Our Babysitter Has Winter Break And I Have Time To Myself This Week

Good heavens was I in a good mood when I wrote that last post. I think the thrill of being alone for the first time in ten days must've happied up my blood to the point that I was no longer safe to operate a moving vehicle.

Love! Happiness! Mary Tyler Moore!

- In high school I once watched an anti-drug filmstrip that purported to be actual footage of a man after consuming *GASP* lysergic acid diethylamide. LSD. Acid. The devil's hubba bubba.

When an Edward R Murrow knock-off intoned "What do you think about when you are... on a [rabbit ears] trip [rabbit ears]?" the guy replied, all squeaky like he had been taking a helium chaser with that tab, "I think of heavenly things... love. Happiness. Mary Tyler Moore."

He then couldn't get past C in the alphabet, stopping every time to say, "A. B. C... what was the question?"

I laughed so hard I fell off my chair and was sent into the hallway -

So anyway I was clearly as high as a kite during that last post. High... on preschool! This puts me in sharp contrast to Edward who was less than excited about his return to lower education. In fact he... any guesses? Yes! He screamed. Gar. He really is driving me crazy. The only silver lining with him is that I have noticed the hint of a smile as he refuses to say "please." A glimmer of mischievousness as he arranges himself on the floor in order to deliver his manifesto against eating dinner. I think he is testing his wings as much as his lungs and our patience. Otherwise he's the evil one and that just doesn't make sense.

Which returns me to my original point, which was the blinding roseate glare that skewed everything on Tuesday. Not that Caroline isn't a lovely love but how did I forget to mention her... oh how to say... the steel at the heart of her sugar magnolia? Some are born good; some achieve goodness; some have goodness thrust upon them and still others are keen natural observers who quickly process that a fascimile of goodness is the quickest route to achieving one's desires. I'm just saying she seems sweet but it is possible even probable that she is faking it.

I have, on more than one occasion, overheard Caroline muttering "Idiots" under her breath. True story. I don't even know where she learned that word or how she realized it is best muttered but she does it.

Last night she walked into the kitchen and said, "Next Christmas can I get maybe headphones so that I can't hear Edward any more?"

Actually that last one made quite a bit of sense.

I was going to add this picture of Patrick and his trusty chunky sidekick, Darwinfish, to the last post but then I didn't because I worried that he looks peaked. But, ok, he looks peaked. Clearly the daily cookies washed down with Boost just haven't kicked in yet.

I got a call yesterday from the saint at our pediatrician's office who manages referrals. Actually, let me back up.

When we saw his pediatrician back in October he (the pediatrician) said if he (Patrick) were his kid he would take him to Rochester. I went home and called our insurer and said that I wanted to take my child down to the Mayo clinic; was there anything I needed to have done on their end? The woman put me hold and then came back and said, oh, you're fine, it's in network for you.

[ALWAYS, ALWAYS make a note of the date and name of whoever gives you information like this. seriously. I didn't. D'oh]

So I took Patrick to his appointment and three weeks later I got a call from his pediatrician's office saying that they were having an issue with the referral. I called her back and said what referral and then called my insurer again who put me on hold for five years. When this woman came back

[while I waited I wrote her name down. and the date]

she said, yeah, huh, you see, the thing is, the Mayo is in network for you but not for your son since you have the same insurance but he has a different primary care clinic.

Which, what?

But before I could even get through the hy- of hyperventilating (do you KNOW how much a CT Scan costs out of pocket at the Mayo clinic? an oil well. that's how much) she offered me three different possible ways we could get them to pay for it and I called the pediatrician's office back and the referral saint was wildly helpful too and I thought it was all managed.

I didn't check our home voicemail for a couple, five days last week and when I finally did it was three in the morning on Tuesday and I was up because Edward had had a nightmare and then our babysitter's cell phone randomly dialed our number and I couldn't fall back asleep because I was afraid she was being murdered and had just managed to get her hands on her phone before... awful.

(Before I started Celexa I used to think like this all. the. time. I lived with a knot of worry in my chest over car accidents that didn't happen; murderous thugs with baseballs bats who were not actually in my basement. Now these thoughts are noticeable from their usual absence. I thought it was normal but real normal is much much better.)

So I checked our voicemail at three in the morning and there were four messages from the referral saint at our pediatrician's office asking with increasing urgency to call her back. Between that and worry about our sitter (she is fine) I never went back to sleep.

The short version is that at first they refused to pay for the initial visit but she wrestled them into submission (whew) and that is covered after all. However they were refusing to pay for the follow up in two weeks and this concerned me. I mean the kid is currently taking copious quantities of a drug prescribed by Doctor X with the clear followup plan of a CT Scan to compare to the last one and a return check by Doctor X. It's all very good and well to talk about getting us back into their system with local providers but Patrick is taking the sulfa right now. He needs another check to determine if the six weeks of anti-everything have worked or not and if not we need to move onto the next plan.

I paced outside of Steve's office door waiting for him to get off a call and then I swept in and announced that they weren't going to pay for a follow up for Patrick at the Mayo.

Steve said, "OK" and looked at me, like, "Anything else?"

"OK?!"

"OK."

I thanked him for giving me a continuing reason to live; namely, it is unthinkable that he should ever be left in charge of advocating for our children and their healthcare needs.

"OK." What the hell is that about?

I left Steve in his happy tout est pour le mieux haze and called our insurer and asked for their help in convincing the intermediary whatsit (the managed health sub-group or whatever) to refer us for one more visit so we can have closure on this current treatment before transitioning him to someone else. I then called the local infectious disease people and spoke to a wonderful nurse about the fact that Patrick was about to be abandoned mid-treatment and she got him in for the first available appointment with them, which unfortunately isn't until February but still it's better than nothing.

In the meantime - I learned today - the referral saint was busy on her end working on the powers that be to allow one more visit on the basis of the fact that Patrick was in the middle of something. When we spoke this morning she let me know she had been successful but I had to promise to get a plan from the Mayo doctor that we would then move to whoever up here. I promised.

I would like to leave a little something at the office for her because I feel like she went way above and beyond the call to get a complicated situation sorted out for us. What do you think would be best? A flower arrangement? Potted plant? Baked goods?

PS Patrick and I started Wee Free Men and although I worried that the accents would be incomprehensible to Patrick he coolly informed me that he understood it perfectly, thank you, and would I mind not talking over the book as I tried to translate English into English for him.

I was reminded of watching the news on the day of the Lockerbie bombing. A local was describing the impact and Peter Jennings was repeating, word for word, in English, what the Scottish person had just said... in English. Do the Scots get that a lot, do you think?

PS Barbara Hambly. I haven't read her in a while but I am at the library and saw that she has a new book out in a series that I enjoyed very very much about Benjamin January. First book in the series is A Free Man of Color and while they are technically mysteries her writing is superb and they can stand alone as outstanding historical fiction. You know, in case you are looking for something new to read.  

Comments

[yammeringon]

fudge. The saint needs fudge. Or high-end chocolates. A gift certificate to a good restaurant that delivers to her office?

[Ree]

I will be interested to see what other people recommend, but here's my two cents. A big bouquet of flowers, so she can show it off to everyone in the office, and the most outrageous sugar-bomb caffeinated drink Starbucks offers, for a treat. Caffeine+sugar rarely goes wrong in a medical office.

[Jan]

Sh**sh. I am so sorry about Mayo, especially since I was one of the people who urged it. They may not allow flowers or plants in the office, but I think maybe roses or a basket of citrus fruit and delicacies? It's really the though that counts here -- she can pass it along if not suited to her.

[Angela]

I like the idea of food treats or a potted plant, and agree that a gift certificate to a restaurant near the office would be a nice choice too. Very thoughtful of you.

Thanks for the book recommendation!

And finally, I hope you get good news at the follow-up for Patrick.

[Kate]

What a nightmare. Send her an Edible Arrangement! People love that shit. And it's consumable, a prerequisite for any gift I give.

[Shannon]

I would also add a heartfelt note (possibly to her superiors) to whatever delicacy you bring. As a worker in the healthcare system, our supervisors collect such things and then these can be added to our file for things like bonuses, or at least brownie points (at one point, when things were more flush, every thank-you card was an entry into a drawing for a gift card or something). It's always nice to have your efforts recognized, because the majority of people never notice!

[Jesabes]

Ooh, I like the edible arrangements idea. And yes, a thank you note or a letter to her superiors is a must.

I hope Patrick's follow-up goes well!

[Jody]

Yes, I've seen Scottish people subtitled all over the place. Even on the BBC. It always makes me laugh. (But I couldn't understand about half the people I met in my first two weeks in the country.)

[Jody]

Oh, I favor a plant. Or a fruit basket. Edible Arrangements if your local franchise has a perfect reputation. Maybe even chocolate?

[M]

Edible arrangements. That's my vote. That, or Cookies By Design.

[QoB]

I always laugh when i see non-US English speakers subtitled on US TV. Its so incomprehensible to me. I can't recall the last time I saw a US person subtitled on English-language media in Ireland, Britain, Australia or New Zealand. Widen your ears, Americans:)

If you or Patrick ever read Feegle dialogue its perfectly comprehensible, if read aloud...

[Jen]

I'd go with not-a-plant (I hate being given commitments!) Any of the other ideas is fine -- edible arrangement, flowers, and a gift card. Plus the note of praise to superior.

Glad it finally all got worked out. It seems like most of those things do get worked out, but only after everyone has had more than a bajillion hours of time spent on it. Perhaps think of it as your own personal jobs program?

[Ami]

I agree it's a good idea to drop something off for the referral saint -- and I would go with a starbux gift card and a small vase of flowers. Go to the grocery store and get a small set of a small flower, stick them in a tea vase (your local goodwill probably has 20 to choose from for about $1). Tie a pretty ribbon on it and drop it off with a thank you note and gift card. Even if she doesn't like coffee, there's hot chocolate, apple cider, etc. If you don't want to to the gift card, you can always do a good quality (like Godiva) chocolate bar.

[Kate]

I vote against edible arrangement. They are really not tasty this time of year, I just got one and it was mostly under ripe melons and mushy strawberries. I like the high end chocolates or other confection plus the note for her supervisor.

[Monica]

No imput on the gift (though I think it's a wonderful idea), but wanted to share that I laughed hysterically reading Caroline's "Idiots". A child after my own heart!

I laughed so much, I would up emailing my boyfriend, as I read along -- not one, not two, but three different times -- with highlights from your post (idiots, continuing reason to live, translating English to English). He loves you too, but refuses to read ANYTHING longer than a couple sentences....

PS I love the two posts in three days! Yay!

[Monica]

Oh, and I love your ads today! Totally didn't realize the new Richelle Mead book was out, so I clicked repeatedly as a "thanks for the reminder!"

[Ruth]

A Tower of Treats from Harry & David always goes over well, I think. You might also write a note of appreciation to her AND TO HER BOSS. They should know what a great job she's doing.

[giddy]

I think a citrus basket is the best edible option this time of year--personally I'd steer clear of giving sugary treats during the January resolutions season, just in case some kind of rash resolution has been made. Even skinny people sometimes want a break from sugar after all the sugar of the holidays! I also like the idea of potted plants, and a note to the superior.

Hope Patrick's CT scan reveals whatever needs revealing, once and for all!

[Camilla]

(Huh, it wouldn't let me post a very innocuous-seeming comment.)

I do amazon gift cards, where gifts seem the thing. A nice note (on a separate sheet) makes it personal. Safe, if uncreative.

[Emma]

Oh, not an edible arrangement. I feel like those are kind of awful. I suggest a Starbucks gift card, flowers, and a note to her superiors.

[Camilla]

(Hmm, can't figure out what I said that hit the filter. It took two edits to get the comment to post.)

I do think a thank you note is 90% of the gift. Everybody likes them, they can be shown off to the boss or around the office, as desired, and if the politics are tense in the office, it can be hidden. If the recipient is a preschool teacher, I toss in a photo of my kid.

[sarah]

I would write a glowing letter to her boss, a sweet thank you note to her, and include a gift card for a cafe/food place nearby. Make it generous considering how much time she spent and how much money that saved you. :)

I hope Patrick's next visit is illuminating and that he's less peaked soon.

As for Edward, once the smiles come as a precourser to a fit, I feel played. And I act like it. If it's genuine anger/upset/frustration, that's handled differently in our house. But playing mom does not work.

[HereWeGoAJen]

My just turned three year old just looked over my shoulder at the picture of Patrick and said "my Prince! My Prince and his cat!"

[Liz S]

Get her a gift card- bookstore, coffee, restuarant in the area. 10-15 dollars is great.

[mar]

I go with the people above, re: writing a note to her boss/the practice/the office doctors/office manager/etc. And check if there is Starbux close by before you do that - nothing worse than a gift card that you would love to use but have to drive an hour away. Push comes to shove - you can put together a nice gift bag/basket with some good coffee/tea/hot chocolate that she can have/share at the office too.

And just out of curiosity, only because I know I was always the last to put 2+2 together with my own kids - any chance that Edward is still having his own inner ear/sinus issues, and that is what is causing his Satan-esque moments? Obviously he is of the age to be testing boundaries etc., but I know more than once, I was seconds away from leaving my youngest with the nearest band of gypsies when it would occur to me - maybe she's sick. Always a proud parenting moment for me....

[Lisa]

I was a Referral Person (And I'd *like* to think I was a saint, too. I certainly felt martyred 99% of the time!) and believe me, a nice token like flowers and/or chocolates would've made my life. PLUS a note to my bitch of an office manager who told the doctors a monkey could do my job, and when I quit they went through 8 people before they found someone hahahahaha skank.

But I digress. Flower? Yes. Food? Yes. Note to boss? YES.

[jennifer]

Fancy fruits from Harry and David. Citrus in winter in the midwest is the gift of whatever god you believe in.

[Krissa]

I would send a flower arrangement, and send a note to her supervisors separately; she gets your heart-felt thank you, but also gets free (amazing) kudos from an outside source directly to the people in charge of making sure she has a job and is well-paid for it.

[liz]

HARRY AND DAVID.

Yes, I meant to shout it.

And yes, yes, yes, to the note to her boss as well.

[Queenie]

Remember not to send nuts or nut products--I assume your doctors' office has banned them like every other one I've been in recently.

I really like to send these: http://www.burdickchocolate.com/

The chocolate mice are adorable and delicious (3 flavors), and ridiculously priced, but they come in a beautiful wooden box and really are fantastic. And definitely do the thank you note.

[Stacy]

I was going to suggest Edible Arrangements too...all the pretty of a flower arrangement with the health of a fruit basket. My office got one last month and the chocolate-covered bananas were excellent.

As for Scots, I was an exchange student to England many years ago and I felt so bad for the other exchange students who were so excited to come from Japan or Brazil or wherever to learn English and were placed in Edinburgh. They couldn't understand anything at first! Then, they went back home with super strong Scottish accents.

[Rebecca]

There's a musician I like called Carl Barat who is English but who mumbles, and every time he's been on American TV they subtitle him. It's quite funny.

[Meg]

Harry & David YES THAT IS PERFECT. And a detailed letter to her supervisor / the head of the practice, both if they are not the same person, because sometimes things get lost (on purpose and by accident).

[Brenda]

Go with Harry and David! I have gotten a Harry and David pear package as a holiday bonus for tutoring a high school girl for the last two years. I seriously considered hiding the pears from my own children. Yes, withholding fresh fruit from my own flesh and blood children; those pears are that. good.

[Jo]

Yes again on Harry and David -- the pears are deelish and in this period of New Year's Resolutions and such a nice indulgence without being a resolution buster.

And re: Carolyn muttering "idiots"? Brings to mind a little humbling moment I had with my twin girls when they were about 4. Went to the grocery store and they had those carts with the cars in the front (a novelty at the time - I think it was their first ride in one). They get in the car, I buckle them in and then proceed to go about my shopping ... until I see/hear them pushing on their toy horns and saying "IDIOT!" Definitely let me know that Mama had to take a chill pill behind the wheel. Like I said, humbling moment.

[Leah]

Our pediatrician front desk person went above and beyond (faxed an immunization record to the Southwest Airlines check-in counter when they reneged on their claim that I didn't need an ID for my lap baby, then faxed it again when they were all "oh sorry we gave you the wrong fax number") and I gave her a heartfelt thank you note and a $20 Target gift card. I could have baked but I always fear people will roll their eyes at treats like how public school teachers always say to never give gifts of treats.

Oh, and I also really wanted you to tell me which smoker you got in your last post but I forgot to comment. I am on the lookout for a good one.

[Gina]

I'm not a fan of the edible arrangements. The fruit can be really...not good. Those chocolate mice are adorable, though. That gets my vote. It's so nice to have someone on your side every now and again, isn't it?

[Sara]

When I was pregnant with #2 I had a fantastic nurse at the dr office who helped entertain #1 during the multitude of non-stress tests, etc (#1 was only 2 at the time). She was great. I gave her a card and a Gerber daisy in a pot....she eventually left the practice a few months after the birth :(
I never like to go with food because I actually don't like milk (much) or dark chocolate (at all) so I am never sure what people might want. And then you might have people like my husband who actually can't eat pineapple or bananas so the fruit basket would bomb for him.

[Megan]

Ha! I work with students from around the world and swear that I can understand anyone. And then I married a man from Glasgow. I could understand him, but I literally could not understand half of what his parents would say. Even other Scots say Glaswegians have an impenetrable accent.

[Alli]

People in the trenches of the medical field rarely get the kudos they deserve. Definitely write a note to the boss and give her something she can share with her co-workers...doughnuts or cookies, maybe.

[Maria]

I don't comment much, but I would say that a note to her plus a separate note to her superiors is a definite must. Especially with the way you write, the note will probably be framed. And then some treat that she can share with the rest of the office (why not spread the goodwill?), like Harry and David or your local cupcake place or some bakery that has sinful brownies. Or, if your local Trader Joe's still has salted carmel dark chocolates, send in a box of that with your note(s).

[Sandra]

As someone allergic to flowers, I would recommend a non-flowering plant or some kind of treat just to be on the safe side.

[sarah]

Chocolates from Burdicks! They are OUT OF THIS WORLD!

[em]

I love your posts!! I don't comment often, but just thought i'd chime in on the gifts idea. i know mani-pedi gift certificates are one favorite. i have to say edible arrangements won't be any good right now. what if she doesn't like any of the melon fruits!! i love the people in my pediatrician's office! i know how you feel. good luck!
btw, i made your flourless choc cake for my ob's office and people remembered it way later so thank you!! just an idea.

[Ruth]

Love your blog so much. Nothing new to add on the subject of gifts for the saint, but whatever you choose I know it will be hugely appreciated.
Just moved to the US from England and the whole healthcare merry-go-round is the one thing I don't like about this country. I live in fear of the day when one of us contracts something/needs a treatment that our insurance won't cover. It's a horrible worry. God I miss socialised medicine.

[kim]

Eh. I still say we're all entitled to some roseate glare about our loved ones every one in a while. (Hear that, kid? I would like mine to start right about now, please. Go to sleep.)
Blows, blows, blows,that you can't keep treating Patrick at Mayo. Stupid healthcare system.
Nice restaurant is my vote. Everybody eats.
.

[parodie]

re:Mayo, I would be tempted to call back several times until you get someone who tells you they are in-network for Patrick. But maybe that wouldn't work, now that you know? Eh. Good luck, sounds infuriating.

Gift cards are really nice. Heartfelt notes are even more important.

[Naomi]

Can't you just change Patrick's primary clinic to one of the ones that has Mayo in the network? Ideally you want one that also has his CURRENT clinic in the network so he can keep seeing the doctors you know and like.

If it were my insurer I'm pretty sure you could switch him now and it would go into effect February 1st.

My insurer also has little cards around the clinics saying "Did Someone Make Your Day?" that you can fill out to give someone kudos. I think a letter would work just as well, though.

[Kez]

As a medical receptionist I can tell you that, whilst any gift is genuinely appreciated, chocolates and cookies at this time of year are not the best choices. I guarantee you the Mayo saint is still working her way through a drawerful of Christmas themed goodies, I know I am! A note of thanks is absolutely the best thing you can give her - and any of the other gift suggestions would be very welcome too!

[purplefroglet]

If Patrick enjoys Wee Free Men I can heartily recommend the Bromeliad trilogy (Truckers, Diggers and Wings) and the Johnny Maxwell trilogy (Only you can save mankind, Johnny and the Dead and Johnny and the Bomb) also by Sir Terry. I don't think that you've mentioned them, although I may be wrong, if so ignore me!
Truckers, Diggers and Wings saved our lives on long car journeys when me and my brother were little, even my Mum loved them and she can't stand anything very fantastical.