Her Father's Daughter
I Shall Call It Outlook On Overlook

X's For Eyes

I have had my embarrassing moments.

There was the time in preschool when my best friend's mother walked into the room just as I started to kinda strangle my friend. Her mom sent me home.

There was the time my second grade teacher stopped in the middle of circle-time and said, "Julie, nice little girls don't touch their underpants in public." (I had a UTI! Really.)

There was the time in high school when I was so instantly smitten with a blind-date (he was blond, he was a senior, he liked Roxy Music and he was about to leave for Yale) that I got a little over-anxious in my attempt to dazzle him and drank a gallon and a half of peach wine cooler before I threw up all over the front seat of his (nice) (new) car. Four times.

Once I tripped going up a flight of stairs at DC's verrrrry fanciest restaurant and then slid all the way back down with my dress over my head and once I tripped going down at one of DC's slummiest bars, somersauted to the landing, stood up, lost my balance again and tumbled down the next flight.

And - most cringeworthy of all - one 'I have something to tell you' conversation ended with: "I think I am falling in love with you" and he said, "I should have told you I live with my girlfriend. We're moving to Denver. "

So I am no stranger to humiliation and yet today...

Patrick climbed into the car after school and said, "We need to talk."

This could, literally, have meant anything so I said, "OK. Sure."

He said, "Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for me to go into my Kindle and have to scroll through screen after screen of book covers with half-naked men and more than half-naked women before I can play Angry Birds Space? VERY. It is VERY embarrassing. I don't even want to bring it for silent reading any more."

I said, "      ."

He went on, "I mean, seriously. If I see another guy wearing a tiny Scottish skirt and nothing else I am going to be permanently scarred. Permanently."

So, two things. No, three.

1. If you have multiple Kindles registered to the same Amazon account did you know that every new purchase shows up in the carousel of every Kindle? Yeah, me neither!


3. I am dead. One of the great benefits of the Kindle, I thought, is that you can go anywhere and read anything and as long as you look thoughtful and chew the stem of your glasses every now and then people will assume you are reading Foucault rather than, say, The Highlander's Devil Bride. And yet every new purchase I have made in the dead-of-past-ten o'clock has being showing up on Patrick's Kindle. For YEARS. I was so embarrassed that I died and now I am dead.

PS Oooh this is a good time to share stories of past humiliations. I'll go get my wine and a cookie. I made more cookies.