As we drove to Family Dinner Out the other night Caroline endeavored to improve our collective minds by reading aloud in the car. The book was a child's guide to New Zealand (sent by relatives who are currently touring those imaginary islands) and contained all sorts of useful information; like the fact that although many New Zealanders identify themselves as chreeteeans (with blah percentage being Proteesants and another blah Roman Cat-oh-licks) Caroline informed us that "about a third of the population belongs to no re... re... ridiculous group at all."
Caroline is nothing if not self-confident and listening to her boldly hack her way through all those pesky letters is like the best game of telephone ever.
Steve has vowed that one of his new conversational gambits will be to ask people if they adhere to any particular ridiculous. Since he has already offended, um, everyone we know who he is going to offend I told him to go for it. He's That Guy.
[Edward et al are currently attending tumbling class. I just glanced over to see Edward carefully pick his way down an angled balance beam, hop over whatever it was he was supposed to hop over and then jump off the end. His teacher made him climb back up because... he had forgotten his pre-jump jazz hands. Seriously. Jazz hands]
Edward continues to conduct his banned nighttime infiltrations into our bed. In the morning I roll over, meet resistence and open my eyes to find Edward smiling and blinking at me from two inches away. His stories vary.
Two days ago he took the offensive:
"Where... where am I?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"
"You are in my bed, Edward, and the real question is what are YOU doing here?"
"I haf no idea. I must've been sleepwalking."
Yesterday he tried a Lesser of Two Evils Defense:
"Well I got up in the midduh of the night and I was going to go play xbox but I remembered I need to ask permission to play xbox so I came to your bed instead."
This morning... well this morning I think I slept on my side funny because I was sort of half-awake when I realized that one arm was completely numb. So numb that I could not move it of my own volition, thus I reached over to grab it with my other hand in order to shake it around and get the blood flowing. I tugged and tugged and I still couldn't feel it so I started slapping it against the bed until Steve finally emerged from his cocoon of blankets and growled, "What are you doing? Stop pulling at my arm."
I opened my eyes and realized that my numb arm was still pinned to my side and the arm I had been trying to work like a pump did in fact belong to Steve. And, now that he mentioned it, it was rather muscular and, you know, hairy. I mumbled an apology and started to explain that I felt like I was half corpse.
Edward popped up from the other side of the bed.
"Be quiet!" he said peevishly. "I'm still seeping ovuh here."