrick drew for his Spanish class. He said that his teacher asked him not to show it to his mother for fear it might upset me. She is a very very nice woman but she overestimates the tenderness of my feelings. Please note little stick Caroline and little stick Edward and the little stick gatos. I laughed until I wept. Speaking of deliciously weird.

I am trying to find an art class for Patrick but striking out in the obvious places. He loves to paint but needs to learn technique. This is his latest (excuse the glare and it doesn't do justice to the colors) and personally I think it is great although of course these things are subjective. It's called Alien Moon, by the way, if you want to know what he was seeing. He took classes last year at the very formal Art Academy and I thought it was going to be a good thing but not only did he not enjoy it; he finished up feeling terrible about what he does and did not pick up a pencil or brush for months after the class ended. That would be, um, the exact opposite of what I was hoping to accomplish. I looked at MCAD but it doesn't start drawing and painting classes until age 12. I tried Craigslist because I thought maybe some art teacher might be looking to tutor... but nope. Any ideas?

Comments

[Karen O]

Keep your eye on the Bloomington Art Center's schedule - they have great classes for kids.

[Shannon @nwaMotherlode]

Oh, that family portrait!! I laughed out loud, too! You should cut it out and frame it next to the colorful art masterpiece. That kid has talent! By the way, did I ever tell you that your post about Patrick and melatonin was so very awesome for our family? My daughter (same age) is finally not sleep deprived anymore. Thanks!

[Jen]

The family portrait made me guffaw aloud. Excellent.

My 9 yo was inspecting it (as was my delighted husband, the tally marks are a big hit) and decided that maybe the "cell number" was your, you know, "cell number" (haha) and suggested that we give you a call. He'd most likely use his one call to set up a lego play time with Patrick. The results would likely be both alarming and very funny.

[Karen]

For what it's worth, there are zero elephants on your desk. Negative numbers don't describe the number of imaginary items, after all. If the desk is 3 feet to the right of a window, however, the window is -3 feet to the right of the desk. Negative numbers allow people to assign *direction* as well as magnitude with ease. Positive and negative numbers in each dimension allow us to assign a fixed point as zero and then navigate according to coordinates. If we define East as +ive in one dimension, North as +ive in an orthogonal dimension, and up as +ive in the 3rd (real) dimension, we can give longitude, latitude, and altitude information (including negative altitude for someplace below sea level, as Death Valley is) for any place on earth.

Obviously, this is not the historical basis for the development of negative numbers in number theory. Also, GPS units use E, W, N, S and alt rather than just +/- conventions. So I don't know....maybe this is both too concrete and too wishy-washy a demonstration.

Christa's mention of graphing is a helpful way to frame negative numbers.

Bookkeeping is another.

Hours of free time....if he has ever owed you hours of labor as payment for some damage/infraction/etc...then he has negative hours of free time. He owes you x hours of help around the house (or car washing or twin-entertaining or whatever) before he "breaks even" and can consider what project he'd like to undertake for himself. If he wants to make something that will take 5 hours of sewing, but he owes you 3 hours of labor, he doesn't just need 5 free hours to fabricate his project, because he's not starting at zero....he can't begin counting time as automatically accruing to his project. He needs 5-(-3)=8 hours of free time to come up before he can both pay his time-debt to you and invest the time his own interest requires.

That probably doesn't help much, either.

His painting is fabulous, regardless, and I wish I were either that creative or that skilled at manipulating lines and colors. I particularly like the juxtaposition of the crisp color demarcations on the left side with the bleeding-through blue in the central panel.

Really, I love it. Keep him supplied with materials, and find places in his room to hang some of his work. (or such are my $0.02.)

[Jennifer Petersen]

I asked my 9 year old for a justification for negative numbers. She told me that first, you have to understand economics. Then she said that if you have a business that is losing money, you need to know exactly how much money it is losing. So, that's the explanation from my 4th grader to yours. For my daughter, nothing is more important than knowing exactly how much you (don't) have!

[JP]

Pretty great painting!

[jess]

http://www.hudsonstarobserver.com/event/article/id/45786/

Phipps center for the Arts in Hudson does kids classes....

[Jan]

p.s. and Patrick's abstract really is amazing, but WTF with the balls and chains and the cell walls? This does invite some very delicate discussion with him. "So what do those balls and chains mean to you...?" Or whatever. It will be transparent to him, of course. It's how gingerly/or courageouly boldly you serve it up.

[Katherine from NZ]

I too am irritated by negative numbers. :-)

[Katherine from NZ]

And love Patrick's picture!

[Kirsten]

Have nothing helpful to add in terms of suggestions for art class beyond what your wonderful commenters have already contributed. But, Patrick could never have enough compliments on his art -- memorable and appealing. I think that etsy shop is not a bad idea!

[Eva]

If you're near a university worth seeing if they have anything for children. Our art education department gives Saturday morning classes for kids, by art ed students, supervised by art ed professors.

If you're near any museums, they often have workshops or even courses for kids.

Art supply stores might have classes, know of teachers, or have flyers up advertising teachers.

[Christina]

What about a drawing class? Makes technique available but doesn't interfere with the painting per se. I would think that a talented and sympathetic uni student might be a possibility.

Good luck, Patrick.

Also, good luck Edward. Hello Kitty is just sooooo inconsiderate.

[Lise]

Caroline looks like anything BUT a delicate flower in that photo. And also as if she pushed the bars of the jail apart with her bare hands and is now standing in front of the cell in angry triumph.

[Amy]

This post is fantastic. I love Edward's aggression towards Hello Kitty, whom I also find annoying. I love the fact that Caroline thinks she poops like a delicate flower. That's some self-esteem, there. And Patrick is amazing. My son has many of the same thought processes about things, but doesn't manage to express them with as much grace and humor - more with whining and grumbling. Not that PAH isn't grumbling, but it's quaint grumbling.

[elsimom]

We have had positive art experiences with art camps at the following:
MIA (but I don't know if that's what you meant by the Art Academy?)
MN Landscape Arboretum
Highpoint Center for Printmaking (my daughter attended as part of "culture camp" last summer-it was one day at highpoint, one day at Heart if the Beast, one day at Children's Theater Company, one day at the Mn center for book arts and one day at zenon dance-it was one of the best camps ever-very open ended- but the printmaking was a highlight!
I think they also offer classes during the year and they have a free family day sometime in spring.

The Arboretum camps are very reasonable.
Good luck!

[Elin]

Also! Laughing! Until! Weeping!

[Jesse]

"So you are saying that negative numbers are necessary because they allow people to pretend they have money that they do not - in fact - have. That they might - in fact - never have because just because someone owes it to you they might not give it to you especially in the 1700s when they basically dropped dead all the time?"

It's appalling that a child of Patrick's age can see this so clearly and yet the entire financial system of the EU is on the brink of collapse because we pretend this is "normal" and somehow sustainable. I can't imagine how annoyed he would be by the practice of counting those negative numbers as assets that they can then make new loans against. Fractional reserve banking and rehypothecation would floor him...as they should.

[Missy]

Not sure how close you are to Hudson, WI, but have you ever visited the Phipps Center for the Arts? Looking at their website, I don't see any painting classes currently, but they have lots of summer classes, and I think that schedule will be out soon. At the very least, I think they would be a good resource for what you are looking for. Good luck!

[jadine]

I love his artwork! The bricks of your prison are similar to those of your fireplace. I took art classes for years as a kid at our local museum. I was the only kid in groups of adults. The museum was perfect for learning different techniques, styles, etc. I don't mean an art museum, but a regular one where we painted different things in the museum as we developed drawing and painting skills. I was extremely shy, and it actually was good because we could find out our 'assignment' then go off and do it.

[Slim]

Great idea to use Patrick's drawing as the holiday card. Take THAT, all you people who complain about cards that only show the kids, not the parents.

[stephanie]

Please don't find any starving student to teach him. It will do more harm than good. Please go with a professional who can nuture his obvious talent and creativity.

[Diana]

Oh my stars, I love that family portrait. Who is the unloved stepchild with ball and chain next door? Also, la hermana and la hermano? You can tell which of the twinkles runs the show. Brilliant.

[Txtingmrdarcy]

I would love to point out that the gatos in Patrick's drawing are saying "Meow-o."

I'd say he's ready for another language, because isn't that all there is to know about Spanish?

Also, he and I would be great friends, I'm sure. :)

[Elise]

Amy Karol posts a lot about resources for teaching art to children, check out this post as a start http://angrychicken.typepad.com/angry_chicken/2011/12/art-time.html

[Elizabeth]

I don't know where the convention for negative numbers started, but since Patrick seems all up on his science I though he would like to know that there are several instances where science uses it. Most of the time it is best to think of it as a designation for opposite things that cancel out if there are the same number of each positive and negative items. Areas like magnetism, electricity, acid/ base chemistry, and matter/antimatter all rely on negative numbers to understand their behavior. In Patrick's elephant desk quandary, he could test it by adding elephants until he could observe one. May be a difficult experiment :)

[Katherine B]

Here is a history of negative numbers to beat the band! http://nrich.maths.org/5961

[Julia]

You said: He took classes last year at the very formal Art Academy and I thought it was going to be a good thing but not only did he not enjoy it; he finished up feeling terrible about what he does and did not pick up a pencil or brush for months after the class ended.

Do you know why? Was the teacher overly critical? Were the assignments and instructions too specific? Did he feel he was in competition with others whose work was more like what the teacher wanted? If know what the problem was, you can better determine how to avoid it in the future. It might be as simple as another class at the institute, just a different teacher.

[Pam L]

I just noticed the bottom of the family portrait "gato, gato, gato, meowo" funny! Did he ever explain why the whole family was in jail?

[Allisone]

I do not know what you are doing in that house ...
but it seems to be very similar to what goes on in ours. Never a dull moment.

[Michelle]

I'm just wondering what put him off the classes in the first place? do you know or has he kept that to himself? I when I was a child I was in a museum school art class where the other students made me so miserable I did not want to ever go back, but I wonder what happened with Patrick.

[Keri]

I have been following your blog for a number of years and feel like I know your children. Anyway, I am delurking because I know you have any number of brilliant doctors following Patrick's case but I was wondering if one of the many tests they have run on him was for diabetes. Weight loss, loss, lethargy and the general yuckiness he has been experiencing can be symptoms of type I diabetes in children.

[Kristen]

It's funny that Patrick is the only one chained to the wall. Clearly the jailer did not spend much time with Caroline during booking.

[Midori]

First, I have to say, how cool is it that Ylang|23 is advertising on your blog? Kudos, dahling.

You've had a number of recommendations for printmaking opportunities, and I wholeheartedly agree. More than anything else I did early on in my artistic education, I benefited greatly from a one-on-one collagraphy workshop I took from an incredibly-skilled printmaker when I was about Patrick's age. Patrick's love of color and design would be well-nourished by something that individualized, I think, rather than a kids' group art class.

He may benefit from more rigorous technique like perspective, shading, anatomy, etc. but only if he's willing to struggle a bit while learning. My guess is that he's not at that stage yet, and you shouldn't worry too much about it. If he continues to develop his eye (and his passion), the technical skills can come with age.

[Em]

The painting is great! Also, I love the deliciously weird. They are hilarious.

[Mrs. G]

That painting is beautiful!

[terri c]

I don't know a darn thing about art; for no good reason I find myself aligned with those who suggest deferring formal art lessons a bit. Does Patrick want to learn technique or is painting a place where he can "cut loose" a bit and experiment with the colors and textures? If Patrick is not interested in learning technique I'd think it wouldn't be fun for him to do so.

Love the family portrait, a bit puzzled by the prison metaphor, love the gatos.

The twins are both forces of nature.

[Naomi]

My suggestion for art classes: http://articulture.org/ They hire really excellent teachers and my kids loved the classes they took there. Alternately, they might be able to put you in touch with a teacher (maybe residing in the north suburbs) who'd like to do private lessons for some extra cash.

That said, you should TOTALLY sign Patrick up for some classes (or summer camps?) at Leonardo's Basement. Imagine if someone sat down, interviewed Patrick, and attempted to create the ideal extracurricular environment to meet his varied interests. It would be difficult to come up with anything better than Leonardo's Basement. My kids have both been there for summer camps and loved them. (Kiera did a camp called Nine Kinds of Slime. Molly did Lego Robotics and built a a wood go-kart to drive down this rather precipitous hill near Leo's.)

On a tangentially related topic -- are you familiar with UMPTYMP? http://mathcep.umn.edu/umtymp/ Kids usually test in 5th grade to start in 6th. It's a highly accelerated math program run at the U of M. My sister went to Harvey Mudd and had some friends from MN who did UMTYMP, which is how I originally heard about it.

[Valery Valentina]

Don't blame the Dutch for negative numbers!
Wiki says it was the Chinese:

Negative numbers appeared for the first time in history in the Nine Chapters on the Mathematical Art, which in its present form dates from the period of the Chinese Han Dynasty (202 BC. – AD 220), but may well contain much older material. Indian mathematicians developed consistent and correct rules on the use of negative numbers, which later spread to the Middle East, and then into Europe. Prior to the concept of negative numbers, negative solutions to problems were considered "false" and equations requiring negative solutions were described as absurd.

From Amsterdam with Love,
V

[Sheila Z]

My kids all gave up art when they took formal classes. Before that they drew and painted for hours every day. I would provide Patrick with a variety of good quality art supplies, take him to museums and leave him to his own ideas. I love the painting and would buy it if it were for sale and I had the money. How about selling reproductions and keeping the origionals?

[Carrie (in MN)]

Wet Paint is going to suggest the Art Academy. I'm sorry to hear the Art Academy wasn't a good fit for him, but I can see why it wouldn't be (they are very formal about technique). Love his painting, but it is Caroline who cracks me up every time (and not just because we share a name).

[Tammi]

You may have already gotten this idea, but check out your local community ed programs. Due to his age, you might have to have a parent attend with. I have taken watercolor and pottery, as well as a digital scrapbooking class through ours.

Go to a local school district website and you should find a community ed link. Ours allows non residents to attend.

[cathy]

It could be that a commenter here had a similar situation, but you might also be recalling the Adam Gopnik essay about his daughter's imaginary friendship with a guy named Mr. Ravioli, who was always too busy to see her, refusing her phone calls, or cancelling playdates at the last minute....

[Jennifer]

Snork! I was having an Alexander-esque day and Patrick just added the laugh that I needed-somewhere between the mumbling at negative numbers and the family portrait!

Wish I had some insight on the art thing-but with the Twin Cities being as artsy as we are, there has to be some great programs out there.

[Lou]

My mother reads your blog vicariously, by which I mean that I share it with her whenever something you write strikes me as particularly resonant with her sense of humour. I was sharing Edward's Hello Kitty moment with her while my son showered, and she asked to read the rest. Acorn, age seven, then came out and read aloud, towel-clad, over her shoulder about Caroline.

"Which was completely disgusting and prompted a rapid evacuation of all pirates from the bed."

I had never before thought about how similarly those two words are spelled. Also: deliciously and unexpectedly surreal? Check.

[Sarah]

I have to say that he can learn technique later and there is nothing like childhood for imagination and expression. Art isn't like ballet where he needs to start young. He can learn technique later when he's old enough to let bs roll off him.

Have you asked him WHY he drew the family in prison? I'm very curious about that.

BTW, Caroline's haircut is fantastic, classic, and one she probably never has to change. LOVE IT!

[Sarah]

Oh--just saw the Bob Ross comment and I would LOVE to see Patrick's thoughts on him! Also--I think his attitude is just right..."put the happy trees where they want to be!!" YES!

[sarah]

That is an AWESOME painting! Why not advertise for an art teach on CL yourself? I had private lessons when I was his age, and it was wonderful.

[Jan]

seismic reactions to dooce/heather. any thoughts?

[Robyn]

I seriously hope you keep blogging...forever. I can't wait to see what Patrick is doing in high school.