Patrick came running over to me a few minutes after the start of his new tumbling session.
"Are you sure I am in the right class?" he whispered.
I asked if it was Tuesday and he confirmed that it was.
"You're in the right class," I told him.
"But they all come up to my elbow," he explained and, sure enough, he is the oldest in his group this time by about four years. I think many/most girls tend to do gymnastics rather than T&T and boys his age are starting to do other stuff.
As we drove to tumbling yesterday he told me that his coach had asked him to act as a big brother to some of the other kids.
I feigned surprise. "What? He wants you to ban them from your room, patronize them when they tell jokes and violate their personal spaces until they bite your fingers? How odd."
Patrick said, "I know, right? If I give any more wedgies I'm going to sprain my wrist."
Caroline and Edward had their five year well child check yesterday. Edward is a little tall and average weight; Caroline is a little short and a little skinny. Caroline failed her hearing test so we have to come back in a month (yes! another chance to take a healthy child to the pediatrician in mid-winter) but our doctor duly appreciated the massive improvement in Edward's speech and his hearing is finally perfect. They continue to have all of their bits and parts in all of the right places and although the pediatrician said they are both "fine" I am pretty sure he meant that in his fifteen years as a physician he has never seen such gorgeous, brilliant, glowing testaments to the fact that man is truly nature's last word. I mean, it was implied.
At the end of the appointment the doctor bade them a cheery farewell and then two nurses bustled back into the room (the one, in fact, being the same nice lady upon whom I thrust a tiny Edward in order to accompany an even tinier Caroline in the ambulance after her one month Well Child check went awry.)
She said, "Who wants to go first?" and Caroline leapt to her feet, fluting, "Me! Me!"
When Caroline realized that they were looking for volunteers to be shot in the arm it was quite a bit like that scene in Free to Be You and Me with the girl and the tiger. Caroline went from "Ladies First!" to "Eddybear! Save Me!" in the blink of a battered eyelash.
They both got vaccinated. They both squealed and wept. Afterward I helped them get dressed and said, "Yeah, I know. It hurts to get a shot but do you know why we get them?"
They sniffled, no.
I said, "The vaccines keep us from getting sick. And not just cough cough oh my throat hurts but very very sick. Like the polio shot you just got? Kids who had polio many years ago would get so sick that they would lose their ability to walk. Can you imagine how awful it would be to get sick one day and then never be able to run again?"
Caroline nodded and looked suitably solemn but Edward shook his head.
"No," he said. "Not me! I'd like poyee... poleeoh. I'd sit in the basement all day and play Scooby-Doo and when I needed to go poop I'd just call you and you'd carry me where I want to go."
He smiled, "Polio would be awesome."
And that, my friends, is why trying to rationalize with a preschooler is stupid.
Love it! And it's comforting to know that it's not only my son who frequently treats his younger sibling with disdain....
Posted by: Ali | January 23, 2013 at 08:39 PM
Last time Bug needed a shot I told him if he was mostly cheerful we'd go get ice cream. And we did.
Also Patrick is hilarious.
Posted by: Jenny F. Scientist, PhD | January 23, 2013 at 08:52 PM
oh. my. lord.
Posted by: vanessa | January 23, 2013 at 09:00 PM
Ahhh! I PLAYED the "Ladies First" little girl in our fourth grade production of Free To Be. No one ever gets it when I reference her. Love your writing, as always. :)
Posted by: Erin S. | January 23, 2013 at 09:01 PM
Erin S. - ME TOO! "I am a tender, sweet young thing." Except it was 5th grade for me.
Patrick and Edward slay me.
Posted by: FishyGirl | January 23, 2013 at 09:20 PM
Ahhh, hahahahaha. And, hahahahaha again.
Thank you.
Posted by: Jen | January 23, 2013 at 09:23 PM
You make me laugh so much, Julia. I love your whole family (as much as, you know, it's possible to love people you've only ever read about).
Posted by: Betsy | January 23, 2013 at 09:37 PM
Indeed, my children *mostly* don't hate the doctor, because we always go for ice cream/McDonalds afterwards. Also, I emphasize the dying part of the deadly diseases. (Every child needs a little scarring for life, right?) I think my five-year-old got all his vaccines at age four, so all he needed was the nasal flu vaccine. "That doesn't hurt at all, Mommy!"
Posted by: Nicky | January 23, 2013 at 09:52 PM
Ha! My son (a year older than Edward) drives me nuts with his "reasoning;" thanks for letting me believe I'm not alone.
Posted by: Alexicographer | January 23, 2013 at 10:17 PM
I love your family.
Posted by: Val | January 23, 2013 at 11:18 PM
I love Edward's logic - perfect reasoning!
Posted by: Carie | January 24, 2013 at 01:53 AM
HI. LAR. IOUS.
Posted by: txmama | January 24, 2013 at 07:15 AM
Awww. Also, by getting vaccinated, they help protect other people who might not be able to get the vaccines, because they are older or immune compromised. So many good things, just one shot!
Posted by: Jennie | January 24, 2013 at 07:28 AM
Oh my, we need to listen to Free to Be again. Love the TV version of "Ladies First" with the cool '70s tigers. "Oh, groovy."
Posted by: Erika | January 24, 2013 at 08:26 AM
Pre-schooler, huh? I know an awful lot of middle school, high school and college students who would still find polio a winning proposition. :)
Posted by: LMM | January 24, 2013 at 08:35 AM
Dying over Patrick and the wedgie comment - really want to spend an afternoon with that kid.
Posted by: Katherine | January 24, 2013 at 08:37 AM
Edward's logic is fascinatingly preschoolerish (and hilarious.) Carried away to poop? Wait, even as an adult that seems like a viable...oh. Never mind.
Posted by: Arnebya | January 24, 2013 at 09:03 AM
I do so love the Ladies First story! It's so rare you get to see it re-enacted with real, live children.
Posted by: Kizz | January 24, 2013 at 09:20 AM
I don't like to brag, but the last time I took my baby to the pediatrician, he was pronounced "perfect". So maybe your just didn't want to hurt your feelings by being more specific.
Posted by: Jan | January 24, 2013 at 10:40 AM
All your children are hilarious. Love Patrick's come back! And you certainly have a knack for capturing and describing these situations. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Alex | January 24, 2013 at 10:40 AM
See, he didn't say po-yio. :)
Posted by: zarqa | January 24, 2013 at 11:14 AM
"Hand over a whole mango, please."
(Either the tender sweet young thing, or Edward, cheerfully contemplating the loss of mobility.)
Posted by: Genevieve | January 24, 2013 at 12:17 PM
thanks for the great laugh today.. glad they are well and his 'l' are coming along:) it may be stupid one sense, but how can you not rationalize with preschoolers when you get such awesome responses:)
Posted by: clare | January 24, 2013 at 12:18 PM
In order for Gwen to start daycare here in Germany, she needed a dr.'s note that she was healthy. Conveniently, she was also in need of her 14 month shots, which they offered to do at the same time. Instead of just MMR (which is all she would've gotten at 14 months if we were still in the Netherlands), she got MMR and chicken pox, and when the dr. said that, I exclaimed in (happy) surprise that they actually immunized against chicken pox here in Germany, since they don't in the Netherlands. The dr. seemed rather appalled at that, and said something along the lines of "So, do they just have constant chicken pox epidemics?"
I had chicken pox young enough that I couldn't be prevented from scratching, and have a few pretty deep scars on my forehead. Joel, on the other hand, hasn't ever had it, and so we're extra interested in ensuring Gwen doesn't bring it home from daycare and give it to him. So I'm pleased that Germany is somewhat rather more forward thinking on this matter than the Netherlands!
Posted by: Sara | January 24, 2013 at 01:43 PM
Thank you for the wonderful laugh.
Posted by: winecat | January 24, 2013 at 03:06 PM
I love the "Free to be You and Me" reference. I can hear in my head the woman's voice from the, ahem, record saying, "Ladies first! Ladies first!". I might have to find that for my 6 yo. We watched "Annie" while she was recovering from the flu this week. Bringing back the oldies but betteries.
P.S. I love eddiebear. How are you coping with the correct "L" pronunciation? When my daughter learns that a soupcase is actually a suitcase and a hostibal is really a hospital I'm gonna cry. Big time.
Posted by: Meegan | January 24, 2013 at 04:55 PM
Are you going to the pediatrician for the follow-up hearing check, or to the pediatric audiologist? I think it is worth it to go to a specialist. But, you know, maybe just because my daughter has hearing loss but fooled us all with her wonderful vocabulary, quick wit, and clear pronunciation ;-)
Your posts always brighten my day - thank you!
Posted by: Cris | January 24, 2013 at 05:25 PM
My 12 year old son still pronounces breakfast as "breakfix", but somehow he can spell it correctly. Strange.
Posted by: April | January 24, 2013 at 07:01 PM
"Poleeoh is Awesome." Serously, you could sell tshirts.
Posted by: Lori | January 26, 2013 at 02:12 AM