Party Like It's

The party went quite well, if I do say so myself. As parents dropped off their children Steve told them that we hoped to have the movie finished by around 8 but that they (the parents) were welcome to come back a little early and join us for a beer or a glass of wine or, um, water or chocolate milk or whatever and chat with other parents from the school. A surprising (to me - I took the under on Steve's bet) number of people took us up on this - possibly because the movie did not actually end until 8:30 and thus we were holding their kids hostage - so we wound up with a mini grown-up party in addition to our movie party and it was very nice to put faces to the license plates at which I have so often shaken my fist.

-actually I am kidding. Patrick's old school parking lot was filled with the dregs of humanity (abounding in line jumpers and speeders and handicapped parking space stealers) but this new place is a miracle of both efficiency and courtesy and I did not grudge them my wine or my chocolate milk -

Since so many parents came back early we only had two and a half hours until reinforcements arrived and it was all fine. The pre-Celexa me would have freaked out anyway but the normal me recognized that the entertaining bar for the twelve and under set is pretty low and, anyway, they were all just so excited to be together and not at school that they barely noticed the food or the movie or anything. This has been a realization that took me forever to assimilate but has been incredibly liberating: people (big and little) just like being together and appreciate hospitality in pretty much any form. You do not have to meet each and every dietary need. You do not have to dust the antimacassars and bust out the good plastic glasses. Just invite people and be happy they came and it tends to be a pretty good party. 

One guest has severe food allergies and arrived with his epi-kit. Just as I was worrying what to feed him he solved my dilemma by explaining that I shouldn't bother because he never eats anything away from home. I said, "Oh? Never? Nothing?" and he said, "Would you if someone not knowing what an egg looks like meant you COULD DIE?" and I thought awww it's like a whole classful of Patricks bless their teacher's heart and I said, "No, I wouldn't. Water?" He declined.

One kid had already seen Ghostbusters and hated it so he wandered upstairs when the movie started. I took him to Patrick's room to find a book and then he and I sat on the couch together and read in companionable silence for about an hour. In twenty years of entertaining he was, without question, my favorite guest ever.  

As people showed up we put on that collection of Pixar shorts that someone mentioned, then broke for pizza and carrots and cookies once everyone had arrived (thirteen in all.) After a loud but tidy dinner (at the conclusion of which over 90% of the children picked up their plates and cups and cleared their places - Steve and I almost fell over in awe) they trooped back downstairs for the the main feature which was... Ghostbusters. We could have gone with practically any of your other suggestions but just as I was heading off to Blockbuster to peruse the classics for things like Willow and The Last Starfighter my friend Noelle reminded me that Blockbuster is going out of business and I would be lucky to buy discounted bright blue shelving there let alone rent a movie. D'oops. So Ghostbusters it was and THANK YOU for the heads up on the poltergeistian s-e-x because no one I consulted had remembered the ribaldry. Being forewarned enabled us to forearm Steve with the remote control. So he established himself in a corner during the movie and whenever something happened that might cause random parents to send us heavily underlined copies of the Bible he created a technical difficulty complete with tipsy cameraman.

(I actually wondered if the reason why none of us remember the sex scenes was because our parents had done the same thing lo these many years ago. Like, no one has ever seen the unexpurgated Ghostbusters because generations of parents have frantically tripped over the cord to the Betamax just as things started to get steamy.)

I went with the carrots, by the way, because you told me to and because you were right: carrots are easier than salad. I am not entirely convinced that salad would have been universally reviled (but but but my kids eat it - I mean, except Caroline who has never eaten a green vegetable in her entire life and views our nightly salad like so many caterpillars on her plate) but I also know that no quantity of personal experience can qualify a person to predict what children in toto will eat. Take Oliver Twist, for example. I'll bet that just as he was up there asking for more some orphan in the corner was poking dubiously at her bowl saying, "I don't like this kind of gruel."

But yeah, Caroline won't eat vegetables except maybe carrots despite having them on her plate every day for the past seven hundred years. It doesn't matter if they are steamed or roasted or raw or cut a la Parenting magazine into whimsical shapes like zebras and the Arc de Triomphe. I have served them with dip and butter and bribes and... nothing doing. Edward, in contrast, loves vegetables. He can eat an entire bunch of asparagus by himself. He has been known to clasp his hands together and say, "Ohhhhhh zukeemee!" He can polish off a pint of tomatoes, two ears of corn and as much broccoli as can be wedged into a plastic produce bag. And Patrick, who got the full force of our first child only child why won't he eeeeeaaat angst still eats exactly what we fretted over when he was three: red pepper, carrots, salad and raw spinach - broccoli and asparagus only under protest. Potatoes, never.

Good lord where was I? Oh right I served carrots to strange children and some of them ate them and some of them did not and I did not really care one way or another. I didn't even care - much - when the pediatrician asked Caroline at her four year check if she eats vegetable and Caroline turned her head into her shoulder and did a full-on silent screen shudder and said, "Vegetables! Oh NO!" And then I had to listen to a lecture that was directed at her but really at me about how she needed to be presented with a daily assortment of fresh n' healthy blah et ceteras.

Oh hey, did I ever tell you about their four year appointments? They were pretty humdrum so probably not. In terms of size Caroline is 25/25 and Edward is 50/50-75. They tested vision and hearing but since Edward already sees an eye doctor annually for the iris cysts that blinded him as a newborn (he's fine) and has seen an audiologist after his ear glue issues (also fine) there was nothing new there. Caroline shook hands with the pediatrician and asked how his kids were doing. He said, "Fine. How are you parents?" She said, "Oh they're good." When we left he said that were both fine, healthy and developing normally; Caroline scarily so. She really is the most social of butterflies and we are so not and I think scary is a good word for it because the rest of us find her willingness to stop in a restaurant and admire someone's baby rather frightening.

So here's a discussion question: what happened to calling adults by their titles? I called every adult I knew Mrs or Mr and the only exceptions were family who became Aunt First Name. That went for my parents' friends as well as my friends' parents. I actually rented a room from my best friend's Dad for a few months after college and I still cannot imagine calling him Harry. But no one at Patrick's party even attempted a Mrs. I don't mind, mind you, and I'm sure if I had said "You may call me Mrs Danvers" while clanking the ring of keys around my belt they all would have done so but I am curious. Is this regional? National? Do they do this even in the - pearl clutch - South? 

Comments

[Nicky]

Here in South Africa, little kids usually refer to adults as "aunt firstname" or "uncle firstname". This includes parents friends and friend's parents.
However, the assistants at pharmacy's, doctors rooms and so on say "Mrs Husbands last name" which really gets on my nerves,as I have neither a husband nor do I have his last name!!! I understand the assumption though, since my son has his dad's last name, and since we're not married, I still have my maiden name. Very very awkward.

[Erica]

I'm from western NC, though now I live in CO. When I was a kid, all adults were Mr./Ms. Last Name. (It was pronounced Miz, no difference b/t Mrs. and Ms.). I am 30, and cannot imagine calling my parents' friends (or childhood friends' parents) by their first names. I still tend to call the parents of my friends by their titles, even when invited to do otherwise, though if I meet a person of the same age in a different situation I am fine with first names. I HATE the "Ms. first name" thing, I never heard that growing up. I think "Ms. whoever's mom" is adorable though. I do not have kids, and don't really consider myself a grown-up, though I guess I am, so I invite everyone to call me Erica. I would look around for my mom if someone said Ms. Last Name (although she is technically "Dr."). One thing I remember from growing up is that while I called parents of friends Mr and Ms., grandparents, including mine, were usually addressed by whatever their grandkids called them. I still think of my friend Jenny's grandmother as "grandma" and I have no idea whether she was maternal or paternal, so no idea what her actual name was. My boyfriend of 12 years still calls my grandmother "silly nickname I made up as a kid." So there you go. I guess everyone should be called what they prefer, though I would expect any kids I may have to call people Mr/Ms Last Name until invited to do otherwise.

[kate]

I'm in Australia, and when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, most of my friends' parents were Mr/Mrs Lastname. Our close family friends were just Firstname.
Nowadays, my kids' friends all call me Kate, and that seems to be the case just about everywhere. I'm totally fine with it, though I do like that at our (small Catholic) school, the teachers are Mr/Mrs Lastname. At many public schools here, the teachers go by their first names, which just doesn't seem right...

[QoB]

Rarely if ever would someone use titles here (Ireland) and it wasn't very common when I was little, either. Teachers are always Mr/Miss Surname (or in secondary school, just 'Sir' or 'Miss') but usually it's first names for parents (or nothing at all, to avoid offence).

[elizabeth]

Here in Switzerland, it's very formal. Especially for children, everybody is "Madame" or "Monsieur," sometimes followed by the last name.

A friend of mine had her children call adults "Miss [first name]" or "Mr. [first name]." I thought that was cute.

As for the little reader, well, he would have been my favorite guest too!

http://bebesuisse.blogspot.com/

[Daria]

In Manhattan (and boroughs), kids use ms. and mr. when addressing teachers and authority figures. In addressing those adults they know well, it is commonly first name only. And closest adults are known as aunt and uncle. I personally adore the informality and don't find that the kids are any less respectful just because they call me by my actual name! I find it sweet when my daughter's friends call me by name. I think it makes them feel like they can identify with me and are much more comfortable and willing to actually converse, which is great. I'm sure part of this transition away from Mr. and Mrs. is due to divorce, single parenting, blended families. Times change, we must adapt, and all that matters is that kids are being raised to respect all people, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, etc.

[afc]

To avoid confusion for my kids' friends, I introduce myself: "hi, I'm mrs chen". I'm fine with my peers calling me by my first name, but not a bunch of 12 yr olds. I've actually insisted on it since they were old enough to call me anything. Schools here in NJ are all mrs/mr/miss last name. I think a little formality is not a bad thing to instill.

[D]

I live in Virginia and am very familiar with the "Mr./Miss Firstname" usage. I feel like I picked it up from a friend of mine who is now an elementary school teacher, which means when I first met her in college she was a student teacher. I got the impression that the teacher whose classroom she observed was "Mrs. Smith" and my friend was introduced by her to the children as "Miss Sarah", which made perfect sense to me since my friend was barely twenty-one, quite possibly closer in age to the students than to the teacher, and "Miss Sarah" was a nice compromise between excessive formality and the inappropriately casual. Sarah and her husband ended up being some of the earliest to marry and have kids of their own among my peers, and when their daughter was old enough to address people everyone was introduced as "Mr./Miss Firstname" (weirdly never "Mrs. Firstname", even the married women, at least among my age-group). It kind of stuck.

Of course then later I had kids and they went to daycare and all of the teachers/caregivers at daycare have always been "Miss Caroline" and "Miss Anne" and so on, so maybe it truly is a regional thing and has nothing to do with school hierarchies or anything!

[Kate]

When my daughter was preschool age, I felt silly being called Mrs. Lastname and preferred Kate. Now that she is in elementary school I prefer Mrs. Lastname or Kate. I despise the Miss Kate thing that is so popular now, it makes me think of slavery. Obviously, I am in the minority, and I don't correct the children or their parents. I just secretly wonder where it came from. Here in Pennsylvania the Miss/Mr Firstname didn't exist when I was a kid, but is nearly universal now.

[Pajamamommas]

"it's like a whole classful of Patricks bless their teacher's heart"--hahahahahahahaha! I love it. That's exactly what I thought when I read allergic-kid's remarks.

So glad that the party went well--and that the Celexa helped it be less nerve-wracking.

Funny how kids can show up with temperments that don't match the rest of the family. I'm a serious introvert who happens to have an outgoing, extroverted son. This is particularly interesting since he's more like my partner temperment-wise, but he's biologically my kid. I find myself having way more conversations with strangers than I would otherwise, which can be scary, but also fun.

[Barb]

My son is now 23 and we live in the Midwest. Growing up, his friends called me Mrs. Last Name. (It felt weird to me, because Mrs. Last Name is my mother-in-law, not me!) He did the same with his friends' parents.

Close friends of ours were always just called by their first names. I'm wondering now why we didn't adopt the Uncle/Aunt First Name thing, as that is what we were taught growing up.

Kids in our neighborhood, however, always just call us by our first names.

[Tine]

Well, I'm from around these parts. And back in the dark ages (the 70s) when I was a kid, we all called grownups by Mrs./Miss/Mr. LastName. I've noticed hardly anyone does that anymore, and frankly, I prefer it.

My kids (5 & 8 yrs. old) have used a conglomeration of addresses for adults, depending on what the adults told them to say. But since they started their new school this year, where every adult is Ms./Mr. FirstName, they've started addressing every adult in that way. I think it's charming. I like the implied respect but also the less-formal first name thing. I encourage it now. :)

[jen]

We do Ms./Mr. First Name for preschool (in Iowa, fwtw). When he gets to K it will shift to Ms./Mr. Last Name, I would imagine unless the teacher says otherwise. For friend's parents, it's just first name because that's how we refer to them.

[Chris]

I am from IA and now live in the Chicago area. Growing up we addresses people as Mrs. LastName or Mr. LastName. Around here, the kids all call adults Mrs. FirstName or Mr. FirstName except teachers and it does not bother me one way or another. Also as my daughter gets older her school friends call me Mrs. LastName. Daughter's BFF since preschool parents are from Claifornia and they ask children to call them Mr or Mrs LastName. Eh, whatever.

[obabe]

for our kids it depends on how friendly we are with the parents- many of them its just "first name". however, the assistant rabbi at our synogauge is a child himself (26!) and while we are friendly/kids overlap in schools, our kids know to call him and his wife "rabbi and mrs...". a good friend is our child's teacher this year and we had a long talk about how he has to address her differently in school than when we are at their house!
for people we have just met or arent as close with, we ask them what they would like our children to call them (our contracter, for instance, has always been mr.) therapists (we have had speech and develeopmental come to our home) i always tack on a "miss" to.

[Erin]

I've seen Ghostbusters on TBS too many times. They edit out all the questionable-for-children scenes. :)

[liz]

I live in Virginia, and I am variously Mrs. [My Son's Name]'s Mom, Miss Liz, or Mrs. Miller.

[Christine]

Man, the name thing is hard. I'm from the Northeast, I grew up calling friends of my parents by their first name, except for my immediate next door neighbors who were much older and were addressed as "Aunt" and "Uncle". I was once admonished for calling a neighbor Kathy rather than Mrs. L. I was five? six? After that it was all Mr. and Mrs. all the time. My friend's parents have become all "Mama X" and "Mr. X" except for one who insists I call her Linda. We're in the same book club, so ya know.

It's hard when families don't share the same last name though. I had a friend in middle school who had a hyphenated name. I called the mother Mrs. X-Y. Yowza. Not only was she just of the last name Y, but she was also Dr. Y. Like even if I had guessed the right last name I was supposed to somehow divine the Doctor part. Hooey I say.

[Amanda P.]

Growing up in Southern Illinois, it was Mr/Mrs Lastname, unless we were told otherwise - except when referring to people when talking to my parents. For example, our neighbor was "Beth" when talking to my parents, but if I called her Beth to her face, I'd have gotten a whatfor!

Now, I live in NC and use the Mr/Ms (Miz - could be Miss, Ms or Mrs) Firstname for everyone who isn't a blood relative. Blood relatives (and those married to them) get titles. I can't stand calling non-relatives "aunt" and "uncle" - I don't know why. However, one friend's child calls me "and Amanda", as his parents always refer to us as "Chris and Amanda", so we are "Chris" and "and Amanda" to him. I do find that hysterical.

[Olivia]

Not sure if it's regional, but I'm 33 and as a child we all called our friends' parents and parents' friends by their first names. Only teachers and doctors were called Mr./Mrs.

I've met a few people my age who want their children to call adults by Mr./Mrs. but I would rather they didn't do that with me. My last name is DIFFICULT to pronounce and Mrs. X makes me feel really weird. Not old exactly, just "Are we all having a jolly time in ye old England?" If I had my way, I would institute the Nigerian way of calling parents' friends, etc, Uncle or Auntie. It's familiar without being too formal.

[Melissa]

I grew up and live about 60 miles outside of New Orleans. Here children call everyone Ms./Mr. FirstName other than teachers (last name is used with teachers). This is fine and understandable.

What really boggles my mind - and I grew up here! - is how this translates over to adults. I have a "person's status in relation to mine" rule. My in-laws will always and forever be Mr. Jay and Ms. Cheryl. But for an older co-worker, I will use their first name. My husband, on the other hand, has a definite age rule. If the person is older than him by 5-10 years, he uses the Mr. FirstName format. Doesn't matter if it is a co-worker, Wal-mart cashier, or our next-door neighbor.

We are also very strict on ma'am and sir down here. A question is always answered with "Yes/no ma'am or sir". And you never answer "What?" when your name is called. Trust me when I say that this is very difficult to teach children!

[Chris in NY]

In upstate NY (small town), the typical is Mr/Mrs Last Name (despite that I actually use/prefer Ms. Birth Name Married Name). Actually, according to my daughter, most kids just don't use names as it is too complicated.

[Heather B.]

I'm 28 years old and my mother's coworkers have become my coworkers so people that were once referred to as "Mrs. Smith" are now referred to by their first names. Except my mother will still refer to said coworkers by Mrs. Lastname due to force of habit and then I'm like "You mean Joe?"

Even better I work with two of my former high school teachers who want me to call them by their first names and I'm like HELL NO. It's odd.

Point is, good luck with that! ;-)

[Evilisa]

"I sat on the couch together and read in companionable silence for about an hour. In twenty years of entertaining he was, without question, my favorite guest ever."...LOVE LOVE LOVE!

I am in Dallas, TX. I will not abide children calling me "Lisa". This irritates my family and my friends. Children that I am close to may call me Ms. Lisa. All others will refer to me as Ms. Merito. That also goes for anyone calling me on the phone that is not a friend; also doctors, pharmacists, cashiers, etc., I know I am archaic but my first name is for my friends. I want my friends to know how special they are.

I wasn't always this way but when my sister had children fourteen years ago and they refered to friends of the family as Aunt So in So it hurts my feelings and made me feel as if I were nothing. I decided it was important.

It's surprising I have any friends.

[Betsy]

I am in New Hampshire - about as far from the South as you can get and still be in the US and here it's always Miss/Mr. Firstname. I tried to do last names, but wound up going with the majority.

[Nelson's Mama]

I live in the south and personally don't like to be addressed as "Miss" or "Mrs." I've always asked my daughter's friends to use my first name.

BUT, my girls have been taught to use "yes, ma'am", "no, ma'am', "yes, sir" and "no, sir". I think that conveys a greater level of respect than simply using a formal title...

[Shawna]

I called my mom and dad's friends by their first names as that is how they were introduced to me. I still remember saying "Hi Pat" to one that was also a teacher and being shushed furtively with a "At school it's Mrs. Bennett dear." I believe I continued to call her Pat with no problems outside of school though.

My kids call our friends by their first names, but they call their friends' parents what the parents introduce themselves as. It's never occurred to me to tell them to use Mr. or Mrs./Miss/Ms automatically.

I'm from Canada (Ontario) if you're keeping track of regional trends.

[Kristi]

We started calling parents first names but then we started preschool (at a private school, mind you) and they have better manners.

Plus, this year I got involved in Girl Scouts (Kindergarten) with my daughter and we started the strict Mr/Mrs part so I do feel a little better about it. We make all 30 of the girls call us Mrs blah blah.

I like it now. It's weird though, either way.

[Kelly]

I'm from Canada, hubby VT, my boys (5 & 7) grew up in PA until last summer and we're now in MA. I'm firmly in the Ms/Mrs Firstname, Mr Firstname category. I'd be uncomfortable if a child called me by my first name, alone, though likely too introverted and polite to correct them. I was taught to introduce myself by my name, not my title, so I'm sure there are years of uncomfortableness ahead for me!

[llcsis]

Most of the kid's friends called me by Mrs.C, due to a difficult last name. (Yes, I had Happy Days flashbacks.) However, if their parents were friends of mine and called me by first name, then the kids tended to call me that too.

I think it is mostly how you introduce yourselves. Was it, "Hi I'm Patrick's mother Mrs Danvers." to them, or did you say "Hi I'm Julia" to their parents first? If it was the latter - who can blame them for using your name rather than trying to recall Patrick's last name.

Your favorite guest story and Carolines polite inquiry to her Dr made me giggle. :)

[Shannon]

When I grew up, I distinctly remember calling my parent's friends by their first name. I really don't remember what I called my friends parents.

I remember the shock when I went from high school Mr/Mrs to college and alot of them wanted us to use their first names! But outside of school, I just don't remember.

Now, however, our friends are all called by their first names by our children because that's how we address them. I do have a co-worker that we get together with and I tried to use her first name once and my son said, "No, Mom, that's Adrianna's mommy, not Lisa." Sorry buddy.

I know that people think that using Mr/Mrs is supposed to be respectful, but I just don't see it (and never have). My kids are perfectly respectful to all the adults in their lives and we don't call anyone Mr/Mrs.

In fact, when I went to help out in my son's classroom a few weeks ago, it was very weird to be referred to as Mrs. Lastname. Almost didn't feel like I should answer because no one ever refers to me that way.

[HereWeGoAJen]

We do Miss/Mr First Name here. (In the South. But we do move a lot so I am sure we are only temporarily in the South.) I was raised to call adults by Mr./Mrs. Last Name and when I became an adult (I suppose I am now), it took me many years before I could get over those years of never uttering an adult's first name before I could do it. People around my own age were fine, but I didn't address my inlaws as ANYTHING for at least four years until I got used to using adult first names.

[Aarin]

Growing up in California, Montana and Washington it was first names all around. My grandma was a very formal lady but even she never taught us the formal address so I am guessing that it really is quite regional. Gosh, in liberal Portland, Oregon a number of kids in my son's class call their parents by their first names. My son asked me why a friend calls his mom "Jill" and I sort of explained (no clue what I said) and said that maybe he would do that with me some day when he got older. He just stared at me and said, "No. No, I won't" and I must say I was a little glad.

[laziza]

Yes, THIS: "This has been a realization that took me forever to assimilate but has been incredibly liberating: people (big and little) just like being together and appreciate hospitality in pretty much any form."

I've just recently realized this myself, and I can't begin to tell you the order of epiphany it was.

[Dana]

I also grew up calling everyone Mr or Mrs (in fact, at the wedding of the friend I have known since I was 6, I got a very perverse pleasure out of copying one of her other bridesmaids and calling the bride's mother by her FIRST. NAME. I still giggle when I think about it, it was 16 years ago, and I was 24 years old by then...)

I have noticed the whole lack of Mr/Mrs thing also - when my friends started having kids (long before I did) they all had them call me by my first name only. Now, since Mrs. So-and-so sounded way too formal to my (then) 20-something ears, I was ok with that - after all, these were the children of friends so it was all good. Then the children of CLOSE friends started with the AUNT so-and-so and when I had kids, we did the whole "Aunt and Uncle" thing (with the exception of one friend who INSISTS on the whole "Mrs" thing - for both her kids where I"m concerned and my kids where she's concerned, although since she's the ONLY grownup my kids know who does this they just think she's uptight. Which she is. Honestly)

Anyway, while our close friends are Aunt and Uncle to my kids, and some of my friends' kids do the Aunt/Uncle thing also, it seems that now the vast majority of grown-ups, with the exception of school teachers, do seem to just go with the first name. Not sure what that is. Not crazy about it, honestly.

I will say that in my son's Cub Scouts pack they use Mr. Lastname for all the adults, and in my daughter's Daisy troop we use Miss Firstname for the adults.

[Kristin]

I grew up and still live in WI. When I was a kid (in the 70s and 80s)we called all of our friend's parents Mr./Mrs. Lastname. I STILL call them that and I am 37. We had some close family friends and neighbors whom we called by their first names, but they were exceptions. Now I am raising my 2 year old and 5 year old in the same place and it is totally different. All parents are called by their first name! I have never heard anyone introduce themselves to my kids as Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, or even Miss Firstname. Same with their preschool teachers. I assume that it will change when they enter the public school system. I don't mind when my kid's friends call me Kristin, but it is a little disconcerting.

[Alice]

After several years of day care teachers here in Massachusetts being known to our kids by their first names, we moved to Savannah for a year, where teachers were addressed as "Miss Vicki" and "Mr. Joe." And when we attended school for a while in England in the 1970s, all teachers were addressed simply as "Sir" or "Miss" (no other identification), which was hilarious in the instance of the 85-year-old crone who had playground duty. When we visit my brother in Texas, he and his wife remind their kids to call me and my husband "Aunt X" and "Uncle Y" as opposed to just X and Y -- which is how my husband addressed his aunts and uncles even when he was a kid. A couple of my kids' friends call me "Mrs. Blah" rather than X, but I don't really care, especially since Blah is a bit difficult to pronounce. Though I was brought up short one day when a kid come up to me and said, "Excuse me, Sarah's mom, can I have..."

[Dawn]

Here in Newfoundland (look up, way up and to the right... hi!) and we do both, depending on the closeness of the families. My children's schoolmates usually called me Mrs. Married Name even after I divorced and reverted to my own last name.

My kids are grown now but some of their friends, in an effort to be polite, still call me Mrs. Married Name, as that is the last name the kids use, when they first meet me, and I try not to let it rankle. Too much. Grrr. Not. My. Name. Anymore.

So glad to hear the party went well!

[Dawn]

Somewhere, my junior high grammar teacher is writhing in agony and doesn't know why. That comment was abominably worded.

[Denise]

Around first grade, many of the parents of my son's friends spontaneously started insisting that their kids call adults Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname. I think that when the kids were tiny and not really aware that their friend Joey had a last name it was just too tedious to refer to Joey's mom as "Cindy" when you were speaking with her but as "Mrs. Smith" when talking about her to your two-year-old, but now that the kids are older, they're capable of discerning that "Mrs. Smith" must be Joey's mom.

No one uses "Ms" anymore, though, do they? That's strange to me, especially since so many mothers are keeping their maiden names, and others are single. It seems like calling everyone "Ms" would make things easier.

[Pam L]

When we had kids that got old enough to socialize the parents allowed them to call us by our first names. We were new to the neighborhood and went along with it. But, in my son's Scout troops the boys always called me Mrs. as did some of their other friends from school. One boy would say "Hi Paul's Mom" to which I would reply, "Hi Paul's friend" - our joke. My neighbor in this new hood has her grandkids call me Miss Pam, as she is from the South. I kind of like that. When I was growing up we always called the adults Mr. or Mrs. except my best friends Mom who told me to call her Monica. She was cool though, like when she made us Pink Squirrels and Tom Collins' when we we like 16 and she was learning to make cocktails.

[cm]

I grew up in the south, and I'm raising my kids in Seattle, and I can't bear the first names that little children use for adults. But I tried to teach my children the compromise Miss/Mr Firstname, and I think that the other parents aren't onboard, so I haven't pushed it. (Even though it sets my teeth on edge to be called by my first name by a 7-year old.) Even worse, these kids grow up and come to my university classroom and call me by my first name. I have taken to signing emails to them with "Prof. Lastname" to give them a clue. Miss Manners might not approve of using your title in a signature, but if they write me addressing me as "Firstname" and I write back signing myself "Prof. Lastname" sometimes they have the sense to feel shame. ("It's Dr. Evil. I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called 'mister', thank you very much.")

[wasabi]

In the Deep South where I am Miss/Mr. First Name is usually a preschool teacher or family friend. A very dear family friend would be Aunt/Uncle. A teacher once they reach compulsory education is Mr./Ms. Last Name. I work at a university and a good number of the students call me Ms. First Name especially the ones I work with the most. I will admit when I lived up in MI I was always surprised me and it bothered me a bit to be called by my first name by a very young child, but that doesn't happen very often here. My kids don't get to call adults by their first names. I just don't like it.

[Margpt]

We're in South Africa, and it's first names all round, with the occasoinal Uncle/Auntie X thrown in.

[Mary-Christine]

"...it was very nice to put faces to the license plates at which I have so often shaken my fist."

Man, you crack me up! My day brightens when I see you've done a post!

I grew up in Ireland and all my friends's parents were Mr. and Mrs. last name. To this day, if I met one I would feel like a cheeky cow calling them by their first name.

Now living in Canada, all my son's friends call us by our first names which I like. Respect is not defined by what name you're addressed by, but by the tone of voice and body language.

[Naomi]

My kids' school is so strict about the last name thing that parents are required to address the teachers and administrators by title when children are present. The teachers will also call you Ms. Lastname when your child is present.

So the kids from this school all call grownups Mr. or Ms. Lastname. Which might actually be an improvement over being addressed as "hey, Molly's mom?"

[Miss Cat]

My kids (ages 8 & 6) would call you Miss Julia and Mr Steve; I am Miss Cat or Miss Catherine. And I do correct other people's kids on this matter. I am not their friend nor peer. Which makes me sound stodgy and with the under-12 group it may be. But as they get older, I think that clear line is more crucial. Full disclosure: my husband's family is Southern.

[elz]

Hooray for fun parties. Also, I want the book readign kid at our next soiree. Ahhh...

I'm in the South and honestly, it depends. With our very good friends, we all call the parents "Aunt" or "Uncle" whatever. I'm sure it will lead to therapy at some point. But, these are friends who are closer to us than family, so they get the monniker. Other friends are "Mister" or "Ms" first name, dependign on how hard it is to pronounce. Anyone older than my husband and I is always introduced to the children as "Mister or Ms" last name. Always.

[4Katnap]

Texas is the only place I ever lived that did the mrs/ mr thing with kids. I told one woman that her kids could call me kathy and shebinsisted they call me miss Kathy.... every where else I'm pretty much either Julie's mom, Anna's mom or just mom with an occasional Kathy thrown in...

[victoria]

I'm 46 years old and I still address anyone I'm not actually married to as "Mr." or "Ms." unless (1) they strenuously, repeatedly object and (2) I really like them.

I love the post-Celexa you! I love it that you're now free to socialize without fretting about dustmice or guestsoap! You make me want to try that drug!