Backflash

I was looking for an old picture to underline an observation I am about to make when I found this.

I mean, honestly. HONESTLY.

And I know I put these up at the time but

they cracked me up all over again.

Anyway, of all of the things that strangers said to us when they twins were little; the one that always wafted Steve the breeziest was when a friendly stranger first asked, "Are they a boy and a girl?" and - upon being given an affirmative - followed up with: "Are they identical?"

What?

I mean, did they look identical*?

But! [and this is where I was heading, albeit in a leisurely manner that lead me to spend the past hour looking at baby pictures and saying awwwwwwww and ohhhhh and also, on occasion, ick - I had forgotten how very... leaky they were]

I just realized that they are starting to look more alike. Similar hair color, similar noses, similar fascination with their birthday Kurios.

*Ha ha ha ha ha. Get it? We knew the boy and girl weren't identical because he had curly hair.

Comments

[Cory Ellen]

My response to that was always, "only above the waist."

[Priscilla]

Love the first comment! Perfect.

[Noelle]

Oh my, I'm getting a bit verklempt looking at these pics. What little cuties - then and now, really. Awww - that was back in the day that Edward thought I was the cat's meow. My, how times have changed! Ha! ;-) But you're right -- they are starting to look more alike. The shapes of their faces are starting to resemble one another more -- maybe because his is getting longer and leaner...? Hmmm. And boy is Edward looking more and more like Patrick! Maybe I'd say the same thing about Caroline were her hair short??

*sniff* These kids are so great, all three of them. Loves.

[sarah k]

Adorable--and oh my, I love the first commenter's answer to that bit of nonsense!

[Robyn]

(Love)

[Jenn]

One of my friends used to say, when asked if her boy/girl twins were identical, "yes, except for the penis."

[suz]

Can't tell you how many times people have asked that when I share that I have a twin brother. It's like it pops out of their mouth and then their brain catches up!

[Stacey]

I get that question all the time, too, with my boy-girl twins! Less now that they are 2.5 than when they were smaller. I always said, "No, one is a boy and one is a girl." And one time someone replied in an exasperated tone, "Well, yes, but I mean do they LOOK identical?!" At which point I didn't know what to say, because I'm pretty sure she wasn't blind and that seems like a matter of opinion ... I guess people have no idea what "identical" really means, which makes me wonder why they ask the question.

As an aside - I am an identical twin, and I've had people argue with me that my sister and I are NOT identical because according to them, we don't look EXACTLY alike.

[HI]

Where are they on the growth charts these days? They started so little, but now it looks like they are not so little. I only ask because I am nosy.

[MaggieO]

I have a twin brother and get this question all the time, even as an adult (which somehow seems even dumber seeing as how I have boobs and all now). My answer is that we look completely identical except for the beard.

[Susan]

Thanks for the pic of Steve too! (Swoon!!)

[accidentalpoet]

Good Lord, that Steve of yours is pretty.

[Julie]

I've had people insist, INSIST that my sister and I are twins. Even though we're three years apart. And presumably we would know if we were twins.

[Diary of Why]

Why is a young George Clooney holding your kids?

[Shannon]

Same thing happened to me one day. I started out maintaining my photo site and ended up spending an hour or more looking at baby pictures.

And how do people not know that you can't be identical if you're not the same gender? That's pretty basic, people!

[Heidi]

Julie's comment has me chuckling. Three years apart... Ha!

[Gretchen]

I have identical twin nephews. Instead of being asked if they are identical (because it's really obvious) my brother and my SIL are asked which one is the evil twin.

[Maura]

I got that question about my boy/girl twins all the time. The best was when I said, gently, "no, they are a boy and a girl,' accompanied by a meaningful look, and the woman said to me, "well my brother and I are twins and we are identical!"

[Tara]

I swear I saw a documentary on Nat Geo about twins and it said identical twins can be different genders. It made talked about an XXY genotype, or something like that... I would assume it's incredibly rare and would have other issues associated with it.

[Candy]

"Why" is right...what is George Clooney doing holding your kids. Let's get to the bottom of THAT, shall we?

[victoria]

How can people not understand that "identical" means "sharing exactly the same DNA" which means that a boy and girl can't be identical.

I was at an alumnae tea once (I went to an "elite" college that was supposed to provide a "superior" education) and one alumna had to explain, at length, repeatedly, how it was possibile for her to have identical triplets.

[H]

When the Duchess announced her pregnancy via hospitalization for hyper-whatever morning sickness, one thing that quickly became clear to me was that not many people (journalists in particular) know anything about twins, twin genetics, odds of having twins, the kinds of twins, etc. So very annoying...

[beingpissy]

Tara - I think saw that same documentary. Something about starting out as identical but somewhere along the way, a chromosome from one of the babies gets dropped? I can't remember, I think I ended up kind of napping through most of it. It's highly likely that half of what I remember was a dream, too.

[Brooke]

It is possible to have identical triplets, but, obviously, they would all be the same sex.

[Dana]

I am a pediatrician, and I have to admit that I went to a genetics lecture once about how twins can be identical and different genders, but the lecture was a bit over my head.

[winecat]

Aaawwww. What adorable pictures, then and now.

[mama without instructions]

um, where did edward go and who is that huge boy?! maybe it's the shorter hair but he looks so grown up. of course, they are all still beyond adorable.

[Corinne]

I know you know this, but it bears repeating: they are so beautiful. Just SO beautiful. All three of them. I think it's more fun that Edward and Caroline don't look particularly similar, because they are both such pretty children but in such different ways. They do look more alike now, with Edward's hair being so much darker, but Caroline's eyebrows kind of break up the game. And she puts them to such good use, too. :)

[Katherine]

The pearls continue to set them apart.

[zarqa]

You totally do forget that they were ever the size they were last year (or five minutes ago), and you can't even will the image in your mind when you try. Just this morning, I was stroking my daughter's hair trying to get her to wake up for school and as I pushed her hair back I imagined her face as a bald baby and I tried to will that image into my mind for a minute but of course it didn't work because she is five and a half now and all I have left of that bald baby is in pictures.

[Shawna]

Ha! I was all "BAYBEHS!!!" then started reading through the comments and noticed a comment that Steve was there too. I had to scroll back up to confirm this. Clearly I have blinders when it comes to looking at pics of your little ones.

[Yasmina]

What did I say about our human are being intolerant or colse-minded? Genetics can sometimes fail, thus identical twins of different sexes exists. Sure the asker might not know the details but not even not all geneticists understand the power of genes or chromosomes that carry them. If skin cells can become a fully functional organ, well, so can one fertilized egg become two sets of genders. Surrender, people, surrender, that's all...

[Stacey]

I have boy/girl twins and much like Caroline and Edward, Rachel is dark and tiny, Sam is blond and chubby and they look very different. Yet I get asked all the time if they are identical.
On another note, they are now 14 months old and I wonder if there is anything you wish you had done to remember them at their different ages.... I mean other than blogging all about them. :)

[Crystal]

So everyone has already expressed all due incredulity over certain genetic inconsistencies.

That's what I get for being weeks late to the party, humph.

Identical?

I always chortled when people asked if Michael and Drew were twins. One has always been a foot taller than the other.

Not bloody likely.

Perhaps you can write a book about acceptable/appropriate things to say to parents.. Our collective conscious seems to need a little enlightening...

[twingles]

My sister has BG twins - when people would ask if there were identical she would say "yes until I take their diapers off".

I have twin boys. Always dressed them inequivocally as boys. And yet I would invariably get "a boy and a girl?" I never worked up the nerve to ask which one they thought was a girl....and why!

[Jan]

Um, to reply to those asking strangers, isn't it just enough to say: one egg, fertilized, splits two, three, or four or more times. Separate eggs are not identical? You knew that they were separate when they were implanted.
Wasn't Edward's hair auburnish at first in addition to being curly, and doesn't he have grey/hazel eyes, whereas Caroline's are brown from 20 paces?
You can tell, however, that they are all siblings -- Patrick, Caroline, and Edward, and that you and Steve (swoon) are their parents from the noses and eyes and hair. Gorgeous!

[yasmina]

I am continued to be amazed by how many of the commenters here pretend to know genetics! Yes, identical twins can have different sexes, although the girl is not XX, it is XO...the Y chromosome is just lost on the way of a child growing up, the boy one, well, he still has his XY.

[Tracy]

I don't think the average person asking if your b/g twins are identical means "do they have an extremely rare form of twinning in which one fertilized egg splits and then something weird happens and one child loses a chromosome?" I really don't. So hop off your high horses, people.

I met a woman with b/g twins and asked her if people ask if they're identical. She said "They used to, all the time. But now that he's taller than his sister, when I tell people they're twins they argue with me and say they aren't."

The bottom line is, people are clueless.

[margalit (@margalit)]

My 20 yr old FBG twins still get that question, which means that the questioner must be blind. He: 6'4" tall, blond hair, blue eyes, pink pale skin. She: 5'2", brown/black thick curly hair, brown eyes, olive skin. Yes, identical... it AMAZES me that we still get asked that. And I too use the penis line.