Party Like It's

The party went quite well, if I do say so myself. As parents dropped off their children Steve told them that we hoped to have the movie finished by around 8 but that they (the parents) were welcome to come back a little early and join us for a beer or a glass of wine or, um, water or chocolate milk or whatever and chat with other parents from the school. A surprising (to me - I took the under on Steve's bet) number of people took us up on this - possibly because the movie did not actually end until 8:30 and thus we were holding their kids hostage - so we wound up with a mini grown-up party in addition to our movie party and it was very nice to put faces to the license plates at which I have so often shaken my fist.

-actually I am kidding. Patrick's old school parking lot was filled with the dregs of humanity (abounding in line jumpers and speeders and handicapped parking space stealers) but this new place is a miracle of both efficiency and courtesy and I did not grudge them my wine or my chocolate milk -

Since so many parents came back early we only had two and a half hours until reinforcements arrived and it was all fine. The pre-Celexa me would have freaked out anyway but the normal me recognized that the entertaining bar for the twelve and under set is pretty low and, anyway, they were all just so excited to be together and not at school that they barely noticed the food or the movie or anything. This has been a realization that took me forever to assimilate but has been incredibly liberating: people (big and little) just like being together and appreciate hospitality in pretty much any form. You do not have to meet each and every dietary need. You do not have to dust the antimacassars and bust out the good plastic glasses. Just invite people and be happy they came and it tends to be a pretty good party. 

One guest has severe food allergies and arrived with his epi-kit. Just as I was worrying what to feed him he solved my dilemma by explaining that I shouldn't bother because he never eats anything away from home. I said, "Oh? Never? Nothing?" and he said, "Would you if someone not knowing what an egg looks like meant you COULD DIE?" and I thought awww it's like a whole classful of Patricks bless their teacher's heart and I said, "No, I wouldn't. Water?" He declined.

One kid had already seen Ghostbusters and hated it so he wandered upstairs when the movie started. I took him to Patrick's room to find a book and then he and I sat on the couch together and read in companionable silence for about an hour. In twenty years of entertaining he was, without question, my favorite guest ever.  

As people showed up we put on that collection of Pixar shorts that someone mentioned, then broke for pizza and carrots and cookies once everyone had arrived (thirteen in all.) After a loud but tidy dinner (at the conclusion of which over 90% of the children picked up their plates and cups and cleared their places - Steve and I almost fell over in awe) they trooped back downstairs for the the main feature which was... Ghostbusters. We could have gone with practically any of your other suggestions but just as I was heading off to Blockbuster to peruse the classics for things like Willow and The Last Starfighter my friend Noelle reminded me that Blockbuster is going out of business and I would be lucky to buy discounted bright blue shelving there let alone rent a movie. D'oops. So Ghostbusters it was and THANK YOU for the heads up on the poltergeistian s-e-x because no one I consulted had remembered the ribaldry. Being forewarned enabled us to forearm Steve with the remote control. So he established himself in a corner during the movie and whenever something happened that might cause random parents to send us heavily underlined copies of the Bible he created a technical difficulty complete with tipsy cameraman.

(I actually wondered if the reason why none of us remember the sex scenes was because our parents had done the same thing lo these many years ago. Like, no one has ever seen the unexpurgated Ghostbusters because generations of parents have frantically tripped over the cord to the Betamax just as things started to get steamy.)

I went with the carrots, by the way, because you told me to and because you were right: carrots are easier than salad. I am not entirely convinced that salad would have been universally reviled (but but but my kids eat it - I mean, except Caroline who has never eaten a green vegetable in her entire life and views our nightly salad like so many caterpillars on her plate) but I also know that no quantity of personal experience can qualify a person to predict what children in toto will eat. Take Oliver Twist, for example. I'll bet that just as he was up there asking for more some orphan in the corner was poking dubiously at her bowl saying, "I don't like this kind of gruel."

But yeah, Caroline won't eat vegetables except maybe carrots despite having them on her plate every day for the past seven hundred years. It doesn't matter if they are steamed or roasted or raw or cut a la Parenting magazine into whimsical shapes like zebras and the Arc de Triomphe. I have served them with dip and butter and bribes and... nothing doing. Edward, in contrast, loves vegetables. He can eat an entire bunch of asparagus by himself. He has been known to clasp his hands together and say, "Ohhhhhh zukeemee!" He can polish off a pint of tomatoes, two ears of corn and as much broccoli as can be wedged into a plastic produce bag. And Patrick, who got the full force of our first child only child why won't he eeeeeaaat angst still eats exactly what we fretted over when he was three: red pepper, carrots, salad and raw spinach - broccoli and asparagus only under protest. Potatoes, never.

Good lord where was I? Oh right I served carrots to strange children and some of them ate them and some of them did not and I did not really care one way or another. I didn't even care - much - when the pediatrician asked Caroline at her four year check if she eats vegetable and Caroline turned her head into her shoulder and did a full-on silent screen shudder and said, "Vegetables! Oh NO!" And then I had to listen to a lecture that was directed at her but really at me about how she needed to be presented with a daily assortment of fresh n' healthy blah et ceteras.

Oh hey, did I ever tell you about their four year appointments? They were pretty humdrum so probably not. In terms of size Caroline is 25/25 and Edward is 50/50-75. They tested vision and hearing but since Edward already sees an eye doctor annually for the iris cysts that blinded him as a newborn (he's fine) and has seen an audiologist after his ear glue issues (also fine) there was nothing new there. Caroline shook hands with the pediatrician and asked how his kids were doing. He said, "Fine. How are you parents?" She said, "Oh they're good." When we left he said that were both fine, healthy and developing normally; Caroline scarily so. She really is the most social of butterflies and we are so not and I think scary is a good word for it because the rest of us find her willingness to stop in a restaurant and admire someone's baby rather frightening.

So here's a discussion question: what happened to calling adults by their titles? I called every adult I knew Mrs or Mr and the only exceptions were family who became Aunt First Name. That went for my parents' friends as well as my friends' parents. I actually rented a room from my best friend's Dad for a few months after college and I still cannot imagine calling him Harry. But no one at Patrick's party even attempted a Mrs. I don't mind, mind you, and I'm sure if I had said "You may call me Mrs Danvers" while clanking the ring of keys around my belt they all would have done so but I am curious. Is this regional? National? Do they do this even in the - pearl clutch - South? 

Comments

[Heather]

So great to hear the party was a good time!

As for the adult names, I live on the edge of the South and I would say the vast majority of children I encounter are taught to do the Ms./Mr. First Name thing. I do have a tendency to introduce myself as Mrs. Last Name to brand new children of my acquaintance if left to my own devices, but I'm a native Midwesterner. It rarely catches on as the parents automatically start referring to me as Ms. First Name instead and the children copy them. I'll have to ask my friends back home what the default is there these days -- I still call my childhood friends' parents Mrs./Mr. Last Name!

[Kate]

In the south, everyone is Miss FirstName or Mr. FirstName. I'm still getting used to it.

[Christine]

I blogged about this very issue a while/year/something ago. In the South (as I live on the edges of it here in MD) I believe they say Miss Firstname and Mr Firstname - several of my friends model this for their kids. It doesn't come naturally to me, so all my friends are just known by their firstnames to my children and I hope nobody's offended. Our only Mr and Mrs Lastnames are our elderly next door neighbours, because even I can't imagine calling them by their firstnames. Old habits, y'know. I'm surprised they didn't just call you Patrick's Mom.

[Emily]

In the south, the preschool kids often say Miss First Name. Once they hit kindergarten, it switches to Mrs. Last Name... or occasionally I hear, "Um, Mrs. (my child's name)'s Mom?" which always amuses me. When I was little, it was ALWAYS formal, so it has definitely relaxed.

[Jennifer]

I would be very surprised if a child called me by my first name. It wouldn't offend me (much), but I consider Mrs./Mr. good manners for children. I am from the South if that helps in your research.

[Nicky at Not My Mother]

Very interesting discussion question, I'm coming up against it as well. It's particularly interesting in one group of friends where most of the adults are referred to (but the other parents) as "Aunt Amelia" or "Uncle Keith" but we are... Nicky and David. I mentioned it once and got a sort of defensive 'you weren't here when they were little' so I've dropped it because I really don't care.

When I was a kid back in days of yore all the adults were either Aunty/Uncle Wossname, or known generically as "Jacqueline's Mum" et al. Personally I'd prefer my kid not to call adults by their first name but I'm guessing I'm in the minority now.

[Laura]

In the south (not deep, but NC right by the SC border), it is all Miss Julie and Mr Paul. I haven't seen a single child use a last name. Mine are still preschool age, so maybe for the teachers in grade school?

[shauna]

No Mr./Mrs. around these parts ...

My 2 year old is an incredible social butterfly, and considering that his father and I are NOT, I find it more than a little frightening. The first time we were in the supermarket and heard him introduce himself and his entire family to a random stranger and then go on to further explain that although his Mum did NOT have a penis like the rest of the family, she did have a very nice belly button and he still loved her ....well...I nearly died.

[Becky]

In the South it is Miss First Name and Mr First Name, and it bugs me to no end. I grew up in S. Texas, and I rarely addressed adults as Miss and Mr First Name unless they were teachers. And then it was only early elementary teachers. We did use Mr and Ms. Last Name. But the syrupy south Miss First Name BUGS me. I'm going to teach my kids (2 year old twins) to say "Yo Julie, more carrots please." Kidding. My husband, in all his southern charm, will say, now dear, we say "Yo Miss Julie, more carrots please".

[Alexicographer]

I too live in the South and will confirm that even in the fairly crunchy university town I'm part of, it's either Mr/Mrs lastname or Mr/Mrs firstname, at least for the preschool set. We usually try to ask the adult if there is a way they prefer that children address them and go with whichever they identify but it would be unusual (not unheard of) for an adult to tell a kid this age "Oh just call me firstname."

I am myself slightly flummoxed in introducing myself to kids, and to the young adult college students who attend the university where I work. I was taught one never uses one's own title in presenting oneself, thus I cannot say, "I am Ms. Lastname.", and I usually just say "I am Firstname Lastname" and count on the kids (and students) to know that this means they should address me as Ms. Lastname. But as I type this I realize perhaps it would help if I then said, "Please call me 'Ms. Lastname,'" which is not then a self-presentation but simply a request. Of course that may work fine in person but hardly fits into an introductory email to a student (and, again, I am far more loathe to sign my emails, "Ms. Lastname" than to be addressed by my first name.), leaving me still subject to emails that start with only "Firstname," as a salutation -- if that. But then digressing into email etiquette and its sorry state will only depress me.

But while I'm on a roll, may I bemoan the general tendency to abandon lastnames altogether? "Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your server tonight!" is OK (not great), but calling to ask for assistance with, let's say, a problem with my hospital bill or insurance claim and getting told I'm being helped by "Susie" is SO unprofessional AND creates woe (for me!) when I call back and say, "Well, on Tuesday, January 31, Susie told me that ..." and get, "Susie who?" Darned if I know. Except I (usually) do, because I've learned to ask.

[Sara]

Where I live in the south, it's mostly ma'am, which makes me feel about 95. My 4-year-old calls her teachers Miss Firstname, but all of the kids just call me Firstname. I'm fine with that. Mrs. Lastname will always be my mother.

[Cathy]

Around Here (not sure if this part of Florida is part of the south or not. I think it's reigonal), there's a lot of Miss FirstName and Mr FirstName. However, in pockets, you get Mr. LastName and Mrs Lastname. I started doing this at the Boy Scout adult meetings, mostly because I'm not that good with names - thankful I can keep the family names straight, too much to ask to remember which first name is the son and which is the dad.

Some of the moms at Boy Scouts are now affectionately known as "Mrs Kenny's Mom" and similar. It's amazing how as soon as the kids are verbal, you lose your own first name.

[Jane]

Enjoy the heck out of Caroline. My husband, our older daughter and I are all bookish and quiet and inhibited. Our younger daughter (AKA Wild Child) is a maniac. And so much fun!

[Sarah]

I'm in New Zealand and all my children’s friends call me by my first name. The only exception is when I help out in the classroom, and then it's Mrs Last Name.

[Anita]

We say, Miss Anita or mr. Dave. Not to the same person

[Anita]

I should say we are southern.

[gabrielle]

I live in the South and I echo the above "Mr/Miss First Name," which is how I grew up (also in the South), so it's normal to me.

The exceptions are my child's friends who are from elsewhere (there are a lot of transplants in my area.) Almost all those kids call me by my first name, just as their parents do. It's totally fine with me. :)

[rachel]

I'm in Texas. The kids I babysit for and otherwise work with call me Miss Firstname, but my friends' children usually just call me by my first name. Teachers are usually Mr/Mrs Lastname, though.

[confused]

Funny thing. My older two kids are only two years apart. The 5th graders' friends call us Mr/Mrs Lastname. They have from the first day of school. The third graders call me by my first name and honestly it drives me batty. Same school and everything. I do nkt understand how it happened?! We live in NJ

[Betsy]

Kids calling adults by their first names is one of those things that drive me insane. I can't even imagine trying to do something like that when I was a kid -- I'd have been slapped into the middle of next week.

We teach our kids to use Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname and sir/ma'am although teenagers in positions of authority (assistant Sunday school teachers or babysitters) are addressed as Mr./Miss Firstname. I will say, however, that we also teach them that the most polite thing to call someone is what they *ask* to be called. So they might start with Mr. Lastname but if says "Oh, call me Firstname!" then that is what our children are taught to do. (I still hate hearing it, though!!!)

[Cris]

I'm so with you on the names. I live in Boston and it's a first name culture here. Not only do my kids (2 and 4 years old) call all my friends and the parents of their friends by their first name, but they even refer to their teachers at daycare/school by their first names. I worry that this aura of informality will not allow them to develop the proper respect for adults. That said, it seems strange to introduce myself to other kids as Mrs. Martin or Miss Cris (which already sounds ridiculous since it rhymes). May have to try to follow the Southern example here....

[Katherine]

I'm in the South - outside Atlanta, and it is either Ms. Firstname or Mrs. Lastname. Either is ok with me, but I really don't like kids calling me just by my first name. Courtesy of growing up in the South - it was just NOT done. When I helped out in the elementary school, I was often greeted as Ms. Childname's mom.

[Mary]

I work with kids and request to be called just Mary. The kids parents must be telling them otherwise because I always get "Miss Mary" which annoys the shit out of me. At least they're not using my last name though. I'm not in a position where that would be necessary.

[Lizzie]

It was so much easier when I was a kid (I'm old, just to let you know) because everyone was pretty much Mr. or Mrs. and the whole family had a shared last name. We moved to rural NY when my daughter was two and the kids in her Montessori preschool called parents by their first names. (Also their teachers, but all three of them had the same last name.) It surprised me at first, but I like it. This sounds a little lame, but it makes me feel like we're actual people to the kids, not just parents.

At school (my daughter's now in second grade) it's all Mr. and Mrs. and Miss. (Very occasionally Ms.) But who can expect fairly little kids to keep track of which parents are married, which moms have a different last name--which might be preceded by Ms., and which name goes with which parent if the kid is hyphenated. Confusing times!

[Abby Spice]

I grew up all over the country (NYC, upstate NY, Virginia, Miami, Cleveland, Akron, Oklahoma) and mostly called my parents' friends by their first names--but, caveat, I was homeschooled, so I knew them through my parents. The few friends I had as a kid, their parents were usually pretty loose and chill, so it was first names.

But definitely people were more formal in Oklahoma than elsewhere.

Now, at 24, I usually go with, sort of ironically "Amy's mom". But really it's not ironic, it's just not knowing what to call them, since I'm not a grownup but I'm not a kid and AHHHHH.

[ALH]

I am also Southern -- from Alabama and now live in Georgia -- and to this day I call my oldest friend's parents, who I have known since the day I was born, Miss Pat and Mr. Tom. I am 40.

I'm not saying it's not weird, but it would be way weirder to me to call them, or any other adult from that generation or older, straight out by their first names.

That being said, the tradition is relaxing a little, even here. Many of my friends' children call me by my first name, and I am fine with it. (But I do teach my daughter to Miss/Mr., yes ma'am/no sir everybody. I can't help it!)

[Jacqui]

It's first names here in New Zealand (or X's mum), though my husband tells me it was Mrs. Last name when he was a kid and it was for me growing up in Canada too. They're very informal here in general, when I was lecturing at University it was only the Americans who called me Professor Craig, to everyone else I was just Jacqui and very occasionally Dr. I'd usually look around for a professor behind me if I was addressed like that, or for my dad (who is the Professor Craig in the family!). It's funny that given the informality at that level, and at play school etc. that at school it's strictly Mrs/Mr/Ms. Last name, even at high school.

[heather d]

I, personally, have never understood the whole 'automatic respect because a person is older' thing, and I'd never expect someone to call me Ms. LastName unless it was required by my profession (and I'm going to be a teacher, so it probably will be). I've always called adults by their first name, or so-and-sos mom/dad, even my relatives were their first names (except grandparents/parents) never Aunt Jackie or Uncle Joey.
Oh, and I'm from Pennsylvania.

[yammeringon]

Upstate NY here. Growing up it was always mrs/mr LastName (southern ohio, there). Here it depends on the parent. Some kids call me FirstName, some call me Mrs Firstname (I HATE this), some - mostly school friends (I love Catholic School) - call me Mrs LastName. I prefer either Firstname or Mrs LastName. Mrs FirstName makes me feel like a Jim Crow era maid.

Recently, my kids and I got into it because I called a friend Mrs Husband'sLastName. My daughter, ever astute, said "that's not her last name mommy!" I said "true, but she's not Mrs LastName either, now is she? What SHOULD we call her?" When I asked my friend, she glared at me as though I tried to sell her a corset and said "MS LastName. Why would it ever be any different? Listen to your daughter." And so I think that should be the definitive word on the topic. ;-) MS LastName unless close friends of the family, then FirstName.

[Smumzie]

What an odd assortment of comments. I can't imagine getting mad at anyone, regardless of their age, for calling me by my given name.

Why does it matter if the person is under 20 or 10 or whatever? I'm genuinely curious about this. I grew up in Western PA and have lived in CT for over 20 years now and I have never thought twice about people of any age calling me by my first name. I've also not heard other adults being called "Miss" or Mr. whatever regularly outside of the classroom.

[Katherine]

I'm in Phoenix, and it's all first names - even from my 6th grade Sunday school kids. I don't like it, not one little bit, but it's everywhere so I just cope.

Like you, I suffer mightily about offering enough appropriate choices for each and every guest's personal need and preferences. I hope your story will allow me to be more relaxed about my menus in the future. But probably not.

[Jen]

It's funny, because whenever I hear "Miss Jennifer," I wince a bit (I do not live in the South), but when one of A's friends said casually, from the back seat, "Jennifer, can we have some yogurt?" that didn't seem right, either. I'm actually totally fine with just being called "A's mom."

[Hall]

I'm from the south and grew up with Mr. and Miss or Mrs. for most adults. Now I live in Washington state, where children call other children's parents by their first names. And it's probably a good thing, since in many cases, the mom and the kid don't share a last name... a bit much for kids to keep track of, I think.

When my daughter was very small, there were some teachers known as Teacher Lisa or Teacher Jean. After that, while she was in the small cool private school through 5th grade, teachers were addressed by their first names. Now that she's in public school, all teachers are Mr. Last Name and Mrs. Last Name, mostly without knowing whether or not the female teacher in question is married. My question is what happened to Ms. and the idea that the marital status of female teachers is no more any one's business than that of male teachers? I suppose the nearly universal Mrs. works the same way, but still...

[SarcastiCarrie]

I hate *hate* HATE the Miss FirstName thing. Because my name is Carrie. And do you know what that turns into? Miscarry. That's right. And I hate being called that. I am also 7 months pregnant, and it just feels so wrong. And I hate it (even when not pregnant).

At times, I have specifically requested that people not call me that (especially at work where we're all grown-ups together...let's just be FirstName).

[Just me]

I've noticed that with our family there is a distinct decline in the use of familial titles. We always used aunt, uncle, etc. for family members. I know my BIL did too as I've heard him call people by those names. But my niece uses our first names. We all started with Aunt and uncle but it's harder for her to say and so grandparents have titles, the rest have names. Which works, although I did want to be Aunt Anything. With non-family members I grew up with first names for nearly everyone and as a teacher's kid could easily transition between first names out of school and formal names in school. I don't remember messing that up once, somehow. But I'm from Appalachia and cultural things come into play sometimes, and I would say that in general my part of Appalachia is less formal.

[Melissa H]

I live in California which I'm pretty sure is totally informal BUT in my Daisy girl scout troop of nine girls 3 of the moms have asked to be called Mrs. Lastname. The remainder seem okay with first name and I go by my first name for all the first graders in the troop. My default for my daughter is to introduce any new adult to her as Mr/Mrs Lastname and then they can offer to be called Firstname if they choose. Most do. Not all. So there you go.

So glad the party went well and I had no idea about any risque parts in Ghostbusters!

[sarah k]

I grew up in the Midwest and all the adults were called by their first names. I still live in the Midwest, but the church we go to now just so happens to be more traditional in that respect and everyone is Mr or Mrs Last Name. It's weird to me when kids are high school or older, but I've gotten used to the younger ones using titles.

[Miss Heather]

I think that the confusion in names/terms has come along with all of the blending in families that is very common these days. In our own family, we had the awkwardness of what my daughter should call my (then) fiance's mom and settled on Grandma Heidi with my mom just being Grandma. That worked until we moved to the same town as Grandma Heidi and had two more children and then Grandma could mean either of them so my mom became Grandma Lastname (which is still so weird to my ears).
My whole point is that Mr/Mrs Lastname is always kind of a gamble these days as they may not have the same last name as the children or each other. They also may not be married or there may be more than two parents involved. All of that is confusing to adults and must be more so to kids so I can understand trying to keep the same sort of salutation for everyone by going with Miss/Mr Firstname. That's what we do in this small town in ND.

[Corie]

Glad the party went well!

I'm on the fence. I understand the respect behind calling your parents' friends or friends' parents "Mr./Mrs. Lastname." That's what I (mostly) grew up doing. But, as so many have pointed out, it's a lot harder to determine a friend's parents' last name these days than it was even when many of us were growing up, 20-30 years ago, so in that case I'd probably ask the parents how they want to be addressed.

For close family friends, though, we (and our immediate social circle) have adopted the Mr./Ms. Firstname approach. And I'm ok with my son's friends calling me either Ms. Firstname or Mrs. Lastname, but since most of his friends are barely talking, I think it'll be a while before we really have to worry about it.

[JP]

I grew up with and prefer Mr./Ms. Firstname. I do live in the South and always have. I just realize an oddity, Tot has two daytime caretakers. One is Ms. Firstname, but the other is (toddler derived) Nickname (which is how she introduced herself to me). Though if she did go by her actual name, it would be Ms. Firstname.

[amanda]

Southern here-western NC--and we all are called Mr. or Miz First Name

[Kate]

I'm in NYC and grew up with Mr./Mrs Last Name, but all my daughters friends call me Kate, which I find slightly disconcerting. A few mothers I know, all from the south, call me Ms. Kate to their children. The pediatrician's and school's office staff call me Mrs. Husband/Children's last name, although I kept my maiden name. I'll answer to anything and don't correct anyone.

I do teach my kids to say Mr or Ms./Mrs. Last Name, but I sense I'm fighting a losing battle and I don't care all that much.

[Liz S]

I copy what the other parents do. So some of my friends are Mr. and Mrs. so and so to my kids and other are Ms. and Mr. First name. I think we are about 25% with the full title. The rest are Ms. first name. I think there should be some respect to adults. I just started calling my mom's friends by their first names and I'm 42.

[em]

in India we call all parents friends Aunty or Uncle, or in the regional version of the same, or last name Uncle and first name Aunty. But living in TX now my kids address people with a Ms. or Mr. first name. Except, they address Indian friends first name Uncle or first name Aunty. And if its a mixed race marriage then whatever the friends prefer (i find that they both often prefer Uncle and Aunty!)
It sounds confusing I know but not really to the kids, they somehow figure it out and remember it!

[Yetta]

I still call my childhood friends' parents Mr./Mrs. LastName, while they call me by my first name, which seems a little lopsided.

My children typically call their friends' parents Mr./Mrs. LastName, as well (no big difference there, even though I grew up in Germany and we now live in Southern California); their teachers are Ms. FirstName (that's DEFINITELY different--I would have never dreamed of calling my teachers anything but Mr./Mrs. LastName).

Never thought about how I introduce myself to my kids' friends. Probably first name only. It doesn't really matter because they call me Mrs. KidsName's Mom, anyway.

[Nicky]

I grew up in the Midwest, and it was always Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. I still can't bring myself to call my friends' parents anything else. But my husband is from Hawaii, and the tradition there is that everyone is Auntie Firstname and Uncle Firstname. Everyone. At parties with his parents' friends, it took me forever to figure out who was an actual relative and who was just a respected friend, but overall, I really like it. It's respectful but not overly formal. For our kids, we refer to all of our friends using Auntie and Uncle. Then again, my oldest is only 3, so we haven't really needed to figure out how this will work with people we don't know very well. But in our experience, everyone is very happy with the Auntie and Uncle solution.

[Colleen]

My kids call the other preschool moms Firtname - sans Miss/Ms/Mrs. And other people's kids call me by my first name. I have trouble being called Ms/Mrs/Miss Firstname (seems pretentious or archaic), likewise Mrs Lastname (technically incorrect, as I did not take my husband's last name). And finally, I am actually a Dr. - but I don't expect kids at preschool to know or care. I fail to see how prefacing Firstname with a Miss/Ms/Mrs confers respect or propriety. And I don't need kids calling me Dr to remind me that that's what I am...

I seem to be in the minority on this and for the record I am Canadian, eh. Miss Firstname is essentially unheard of in my circles *except* when it is used BY adults to address small children... usually with a sense of mock seriousness...

[Robin from Israel]

There's sex in Ghostbusters? Whoa, totally missed that... Must have been the ole betamax trip scam.

Re the titles, I grew up the way you did but here in Israel no one, and I mean no one, calls adults by their title, unless they themselves are an adult talking to a much older adult, and even then it's rare, mostly something you'd see in old movies. Kids even call their TEACHERS by their first names. It used to freak me out that even after an entire year in someone's class I had absolutely no idea what my kid's teacher's last name was - nor did my kids (!), but I've decided to be all zen about it and not worry that it's the end of western civilization as we know it.

[Megan]

I grew up in the Midwest and on the West Coast, and it was always first names outside the K-12 classroom, unless the person was very, very old.

I do remember feeling awkward about calling one particular friend's mother *anything* and so I just never used her name at all.

[Annette]

I knew Miss Manners would have something (lots, actually) to say about this, so voilà: "The idea that all formality is suspect is a really bad idea. [...] You need to recognize degrees of intimacy among friends and acquaintances." Having quoted that, I'd like to add that it doesn't really irk me when my kids' friends call me by my first name (they've stopped doing it, anyway, as they've grown older). Customer-service people is a different story, though... ack!